Must Read: Man Caught Red Handed And Hairy Palmed With Bottle Of Pasta Sauce
Hell no this doesn't have anything to do with gadgets or gizmos, but it is awesome. In a "boy, I'm really glad I'm not that guy" kind of way. Long story short: a man pleasuring himself with a jar of pasta sauce led cops on a low speed chase in Australia. Long story long:
A man caught near Nobbys (!!) Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.
Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed. Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.
The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 km/h, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.
Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.
They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling".
A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.
Wow, continuing to pleasure yourself while wrestling with the cops. That's....well that's just ballsy (ZING!). And I don't even want to discuss the contents of his car. But what I do want to discuss is what kind of pasta jar he was using. And also, was there still sauce in it? Traditional tomato-based or alfredo? Did he add pesto? I bet he added pesto.
Man caught with penis in pasta jar [theherald]
Thanks to Matt, who insists hot sauce bottles are where it's at. Thanks buddy, my penis just spontaneously combusted.