Dec 13 2008 Apple Apples Sadly Aren't McIntosh
Some Apple fan in Japan, one who owns a Fuji apple orchard, decided to profess his love for Macs in the only way he knows how, by growing fruit with the Apple logo and little pictures of iPods on them. How did he achieve the feat? Simply -- with stickers. You just put a sticker on an apple while it ripens, take it off when picked, and presto -- an iPod apple. What about the stickers makes the images appear? F***ing sorcery! And that, my friends, is scientific.
Hit the jump for a close-up.
Dec 13 2008 Woman Leaves Berlin Wall For Garden Fence
A 54-year old woman who was married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years is now cheating on the iconic landmark with a local garden fence.
Mrs Berliner-Mauer (Berlin Wall), who has been diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality, claimed she fell in love with the wall when she first saw it on TV as a child. She began collecting "his" pictures and saving up for visits. On her sixth trip in 1979 they tied the knot before a handful of guests.
"The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he's too thick - my husband is sexier."While she remains a virgin with humans, she insists she had a full, loving relationship with the wall.
WTF! Sadly, since the destruction of the wall in 1989, she hasn't been back to visit her lover and has "shifted her affections to a nearby garden fence."
Wow, cheating on the Berlin Wall with a common garden fence -- that's like leaving John Holmes for The Geekologie Writer. HIYO! Just kidding, I'm hung like a, well, it's not really long enough to hang. :(
Woman married Berlin Wall [ananova]
Thanks to Megan, who wanted to marry the Sistine Chapel until she met me.
Dec 12 2008 Mmmm, The Dessert Of Gods: Meat Cake
If Jesus wasn't too busy telling that fat f***er Santa to shit down my chimney, maybe I'd bake him a meat-cake for his birthday.
Hit the jump to see a pictorial on how to create your own meat cake, which basically involves making three giant hamburgers, gluing them together with ketchup, and frosting the bitch with mashed potatoes. Bon appetite!
Dec 12 2008 NYU To Offer Video Game Degree Next Fall
NYU will be offering degrees in the design and development of video games starting fall 2009. Load up on Mountain Dew, kids, it's time to get your learn on.
The NYU Game Center, launching in fall 2009, will make NYU the first New York City college to offer such a degree, and one of the few in the country.
"It will do a lot to attract new students to New York and raise the city's profile as a center for gaming," said Center for an Urban Future deputy director Tara Colton, who recently called out New York City for lagging behind its competition in tapping into the videogame market.Drawing from a private $1 million contribution, and a $200,000 Rockefeller grant, the center will initially be modest in scale. NYU plans to offer ten to twelve students the chance to choose from 70 courses in game design and development next year, with a two-year masters program set to launch in 2010.
Cool. I mean, I'd probably still fail out, but at least the subject material would be cooler than the stuff I learned. Which was nothing. Well, that's not entirely true. I made bongs and shit. And also, radiator wine. You know, by setting bottles of apple juice on the radiator in front of the window for a semester. You ever done that before? My f***, it gets you some drunk.
NYU Launching Videogame Degree Next Fall [shacknews]
Thanks to Alexandria, The Reigning Queen of Nerdopia, who just earned herself an honorary doctorate in awesome from the University of Geekologie.
Dec 12 2008 No More Going Bare Chest: Geeky T-Shirts
This is a gallery of geeky t-shirt designs from some guy named Glenn Jones. Hit the jump for a bunch more of my favorites and a link to his store which has even more. They're all $20 a pop and the perfect thing to keep you from showing your tits this holiday season. Unless you're a chick and into that. In which case I call a motorboat.
Hit it for the rest.
Continue Reading " No More Going Bare Chest: Geeky T-Shirts "
Dec 12 2008 That's It, I'm Moving: Robotic Statistics
Africa -- who's coming with me?
Hit the jump for two more graphics I didn't bother looking at because I'm too busy throwing clothes in a suitcase.
Continue Reading " That's It, I'm Moving: Robotic Statistics "
Dec 12 2008 But Can I Smoke It?: The Wii Hemp-Mote
No -- it's hemp, not chronic. But that didn't stop modder Dhreck, who may or may not smoke the f*** out of the sticky-icky (hint: he does), from wrapping a Wii-mote in the stuff.
