Dec 19 2008 Ho Ho Ho, Happy Holidays From Geekologie
Julian Beever is a sidewalk artist that specializes in realistic 3-D renderings when viewed from a particular viewpoint. This is one such piece, and Christmas themed to boot. Who knew Santa lived in a secret underground lair beneath a mail receptacle? That's some serious DangerMouse shit right there. And, based on the expression on Santa's face, I'd say somebody just asked for ass beads.
Dec 19 2008 Stocking Stuffer: Companion Cube Keychains
Want to carry a little companion cube with you wherever you go? No problem, thanks to Etsy seller donsolo's $22 companion cube keychains.
Made with geeky love from .100" thick reclaimed aluminum. It measures 1.25" x 1.25" (about 3cm x 3cm). The surface has a brushed finish that will wear over time. It's attached to a clip style key holder with a flexible metal cord. End to end it's almost 4".
Perfect for the Portal lover on your gift list, the little cubes make a great stocking stuffer. And you know what else does? Those sexy legs of yours. Ooo la la!
Thanks to Michael, who may or may not have a financial interest in the sale of these keychains.
Dec 19 2008 Cool: Augmented Reality Advertisements
MINI recently ran an augmented reality advertisement in several German automotive magazines (Auto, Motor und Sport, Werben & Verkaufen and Autobild). You head over to the MINI website, flash the print ad in front of your webcam (while doing a striptease -- ladies only, please) and TA-DOW -- a 3-D MINI appears on your newfangled typewriter screen. Go here to print out the ad as a PDF and then head here to try it for yourself. I tried to do it but I can't read German and get easily discouraged so I bailed. Besides, I'm waiting for some augmented augmented reality ads. You catch my drift? I'm talking boobs. Big-ass fake ones.
Hit it for another picture and a video of the making of the ad.
Dec 19 2008 RIP: Majel Roddenberry Passes Away :(
Majel Roddenberry, widow of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry and voice of Starfleet computers in every version of Star Trek including the upcoming J.J. Abrams movie, passed away yesterday from complications from pneumonia. She was 76.
Even before she married Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry in 1969, she was integral to Star Trek. She was the original first officer aboard the Enterprise--replaced after the pilot by Leonard Nimoy's Mr. Spock--and reappeared as the faithful Nurse Christine Chapel. When Star Trek: The Next Generation hit airwaves in the late-1980s, Barrett-Roddenberry took the recurring role of Lwaxana Troi--maternal gadfly to the Enterprise's counselor, Deanna Troi (Marina Sirtis), and romantic thorn to Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart). After Gene Roddenberry's death in 1991, Barrett-Roddenberry would eventually shepherd some of his ideas to fruition; she served as the executive producer of Earth: Final Conflict (1997-2002) and Andromeda (2000-2005).
RIP Majel, you will be missed.
Hit the jump for a couple videos of Majel's work.
Dec 19 2008 Burger King Makes Flame Broiled Cologne
That's right folks, Burger King has come out with a cologne. Appropriately named Flame, 5ml bottles cost a staggering $4 and allegedly contain the intoxicating odor of flame-broiled burger. Mmmm.
On firemeetsdesire.com, Burger King takes pains make satire of the "sexy is serious" stylings of other fragrance campaigns, offering this description of the scent against a chic black background: "The WHOPPER sandwich is America's favorite burger. FLAME by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat."
Alternatively, just rub yourself down with an actual burger. Hello ladies! What, you never seen a guy with a pickle on his neck?
Appetite for seduction: BK's new fragrance [msnbc]
Thanks to Rosie, Jaik and Thomas, who are waiting for eau de chicken nuggets. And Daisy, who stresses NO, NOT THAT DAISY!
Dec 18 2008 The Robot Apocalypse Is Upon Us, First Three Victims Claimed. Alternatively, This Month's Darwin Award Recipients
Three people in Japan have died after trying to use a robotic foot massage machine on their necks and shoulders.
In the most recent case, a woman removed the cloth cover of the machine and ended up strangling herself when her shirt collar was caught in its massage rollers. The other two deaths also seem to have occurred in a similar manner. No recall of the product has been issued, but the manufacturer thought it would be a good idea to issue a public warning.
