Nov 26 2008Thanksgiving Made Easy: A 2-Hour Turkey
Well folks, if you haven't noticed by the lack of people at work or canned pumpkin at Kroger, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. The day we Americans celebrate Jesus's first bite of whole foods (some say it was a wise man's camel) and the subsequent decimation of the Native American population via laced cornucopia. So, to help you get in the spirit of it all, a Thanksgiving-ish post!
The Nuwave Oven Pro is a $120 portable oven that can allegedly cook a 10-pound turkey (or small sibling) in a mere two hours. "NuWave performs this miracle using three kinds of heat: Conduction, convection and infrared, turning that raw bird into a golden brown beauty in no time flat." Oh really? I bet we could cut the cooking time down to an hour by adding a fourth type of heat -- my body's. Did that just turn you on? You're lying if you say it didn't. Anyway, as a notorious one last minute man, I'm gonna have to use the NuWave, seeing how my turkey isn't even thawed yet. Or purchased for that matter. I'll let you know how it goes.
UPDATE: Mmmm, raw turkey with salmonella gravy, love it.
NuWave Oven Pro cooks a turkey in 2 hours [dvice]
Reader Comments
1. GRAMMARNAZI - November 26, 2008 3:32 PM
"FLURST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
2. Johannes - November 26, 2008 3:32 PM
First?
3. Mr. Sausage - November 26, 2008 3:36 PM
How do you make a turkey float?
Get two scoops of ice cream,
add some rootbeer and a turkey.
4. robot_chicken - November 26, 2008 3:36 PM
ehh..... its okay
5. Daisy - November 26, 2008 3:37 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is an obvious photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadows are all wrong.
This thing looks like the container that they use to hold Nixon's head in the movie Never Back DOwn.
6. Mr.Anderson - November 26, 2008 3:37 PM
Wow. Not only is this old but I remember watching an infomercial on this about 4 years ago when I was still in high school.
Anyways, good job Geek-o-loogie writer.
And no, that's not a typo.
7. John Connor - November 26, 2008 3:39 PM
PEW PEW PEW!
I'm cooking my turkey with lasers that I plucked from the eye sockets of the last terminator that came thorugh the space-time portal trying to kill me.
8. Superman - November 26, 2008 3:40 PM
Ha, you have nothing on me, I can cook a turkey with my Krypton-bred laser eyes.
9. Cyclops - November 26, 2008 3:40 PM
Oh yeah? So can I. nothing special.
10. GRAMMARNAZI - November 26, 2008 3:41 PM
HEY!!!,
Why don't we have a holiday that celebrates the time when Europeans first came here and gave the Natives disease, slavery, addiction and poverty?
.........OH, WE DO!!!!!
"HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERRRRRRRYONE"
11. Davo - November 26, 2008 3:42 PM
I'm using that new cookbook with PEW PEW gravy sauce for Thanksgiving this year.
12. Gizmoduck - November 26, 2008 3:43 PM
beats sliced with PEW PEW PEW and a ZAP ZAP
2hour turkey is kewl i guess
13. The Dingo - November 26, 2008 3:51 PM
PEW PEW PEW ZAP ZAP ZAP PEW ZAP ZAP PEW!
LOW FUEL, BALLS ARE EMPTY!!!!!
thats a dane cook Reference for the special people.
14. Thumperchica - November 26, 2008 3:58 PM
I miss my rotisserie - set it and forget it, that thing kicked ass!!! My mom now has it, and won't give it back...
15. Mr. Sausage - November 26, 2008 4:04 PM
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A poultrygeist!
16. Moose Knuckle - November 26, 2008 4:07 PM
Destroy all of them now. I see a future where rampaging, human hunting, killer robots swarm the lands relentlessly capturing hapless humans and shoving them into their portable ovens that each manculling bot is equipped with.
Let's nip this in the bud people.
17. Blopit - November 26, 2008 4:14 PM
stupid meateaters! (jk) Vegetarianism is the way, you think cooking a turkey is hard, try cooking a f***ing venus fly trap!
BTW the jarthing does look like a head tank from like futurama
18. Hannukah Montana - November 26, 2008 4:32 PM
I once sucked a cooch from a glory-hole and I swear to god man, it tasted like turkey shit. F*** it, I didn't even wanna know how the skeet taste like.
@1 GrammarNazi
F U C K . . . Y O U . . . horsef***
You don't deserve shit from this world!!!
You are an embarrasment! I wouldn't f*** you for a million dollars. or even suck your joiner!
Ass-sucking prick! Niggerf***ing retard piece of troll-f***ed wanker-bitch!
You define debauchery, grotesqueness, eternal damnation, and hell.
May Torah cast you eternal damnation! Burn in f***ing Hell, you f***ing cyst.
But I don't want you to die though. I want you to see what it looks like taking a plunge at Satan asshole. FUUUUUCCCCCKK YOU my brother.
19. Elmo - November 26, 2008 4:32 PM
fooooood
I can't wait another day, damnit!
20. Mr. Sausage - November 26, 2008 4:51 PM
Would you please help me I bought a 10 pound turkey. Could you tell me how long to cook it in my new microwave?
“Just a minute,” the shop assistant said, as he turned to check his reference book.
“Oh, thank you,” she said. “You’ve been a big help. Good-bye!”
21. ahha - November 26, 2008 5:46 PM
I wonder if you could cook a turkey just by stuffing it.
22. ahha - November 26, 2008 5:48 PM
everyone needs to drop what they are doing and watch the "Happy Thanksgiving" video posted over on I watch movies. Awesome. Man dressed up as turkey is psycho killer.
23. Dekatsu - November 26, 2008 8:47 PM
Oh please please please don't buy a New-Wave. Im a professional chef and I can assure you that it will not come out pleasant. Follow a simple recipe online, and use a good old fashioned oven, trust me on this.
24. Tracy Jordan - November 26, 2008 9:34 PM
I AM THE THIRD HEAT
25. LeftRIGHTLeft - November 26, 2008 10:32 PM
mmm, turkey.. nom nom nom
26. Aaron - November 26, 2008 10:54 PM
Come on, it wasn't a camel. Jesus ate kosher. It was probably a matza ball.
27. Valcan - November 27, 2008 12:01 AM
I own two Nuwaves (one for the kitchen, one for the camper). This is by far the best kitchen "gadget" I have ever purchased! Meat comes out crispy, browned, moist and delicious. It makes the best chicken wings possible, brown, crispy, moist and not a drop of added oil. Bacon comes out perfect with no grease splatters to clean up. The unit cleans up surprisingly easy. Nothing burns on, everything just wipes clean. There is a new version of this oven out called the Morningware Oven that also has halogen heat. I want to buy one.
28. che-che - November 27, 2008 12:06 PM
f*** it, deep fry that bird. be done in 45 minutes. theres no sci fi waves involved. just fire a pot of grease and the bird. easy peasy...japanesey?
29. Jon - November 28, 2008 2:15 AM
hahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
My mom owns one of these. So damn awesome, you can cook f***in steaks in there.
30. Douchie Mc Bagman - November 29, 2008 10:47 PM
@23
Why would you exoect a turkey to come out a pheasant? They are completely different kinds of birds.
PS This thing is great I highly recommend it.