The Hemp-Mote is absolutely playable, all buttons, accelerometers and the infrared camera accounted for. Unfortunately its exterior is also quite fragile and prone to degeneration, being in the raw state that it is.
Using saws and files I removed most of the hard plastic shells, then rebuild the underlying shapes using modeling putty. After Smoothing the result out with fine grained sandpaper I give the whole a quick black paint job to ensure eventual gaps didn't stand out too much. Tadaa, a base to wrap stuff around.
Good looking, Dhreck. I'd post some pictures of my potted PS3 controller but my roommate smoked it. So you know what I did? I killed him and made a bong out of his bones. But not the skull! That's a candy dish.
Hit the jump for several more views and a link to Dhreck's work.
Dec 12 2008 Sweet: Wicked Zelda Papercraft Models
Zelda. I almost named my dog Zelda. But then I realized the real princess probably wouldn't eat cat shit, so I didn't. Anyway, this is a papercraft model of Link's hat and hair from Twilight Princess. But it's only one of a million different Zelda models available over at Nintendo Papercraft (which has tons of other Nintendo characters as well). If you're good with scissors and glue go check them out, make some, then send them to me. I'm not allowed to use scissors anymore because I cut my own hair once when my mom wasn't paying attention. Then I ate it. It tasted hairy.
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more of my favorites, then check out the link for tons and tons more.
Dec 12 2008 Invasion Of Privacy: Scientists Aim To Extract Images/Dreams Directly From Your Brain
A team of Japanese researchers believe they're well on the way to developing a technology capable of displaying whatever is on a person's mind. Including pictures, dreams, and, God willing, sex with dinosaurs.
While the team for now has managed to reproduce only simple images from the brain, they said the technology could eventually be used to figure out dreams and other secrets inside people's minds.
"It was the first time in the world that it was possible to visualize what people see directly from the brain activity," the private institute said in a statement."By applying this technology, it may become possible to record and replay subjective images that people perceive like dreams."
Say, this reminds me of one of my own favorite dreams: I exit my cave wearing only an animal pelt. I spot a triceratops -- it catches my gaze. I approach and begin tenderly rubbing its horns while making cooing sounds. The beast gores me. I lay in the mud, bleeding to death. With my last breath I reach out to touch its genitals and....it crushes my arm with a single stomp from one of its massive legs. i wake from the dream dripping sweat, and also, other stuff. Damn -- I should write romance novels!
Dreams may no longer be secret with Japan computer screen [yahoonews]
Thanks to austin, Derrick, Ain and Zombie Bob, who have the ability to make your dreams come true, but only if you buy their set of instructional video for three easy payments of $39.95.
Dec 12 2008 Mmmm: Fondant-y Nikon D700 DSLR Cake
Some woman's husband had a bakery make her a Nikon D700 cake, then he gave her the actual camera afterward. How romantic. Well, not as romantic as presenting your wife with a cake that looks like two hands, then giving her the clap, but, pfft, what is?
Hit the jump for a bunch more from all angles.
Dec 11 2008 LED And Time: A Photographic Gallery
I don't have much more info on these pictures except they were made by Picasa user magnus mouse using LEDs and lasers with a really long exposure. Just like they used to do in the olden days except with a flashlight or a sparkler. So yeah, a laser + long exposure = cool effect. But a laser + my penis = an even cooler effect. PEW PEW! Oh, careful -- don't wanna blind you.
Hit it for a bunch more and a link to the gallery.
Dec 11 2008 6-Wheeled Sports Car Makes It To Production
The Covini Six Wheeler (C6W) needs a new name but does have six wheels. It looks kind of like a Ferrari whose mother downed too much ethanol during pregnancy. So why the six wheels?
The Covini Six Wheeler takes its engineering inspiration from the 1976 Tyrell P34 race car which had two pairs of smaller front wheels that were intended to increase air penetration and have a smaller frontal area effectively reducing drag.
The ideas behind the Tyrell P34 don't necessarily translate to the C6W, though Ferruccio Covini, the company's founder, gives the following reasons for creating his modern-day six-wheeler:• Less risk of front tires deflating
• Less risk of aquaplaning
• Better braking
• Better grip
• Better comfort
• Better absorption of frontal impact
• Better stupid looking
• Better support for fatties
• Better vroom vroom (1.5x)
• Better why the f*** not?
