Nov 21 2008Wrong, Just Wrong: World's Worst Cookbook

THIRD

WAIT SHIT

FIR-

F***

JESUS

SECOND. NO, HOLD ON

BOLLOCKS

I MEAN FOURTH.

FOURTH.

BELIEVE IT

HAHA, FOURTH

TAKE THAT, Y'BUNCH OF PLEBS

SEE

I TOTALLY GOT FOURTH

YOU GOT PLAYED, BOIZ

Gf mother: Wow, This is a tasty pecan pie. You make it yourself?
Me: I sure did*smiles*

You know whose semen has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties?

YOU MOTHER'S.

Ho ho ho.

Man Made Oysters:

Cleaned oyster shells
Chilled fresh semen (the fresher, the better!)
Lemon and pepper garnish

Is it customary to spit after every mouthful?

Wait 'til you see this in Food Network.

This might just be the biggest breakthrough in culinary history.

Can't wait to try these recipes.

"Once you overcome any initial hesitation,..."

F*** that shit! More like "Once you lose your f***ing mind.."!

PEW! PEW! PEW!
then
NOM! NOM! NOM!

who's coming over to my place for thanksgiving? Remember, please bring your own dish to pass

And by dish, I of course mean semen

Some people get their ingredients in their backyard.

Some people get their ingredients at their local grocery.

Ladies, some guys you just couldn't let go because now we have one more little use in this world.

Because you can't get LoveJuice® at your grocery and neither in your backyard.

LoveJuice® - $0.00
Spatula - $3.00
Box of Flour - $5.00
Eggs - $1.99
The fact that your eating your boyfriend sperm - PRICELESS

@11 roflmao! That's classic!

FAKE!!!!

Thats a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This reminds me of the scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max makes something like that out of his mashed potatoes and says to Baja, "This means something. This is important."

No thanks. I don't want any.

No thanks. I don't want any.

Is this Martha Stewarts doing?....that bitch!

Nothin taste better then something from the balls mmmmm..... ball juice

This is nothing new. The hosebag has been singing semen's praises as the tastiest protein in the world. She prefers to greedily drink it right from the spout though.

Hooray for someone eating the once wasted semen of those aids infested men!

I shudder to think of the crowd this book will attract.

*PUKE* OMG *shudders* Wrong ! On so many levels. I feel sick.

If I were to serve ANY of these dishes to my friends I'd get two reactions in no particular order. One would be to ask me where I got it from, the other would be to beat the shit out of me.

GREAT now I can never accept food others have cooked

This is so so so gross. I made the mistake of looking through the excerpt. and saw... "man-made oysters". That may be the sickest thing ever. ever.

I need to know if this is a joke. I really, really need it to be a joke.

The reviews are sorta incredible ("I bought this book the second I heard about it. I had been shooting my scrotal milk into all of my friends dishes without them knowing for years") but the author's name is "Fotie Photenhauer," which is Yiddish for Madeup Cookbook......

Thank god I know how to cook. If this book grows in popularity I'm NEVER eating take-out or going to a restaurant again.

Tyler Durden
"Clean food please".

Waiter
"Then may I recommend the lady skipping the clam chowder".

lmfao this is so wrong in so many ways!!! Hey I mean economically speaking its a hard period to live in - but COME ON

I just came. Now, let's eat!

@28 - yes, cum on is the point here. cum on the food.

WHAT.....THE.....F***

Wow, fake or not that is pretty wrong.
But how are you finding all these strange things, Geekologie Writer? I mean, the birth of a two-headed cat... I live in Australia, and stuff like that would be all over our crap 'news' programs. Like the coverage of this giant cranky pig. Yeah...
Um, maybe we both have way too much time on our hands? I hope you get paid to do all this.

I'll read the rest of this one later because I'm eating cereal with milk right now!

http://www.CumOmlette.com

...mucho disgusto.

So if you cooked food full of your semen and served it to a bunch of people would that be like indirectly getting head off of all of them?

Wow, seriously...just wow. Wait a min...wasn't there an article about selling human breast milk not too long ago? Kitchen sex will have never been so productive! This does raise some questions though:
1. If you eat food with semen in it, does that make you gay?
2. How do you handle the issue of quality control? Not all semen is created equal
3. What food group is semen?
4. Why am I thinking about this at all and not hurling into a nearby trash receptacle?

