Dec 1 2008Large Hadron Collider May Never Start Again


Well, that's a lie. Actually, no it's not. *brandishing crowbar* At least not if I have something say about it! Anyway, the LHC, which was thought to only be down until the spring, may not kill us all until late 2009, or even 2010. We're saved (but still be wary of terrorists)!

According to spokesperson James Gillies, the complicated repairs can be simplified into modest Plan A and Plan B approach.

Plan A is a quick and dirty fix, getting the particle accelerator online as quickly as possible (late summer 2009) at the cost of operating at lower power. In this scenario, 3 of 8 pressure relief-system segments are replaced (only the broken ones) with the other 5 getting upgraded at unsaid maintenance dates in the future.

Plan B is the more extensive but also more delayed approach, requiring the complete redesign and replacement of the LHC's entire pressure-relief system. Under this scenario, the LHC wouldn't go online until 2010 at the earliest, though at that time the system could operate at full power.

Well, looks like we're gonna have to find another way to destroy the planet in the meantime. Any ideas? I'm thinking good old fashioned CFCs. Or, alternatively, whip-its. Just remember: stop before the whipcream comes out. You squirt it, you buy it -- grocery store policy.

LHC Might Not Be Back Online Until 2010 or Later [gizmodo]

Thanks to Harrison, who promises to help me break into CERN and rollerskate around in the hallways.

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Reader Comments



twice in a row!!!! wooooooo im so happy again! im first!

god dang it!!! jhglsdfnguilservhuweroubveruvh oh well at least i was first the one before

ha ha!!!!

DENIED!!!!! Big Turd!

Oh wait. I was denied too. Boo hoo hoo!

Now I got that out of the way...anyone else think this was a f***ing tilt-a-whirl at first glimpse? Seriously, they could've made it look less like a carnival ride.

@6 i thought it was!! i really thought it was a freakin tilt-a-whirl shit this is confusing

It looks like someone needs some cable organizers for the blue wires.

I want to go play with it!

It will come back online in 2012... That's what really happens...

No pew for you planet haterz

Thanks to the vegetarians, there's meat everywhere.

If it is 2012 when it's back I'll be seriuosly worried of Extinction Level Event! In the mean time lets strap Daisy to some particals and fire her round the tunnel at light speed. Pew Pew Pew Daisy! Pew Pew!


This is not a photoshop job. You can tell by the real shadows in the image.

This is just like that one post on the Geekologie website about Daisy talking about fake Del Tacos, and Never Back Down where Max gets hit in the head by a testicle and a rubber duckie.

Still be Weary of terrorists?
Yeah, I'll be WARY of them too.
Spell check only catches the words that are actually misspelled, Dumbass.


I'd give the GW the benefit of the doubt on that one, seeing as the w and e keys are beside each other. It's probably a case of catching just enough of the e key when he hit the w.

It looks like the picture is a model of the machine or have you tilt-shifted it?!

"Ginomagantuan" is a f***stick! Yes you some got damn f***stick!

You got me dawg?

F*** you, aaaiight?

You som-bitch needs to git smoked.

...Looks like a big drill chuck. Perhaps all it needs is a little lithium grease.

Of course its broken.. someone took the backs off this ride.
Oh wait.. this isn't the Round up?

is that my processor?
my computer is fasts


This is an obvious photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like the scene in the movie Never Back Down, where Baja asked Max Hmm... Max? What kind of a name is that? That ain't no Kraut name is it, Max? and Max repled I changed it when I became a citizen. Used to be Merkwürdigeliebe.

Most likely this won't be back online and fully functional till 2012.

i vote we get some zombies to destroy the world... wait but then all those loser college kids that played zombie hunters would just say "they knew the zombies were coming that's why they played it"... ya that's why bastards!!!

It will come online in 2012 and cause the end of the world! We know the world ends in 2012 and this must be what does it.

That used to be the name of a tree that I called a kid.

Do people really still think the LHC is dangerous? I mean... think about it. When the scientists and physicists turn this thing on to begin operations, do you really believe that they're thinking: "Oh, well, I hope this doesn't destroy the universe or the planet." I seriously doubt it.

Hard-on Collider.

Can't we all just gather, find Daisy's whereabouts, possible children, husband(s) and family and murder them all so horific that not even a proton of them would exist?

2014 : LHC makes all electronics sentient.

You thought the switch-on had failed? Ho ho - it worked alright. We have been catapulted into an alternate reality where it did fail. Consider the global financial system - it runs on an imaginary concept of "confidence"; the perturbation of reality screwed this up, thus the global financial crash.