• Better not steal my rims!
• Better to run you over with
• Better not pout, better not cry
• Or Santa will fondle you in your sleep
• The elves will take pictures
• And they will wind up on the internet
• Rule 34
Hit the jump for several more pictures and two videos, the first of which is track footage, the second of which is still photos.
Continue Reading " 6-Wheeled Sports Car Makes It To Production "
Dec 11 2008 Oh Snap, There's A Zune Phone Coming!
Or is there? I don't know, I'm not good at speculation. But I am good at making shit up. And also, making out. Ladies?
According to Trip Chowdhry, an analyst at Global Equities Research, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer will announce a Zune-style mobile device during his keynote address at the upcoming Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, on January 7, 2009. In an article in Barron's, Chowdhry claims that the company's new centerpiece will combine the best features of the Zune media player with the hardware design of Danger's mobile Sidekick, in addition to "motion enhancement features," like an accelerometer.
Basically, this means the device will come with a physical keyboard like HTC's G1 and will likely feature a larger screen to accommodate heavy multimedia elements. And since we're all here copying each other's mobile phone features, we'll be shocked if the Zune phone doesn't feature multitouch capabilities.
Wow, way to make my new-phone boner shrivel like a century-old prune. Microsoft, Microsoft, Microsoft. Did you not learn anything from yesterday's lesson? Are you trying to drop hints about a new phone or not? If so, this is how it's done:
Steve Ballmer: Zune phone? Who said anything about a Zune phone? Psyche -- gimme them digits, bitches! BA-DOW!
Remember Microsoft, I'm still available for hire.
Rumor: Zune Phone Is Coming to CES 2009 [wired]
Thanks to Ain, who doesn't need a cellphone because he has two tin cans and long piece of string in his treefort.
Dec 11 2008 Love: A Zelda Cosplay Girls Gallery *Swoon*
By now all you regulars know about my affinity for Zelda. And for you newcomers: I have an affinity for Zelda. So what better way to share my love of the princess than to, uh, post a bunch of pictures of chicks dressed as Link? I know, I'm confused too. But that hasn't stopped these amorous feelings. I'm especially digging the tall one in green on the left. I freaking love a chick that's cool not shaving her legs. RAWR!
Hit the jump for a ton more of the two in red and blue, who are actually chicks, I swear.
Continue Reading " Love: A Zelda Cosplay Girls Gallery *Swoon* "
Dec 11 2008 Geekologie Reader Ingenuity: The Ass Towel
I know not all of you readers are FAKE! asshats. I'm sure some of you are actually good people, who make a valued contribution to society. And some of you are straight pervs. And others, like reader David, are inventors. David developed a towel that helps solve the age-old "did I just wipe my face with ass?" conundrum.
I've had this idea for a while. I've come to the conclusion that I'm never getting around to getting it made, so I at least want it publicized.
An ordinary towel right? Correct.But, it has a distinct blue square in a not so used area of the towel.
Maybe I'm a slob, but I usually don't get a new towel every single day. And, I've got to dry my entire body. Some of which don't always get 100% clean.
I dry my ass, then the next day I use that same spot on the towel to dry my face. There it is, and it sucks.
The blue square is the designated section of the towel to dry your ass.
Genius, David. This is exactly the kind of ingenuity I expect from Geekologie readers. I really want these made. Then I could finally stop drying my ass with my roommate's toothbrush.
Thanks David, remind me to bring my own towel to the slumber party.
Dec 11 2008 Pfft, Hearts Are Overrated Anyways
If God wasn't too busy spiting me every morning, he'd eat this shit for breakfast.
Hit the jump for a picture of the finished product.
Dec 11 2008 Wrong, Just Plain Wrong: The TwoDaLoo
The TwoDaLoo is a toilet made for two. Just the thought of it disgusts me.
The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use ... at the exact same time. It brings couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. An upgraded version includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station.
Oh yeah, because a "modest privacy wall" makes it all okay. WTF! Available now for wholesale, the units cost $1,400 apiece and the minimum order is 12. So yeah, you ever shit out in the open with 23 other people before? *sniffle* God, I miss college.
Thanks Tali, like they say: a family that shits together, uh, starts to look at each other differently.
Dec 11 2008 NSFW: What Did I Just Watch?
