Nov 21 2008 Bridge Constructed By Shooting Cable-Carrying Rockets Across Huge Valley

Just look at that bridge. I was almost tempted to call it Photoshopped, but then I remembered I'm not a stupid idiot. The Siduhe Grand Bridge has been in construction for over 4 years and stands 2,132 feet above the ground below. Holy shit! One of the initial problems with building the bridge was how to get the 3,200ft long cables across the valley. The answer? Attach them to rockets and blast them across.

so you've erected the enormous towers on each side of the deep valley, deeper than any valley previously bridged. how do you get a pilot cable from one tower to the next? previous solutions have included: attaching the cable to a kite and flying it over (e.g. niagara falls suspension bridge), carrying one end by helicopter (e.g. akashi kaikyo bridge) and floating one end on a boat (e.g. brooklyn bridge). the brains behind the siduhe bridge decided to ignore all those options and break another record instead. they attached the 3200ft cables to rockets and accurately fired them over the valley, becoming the first people to do so.

Hell yes! Ah, ingenuity at its finest. And also, rocket power. PSSSSSHOOOW! But seriously, for a case of beer I'll let you shoot me out of a cannon. Two cases and I'll even wear a paper hat.

Hit the jump for several pictures of the actual rocket firings. Pretty cool stuff.

Continue Reading " Bridge Constructed By Shooting Cable-Carrying Rockets Across Huge Valley "

Nov 21 2008 Wrong, Just Wrong: World's Worst Cookbook

This is the world's worst cookbook. It's called Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes. I just puked in my mouth a little.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

The 61-page cookbook costs $25 and looks like a joke. So I put one in my shopping cart and proceeded to the checkout waiting for some sort of April Fool's notification. Nope, I just ordered a jizz cookbook.

Product Page (which, if you go to you can actually use the little picture on the left to look through some of the book. Which I totally didn't do.

Thanks to Julian, who invited me over for dinner. NOM NOM NOM!

Nov 21 2008 Record Base Jump Off The Burj Dubai

Two Guys Jumped Off the Burj Dubai and Lived to Tell About It [gizmodo]

Nov 21 2008 Kitty Born With Two Faces Is Cute, Meow-y

A kitten was born in Australia on Wednesday with two faces. It is super cute and made me wish all pets had more faces. But then I realized how expensive it would be to feed all those extra faces, and decided it wasn't so awesome afer all.

The two-faced feline was one of three in a litter and appears to be doing well.

It hasn't got a name yet, but the owner is thinking of calling it Quasi Modo, according to local news Web site inmycommunity.com.au.

Yeah, Quasi Modo, that won't f*** it up for life. You might as well saw off a couple legs and name it Cripples.

A closeup after the jump.

Continue Reading " Kitty Born With Two Faces Is Cute, Meow-y "

Nov 21 2008 Soda Dispenser Dispenses From The Bottom

This piece of crap from Scotsman Beverage Systems dispenses ice from the top, and soda from the bottom. ZOMG, sorcery! It's supposed to revolutionize the beverage serving industry but it's not going to. What it is going to revolutionize is landfills. The system works thanks to special glasses with a non-return valve in the bottom that are set on top of a special filling unit. Now why is this necessary? Oh right, so Scotsman can charge $6 apiece for the glasses. Can somebody say "shenanigans"? Nice. Now say "Don't worry, I'll pick". Great -- finish it off with an "up the tab". Bartender, you heard the man, keep the bourbon flowing.

Magic system fills glasses from the bottom up somehow [dvice]

Nov 21 2008 Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down

Pirates, they used to wear cool hats. Now? Not so much. But you can still check out their exploits on the International Maritime Bureau's "live piracy map" (based on Google Maps). You know, to see where the booty's being plundered.

Just drill down by using the zoom slider, and click on a flag to see what kind of crime took place. All are labeled with the type of ship, as well as whether the pirates successfully hijacked it or merely boarded. Certain areas, like this one off the coast of East Africa, are pirate paradises. The seas around Singapore and Malaysia are also packed with pirates.

You know where else is packed with pirates? My pants. Isn't that right you little swashbuckling bastards? Haha, just kidding -- they're crabs. I still gave them pirate names though. Stop it Captain Clawhands, that tickles!

Hit the jump for one more map and a link to interactive version in case you can't find the one I cleverly hid in the text of the post.

Continue Reading " Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down "

Nov 21 2008 Damnit, This Makes Me Sadder Than Hell

Abraham Briggs, a 19-year old from Florida, killed himself with pills while 1,500 people watched his streaming webcam on Justin.tv. Goddamnit.