The end is nigh! The rise of the foot massage machines is only the begining. Also, who the f*** tries to use a foot massager on their neck? Nowhere was the thing advertised as a 2-in-1 massager. SO WHY PUT IT ON YOUR NECK? Wu-Tang said it best: Ya best protect ya neck! Jesus, next thing you know some jackass is gonna try sticking his....
UPDATE: Oh God, call the wienerologist!
Three people killed by foot massage machines [japanprobe]
Thanks manwai, Brad and Flavio, you know anything about chiropractics?
Dec 18 2008 Whee!: Wii On eBay, Star Wars Themed It Is
Somebody is auctioning off a custom painted Star Wars Wii on eBay for five hundred pieces o' eight. It comes with Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, but not when you call it.
This Wii Features:
· Custom Black Case!
· Eighty-Five (85) Fiber Optic Stars
· Some Stars Fade In and Out
· Custom, Red Light Bar!! Which looks like its breathing!
· Hand Painted Death Star, X-Wing, and Darth Vader Tie-Fighter!
· Star Wars Logo in Brass!! Backlit with Yellow LED's!
· You Can Change the Fading mode to Constant ON!
· Wiimote and Nunchuk have Custom Red LED Lights in them!!
Eh, I guess. But speaking of The Force Unleashed, I just tore the zipper off my pants. Ladies? Oh come on, I even glued a little Ewok fur to my chest.
Hit it for a picture of the controllers and a closeup of the art.
Continue Reading " Whee!: Wii On eBay, Star Wars Themed It Is "
Dec 18 2008 Gory Macabre: The Perfect Baby Shower Gift
Oh man, I love these. And unicorns really do spear little forest creatures like that, it's true. I've seen 'em do it with my own two eyes. Well, one eye -- one of those f***ers got me! Sadly, this awesomeness isn't for sale, which is a crying shame. Because gory macabre animals are the perfect way to let your kids you love them. Just not enough to not scar them for life. Sleep tight little ones! Haha, no nightlight tonight -- the goblins were complaining. And also, no sneaking out of bed -- the floor turns to acid when I leave the room. Kisses!
Hit the jump for some larger pictures of my favorites.
Continue Reading " Gory Macabre: The Perfect Baby Shower Gift "
Dec 18 2008 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees
With Jesus' surprise roller-skating party just a week away, I thought I'd spread some holiday drunkeness in the form of beer bottle Christmas trees. This first one is made from 1,050 bottles, and there's a video after the jump of a Heineken tree with over 2,000. Also, I added a video of some drunkard making a Jagermeister tree out of a big piece of plywood and airplane bottles. It's amazing the time and effort people put into these things. A thousand bottles, 200 lights, 60 man-hours of labor, and one drunk Geekologie Writer to bring it all crashing down. Feliz cumpleaños, Jesus! And tell Santa I'll post nudey pics of Mrs. Claus if he pulls that coal shit again this year.
Hit it for the other videos.
Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees "
Dec 18 2008 Stupid Idiots Name Son Adolph Hitler, Bakery Refuses To Make Birthday Cake For The Young Terrorist. Sadly, It Gets Even Worse
A husband and wife team of stupid idiots named their son Adolph Hitler Campbell because, damnit, sometimes beating your kid just isn't enough. "Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because "no one else in the world would have that name"." Unfortunately, ShopRite supermarket refused to decorate a birthday cake with the little tyke's name on it. Wait, it gets worse.
The shop has also refused to make a cake for Mr Campbell's second child, who turns two next February. Her name is JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell. Heath and Deborah Campbell's third child will probably not get a cake from that shop either.
The eight-month-old baby has been named Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, apparently a reference to one of the Nazi's most monstrous leaders, SS head Heinrich Himmler.For the time being, the matter has been settled - the Campbells had their cake made by Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart, of course. Anything to make a freaking dollar. Seriously though, this couple should have been sterilized long ago. You know, with bullets.
Baker: No Cake For Little Hitler [yahoonews]
Thanks to GRRR, who named his son The Geekologie Writer, because he wants him to grow up just like me.
Dec 18 2008 Science!: The Periodic Table Of Awesoments
Unfortunately, it probably doesn't look that awesome since you can't read any of it. So click HERE to see the whole thing and all the awesoments that make the world cool.