This is a NSFW (language) mashup video featuring awesomeness. I swear, I love myself a good mashup. Also, the girl with the pink wig in the video. *wikipedia-ing* Scratch that, 17.
Most Improbable Lil Jon Mashup Ever [collegehumor]
Thanks to chefferson and Matt, who actually watch this show on Saturday mornings.
Dec 10 2008 No Need To Thank Me Folks, Just Doing My Job: More Cosplayish Hotness Featuring Marie-Claude Bourbonnais As, Uh, Something
Remember Marie-Claude Bourbonnais? She was the chick dressed up as Caitlin Fairchild from Gen¹³. Well the photographer of both shoots, Gil P, contacted me with the lowdown on this new set, which features Marie-Claude modeling a Gear of War inspired outfit.
You know, there comes a time in every high-profile anonymous blogger's life when he realizes that sometimes, you don't need to type any more words -- that a picture can speak thousands of them on its own. So I'll just let these photos speak for themselves, which, I think we can all agree, speak volumes. No, boobumes.
Hit the jump for three more, and links to more of Marie-Claude and Gil P's work, including some of Marie-Claude's bare necessities.
Dec 10 2008 Pervert Inventor Le Trung Still Working On Building Robot Girlfriend, Wasting Money
Remember Le Trung? The last time we saw him he was busy groping his robotic lover. Well not much has changed in the interim: he's still going strong, perfecting "fem-bot" Aiko to be his wife.
Inventor Le Trung, 33, created Aiko, said to be "in her 20s" with a stunning 32, 23, 33 figure, shiny hair and delicate features.
Pfft, she's not a day over 14 you sick bastard.
"So far she can understand and speak 13,000 different sentences in English and Japanese, so she's already fairly intelligent. "When I need to do my accounts, Aiko does all the maths. She is very patient and never complains."He said he did not build Aiko as a sexual partner, but said she could be tweaked to become one. "Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm and reacting to touch as if she is playing hard to get or being straight to the point," he said.
Sex. With. A. Robot. *HORF*
"Fem-bot" Aiko, who has cost £14,000 (~$21,000) to build so far, is a whizz at maths and even does Le's accounts.Le, a scientific genius from Brampton in Ontario, Canada, said he never had time to find a real partner so he designed one using the latest technology.
Scientific genius my ass. Scientific geniuses don't blow twenty grand building robotic girlfriends. No, scientific geniuses build rocketships to blast off into space and f*** aliens. This is the word of The Geekologie Writer. Amen.
One more of the cute couple after the jump.
Dec 10 2008 How Not To Maintain Your Fake ID Business
If you sell fake I.D.s, it's best to not advertise that shit all over your Escort LX (or is it?). You can profess your love for Jesus all you want, but keep the I.D. business on the low. Apparently the genius behind this operation (who was clearly focusing his efforts on the Hispanic market) was running the mobile I.D. generating business right out of the car -- which was found to contain both computer and card printer. Great idea there buddy, but piss-poor execution. You should have been a little more discreet in your advertising. Something like, "Born Jesus, but want to be John? Ask me how." See how I even tied in the whole religion thing there? It's called brilliance, folks, and I'm full of it(!).
Thanks to Dan, who may or not be selling fake Blockbuster cards out of his Taurus.
Dec 10 2008 Craft Time!: Make Your Own Zombie Barbie
Want to make your own zombified Barbie doll? No problem. All it takes is some paint, a razor blade, some Sculpey, a regular Barbie doll, and some brains (!). Hit the jump to see the basic process, which is so simple even a zombie could do it (!). Ha, this reminds me of when I was a kid and I'd always steal my little sister's Barbies and rip their heads off and set them on fire. Without fail the brat would always threatening to tell mom on me. So you know what I did? I told her I'd murder her imaginary friend if she even thought about it. Love you Kaitlyn!
Hit it for a bunch more, including the process.
Continue Reading " Craft Time!: Make Your Own Zombie Barbie "
Dec 10 2008 Firebreathing Dog Robot Will Ruin Your Day
This firebreathing robot-dog-beast-cycle (inappropriately named Lrry) was made entirely out of recycled materials by the Mutoid Waste Company in London. "Why?", you ask. "Why not?", the makers reply. "Because that f***er's gonna kill us all!", you scream while throwing an empty beer can and lacing up your running shoes. Perfectly at home at any monster truck rally, Lrry is guaranteed to melt your face off then trample your body. And, seriously, what better way to go? You know, besides every other way, excluding impalement.
