Nov 20 2008Must Read: Man Caught Red Handed And Hairy Palmed With Bottle Of Pasta Sauce
Hell no this doesn't have anything to do with gadgets or gizmos, but it is awesome. In a "boy, I'm really glad I'm not that guy" kind of way. Long story short: a man pleasuring himself with a jar of pasta sauce led cops on a low speed chase in Australia. Long story long:
A man caught near Nobbys (!!) Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.
Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed. Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 km/h, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.
Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.
They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling".
A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.
Wow, continuing to pleasure yourself while wrestling with the cops. That's....well that's just ballsy (ZING!). And I don't even want to discuss the contents of his car. But what I do want to discuss is what kind of pasta jar he was using. And also, was there still sauce in it? Traditional tomato-based or alfredo? Did he add pesto? I bet he added pesto.
Man caught with penis in pasta jar [theherald]
Thanks to Matt, who insists hot sauce bottles are where it's at. Thanks buddy, my penis just spontaneously combusted.
Reader Comments
1. ali - November 20, 2008 8:56 PM
fux yeah!
2. Spikey DaPikey - November 20, 2008 9:06 PM
2nd wooohooooo
Or am i ?
Oh yeah, dont eat at that guys house :os
3. Daisy - November 20, 2008 9:09 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is an obvious photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is a lot like the scene in the movie Never Back Down where Max got caught putting his weiner in a pie.
4. Brandt Cooley - November 20, 2008 9:10 PM
Actually, I keep a jar of tomato sauce handy for when cops pull me over for speeding.
5. Daisyu - November 20, 2008 9:13 PM
FAKE!!!!
This is an obvious photoshop job. You can tell its fake because the shadow's are all wrong.
This is just like in the movie Never Back Down when Baja made spaghetti for Max one evening, but decided to lace it with some ecstacy she got from Pat Sajak - who also sold Max some acid the night before for a taping on wheel of fortune. Anyways, Max tasted some of the sauce the following day & got very busy with the rest of the jar of sauce after it kicked in. He than got naked, ran outside in a cardboard box & wa arrested. Pat Sajack bailed him out the next day, gave him some bacon flavored ice cream (which he later ate off of Baja's chest) & requested that Max come onto the wheel of fortune.
6. wow - November 20, 2008 9:21 PM
@Daisyu
WOW! That was a handful summary, LOL.
7. Princess Padme's Masturbation Fantasy - November 20, 2008 9:23 PM
How was he pleasuring himself with pasta sauce? You can't get any friction to actually physically stimulate your penis enough for any sort of pleasure....I would imagine it would just feel like moving your penis around a viscus chunky slop of goo. On that note, i'm masturbated using microwaved banana peals, giant grapefruits, and offcourse, warm apple pie...hahaha police found a jack russell terrier? WTF?!? anyway, i'm off to masturbate with some of my mom's nivea cream...
8. Dandi <> - November 20, 2008 9:23 PM
I live a short drive(15mins) from Nobbys Beach where this happened.
Pity it didnt make the local news :( ....
maybe its not what you want to hear while sitting down to your bowl of pasta at 6pm...
9. Thumperchica - November 20, 2008 9:53 PM
This says it all...
"A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier."
ROTFLMFAO
10. Tina - November 20, 2008 10:06 PM
I knew that my pasta tasted... penis-y!
GW's tags for this one brings the lol's
11. SPELLINGNAZI - November 20, 2008 10:11 PM
Nice try, imposter "Daisyu"...I can tell you're fake by incorrect usage of Daisy's writting style....Long live the real Daisy!
Oh, and was the dog live or stuffed? Or better yet, was the home-made sex aid made from women's stockings and a Jack Russell Terrier?
12. jon - November 20, 2008 10:15 PM
I bet that dog is gonna need therapy. Somebody call Ceser Millan.
13. blp - November 20, 2008 10:24 PM
lol, crazy Aussies. All the sunshine messes their brains up, why else would you pervert the game of rugby and call it football?
14. GRAMMARNAZI - November 20, 2008 10:52 PM
@11
DUDE!!,
Whatever you do, at all costs, avoid encouraging Daisy in any way or form. Saying stuff like "Long live...Daisy" only gives him/her/it more reason to continue torturing us with here trite prose.
15. INTRAWEBNAZI - November 20, 2008 11:06 PM
>>11
>>14 Same Person, Same IP address
EPIC FAIL lewser
16. Atrides - November 20, 2008 11:07 PM
It's stories like these that get me all nostalgic for Hedonistica. Anyone remember Hedo? Anyone at all? Ah, screw you guys...
17. GRAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMERNAZ! - November 20, 2008 11:19 PM
@15
WRONG..................AGAIN!!!,
We did this last night! You were wrong then; you are wrong now. "Same IP address" !?!?.....You think that just because you put the words "Internet" and "Nazi" together that it automatically makes you a Microsoft Tech Specialist...well, perhaps it does--bad example. Your still wrrrrrrrrrrrrong.
Grammarnazi needs sleep now, tomorrow is another day.
Bye-bye everyone. enjoy the show.
18. nice tits CHECK me out (I'm a tranny) - November 20, 2008 11:55 PM
I prefer Ragu than Presto. It's more slimy and the plastic jar is so ergonomic. You can can take it anywhere and not get busted. Sucks to this dumbass, he just had to use a heavy glassed container.
I do it all the time at I-95. No problems at all.
It's the way to go matey! Hahahaha!
19. 540 - November 21, 2008 12:10 AM
50 bucks says it was this guy, same dog and everything
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XSB4sQGT_4
20. hedgehog - November 21, 2008 12:43 AM
LOL @ "and a Jack Russell terrier"
You don't think the guy's going to clean himself off, do you ?