In 300 B.C., years before the birth of black Jesus, Aristole postulated that all good things were made of "win." That was a pretty good guess, but he was drunk and probably also having an orgy. Modern day awesominers know there are actually 118 fundamental "awesoments" that compose all good things. The Periodic table of Awesoments can be a very useful tool. It's designed to show the relationships between awesoments, and often one can even predict how awesoments interact simply by their positions on the table.
Awesome. Although I question the awesoments in the traditional 'noble gas' section (ninja, sniper, vampire, wizard, etc.). I would argue that those particular awesoments are, in fact, highly reactive and not as tame as their position in the table suggests. Am I right? Example: "Hey ninja -- I banged your vampire mom last night. Yeah, she made me slap her ass with garlic nunchucks the whole time. Then your assassin dad walked in on us so i put my wizard robe and hat on and did him too. Then I had a sniper buddy take him out. Haha, your Jedi mind-tricks don't work on me. Now let's throw some clay on the potter's wheel and get all ghost-y." Seriously folks, you see how reactive that shit was?
The Periodic Table of Awesoments [dapperstache]
Thanks to Bryan, who I was surprised to see absent from the table.
Dec 17 2008 World Of Warcraft Players Discriminated Against In The Workplace, Also, Life
So apparently World of Warcraft players are discriminated against for employment, according to an f13 discussion forum. Which, let's face it, is practically a legitimate news source (not unlike Geekologie).
I met with a recruiter recently (online media industry) and in conversation I happened to mention I'd spent way too much time in the early 2000s playing online games, which I described as "the ones before World of Warcraft" (I went nuts for EQ1, SWG and the start of WoW, but since 2006 I have only put a handful of days into MMOG playing - as opposed to discussing them - I've obsessed over bicycles and cycling instead).
He replied that employers specifically instruct him not to send them World of Warcraft players. He said there is a belief that WoW players cannot give 100% because their focus is elsewhere, their sleeping patterns are often not great, etc. I mentioned that some people have written about MMOG leadership experience as a career positive or a way to learn project management skills, and he shook his head. He has been specifically asked to avoid WoW players.
Wow, poor WoW'ers. But if it makes you feel any better, bloggers are discriminated against too. Something about us being wickedly freaking handsome and having such pretty hands. Back me up here, Superficial Writer. Damn, nice cuticles, bro.
Should employers discriminate against World of Warcraft players? [boingboing]
Thanks to Darwinpolice, who's just waiting for you to kill yourself in an unbridled act of stupidity.
Dec 17 2008 Just Plain Classy: Crown Royal Bag Quilts
My brother Frank knows classy shit when he sees it, and this is living proof. Personally, I can't remember the last time I had 100 Crown Royal bags, but that's because I drink too much. Did that make any sense? It shouldn't have, I've been drinking. For $350 ebay seller misteria0 will quilt you up some warmth in the form of stitched-together Crown Royal bags (for those of you that don't know, each bottle of Crown Royal comes its own little embroidered velvety bag). Quilts come in both 100+ bag and 150+ bag options, and are sure to keep you toasty on a cold winter's night. Alternatively, drink heavily and set yourself on fire. Ha, or turn the heat up you cheap f***er!
Hit the jump for a blurry closeup of the quality stitching.
Continue Reading " Just Plain Classy: Crown Royal Bag Quilts "
Dec 17 2008 Santa, I've Been Good This Year, I Swear. Fine -- I'm Lying, But, Damnit You Chubby Bastard, I Really Want This R/C Tank
And what an R/C tank it is too! The 6ft, 550lb beast is a 1/4 scale replica of a German King Tiger and operates via two 500-watt, 24 volt motors, capable of pulling a car. Complete with a 2ft gun and functional turret, the tank is clearly ready to destroy at its operator's command. Unfortunately, the wickedness costs $10,230, which means laying siege to your neighbor's house is probably gonna have to wait -- till you can steal their car while they're on vacation! Drive that land-yacht right through the bay window. Extra points if you can park upstairs!
Toy tank will blow your mind [thesun]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who once road a tank into K-Mart and raided the blue-light special.
Dec 17 2008 Mmmm, Delicious Gingerbread Geekery
Remember the Lord of the Rings candy battle? Yeah, those orcs looked freaking yummy. Well here comes another sweet (!) gallery, this time of all gingerbread geekery. There's something for everyone, so hit the jump for a bunch more deliciousness. Then get inspired and make your own! Then make out with me underneath the mistletoe! Then make me a sandwich! Haha, and a drink. Don't forget the drink.