He had told others on a chat forum that he planned to kill himself and posted a suicide note on another forum before taking the pills and turning on his webcam.

Because he had made similar threats in the past, moderators did not take him seriously and other forum members even encouraged him to kill himself. He then posted his suicide note.

"I have reached out for help so many times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did, that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am has only brought myself and others pain."

While he lay dead on the bed after the overdose, many forum members continued to insult him, thinking the suicide was staged.

F***ing f*** this makes me sad. There's just no reason for it. No reason for Abraham to kill himself, and no reason for a bunch of assholes to egg him on. Now I'm no trained professional, but know that I'm here for all of you -- I'm only an email away. And remember: there is no Geekologie in hell.

Bodybuilder commits suicide live on web while viewers abuse him [metro]

Thanks Asbo and Robert.

RIP Abraham.

Nov 21 2008 God's Facebook: Genesis Edition

This is God's Facebook page from the time of Genesis. Unfortunately, I only have screenshots of it because the dude won't accept my friendship request. You sell your soul to the devil for a blogging job ONE TIME....

Hit it for the rest, which I thought was pretty clever.

Continue Reading " God's Facebook: Genesis Edition "

Nov 20 2008 Must Read: Man Caught Red Handed And Hairy Palmed With Bottle Of Pasta Sauce

Hell no this doesn't have anything to do with gadgets or gizmos, but it is awesome. In a "boy, I'm really glad I'm not that guy" kind of way. Long story short: a man pleasuring himself with a jar of pasta sauce led cops on a low speed chase in Australia. Long story long:

A man caught near Nobbys (!!) Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.

Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed. Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.

The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 km/h, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.

Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.

They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling".

A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

Wow, continuing to pleasure yourself while wrestling with the cops. That's....well that's just ballsy (ZING!). And I don't even want to discuss the contents of his car. But what I do want to discuss is what kind of pasta jar he was using. And also, was there still sauce in it? Traditional tomato-based or alfredo? Did he add pesto? I bet he added pesto.

Man caught with penis in pasta jar [theherald]

Thanks to Matt, who insists hot sauce bottles are where it's at. Thanks buddy, my penis just spontaneously combusted.

Nov 20 2008 WTF Is That?: Weird Super Mario Cartoon

This is part of a Super Mario cartoon. It's called Super Mario: Depression. Hit the jump to see the whole thing, I had to cut it into three pieces just to get it up. It's freaking weird. And kind of made me sad. A world with a depressed Mario is no world I want to live in.

Places to move:

outerspace
your mom's house
your house
Washington D.C.
Candyland
Mushroom Kingdom

Hit it to check the whole thing out.

Continue Reading " WTF Is That?: Weird Super Mario Cartoon "

Nov 20 2008 Cooking With Wookiee: Star Wars Cookbooks

You ever spent time in the kitchen making confectionery love to a Wookiee? Ha, me neither then. But now you can whip up Star Wars-y dishes (sans Wook hair) in no time thanks to this two cookbook set.

Each volume is loaded with different types of inter-galactic recipes: drinks, breakfasts, main courses, desserts, and more. Volume 2 adds some great new culinary concoctions, such as Boss Nass Broccoli, Opee's Sea Crunch, and Darth Double Dogs (doubling as a light saber you can eat!) Age is no issue when it comes to Star Wars cuisine - kids as well as adults will have a great time with these books. Whether you drove to your first Star Wars flick or just had your fifth birthday, there's no reason you can't whip up some Crazy Cantina Chili at near light speed.

The books are available as a set from ThinkGeek and will set you back 15 space bones apiece. Unfortunately, there were no Ewok recipes. I swear, you don't cook those furry bastards just right and they end up all gamey. Now tauntauns, you can't go wrong with those guys. Hoth chickens, that's what I call them.

Product Page

Thanks to Pedro, a Brazilian reader who doesn't know it yet but is gonna let me crash at his place when I come to Brazil. Isn't that right Pedro?

Nov 20 2008 Feel Just Like Wolverine, Minus The Cool

The Tomahawk Skull Gauntlet costs $40 and surprisingly doesn't have any customer reviews yet. Although I just wrote one. Unfortunately, it looks like it might be moderated first. Booo. UPDATE: Review is now up on the product page.

With this gauntlet strapped to your arm there is no question you are the man in charge! The three piercing spikes stretch 11 1/2" long and are constructed from solid stainless steel. The palm cover is cast metal construction with unique details down to each "bone". With an overall length of 17", this monstrous handspike will not only protect your grip but will send your foes running in the other direction.