Hit the Kris Kross will make you jump jump for a video of the doomsday machine in action.
Continue Reading " Firebreathing Dog Robot Will Ruin Your Day "
Dec 10 2008 Microsoft 'Software', A New Clothing Line
Yes, for real. Microsoft is launching a clothing line named Software. I don't get the pun, but I'm sure it's funny. Hit the jump for three more available styles, all of which have a retro feel to them (including Bill's mugshot). So -- who's buying? Anybody? Apparently this is all part of Microsoft's new marketing campaign. But, I've got to tell you, Microsoft: your marketing dollars would go a lot further if you just bought up all the advertising space on Geekologie. And also, hired me as your spokesperson. Check out this new slogan I've been working on:
Microsoft - Macrohard when you need it to be.
BOOYA! That was a freebie, the rest you'll have to pay for.
Hit it for the other shirts.
Continue Reading " Microsoft 'Software', A New Clothing Line "
Dec 10 2008 WTF?: When (Cardboard) Rhinos Attack
This is a Japanese zoo's training video on what to do in the unlikely event that a cardboard rhino with two guys standing underneath it escape from its habitat. Looks like a lot of poking it with sticks, banging on metal buckets, and eventually tranquilizing the horny bastard. Also, make sure its ear breaks off when you finally down the beast. Good to know!
Weird 'Rhino Escape' Training Video [weirdasianews]
Thanks to Chris, who noted that a bottle of overproof rum and a lit cigarette would have sorted the situation out romantically.
Dec 10 2008 Oops!: Girl Loses Virginity, Texts Her Dad
Elizabeth Frisinger, 18, lost her virginity on the beach during a senior class trip. Then she accidentally texted her dad, telling him about it. Woops! Gotta be careful with the iPhone texting app, Lizzy, it's easy to text the wrong person. Seriously though, sweetheart, this could have been much worse. Just kidding -- you're totally f***ed! It could have only been worse if, instead of texting your dad, he was there. HIYO!
Meet Elizabeth Frisinger: She lost her virginity and accidentally texted her dad [inquisitr]
Thanks to Alejandro, who's smart enough to only email mom and dad about his sexual conquests.
Dec 9 2008 I'd Eat It: Video Game Inspired Bento Boxes
Mmmm, bento boxes. They combine two of my favorite things. Bento. And boxes. Apparently Anna the red makes these delicious lunches for her boyfriend, who might very well be the luckiest guy in the world. You don't want to lose this one, boyfriend-guy. Hold on tight, man. Then yell RODEO!
Hit the jump for the rest, including some Yoshi, Professor Layton, Companion Cube and WALL-E action.
Continue Reading " I'd Eat It: Video Game Inspired Bento Boxes "
Dec 9 2008 Good Job: Steampunk'd Star Wars Characters
We've already seen steampunk'd Star Wars here on Geekologie. First in LEGO form, then as a Vader helmet, then figurines, and, most recently, a steamy little R2. Well recently, the Society of Digital Artists held a little Steampunk Star Wars contest, and these are some of the winners. Now tell me, does being all Victorian make Princess Leia any less bangable?
A: No, provided she remove the burning coals from her vajayjay.
Hit the jump for several more winners.
Continue Reading " Good Job: Steampunk'd Star Wars Characters "
Dec 9 2008 NSFW! SNL Short Is The Story Of My Life
NSFW! And also, the story of my life. Seriously, these guys should hire me -- I've got tons of this material.
Thanks to Wilson and Jay, who swear they've never had this problem.
Dec 9 2008 Ooooh, Stoplight-y!: The Kisai Tenmetsu
The Kisai Tenmetsu is the latest in wrist bad-assery available from Tokyoflash. It's a definite departure from a lot of the other designs.
Three LEDs positioned beneath each lens allow a transition between LED colors creating a look never before seen. A continuous line running between the lenses and through the wrist band provides perfect balance and a sweeping animation effect adds character to the design.