Hit it for more NOM.
Dec 17 2008 Hmmm?: What If Tetris Had Lyrics -- About Tetris Being A Game For Women?
Brentalfloss, Geekologie's resident songwriter, known for such hits as Mega Man 3 with lyrics, and What A Wonderful Super Mario World, just dropped another single on this bitch, this time with a Tetris-theme. It's a song about the iconic block game being for women. Which may or not be true. Because, quite frankly, I love Tetris and I happen to have a....wait, where'd it go? Oh, oh no. I showered this morning -- the drain!
Youtube
Thanks VeryLiberating, TransconaSlim and Brentalfloss, you guys know anything about plumbing?
Dec 17 2008 Smart: Stolen XBox Located Using Controller
A Missouri State student returned to his dorm room only to find his XBox 360 had been stolen. But one of the controllers had been left, and was still picking up a signal. So, using the peripheral, the gamer was able hone in on the stolen console.
Ketsenburg, who lives in Hutchens House, said that after his Xbox was stolen, he turned on his wireless Xbox controller and found that it was still connecting to his Xbox. Based on this discovery, Ketsenburg said he realized that his Xbox must be nearby, he said.
The controller connected to the Xbox on the fourth, fifth and sixth floors of Hutchens but not on the third floor and seventh floor, so through process of elimination, Ketsenburg said he figured out that the stolen Xbox must be on the fifth floor.Following the controller's signal, Ketsenburg said he was able to pinpoint the room where his Xbox was stolen.
The 5th floor resident assistant checked the alleged room where the stolen Xbox was and was able to find the Xbox, Ketsenburg said.
Oh man, that's great. The thief is being expelled and Ketsenburg, despite a reformatted hard-drive, is happy to have the XBox back. I swear, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a thief. Which might sound hypocritical seeing how I just stole your heart. Admit it, you love me!
Wireless Controller Helps Recover Stolen 360 [kotaku]
Thanks to Saint Kevin, who once saw a man steal a woman's purse so he tripped the guy and kicked him in the throat until police arrived.
Dec 17 2008 I Am Stupid, These Are Better iPhone Gloves
Okay, so apparently that last pair of gloves I posted for using touchscreen devices suck because your fingers get all cold. Boy was that a stupid product design. But apparently these DOTS gloves will still work AND keep your digits nice and toasty. They work via those magical little dots on the tips of the fingers. A knit pair will set you back $15, wool $20. Despite contacting the company, I received no word on what the dots are actually made of, which begs the question -- angel nipples?
Thanks to egleaves and David for pointing out that the other gloves are for nose-pickers, not iPhoners.
Dec 16 2008 NSFW!: Advertisers Take Note -- Now This Is How You Sell A Damn Washing Machine!
VIDEO IS NSFW
Well, after that last post I need a little pick-me-up. And what picks up the Geekologie Writer? Haha, you all know me too well, NSFW boobs (read: bare ones). This is a European Siemens commercial for a $900 washing machine that features a bunch of bare-breasted women skydiving from a plane. Because, just like Jesus dictated to his secretary in Psalm 49: Large boobs sell large appliances. Amen to that. I just ordered sixty of them, and I don't even wear clothes! I'm a blogger, folks, and the official uniform of the blogger is a single pair of stained boxers. And I'm not even wearing those right now! Now guess what I'm going to use to type the period at the end of this sentence. If you guessed my right ring finger, you are correct. Pfft, I know how to type!
WOW, NSFW Commercial [phillyd]
Thanks to pirhan, who delivers the goods when I need them most.
Dec 16 2008 Parents Take Halo 3 Away From Teenage Son, He Shoots Them Both, Killing Mother
17-year old Daniel Petric shot both his parents, killing his mother, for taking his copy of Halo 3 away from him. You can hit the link to read the story of how it went down, but I don't feel like copying it here.
Lawyers for the accused delivered a brief statement at the opening of the trial, explaining that their client had be under a large amount of stress after being homebound for a year due to a snowboarding accident with nothing to do but watch television and play video games.*tearing up*
It's just an amazingly heart-wrenching story, made even more so by the following exchange between father and son related by Mark Petric (Daniel's father) during testimony:"Dad, I'm so sorry for what I did to Mom, to you and to the family," Daniel Petric said, according to his father. "I'm so glad you are alive."
