Dec 27 2008 Little Girl Knows Her Video Game Characters
Not only will one-year-old Melodie grow up to break your son's heart, she'll beat all his high scores in the process.
Cutest Game Video of 2008 will Melt Any Gamer's Heart [gizmodo]
Dec 26 2008 New Mercedes Feature Alerts Sleepy Drivers
Mercedes, in their unending quest to save the lives of the rich, is installing a new feature in its E class automobiles (sorry, you C class peasants are still f***ed).
Mercedes studied the brain waves of sleepy drivers, and matched those up with lackadaisical steering tendencies, resulting in a car that can sense if you're spacing out.
Attention Assist uses precision sensors on the steering column to watch your attention level, and if you start to fall asleep, it sounds an obnoxious alarm, accompanied by an icon in the middle of the speedometer suggesting that you pause for a cup of coffee.
No word on whether it can distinguish if you're just masturbating.
Mercedes cars now smart enough to wake up drowsy drivers [dvice]
Dec 26 2008 Cell Phone Goes PEW PEW PEW PEW
Remember the cell phone gun that Italian police found in a raid on the mafia? Turns out they're mad popular in Europe. And, I've got to tell ya, I'd almost be fooled if it looked like a Blackberry and not a phone from the 90's -- the 1890's (note to self: fact check 19th century cell phone technology). Some guy ranting about the pieces of shit:
Most see airport security as a pain. Some deal better than others. Some feel violated, when you watch this movie, you'll understand why they want your cell phone through the x-ray machine. If you get asked to test your cell phone at the airport, this is the reason. Because cell phone guns have arrived. These phones are not in the U.S. yet, but they are in use overseas. Beneath the digital phone face is a 22 caliber handgun capable of firing four rounds in rapid succession using the standard telephone keypad. European law enforcement officials are stunned by the discovery of these deadly decoys. They say phone guns are changing the rules of engagement in Europe. Be patient if security asks to look at your cell phone or turn it on to show that it works. They have a good reason! Welcome to our NEW WORLD!!
New world? Would that be a brave new world? And, if so, hook me up with some of that soma! Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Now, who wants to hit up the feelies?
Video Demo of Cellphone Gun Shows How Effective It Could Be [gizmodo]
Dec 26 2008 High School Students Use Photoshop, Traffic Cameras To Prank Enemies, Puzzle Police
High school students in Montgomery County, Maryland (where, incidentally, I used to live -- go Q.O.!) are Photoshopping pictures of their enemy's license plates, taping them to another car, and then speeding through areas with those automatic ticketing cameras. Interesting....
The Speed Camera Program was implemented in March of this year and used for the purpose of reducing traffic and pedestrian collisions in the county. Cameras are located in residential areas and school zones where the posted speed limit is 35 miles per hour or lower. A $40 citation is mailed to the owner of the car for violating the speed limit in these areas.The ingenuity of today's teenagers is truly awe inspiring. They would even go as far as to borrow car's so they would appear similar to the make and model of the car they were pranking.
Well damn. I catch any of you jerks out there rocking paper GKLGIST plates and I'll rear-end that ass with the force of a dump truck. You know, because that's what I drive. HONK HONK!
Kids Prank using Speed Cameras [lastgeek]
Thanks to Bryce, who doesn't drive a car because he's too busy driving women wild. HIYO!
Dec 26 2008 Macs Vs. PCs: Transform And Battle It Out!
This is a video of Macs and PCs transforming into little robot people and battling to the death. Who wins? You'll have to watch to find out! Read: I stopped watching halfway through to go scavenge for food. Well sandwiches don't make themselves! *ahem* Ladies, that was a hint. Crunchy PB, boysenberry jelly -- cut into triangles.
Thanks to *nix and Bustani, who can both transform from video gamer to sex machine in the time it takes to push pause.