Sweet, now you can pretend to be Wolverine. PEW PEW! What do you mean Wolverine doesn't go PEW? I mean, he has a laser blaster doesn't he? He doesn't? Well who am I thinking of then? Oh, right, me. PEW PEW bitches!

Product Page

Thanks to Richthegringo, who promised me a back scratch as soon as they arrive.

Nov 20 2008 7-Legged Spider Drawing Sells On eBay

Remember my personal hero David Thorne and his seven-legged spider drawing that was idiotically refused as payment for a $233.95 bill? Well the spider just sold on eBay -- for $10,000. And guess who won? This guy. *pointing at self* Ow, my eye. But yeah, I thought about just printing out a copy of the drawing, but then decided that would be immoral. Because I don't steal things -- except women's hearts! I keep them in a cooler full of ice and sell them on the black market. "Hearts! Get your hearts here! Also, ice cold beer."

UPDATE: Somebody on eBay is now selling accessories for seven and eight-legged spider drawings. Hit the jump to see their Santa hat and Buddhist's robe.

Continue Reading " 7-Legged Spider Drawing Sells On eBay "

Nov 20 2008 Google Cartographer Takes A Taco Break

A Google cartographer, weary from driving around in the Street View van all day, decided that, instead of actually mapping streets, he'd swing by Del Taco and pick up some tortilla wrapped deliciousness. Can you blame him? No. But you can blame the tacos -- they're yummy!

Del Taco representative: please send me a free burrito for the publicity, or else.

UPDATE: I received no burrito. I warned you, now you will suffer the wrath: Del Taco tacos make your dick shrink.

Google Maps

Thanks to my brother Frank, who once ate four chalupas and still had room for a churro.

Nov 20 2008 The World Is Ending, And I Need Better Support: That's Right Folks, Man-Bras

Remember the Seinfeld episode about man-bras (bros)? I'm trying to forget it. But man-bras actually do exist, and here they are. Made by Japanese underwearier Wish Room, each man-bra promises support where you need it most: right at the tit. And as a man who's no stranger to trying on his girlfriend's bras while she's in the shower: I like to put on a little makeup too. Just a little foundation, eyeliner, mascara, blush, and lipstick -- nothing crazy.

HIt the jump for a bunch more disturbing pictures.

Continue Reading " The World Is Ending, And I Need Better Support: That's Right Folks, Man-Bras "

Nov 19 2008 I Knew It, I Knew It!: The Internet Is Magic

Holy shit folks, the internet is magic. You know, this reminds me of an ex-girlfriend's mother who couldn't understand why, just because she misspelled the email address, her message couldn't be delivered. "I only had one letter wrong, the internet lady should have known who I was trying to reach." That's right folks, the internet lady. God she was freaking stupid.

The Internet Is Magic [collegehumor]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer for smearing superglue on the rim of the urinal in the men's room. Now I'm stuck.

Nov 19 2008 Hentai-fied Lamborghini Does Nothing For Me

Hirohiko Yoshida, chairman of Japanese perverted-game maker Age Soft, went and pimped out his Lamborghini and Lancia Stratos with several of the hentai girls from the games that made him rich. Itashi is a growing fad in Japan, and consists of slathering one's car in manga characters. It's not the look I'd go for, but I also don't even own a Lamborghini, so who knows?

*God does, but he's stopped taking my calls. Jesus and I are still tight though, he just can't predict the future like his old man. Isn't that right, G? Now do that wine trick in the bathtub again.

Hit it for several more Itashi-ed cars, including, and pretty much limited to: the Lancia Stratos, an Alfa Romeo, and my mom's minivan.

Continue Reading " Hentai-fied Lamborghini Does Nothing For Me "

Nov 19 2008 Yes!: Star Wars Arts And Crafts For Sale

Star Wars arts and crafts: I just can't get enough of that shit. It's like juice, but not liquid and nowhere near as sugary. Actually, I'm trying to limit my juice intake because I've been drinking too much lately and it's making me run up the walls. Well, not literally. Yes literally! I fell and hurt myself pretty badly. Broke the coffee table. And a cat. Anyway, today on Etsy we have some $5 patterns to make your own crochet Darth Vader and lightsabers, a $12 finger puppet Yoda, and a $950 sequin Darth Maul "painting". Hit up the jump to see them all. And then hit up your parents up for some beer money. Then we can go drink by the train tracks!

Hit it like a vending machine with a half-vended Snickers.