"You're my son," Mark Petric responded. "You're my boy."
Teen Shot Parents Because They Took Away Halo 3 [kotaku]
Thanks Jesus and Kevin.
RIP Susan Petric
Dec 16 2008 Luke Skywalker's Lightsaber Sells At Auction
The lightsaber (which was made from part of a photography flashgun) that Mark Hamill swung around like the Star Wars Kid in A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back recently sold at auction for a cool £133,000 (~$206,000). Some other stuff from the movies sold as well, but for less dough.
An original section of the Death Star from the first 1977 movie also fetched £13,300 and C-3PO's helmet and robotic hands worn by British actor Anthony Daniels in the 1983 hit Star Wars: Return of the Jedi sold for £66,444 and £20,000 respectively.
I wish I had $200,000 bones to blow on movie props, because I would have bought that damn lightsaber. Then traded it for a truckload of hookers. And that, at least according to my grandpappy, is living the good life.
Use the profit, Luke! Lightsaber used by Luke Skywalker in Star Wars sold for £133,000 [dailymail]
Thanks to Ska, who once traded a Federation blaster for a night with an Ewok.
Dec 16 2008 What?: Russian Man Trademarks ;-) Emoticon
Apparently the Russian patent office granted a trademark to resident doucheweed Oleg Teterin, a man who now allegedly owns the rights to the ;-) emoticon. WTF!
But critics doubt the trademark's legal basis as the emoticon has been in the public domain for years.
"I want to highlight that this is only directed at corporations, companies that are trying to make a profit without the permission of the trademark holder," Mr Teterin said in comments on the Russian TV channel, NTV.He also said since other similar emoticons - :-) or ;) or :) - resemble the one he has trademarked, use of those symbols could also fall under his ownership.
Wow, what is the world coming to? And where does this Ruski get off trying to trademark MY emoticons. That's right folks, I invented them all. Just kidding, but I do use 8===D a lot, often followed by 'PEW PEW!'
Russian hopes to cash in on ;-) [bbcnews]
Thanks Richthegringo, and good luck on your quest to patent all punctuation. Also, thanks to Abby, my new legal consultant.
Dec 16 2008 Well, That Made My Day: A Wii Accident
I love the way he starts crying for his mommy and slapping the TV like that'll magically make the screen uncrack. Remember: they give you wrist straps for a reason -- they make pretty bracelets!
What a Wiimote to the TV Actually Looks Like [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who doesn't break TVs playing Wii because he has a HD projector -- that comes out of his penis. It's true, he plays movies for people on the subway. Also, thanks to Richthegringo, who caught a showing of the Dark Knight.
Dec 16 2008 My Wrist, It's Blinky: Tokyoflash's Latest Flash
What would a week on Geekologie be without another watch from Tokyoflash? A hot day in heaven, that's for sure. Anyway, the Tokyoflash Waku ($130) is the latest from the wily watchateers.
Waku's wrist band, uniquely positioned between the frame and LEDs, is designed like a belt and features rows of punched holes which continue through the frame to expose the bright lights beneath.
Touch Waku's button and a simple animation sparkles before the time is presented in three easy-to-read steps. Hours are shown first, one LED indicates each hour 1-12. Groups of 15 minutes are next, three LEDs indicate 15, 30 and 45 minutes past the hour. Finally single minutes are presented, fourteen LEDs indicating minutes 1-14. Count the LEDs in columns of 5 and reading Waku becomes really easy!
The watch comes in three different bands: brown leather, black croc-effect, and natural fur, and each is available with either single or multi-colored LEDs. That's six different options! And again, no, I don't get paid for posting these. It's called relations, folks, and I have them. Mostly with women, but sometimes (and I'm thinking last year's holiday party here) with Joel from HR dressed up as Santa.
Hit the jump for several more views and a link to the buy site.
Continue Reading " My Wrist, It's Blinky: Tokyoflash's Latest Flash "
Dec 16 2008 Hitchcock The Birds Barbie Is A Real Product
The Alfred Hitchcock The Birds doll is a genuine Barbie, manufactured by Mattel and everything. It's not just a doll that somebody modded in their basement (although by all means feel free to do that yourself).