Side note- I'm pretty sure semen has no nutritional value, except for mine. Mine cures cancer, depression, over active sex drive, stupidity and hangovers.

this is nothing new to me. I've been basting the Christmas turkey from the inside out for a couple of years now.

i wonder how many people have bought this book, just thinking about it makes me throw up

@ 37, that had me cracking up.

On a more pertinent note, I just blew my load all over the place

WHAT THE F*** DID I JUST READ
*is never coming back on this f***ing site EVER*

Cum would be meat group (or animal-based protein).

So really, the decision is cum omlette (narsty link, btw) or New York Strip.

I dont mind seman... I just dont know if I want it on toast! This made me feel sick!

that is just f***ed up...does it come a pubic hair garnish

@33 - I'm a serial masturbator. Do yo want me to freshen your drink?

FAKE!!!!

Thats a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong

It reminds me of the time i was on the set of Never Back Down, and me, Max and Baja participated in interacial gang-bang.

Emril: These cinnamon buns need alittle something...

Emril grabs semens throws on cinnamon buns...."BAMMM!!!"

Crowd throws up.

I think we need more info...
Is it fat-free? Koscher? How many weight-watchers points is it? What is a 12oz jar's refridgerator life (wouldn't want to eat stale semen)? And most importantly, will it be coming in little packs like ketchup when you get fast-food?

For all of those "jaded wives" out there, if your cheating man ever wanted to come back, offer to make him a reconciliation dinner... with ingredient donations from his friends...
OK, I'm a bitch, but you all knew that already.... right?

seriously writer... worst post ever. ...ever. i expected better from such a great pie maker. that pumpkin pie you sent us wasn't... ...WAS IT?!!!

oh...muh...ghad....

@48- the cheating bastard will probably deserve it =)

I guess this puts a new spin on, "Guess who's "Cuming" to dinner?"

I just saw this on Something Awful. It has lost absolutely no "WTF value."

Thumperchica: no, we didn't. We did, however, know that you're a fat, moronic, attention-sseking whore.

It says it's for the "passionate cook."

har har har

Gotta have a lot of passion if you want to make a cheesecake or something.

Isn't the point to make sure that the waiter/chef *doesn't* jizz in your food?

yea.. so i looked through the pages a bit.. I threw up a little when i saw the oysters....

yew! i think i just threw up in my mouth... the whole thing is just wrong sooo wrong. even to suggest eating ginger will give it a more exotic taste.. arrggg

So, on top of all the food-related diseases we get now, we're gonna have to add potential STDs to the list? If there's one thing I'd expect to catch from my dinner, it's salmonella, not AIDS.

OMFG....that is so disgusting.

What a way to make me never eat at a friends house... EVER!

As long is it for girls only, im all fot it

Wait, wouldn't that be a cockbook?

WHY HAS NOBODY PICKED UP ON "ATTENTION SSEKING"?

COME ON GUYS, YOU'RE LETTING THE SIDE DOWN.

Oh god...*blargh*

Mmm... sprog dogs! Tasty!

(wondering how many fans of The Hard Way are actually out there)

Finally! A recipe for instant jam! Now I can enjoy my toast without having to venture far..... it's only a few steps to the bathroom after all!

It's hard to gross me out, but that did. Ugh, it truly made me nauseous. One of the most disgusting things I have seen in a long time.

@10. I'd help out Rachael Ray with her ingredients on this one! =P~ (She's hot.)

Yeah - I can see myself going up to my friends at a dinner party saying "would you like some fresh ball juice? It comes with it's own straw..."

@69 lol 69

#37 FTW!

WOW! omg, you mean to tell me there is groups of people that sit around tasting jizz? i thought only my ex was a big goo connoseur, but groups of chefs? wtf? that actually know of eachother? wow....... where do I find these people? holly shit............ I mean, wtf? MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!!!.......Ball jiuce that is.

next step: man milking factories

@73 I'm in!

OMG!!!! I just hurled a little in my mouth!!!!! GROSS!!!!

The Fromundah Cheese blintz recipe on page 18 is to die for!

Imagine how DRAINING it would be to be the chef at a restaurant for spermivores............ is that a word? no? hmmm..................