Dec 26 2008 Now That's A Tasty Website: The Bacon-izer
Want to add some delicious flair to any website? Then just type http://bacolicio.us/ before a site's URL (e.g. http://bacolicio.us/http://www.geekologie.com/), and presto, you're licking fingerprints off your monitor. Right now the bacon is wearing a Santa hat in the spirit of the holidays, but I believe typically the delectable strip is naked. Oh, and esurance -- you're being charged for the extra ad in the picture.
baconize websites with bacolicio.us [technabob]
Dec 26 2008 He's Going All The Way!: Star Wars Jerseys
I'm not saying wearing a $110 Star Wars themed sports jersey is going to hinder my chances of rounding third base and heading home with a female, but it might. And let's face it, I need all the help I can get. But just in case -- ladies? Who wants to do it while I wear a Jedi jersey? Any takers? No? Okay, fine, any givers? Hey, I'm down to experiment -- after all, I am *lighting Bunsen burner for mood lighting* a sexual scientist.
Aaaaand there went my eyebrows.
Hit the jump to see basketball, football and hockey jerseys.
Continue Reading " He's Going All The Way!: Star Wars Jerseys "
Dec 26 2008 eBay: Pocket Sized Vampire Hunting Kit
Well we've already seen a $15,000 full-sized vampire killing kit. But what if you want something smaller? You know, a little vampire protection that'll fit in your pocket or man-purse? Enter the Vintage Pocket Sized Vampire Slaying Kit.
This is a Vampire killing kit that will travel with you, cause you never know when you may need it. It measures 6 5/8 inches long, and 1 1/4 inch square. One of a kind for sure.
The crucifix is from Paris, as stamped on the back of it, and it is obviously old. The Box also appears very old. The vials are brass, and contain Holy Water in the one with the copper tag with the "H" stamped on it, and the other vial has "G"stamped on it for garlic. The vial corks are sealed in red wax. A small wooden stake completes the set. A "V" is stamped on the copper plate on top for "Vampire".The parts, crucifix, wood box, screws, and metals used are old and tarnished, and most parts of the set are vintage.
Eh, I'd make my own if I were you. But $20 isn't too bad if you're lazy. You just better hope that holy water isn't urine. I hear vampires love that shit. And speaking of vampires -- the lead in Twilight, so dreamy.*
*This message brought to you by The World For A More Effeminate Geekologie Writer.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the kit, and a link to the auction.
Dec 25 2008 8-Bit Jesus: Classic Christmas Songs in the Style of Classic NES Games
8-Bit Jesus is an 18 track album featuring everyone's favorite Christmas tunes, but created using the music from classic NES games. It was all amazingly well made by Doctor Octoroc. I particularly enjoyed "We Three Konami", "8 Days of Master Robots", "Joy to Commando", "Super Jingle Bros.", "Bubbles We Have Heard On Bobble", "What Guardian is Legend?", "Icarus! The Angels Sing", "O Come, All Ye Vampires", "Kraid, Rest Ye Merry Mother Brain", and "Have Yourself A Final Little Fantasy". Okay, they're all good.
You can listen to and download the whole album for free HERE, buuuuuut Doctor Octoroc's ultra-cute, 6-month-old Pembroke Welsh Corgi, Ein (undoubtedly and awesomely named after Cowboy Bebop), has had to have surgery recently. If you donate $15 the doctor will send you a physical copy of the CD, and you'll help Ein in the process (heart-melting picture after jump). Plus, since it's Christmas and all, if you help the doctor I'll steal St. Peter's "no" book and erase your name for that thing you did. You thought I didn't know! Oh I know.
Hit the jump to see a picture of the cute little guy.
Continue Reading " 8-Bit Jesus: Classic Christmas Songs in the Style of Classic NES Games "
Dec 25 2008 Merry Christmas, You Filthy Rebel Scum
Well folks, we've all somehow managed to survive another year and make it to Jesus' B-day Extravaganza, 2008. I imagine you're all enjoying time with friends and family, opening wrapped boxes containing the things you've always wanted. And, if you're not, hopefully you at least know a bar that's open.
Merry Christmas to you and yours, from the Geekologie Writer and his (dog).
Flickr Picture
Thanks to Rich, who saved Christmas with a picture of a stormtrooper wearing a Santa hat.