Dressed in a re-creation of the stylish green skirt-suit worn by the film's ill-fated heroine in an iconic scene, Alfred Hitchfock's "The Birds" Barbie® Doll celebrates the 45th anniversary of the acclaimed film. From the doll's classic ensemble to the perfectly painted expression to the accompanying black birds, every aspect captures the film's infamous appeal.
They run about $40 and are the perfect gift for a daughter that has no idea who the hell Alfred Hitchcock is. Also, I'm a little disappointed there's no Psycho Barbie. What better way to teach our nation's youth about diversity and acceptance than a knife weilding Barbie dressed as a man? Well, a man crossdressed as his dead mother and about to get all stabby on some chick in the shower? I certainly can't think of any.
Thanks to Shayla, who once killed two birds with one stone and then watched a cat eat them.
Dec 16 2008 Scientists Find World's Oldest Spider Web (Until Another, Much Older One Is Found)
Scientists have found what they believe to be the world's oldest and least circular spider web, encased in a piece of amber. It's allegedly 140 million years-old.
"It's not a striking, perfect web," Braddy said. "(But) this seems to confirm that spiders were building orb webs back in the early Cretaceous" -- the geological term for the period of time between 145.5 and 65.5 million years ago when dinosaurs and small mammals shared the earth.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If it's, "let's clone whatever that spider bit and have sex with it", then you are. High five for being on the same page.
Oldest Spider Web Found, Scientist Says [aolnews]
Thanks to Pat, who doesn't get bitten by spiders because he bites them. That's pretty freaking sick, Pat.
Dec 15 2008 DIY: R/C Helicopter With .45 Handgun
We've already seen a R/C helicopter with an automatic shotgun attached, but, as the Constitution explicitly states, radio controlled vehicles with firearms attached are everyone's God-given right. Enter the .45 handgun-copter, just in time for the holidays. Which, incidentally, coincide with, uh, squirrel hunting season? And speaking of which, do squirrels shit? And if so, what does it look like? There's a ton of those little arboreal bastards around, but I never see any droppings.
Youtube
Thanks to jason, who once ROFLMAOBBQcoptered the Swedish Bikini Team.
Dec 15 2008 Laptop Concept Has *GASP* Three Screens
This is a MacBook (Mac triBook) concept that has two additional fold-out screens for more desktop real estate. It also features a trackpad that stretches the entire length of the main console. Whee! Of course, it's just a concept, so you're probably thinking to yourself, "f***, I could Photoshop some shit together and get it on Geekologie". And you know what? You include a nudey picture of your girlfriend and you just might. But seriously, nice try, but I've already designed something far superior. It's called the quadBook, and that bitch has THREE MORE screens that fold out. Suck it, Apple, your ass just got cored!
Mac|Life 3-Screen Concept Melts Brains [spike]
Thanks to Kirk, who has a 10-screen laptop and has sex with the girl on the subway that you're always ogling. The one with the red blouse. I did her first though. Just don't tell him that.
Dec 15 2008 Are You Even Surprised?: iPhone Gloves
The $23 Etre Touchy gloves are handwear designed for using your iPhone or other touchscreen device in the harsh months of winter. They're just gloves with the index fingers and thumbs cut off. Which *SPOILER ALERT* you can do yourself to any pair of gloves, even $5 ones. Ha, but not while you're wearing them you stupid idiot!
Etre Touchy gloves won't let winter spoil your texting fun [dvice]
Dec 15 2008 Paper Bottles Perform Poorly In Bar Fights
It's a fact: in a barfight you want to be wielding a nice glass bottle. Or a heavy mug. Or a pool cue. Or a handful of darts. Or a knife. What you don't want is a paper bottle. You try papercutting an enemy and he's gonna to choke you out. And God knows what he's going to do to you while you're unconscious. Suffice it to say it's not buy you a new drink. Anyway, these are paper bottles. They're supposed to be eco-friendly or something (only 14% of the 60 million plastic bottles used daily in the US are recycled) and cut down on packaging and shipping costs. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. But one thing's for certain: a bottle, by the Merriam-Geekologie definition, has to be glass or plastic. So these aren't really bottles, they're reservoirs. Much like a teat, which *suckle* mmmm.