#73...... yeah! would def be in on that! it would rock even more if this was collected by PETA supporter's mouths. or something......... wuuuut? like i said before, i think there's a pile of marshmallow peeps waiting to get just a bit more flavorful at home when i get off work.

@53- Aren't you a big ol' teddy bear! And by teddy bear, I mean steaming pile of putrid fecal matter.

This has to a very elaborate joke, right? Right? Why not just add a tastey shot of bleach to all of your recipes? Gross.

This adds whole new meaning to the term "Naked Chef" !!!

I have a gay friend who I think did this to me. He seemed really interested in what I thought of his mashed potatoes. I put the plate aside and said I wasn't feeling well. I don't know if he did that or not, but I'm never going back to his place for dinner.

wtf @45................. thats funny but weird at the same time.

-----> ZOMG Read the Comments on the product page!!! <---------

Ok, I think i'm finally going to be able to type this comment without projectile vomiting all over my keyboard. (This is my third replacement since seeing this blog post.) WOW! Not quite the blog post I was looking forward to reading after eating New England clam chowder for lunch LO........ oh God............ CRAP! I managed to turn my head away from the keyboard this time but I just rained puke onto my cat and it's running straight for my girlfriend's lap! On another note, I might as well take advantage of this news with a little advertisement........... I'm selling fresh, warm, cooking "spices" for those who can't produce their own! (Lesbian couples, single women, etc.) Discount offered if you "extract" the "spices" yourself! ROFL!!!

Im gonna buy me some crazy straws, and turn my cock into a juicebox. Get a small business going somewhere and call it Hot Shots. Feed the homeless. Make a donation to a food drive. Start a MeMonade stand. Make some cocktails. It'll be the waiter who leaves the tip. Invent a new pancake syrup, and call it Mr. Nuttersworth. Date a fat chick. Allow friends to eat in my car. Finally bring a dish to the holiday potluck. Teach a Boy Scout to trap his own food. Cater your next event. Bring a sack lunch. Develop a drinking problem. This rounds on me. Ask Daisy to Dinner. OH THE WONDERFUL THINKS YOU CAN THINK!! LIKE HOP ON ONE FOOT, AND DRINK FROM A DINK!! Dr. Spuess. Reinvent Gatorade. Is it in you?

Thank you and Goodnut.

Coconut Cream
Banana Nut
Ranch Burger
Bigger Meatier Tastier
Cream of Man Soup
The Manwich

s-PEW s-PEW!

Nasty, just pure nasty. Whoever agrees with this idea is as retarded as the dick who made this. dick :)

hmmm... all is not what it seems it could taste goo.....f*** this that is straight up f***ing nasty! this kinda thing would only appear in a world where:

GFY- means good for you
and
CYA- see you later

god but f*** in THIS world
GFY- means Go F*** Yurself
CYA- means cover yur ass

god only in a gay world!!!

of course semen is neglected as a food!!!!!!!
It's only supposed to be used to nock up chicks during a pleasurable experience!!!!!!!!!!
what is WRONG with those f***ers????!!!!!!!!

echo

LAST!!!

THanks GW!The kids love the resipes!!

What's wrong with you people? I've just bought this for my girlfriend for christmas. I know shes going to absolutly love it and I'm going to enjoy being harvested. Why does it always have to be about being gay or gay people or your gay if you read this? I happen to be one of the very few lucky guys that has a girl that loves to eat and play with my cum. And for the record, I have no problem tasting my own, so I'm sure well try a few of these together. God you lot are squemish bores.

My friend told me about this book, so I wanted to express my thoughts about it. The person/author of this book has mental problems and I'm not sure how this person can look his or her mother in the face after making such a book. It is disgusting and despicable, this sicko should be put away from society and live in exile. I am a chef and would never try any item in the book. The person who made this book must be e true "sell out" forfeting any sense of pride only to make money off of this.

wait, wouldn't the semen be killed in the process of cooking it? it can't even survive in the human body, that's why it's always dangling down there, so how can putting it in an oven at temperatures higher than the body, or a microwave, which vibrates water to heat it up, or something along those lines, make it survive long enough to be eaten?

I just ate a grape that I JIZZED ON IN MY PANTS!

COCKBOOK!

for the women who cant get kum from the tap...

I can so see some invite to a dinner party starting with the words:
"Come one, Come all"