The time is displayed in two stages: hours, then minutes. Red LEDs are 15 units of time, amber 5, and green 1. Add them together to find out the time. Adding is fun! The Tenmetsu is available now in both black and silver, and will set you back $257. And contrary to popular belief, no, Tokyoflash does not pay my bills. I blog for no one. Well, that's not entirely true, you see, I blog for Jesus, folks. And, okay, loose women. Isn't that right ladies? Oh, come on -- free chocolate!
One more shot after the jump.
Continue Reading " Ooooh, Stoplight-y!: The Kisai Tenmetsu "
Dec 9 2008 Don't Stand Too Close To A Cuckoo Speaker!
The cuckoo speaker may look like an ordinary speaker, but when the music gets loud enough the speaker in the bottom pops out like one of those spring-loaded boxing gloves! I bet it sounds like shit! But regardless, to compliment the speaker, I've come up with a similar idea for televisions. Check this out: so it looks like a regular TV, right? But when there are naked chicks on the screen my pants shoot off! Move over Thomas Edison, your ass just got invented son!
Cuckoo Loudspeaker pushes the speaker into the room [dvice]
Dec 9 2008 The End Is Nigh!: Hovering Robot Of Death
Wonder how you're gonna die? By this thing, the Missile Agency's Multiple Kill Vehicle-L (MKV-L).
The MKV-L mission is to destroy medium through intercontinental-range ballistic missiles equipped with multiple warheads or countermeasures by using a single interceptor missile. During an actual hostile ballistic missile attack, the carrier vehicle with its cargo of small kill vehicles will maneuver into the path of an enemy missile. Using tracking data from the Ballistic Missile Defense System and its own seeker, the carrier vehicle will dispense and guide the kill vehicles to destroy any warheads or countermeasures.
Missile destroyer my ass, we're all freaking dead. Game over man, game over!
The hovering Multiple Kill Vehicle is simply a waking nightmare [engadget]
Thanks to Mike, Jake and Leigh, who know I love thinking about the robot apocalypse almost as much as I love things being jammed in my pee-hole.
Dec 9 2008 Sure, Why Not?: A Keyboard For Blondes
The Keyboard For Blondes is a real $50 product. What makes it for blondes? Well, it has some questionably clever keys in place of the standard ones, comes complete with audio, and a lovely pink coloration.
The all-pink keyboard swaps out standard keys with funnier, dumber key names. The backspace key now says "Oops!" and the entire row of function keys spells out USELESS KEYS. Hit the "$" sign and you get the sound of a cash register clinking.
Blondes can even get a little technical and use special keys that type out "OMG," "ALI" (Absolutely Love It!) or "XOXO." My favorite? The caps lock key now says: "Warning! size XXL letters."
ZOMG, too funny! Go here to see a high-res picture of the peripheral, then stab yourself for even thinking about buying it for somebody. Then buy it for somebody. Then stab yourself again for pissing away $50. Then return it. Then bandage yourself up for doing the right thing. Alternatively, I'll wear a blonde wig while we're having sex and you can call me dumb. Haha, no sneaking in the ass!
Product Page
via
OMG! It's a Keyboard for Blondes [msn]
Thanks to Romeo, Crystal and Jeff, who don't need keyboards because they can all type with their minds. Or voice recognition software, whatever.
Dec 9 2008 Pentagon PEWing For Guided Bullet Tech
The Pentagon is tossing $22 million at developing guided bullet technology that would enable a bullet to change course midflight because it wasn't shot right first in the first place, the wind changed, or the head you were aiming at moved. *closing blinds* Greeeaaaaat.
Darpa won't say, publicly, how far, how long and how accurate they want the new bullets to be -- all that information is classified. But they will say that Exacto should contain a next-gen scope, a guidance system that provides information to direct the projectile, an "actively controlled .50-caliber projectile that uses this information for real-time directional flight control," and a rifle. "Technologies of interest may include: fin-stabilized projectiles, spin-stabilized projectiles, internal and/or external aero-actuation control methods, projectile guidance technologies, tamper proofing, small stable power supplies, and advanced sighting, optical resolution and clarity technologies."
Hey Darpa, I hate to ruin the party, but guided bullets already exist. They're called missiles. Yeah, they're laser guided and they shoot out of my penis. PEW on this, moneywasters! Oh, just a minute. *PSSH* Oh -- *PSSSSHHH* Aaaahh -- *PSSSSSHOOOOOOOOW!!*
Pentagon Shoots $22 Million Into Guided-Bullet Tech [wired]
Thanks to Erick, who came up with that PEW *WHOOSH* PEW thing, and never misses the urinal.