Two more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Paper Bottles Perform Poorly In Bar Fights "
Dec 15 2008 Dubai Resort Building Air-Conditioned Beach
A new Versace hotel in Dubai is going to feature an air-conditioned beach. Ha, and all this time I thought beaches were supposed to be hot.
A system of heat-absorbing pipes and giant wind blowers will "keep tourists cool in the searing 40-50C (104-122F) heat." Soheil Abedian, president of Palazzo Versace hotel that will be home to the refrigerated beach, said: "We will suck the heat out of the sand to keep it cool enough to lie on. This is the kind of luxury that top people want."
Top people? What the f*** is a top person? And, more importantly, how do I become one? Unfortunately, this opulence comes at a cost. Namely, mother nature's ass.
The city's continued expansion will also add to its huge carbon footprint. Each person living in Dubai has a carbon footprint of more than 44 tons of CO2 a year.
A 44-ton footprint -- that's bigger than Bigfoot's! But seriously, Satan, how about a little AC down here, it's freaking hot.
Versace hotel to refrigerate beach [news.au]
Thanks Natalie and jumpin_j, now listen: don't sin lest you want a burning coal jammed up your ass for eternity. And *TSSSSSSSSSS* OH MOTHER OF MELTING ASS TRUST ME YOU DOOOOOOON'T!
Dec 15 2008 I Hear Wedding Bells!: A Match Made In Halo
John Henry and Desirai Labrada (PsychoVandal and SickNdehed, respectively) met playing Halo in 2004 and are now getting married in a Halo themed wedding at this year's Otronicon gaming convention in Orlando, FL.
They met when she lived in New York and he was in Florida. She'd become Xbox Live friends with his roommate, and they slowly started to play games together, regularly. When he didn't show up online one day during the time they usually played, she sent him a message and her phone number.
"I was drawn to her laugh," John said in a phone interview with MTV News earlier this week. "I had made her laugh a few times and thought her laugh was kind of cute."They played "Halo" as teammates. As they were falling in love, they tended to protect each other a lot, watching each other's back as lasers and grenades fell around them. And in an act of sacrifice only possible during a blossoming romance, Desirai agreed to take Dramamine so she could last through three-hour binges of campaign mode on "Halo 3" with John without getting motion sickness.
That's true love.
That IS true love. Don't give up readers, there's hope for you yet. The wedding goes down January 17th and I'm totally gonna crash it (with permission). God and booze willing, I'll even make out with a bridesmaid. Oh, and apparently the event is receiving some negative attention regarding the couple's decision to go with a video game themed wedding. Which, I think we can all agree, is utterly freaking stupidtalk. I've got news for you folks: I got married in a non-Halo themed ceremony, and you know what? That marriage went straight to shit. Coincidence? No.
A heartfelt congratulations to the husband-and-wife to be.
Halo' Wedding Planned By Two Video Game Fans; Master Chief Will Officiate [mtv]
Thanks to evilcharismatic, my woman on the inside, who promises to keep me posted on the awesomeness as it develops. Expect a followup post after the event.
Dec 15 2008 What Does That Say?: Questionable BIOS
Who wouldn't boot in Hard Dick Mode?
Photo [photobucket]
Thanks to twatz0r, who, despite sending a tip, still called me a dick.
Dec 15 2008 Sure, Why Not?: 'Fanboys' Plan To Break Into To George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch
This is a preview for 'Fanboys', a movie about a group of nerds that want to break into George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch. But, as a guy whose been there, I've got to tell you: not all that exciting. Oh, and porn dungeon. Wait, make that alien porn dungeon. The dude's a freak.
Make sure to head over to Iwatchstuff for all you breaking movie news. The guy knows his stuff. And also, where you live. Don't f*** with him.
Official Site
Thanks to Lee, who once worked on a project with George but had to bail when he realized he couldn't agree with Lucas' facial hair.
Dec 14 2008 Rap Album Covers Get Minifig'd
Let's face it, rap and LEGO go together like heavy metal and Lincoln Logs: they were freaking made for each other. So it comes as no surprise that somebody went and remade a bunch of album covers with LEGO minifigs. Am I right? Am I wrong? Am I drunk on a Sunday night? The answer to these questions and more after I puke in the hallway!
UPDATE: Probably not, probably, yes, reddish-orange, eleven.
Hit the jump for several more of my favorites, and a link to the gallery with even more.