Dec 24 2008 A Little Holiday Something From Me To You
No need to thank me folks, just spreading some holiday, um, nipple-stache. And remember, it's not too late to add "new eyes" to your last minute Christmas list.
The nipple mustache [iosoup]
Thanks to Kevin, who allegedly grew a crotch-stache for his senior prom.
Dec 24 2008 Best iPhone App To Date Rejected By Apple
iBoobs, undeniably the best iPhone application to date, has been denied the right to be sold in the iTunes store, because Apple claims the app is pornographic. Which, I think we can all agree, is utterly ridiculous. And by "utterly ridiculous" I mean I popped like 16 boners.
Youtube
Thanks to Dylan, who agrees that Apple wouldn't be where they are today if it weren't for pornography. Remember your roots.
Dec 24 2008 Scientists Say 'Sex Chips' Are Coming Soon
Sex chips. My God, what if they come in honey bbq flavor?
The chip works by sending tiny shocks from implanted electrodes in the brain.
Neurosurgery professor Tipu Aziz, said: "There is evidence that this chip will work. A few years ago a scientist implanted such a device into the brain of a woman with a low sex drive and turned her into a very sexually active woman. She didn't like the sudden change, so the wiring in her head was removed."An electronic machine, named the Orgasmatron (pictured above), taken from the 1973 Woody Allen film Sleeper, is already under development by a North Carolina doctor, who is modifying a spinal cord stimulator to produce pleasure in women.
I mean, this is great and all, but for the ultimate in pleasure, I've got two words for you: me. Baby, I will take you places you've never been. Including, but not limited to: the emergency room, and Advance Auto. Ladies?
'Sex chip' being developed by scientists [telegraph]
Thanks to Pete, who, behind me (not literally), is the world's 2nd greatest lover. It's true, he even has the coffee mug to prove it.
Dec 24 2008 Blast Out Of Bed With The Rocket Alarm!
The $25 Rocket Launcher Alarm Clock is phallic as hell and I want one really badly. When it's time to wake up the rocket ship blasts off -- and you have to retrieve said rocket and replace it on the base for the beeping to stop. Alternatively, you can break the base. And while this certainly isn't the worst way to wake up, it is a close second behind the SWAT team busting into your bedroom. Those guys act like they've never seen a little morning wood before. Somebody fetch the proverbial buck saw -- this timber looks like a two-man job.
rocket launcher alarm clock blasts into orbit to wake you up [technabob]
Thanks to Julian, who requires like 16 diamond-toothed chainsaws to dispatch his morning lumber.
Dec 24 2008 Have Some Fun Tossing The F-Bomb Around
The F-Bomb is a little $10 plushie with a sensor inside that, when thrown to the ground, says everyone's favorite f word. Which, I can only assume, is fingerbangarang.
drop as many f-bombs as you want [technabob]
Dec 23 2008 Cannibals: Japanese People Taste The Best
That's right folks: according to the cannibals of Papua New Guinea, the Japanese are delicious.
Anthropologist Olga Ammann describes it more succinctly in the book. She quotes people who have eaten other humans: "The meat of white people smells too strongly and is too salty."
The Japanese are meant to taste the best, according to her study - the only thing that beats it is the meat of their own women.
Mmmm, I'm with them on that. There's nothing better than roast beef. And the guy in the picture? Best jerky ever.
"Japanese people taste the best - whites are too salty!" [bild]
Thanks to GRRR, who knows what Bald Eagle tastes like.
Dec 23 2008 Santa, Quick!: A Millennium Falcon Sled
It's a well known fact that Santa hates my guts because I caught him boning a reindeer one foggy Christmas Eve while I was trying to piss my name in the snow (not Rudolph though, it was dark). So I'm probably not gonna get anything, but I figured I'd try anyways.
Santa,
Just writing to inform you of a last minute gift idea for yours truly -- a moderately priced ($35) Millennium Falcon sled. Thank you for your time and consideration.Sincerely,
The Geekologie Writer
P.S. If you do not comply I will be forced to fly your reindeer to the moon, where they will die -- flying reindeer can't breathe in outer space!