All those blue cables are actually Cat5e cables
The LHC is actually just a huge Layer 3 switch


Man's technology has exceeded his grasp. - 'The World is not Enough'
("I'm slightly irritated, because this non-story is symptomatic of a larger mistrust in science, particularly in the US, which includes things like intelligent design. Anyone who thinks the LHC will destroy the world is a twat." Arrogant, deluded douchebag and CERN spokesmodel, Brian Cox.)
(September 19, 2008 - 'LHC loses liquid helium' - "The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) has lost up to a tonne of liquid helium after some of its superconducting magnets inadvertently heated up this morning, has learnt. A log entry written by the current LHC co-ordinator at 11:27 am CET (10:27 am BST) states that there has been a "massive quench" in sector 3–4. Quenches occur when superfluid helium in the magnets rises above its operating temperature of 1.9 K, and can be caused, for example, when a proton beam veers off course.")
(September 24, 2008 - 'LHC on hold until spring of 2009' - "The magnet failure last week at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) means that the accelerator will not be up and running again until early spring of 2009, say officials at CERN. To keep the project on schedule, the team running the accelerator near Geneva have decided to skip a planned test run at an intermediate energy and re-start the LHC in 2009 at the full beam energy of 7 TeV.") And begin creating Black Holes.
Zealous, jealous, Nobel Prize hungry Physicists are racing each other and stopping at nothing to try to find the supposed 'Higgs Boson'(aka God) Particle, among others, and are risking nothing less than the annihilation of the Earth and all Life in endless experiments hoping to prove a theory when urgent tangible problems face the planet. The European Organization for Nuclear Research(CERN) new Large Hadron Collider(LHC) is the world's most powerful atom smasher that will soon be firing groups of billions of heavy subatomic particles at each other at nearly the speed of light to create Miniature Big Bangs producing Micro Black Holes, Strangelets, AntiMatter and other potentially cataclysmic phenomena as described below.
Particle physicists have run out of ideas and are at a dead end forcing them to take reckless chances with more and more powerful and costly machines to create new and never-seen-before, unstable and unknown matter while Astrophysicists, on the other hand, are advancing science and knowledge on a daily basis making new discoveries in these same areas by observing the universe, not experimenting with it and with your life. Einstein used Astronomy to prove his landmark general theory of relativity that, ironically, decribes, among other things, the Black Holes which the LHC is designed to produce at the hoped for rate of one per second.
The LHC is a dangerous gamble as CERN physicist Alvaro De Rújula in the BBC LHC documentary, 'The Six Billion Dollar Experiment', incredibly admits quote, "Will we find the Higgs particle at the LHC? That, of course, is the question. And the answer is, science is what we do when we don't know what we're doing." And CERN spokesmodel Brian Cox follows with this stunning quote, "the LHC is certainly, by far, the biggest jump into the unknown."
The CERN-LHC website Mainpage itself states: "There are many theories as to what will result from these collisions,..." Again, this is because they truly don't know what's going to happen. They are experimenting with forces they don't understand to obtain results they can't comprehend. If you think like most people do that 'They must know what they're doing' you could not be more wrong. Some people think similarly about medical Dr.s but consider this by way of comparison and example from JAMA: "A recent Institute of Medicine report quoted rates estimating that medical errors kill between 44,000 and 98,000 people a year in US hospitals." The second part of the CERN quote reads "...but what's for sure is that a brave new world of physics will emerge from the new accelerator,..." A molecularly changed or Black Hole consumed Lifeless World? The end of the quote reads " knowledge in particle physics goes on to describe the workings of the Universe." These experiments to date have so far produced infinitely more questions than answers but there isn't a particle physicist alive who wouldn't gladly trade his life to glimpse the "God particle", and sacrifice the rest of us with him. Reason and common sense will tell you that the risks far outweigh any potential(as CERN physicists themselves say) benefits.
This quote from National Geographic, "The hunt for the God particle", exactly sums this "science" up: "If all goes right, matter will be transformed by the violent collisions into wads of energy, which will in turn condense back into various intriguing types of particles, some of them never seen before. That's the essence of experimental particle physics: "You smash stuff together and see what other stuff comes out." Read about the "other stuff" below;
Popular Mechanics - "World's Biggest Science Project Aims to Unlock 'God Particle'" -"

the evil computers who secretly run the world figured it would be fun to have it `accidently` break down so they can start it up again in 2012, attach fireworks to it, and scare the absolute living shit out of all of us.

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