21. SPELLINGNAZI - November 21, 2008 12:56 AM
Ummmm @ 15.... Yeah Dude, GRAMMARNAZI and I are completely different people. Just because there happens to be 2 people who post that can actually put sentences together properly, doesn't mean we have to be the same person. Same IP address? I live in Japan...how's that happen? Sweet dreams GN! It's only coming up on 3 p.m. here, and it's Friday...and I'm off duty...wtf? Why am I not drunk yet?
22. formerly SPELLINGNAZI - November 21, 2008 1:21 AM
@19 Nope, checked the article and the video, amazingly, a different Australian guy with a Jack Russell Terrier. A courier will be by shortly for my $50.
23. hobocop - November 21, 2008 3:00 AM
That jar of pasta sauce total wanted it.
24. Isaac - November 21, 2008 3:08 AM
Totally a viral promo for Baz Luhrmann's Australia flick.
25. aaron - November 21, 2008 3:30 AM
does that make his girlfriend prego?
26. Alan Nolan - November 21, 2008 4:02 AM
Man with Italian food fetish labeled as sex pesto.
27. WayUpNorth - November 21, 2008 4:57 AM
What impresses me the most is that he
1. Needed a 750mm (~30 inches)
2. Could fit that jar in his driver's seat
28. Gar - November 21, 2008 5:27 AM
@daisy : you really have a problem, wast som ad ? what's your point ...
He added tobasco i heard
29. handfullaboob - November 21, 2008 5:48 AM
sounds saucey.
30. Redizon - November 21, 2008 6:44 AM
@27
Its 750mL not mm
750 mL = 25.360517 US fluid ounces
31. WayUpNorth - November 21, 2008 7:00 AM
@30 Good point.
I read it here: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/11/19/pasta_sauce/
before the ** was added.
32. Ginormagantuan - November 21, 2008 7:30 AM
Holly shit, we have an epidemic of retards, and they multiply by the minute. Grammarnazi, Spellingnazy; Both hapen to be the same person struggling with all his might to match or surpass the level of retardedness only Daisy can achieve. If your life's goals consist of trying to convince other people you are not the same person (yet it is very obvious you are) you, my friend, are made of pure WEAKSAUCE. Daisy, GRAMMARNAZI, SPELLINGNAZI, and every f***tard that thinks thei are "frist" or "FIRST". I want to thank you for staying at your computer all day, safely away from any other people enough to lessen any chance of you actually reproducing EVER! It is your place in society, tucked away in that place you now call your permanent home adress; your mom's basement. THIS BUD'S FOR YOU MY FRIENDS!!!!! YOU 4R3 73H W1N!!!!11one
I will now continue on with my daily "fukcing of the marshmallow peeps" routine.
33. poop - November 21, 2008 7:43 AM
Have a little pitty for the guy. He'll only be able to afford sub-par wacking sauces now, after that hefty fine.
34. Douchie Mc Bagman - November 21, 2008 8:20 AM
@32 - Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays.
35. Douche McAllister - November 21, 2008 9:03 AM
F***
F***
F*** a duck
screw a kangaroo
finger bang
an orangutan
and a jar of Ragu?
36. Jukai - November 21, 2008 9:41 AM
"A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier."
One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?
37. Pink - November 21, 2008 10:23 AM
I think Geekologie writer needs to get laid or buy a jar of pasta sauce for himself...then maybe he will start writing about TECHNOLOGY! ;)
38. Douche McAllister - November 21, 2008 10:27 AM
@36
The stockings?
39. Thumperchica - November 21, 2008 10:43 AM
@32- *hugs* I'm sorry you're having a rough day and people are getting to you. Feel better!
40. Thumperchica - November 21, 2008 10:47 AM
@35 - WIN
41. Moose Knuckle - November 21, 2008 11:07 AM
I am Daisy.
42. LSDiesel - November 21, 2008 11:35 AM
Oh.My.God. The only story I've heard that might top that is the one about the kid who Jerked off into the ranch dressing at Wheaton North High School.
Google that shit. It's true. My friends went to the school.
43. Moose Knuckle - November 21, 2008 11:50 AM
Hooray, my clone posted, now I feel loved again
44. Test Tickles - November 21, 2008 12:15 PM
it'sa da only way for to adda my secret ingrediente
45. Douche McAllister - November 21, 2008 12:23 PM
@42
That's funny and gross all at the same time. I wonder if the lunch lady was involved some how.
http://cbs2chicago.com/local/wheaton.north.high.2.334006.html
46. Lynz - November 21, 2008 1:44 PM
LOL
That is all.
47. Moose Knuckle - November 21, 2008 1:59 PM
F***ing hell my clone is calling me a clone... clever work, clone.
48. AussieAussieAussieOyOyOy! - November 21, 2008 2:58 PM
Methinks the boy had a menstration fetish.
No accounting for the dog, tho.
49. formerly SPELLINGNAZI - November 21, 2008 4:24 PM
@ 32. Ginormagantuan. I really don't know why I'm feeling the need to justify myself, but seriously, GRAMMARNAZI and I are 2 separate people...it's not that hard of an idea to grasp!
Wait, watch, I can do it too...(see next post)
50. Ginormagantuan - November 21, 2008 4:25 PM
I am the same person as Daisy.
SEE! Dumbass....
(formerlySPELLINGNAZI)
51. Bob Loblaw - November 24, 2008 5:08 PM
That broken bottle looks like it's "Prego" brand... I wonder what is going to happen in nine months.
52. Beaded jewelry - November 27, 2009 4:35 AM
Love is the greatest refreshment in life.