Dec 8 2008 'Tis The Season: For A Sexy Cosplay Gallery
No need to thank me folks, I ambushed Santa at Wal-Mart (the one ringing the bell outside) and stole his present bag. Inside? A bunch of cosplay pictures -- the bearded old man's a perv! Anyways, I've decided to share them with you, since it's the season of giving or whatever. There's a bunch more video game chicks after the jump, most of which are more scantily clad than Zelda, but none sexier. Are you still reading this shit? Hit the gallery already, this is just filler. Oh, and follow the link for a lot more, in higher resolution.
Push the button and receive a boner.
Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: For A Sexy Cosplay Gallery "
Dec 8 2008 ISS Orbiting Toolbag Filmed From Earth
Remember last month when a NASA toolbag accidentally floated off into space during a repair to the International Space Station (if not, video after the jump. Skip to about 0:55 to see the loss)?
Endeavor astronaut Heidi Stefanyshyn-Piper's loss has turned out to be an amateur star gazers' event of the season. The $100,000 tool bag slipped out of her reach and floated into space while she was trying to clean up a greasy mess on the starboard section of the space station. The tool bag is now dubbed ISS Toolbag and is orbiting the Earth. According to Space.com, Edward Light spotted the orbiting tool bag using 10 x 50 binoculars from his backyard in Lakewood, New Jersey.
The orbiting tool bag weighs approximately 30-pounds. It measures 20-inches wide and 12-inches long. The tool bag contains two grease guns, a scraper tool, a large trash bag and a small debris bag. Given the size and dim magnitude of the orbiting tool bag, star gazers will need binoculars or a small telescope to view it.
The video above is actual footage of the bag sailing by. Go here and enter your ZIP code to find out when and were to look to see the toolbag for yourself. Alternatively, come over to my place around six when my roommate gets home.
Hit the jump for the loss video.
Dec 8 2008 Build Your Own Paper Airplane Launcher
Want to launch paper airplanes but don't have any arms? Then good luck folding one in the first place. But for those of you that are lazy or just don't know when to let go comes the $18 Electric Paper Plane Launcher from Urban Outfitters.
Ready for take off. Take your paper airplane experience to electrifying new heights with The Electric Paper Plane Launcher! This fun kit was designed at Middlesex University, one of the leading design Universities in the UK. With simple assemble, you can discover how spinning motors and plastic discs can be used to launch a plane at over 30 mph!
Oh boy, I can't wait to discover how spinning motors and plastic disks can be used to launch a plane! You think it's anything like discovering how spinning motors and sharp metal disks can be used to cut your freaking fingers off?
Thanks to krabivana, who launches planes the old fashioned way, with explosives.
Dec 8 2008 Will You Marry Me?: Another Pokeman Fanatic
As many of you probably don't know because I'm just now making it up, I love Pokemon. Pikachu, that lovable little electric turd, really does something to me. Something deep down in my heart, near the cockles. And I just found out I'm not the only one! That's right, this crazy chick is even more Pokemontastic than yours truly. And that's saying a lot (reference legally changing name and having sex with a stuffed animal). Just check out all that crap! That's a lot of crap! Hit the link to see even more, including a decked out Pokemon car! WTF! Amazingly, this woman can probably still have sex in that room, so why can't I? I show a girl my bedroom (aka Pikachu's Pleasure Dome) and she's running for the door almost as soon as the Pokemon theme starts playing. Can somebody say double standard? And also, double bed. Just saying, Pikachu sheets. Ladies?
Hit the jump for more of what even weekly meetings can't help.
Continue Reading " Will You Marry Me?: Another Pokeman Fanatic "
Dec 8 2008 Why?: The Type-From-The-Back Keyboard
The Grippity is a real product that will be hitting shelves mid next year for about a hundred bones (big ones, like arm and leg bones -- not the little ones in your ear). I question its usefulness. But then again, I question the usefulness of my third leg too. It drags on the ground, so, I dunno, maybe it's for stability.
You get a full QWERTY keyboard that allows for eight-finger typing yoga straight from the back, while a couple of triggers behind double up as mouse buttons. The learning curve for this would be pretty steep as you will probably have to forget about everything you know and start over. Nice to see the Grippity come with an orientation sensor that enables the 60 QWERTY keys to double up as hot keys whenever the unit is flipped over.