Damn I write a good letter.
Star Wars Millennium Falcon Sled [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Pat, who's holding out for an AT-AT sled.
Dec 23 2008 Yes Please!: Real Life Thor Hammers
Definitely watch this to the very end. It's a bunch of kids running around with real-life Thor hammers. I have no idea if this is some kind of religious celebration or what, but if it is, I'm converting. My sex -- I want a vagina.
Thanks to Yo poleo, who once made an explosive chainsaw and lived to tell about it.
Dec 23 2008 Building A Low Carb Gingerbread House
With meat instead of gingerbread! And not just any meat -- deliciously processed meat. Mmmm! The whole abode is held together with a delectable mortar, which you can make yourself using the following recipe:
Wifezilla's Low carb "Meat House" Mortar2 8oz packages of cream cheese
1/4 cup palm oil
1 package onion soup mix
Blend all ingredients together until smooth and creamy. All to sit in the refrigerator for an hour or so to let the onion flavor blend with the cheese.
Mix that shit up, throw some sausage logs and Slim Jims together, and BAM! -- your very own meat cabin. And speaking of which, I once stayed with twelve other dudes in a single room on a ski trip. It was homoerotic to say the least. A full blown orgy complete with ski poles and goggles to say the most.
Hit the jump for a couple more of the yummy.
Dec 23 2008 What To Do In A Plane Crash: Twitter
If you're ever in a plane crash, what's the first thing you should do? Of course -- Twitter about it! That's exactly what Mike Wilson did after Continental flight 1404 veered off the runway at Denver International Airport and caught fire.
"Holy f*cking sh*t I was just in a plane crash," he wrote in a text message shortly after Continental Flight 1404 burst into flames and nearly broke apart, injuring 38 people.
Thirty-two minutes later, Mr Wilson added: "Ugh... My glasses fell off in the mass exodus getting off the plane... Can't see very well."One minute after that, he offered a bit of lightness, perhaps conscious that worried family members might be reading his words: "This was crash No 2 for me. Maybe I should start taking the bus".
Well I can honestly say tweeting is not the first thing I'd think to do in the event of a plane crash. Now copping a feel on a distressed stewardess....that's, uh, I can't believe I just freaking wrote that.
Citizen journalist sets the world a Twitter after Denver plane crash [telegraph]
Thanks to pirhan, who's smart enough to only travel by jetpack.
Dec 23 2008 Do You Piss Liquid Gold?: A $400,000 Watch
The Cabestan Winch Tourbillion Vertical Watch is utterly ridiculous and has 1,352 parts (in comparison, my sundial has two). It's "driven by a 450 link chain and nickel silver drums" and looks like it'll break just putting it on. The base model will set you back $275,000, but if you want that shit to have platinum and diamonds and a set of grillz it'll be $400,000. I have no idea what makes the thing tell time, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's something to do with a winch. And speaking of which -- more beer you wretched beast!
Mad props in advance to everyone that's going to use their comment to tell me beer wench is spelled with an e.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the awesomely constructed movement.
Continue Reading " Do You Piss Liquid Gold?: A $400,000 Watch "
Dec 23 2008 The Ultimate In Christmas Lighting Effects
I vow to be the guy who puts up the ridiculous Christmas lights every year. But no inflatable decorations. Those things are freaking classless. Unless you have them in your yard, in which case, good looking. But we're talking lights here. We're talking serious exterior illumination. We're talking....Light-O-Rama!
Light-O-Rama is an affordable, computerized lighting system designed to control elaborate or simple lighting displays. The Light-O-Rama system can be applied to almost any lighting situation, from stand-alone controllers to synchronizing hundreds of controllers, motion detectors, animation servos and other devices using a personal computer or master controller. Light-O-Rama controllers are micro-processor based (miniature computers inside) and are equipped to produce a number of great lighting effects such as smooth ramping, cyclic/cross fading, dimming, twinkling and many others.
You heard it here folks, miniature computers inside. You just shell out $2,700 for a 128 channel system, plug in a shit-ton of lights, connect to your PC, and presto, you triple the electric bill and burn your house to the ground. But I think we can all agree: it's a small price to pay for a Youtube video I'll watch every Christmas.
Hit the jump for a picture of a fire waiting to happen and a bunch more classic Christmas lighting videos, most of which are OLD AS HELL.
Continue Reading " The Ultimate In Christmas Lighting Effects "
Dec 23 2008 60,000 Piece LEGO Hoth Battle Diorama
Sorry for the unusual lack of postage in the past few days, folks. I've been traveling my ass off (read: cover up for male enhancement surgery) and had to post via message in a bottle. But I'm back and ready to Geek the ologie. Look out! Anyway, Mark Borlase went and built himself a wicked Hoth battle diorama out of 60,000 LEGO blocks. Sure most of those are contained in the massive cave, but still, damn.
As the headline says, the 5′X10′ diorama is comprised of 60,000 Lego bricks. It cost creator Mark Borlase about $3,000 and four years of construction time to complete.
There's also the 50 LED lights that illuminate the Echo Base hangar and bacta tank with a soothing blue. Motorized AT-AT wenches and a fully operational hanger door top off this gorgeous pile of eye candy.
Four years of construction! The freaking Egyptian pyramids were built in less time (note to self: verify this). Seriously though, Mark, great freaking job. Mind if I come over and PEW PEW with the diorama a bit? Oh come on, I'll bring cookies. Laced cookies. Haha -- you got me, they're just doilies.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a link to the massive Flickr gallery.
Dec 22 2008 Float-A-Pet Prevents Pet Drownings
The Float-A-Pet floating dog collar saves pet lives should God decide to spite us with another flood for all the debauchery. When the collar's sensors detect water -- PFFFFT -- the collar inflates, keeping most tiny-ass dogs and cats afloat by their neck. Also, I'd say it probably works on turtles. But seriously Noah, you could have saved yourself a ton of labor.
Floating dog collar will keep your pooch afloat in a flood [dvice]
Dec 22 2008 Instant Decorating: The Christmas Cannon
If there's one thing I hate about Christmas it's that fat bastard Santa and his lack of presentry for yours truly. I swear, you write one too many dirty jokes and the boubon-soaked skeezeball (trust me, I could smell his breath when I sat on his lap at the mall in '85. Also, I'm now spreading a rumor he touched my butt) passes your apartment. If there's another thing, it's decorating. It's time consuming, and, come May, you have to take everything down again. That's why the Christmas Cannon is so genius. You just lather something in glue, pump up the cannon, and BAM -- you just Christmas'd that shit. It's as easy as shooting yourself in the foot trying to shoot fish in a barrel. Which, haha, is easier than you think (read: I'm missing two toes and have to wear a special shoe).
DIY Christmas Cannon is a Festive Tinsel Explosion [gizmodo]
Dec 22 2008 Wow: Man Breaks Knee Playing Guitar Hero
Some guy broke his knee playing Guitar Hero. Well, it wasn't actually the game that did it, he was trying to do a Rockette high-kick or some shit for extra style points. He failed.
I was face to face with my Arch Nemesis/Very Good Friend/Roommate Craig. It was time to see who could out rock each other while playing Texas Flood.
We were neck in neck in points... I had to do something special. I needed STYLE points. I breathed deep, my rock meter was maxed out and I was going to make this audience feel it. I twisted to the right and threw my guitar in the air! Instead of a roaring audience I heard a loud snap! My knee slid to the outside of my leg and my leg bent sideways as I fell to the ground.Half the people in the room were concerned the other half called me a pussy. One guy, the Geekologie Writer, spilled a drink my couch and then puked everywhere. It was projectile. He left without cleaning it up.
Ha, and don't you ever forget it. I don't just puke, I PEW PEWK.
GuitarHeroBrokeMyKnee.com (complete with grody picture section)
Thanks to Jennaiii, who once broke my heart during a game of Rock Band.