Cool, yes, but why? Like drinking a gallon of milk in an hour, just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Unless a friend bets against you, in which case it becomes a matter of pride. And projectile vomiting.
Hit the jump to see a picture of the back.
Dec 8 2008 Amazing Battlestar Galactica Case Mod
There are case mods, and then there are case mods. And then there's this Battlestar Galactic case by L337 modder Boddaker.
This liquid-cooled work of art has a numerous video screens, a side window hidden by a servo-controlled door, and a slot-loading DVD drive that lets you see its disc spinning through its semi-transparent front.
Freaking amazing. You've really got to see the rest of the pictures and video after the jump to fully appreciate the case. Boddaker clearly has some wicked modding skills. AND modeling skills. Dude can really strut his stuff on the catwalk like nobody's business. In all seriousness though, I'm too sexy for my shirt.
Hit it for the rest of the amazingosity.
Dec 8 2008 Eye Candy: Aurora Borealis From Space
This is a time-lapse video made of still images by astronaut Don Pettit aboard the International Space Station. It shows the Aurora Borealis in all its auroral beauty -- from space. And while it's not THE most beautiful thing I've ever seen, it's second only to the boobs I saw yesterday.
Thanks to Larry, who apologizes for saying Dan stinks but will still see him on the hike tomorrow rain or shine. Just be careful guys, and don't get f***ed by any bears.
Dec 8 2008 Gun Booze Dispenser Just Makes Good Sense
Let's face it, guns and booze go together like trebuchets and LSD: they were made for each other. So the $22 Shots Gun Drink Dispenser comes as no surprise. You just jam the topper (complete with holster) on a bottle, pump the pump, and PEW PEW drinks to your hearts content. Load Bacardi 151 or everclear and a lighter and your gun magically transforms into a flamethrower! *PEW PEW* Whee! Oh -- *WHOOOOSH* Haha, my cubicle's on fire. MEDIC!
Shots Gun Drink Dispenser makes you the new Sheriff in town [slipperybrick]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who never drinks without packing heat. And also, Mylanta. The dude drinks some pretty nasty shit.
Dec 7 2008 Man, AKA The Cheeseburglar, Assaults Girlfriend With Cheesy Deliciousness
Vincent Gonzalez assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. He's currently in the slammer with charges of battery, domestic violence and destruction of deliciousness.
The victim told sheriff's deputies that she was eating with boyfriend Vincent Gonzales in her car when the two began arguing. When she threw his drink out of the car window, he retaliated by hitting her in the face with a cheeseburger. He then pulled her from the car and struck her with the sandwich several more times.
Vincent, you stupid f***. Hands (and burgers) off women. I swear, I have a good mind to beat you within inches of your life with a footlong meatball sub. Eat fresh, bitch!
Man behind bars after hitting woman in face with cheeseburger [kare11]
Thanks to ...In America!, who once hit ....in Canada! with a chili dog.
Dec 7 2008 Wait, What?: Medical Handgun Coming Soon
The Palm Pistol is a single-shot firearm aimed (!) at folks who may have trouble shooting a regular gun and probably shouldn't be anyways. The company behind the weapon hopes to have it classified as a medical device for the elderly and people with arthritis. Holy shit.
"It's something that they need to assist them in daily living," says Matthew Carmel, president of Constitution Arms in Maplewood, New Jersey, which hopes to manufacture the Palm Pistol - now just a patent and specifications. "The justification for this would be no more or less for a [walking aid] or wheelchair, or any number of things that are medical devices," he says.
Wow, now I want a medical ninja sword.
Ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have limited strength or manual dexterity. Using the thumb instead of the index finger for firing, it significantly reduces muzzle drift, one of the principal causes of inaccurate targeting. Point and shoot couldn't be easier.
Point and shoot couldn't be easier. More like point and shooting yourself in the freaking leg (aka Plaxicoing) couldn't be easier. Seriously though, my grandpa has arthritis and lives in a bad part of the assisted living facility, I'm getting him one.
UPDATE: Right, Alzheimer's -- the old coot shot me!
Company tries to get gun classed as medical device [newscientist]
Thanks to Spikey and Bordmanator, who only fire headshots.