Continue Reading " Yes!: Star Wars Arts And Crafts For Sale "

Nov 19 2008 Solid Snake Escapes Prison In Cardboard Box

A Turkish man, who may or may not be a fan of the Metal Gear Solid series, but who I am dubbing Solid Turkish Snake anyways, escaped German prison in a cardboard box.

The man hid in the box at the end of a shift of his prison job of making stationery and was carried out by a courier service along with other boxes. The inmate then cut through a tarp in the truck and jumped out shortly after the vehicle left the prison grounds. The driver eventually noticed the tarp flapping in the wind and reported the cut to the police.

Wait a minute -- job making stationery? No wonder the poor bastard wanted to escape so bad. Pressing license plates I can understand, but making stationery? That's just cruel and unusual.

Prison Inmate Escapes Jail Using Cardboard Box [snagwiremedia]

Thanks to Kevin, who once escaped a POW camp in a paper airplane. And Saul, who fled an undesirable woman's house in the morning when he rolled the toilet paper out the window, slid down the roll and had an escape.

Nov 19 2008 Really? That's The Best You Could Do?

In a story that reminds me of every wedding I've ever gone to where they set out disposable cameras so you can take pictures, some dude took a snapshot of his junk with his iPhone. And, after emailing it to his mistress, his girlfriend found it. Oh snap! So what did the no-good cheating bastard do? Simple, he blamed it on Apple.

The Fanboy's excuse was that he had taken the picture but never sent it to anyone. In fact he was so worried about his Iphone taking the picture that he said had paid a visit to the ironically named Apple Genius Bar. There he swore that a spokesman for apple had told him that it was a known glitch. Photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent, he swore blind that the Genius told him.

Well folks, I think we can all walk away from this having learned a valuable lesson. One about, oh I don't know, making up better lies.

Help! Iphone snapped my husband's genitals [theinquirer]

Thanks to Michael, who doesn't take pictures of himself in the mirror for his Facebook profile.

Nov 19 2008 Korean Soldiers Get New Halo-y Armor

The Rupublic of Korea's troops are stepping into winter fashion in a big way -- with all new threads and a sweet-ass rifle.

The new new battle uniforms would provide protection against nuclear, biological, and chemical attacks, and would feature automatic temperature control. A new protective vest is also planned. In addition to keeping the lead out, the helmet will be prewired for minicam video transmission, GPS navigation, and assorted networking gear

And the gun?

The double-barreled K-11 assault rifle lets the shooter fire either NATO 5.56- or 20-millimeter grenades, all off the same trigger. Day and night aiming is accomplished with a thermal target seeker and laser that calculates distance automatically--a true point-and-shoot.

Oh man, WANT! I just question how legitimate this new gear is seeing how the picture looks suspiciously like someone Xeroxed the cover of an old sci-fi novel.

Hit the jump for a 5:00 video about the new rifle. Pretty sweet drop-test footage starting at 4:15.

Continue Reading " Korean Soldiers Get New Halo-y Armor "

Nov 19 2008 Furbies Not Extinct After All, Still Delicious

Pygmy Tarsiers, now to be referred to only by their scientific name Uglyas Shite, were once thought to be extinct. Well think again!

Pygmy tarsiers rank among the rarest of the many tarsier species in Asia and the Pacific -- and in fact some primatologists had written them off as extinct.

They have the distinctive, big-eyed look often associated with Furbys, gremlin-like talking toys that were popular in the late 1990s. Compared with the robotic Furbys, however, the real animals' dimensions are seriously downsized: They typically measure less than 4 inches (105 mm) from head to tail, with most of that length being tail. They weigh less than 2 ounces. And unlike Furbys, they hardly ever vocalize.

That thing does not look like a Furby. It looks like an alien with hair. And miniature human hands. ;) Can I get an amen? Anybody? Okay, how about a high five? Geez, what's with you people today? Well how about one of you club me in the back of the head and th

UPDATE: Ugh, my brain feels mushy. How long was I out for? Thanks a lot whoever you were, I should have known somebody would jump at the chance to brain the poor Geekologie Writer. Oh -- and who said anything about teabagging? I taste hair.

Real-life Furbys rediscovered [msnbc]

Thanks to Furbalicious, Chris, Kathryn, and Kevin, who, for the tips, each receive a coupon for a free pygmy tarsier. Try them with BBQ!

Nov 19 2008 What Was That?: Guitar Hero On A Bike

I have no idea what I just watched. I think it was some sort of bicycling/Guitar Hero mashup. It didn't make any sense. Of course, many things in life don't. Like women and universal remotes. I just don't get it -- why's everything have to be so complicated?*

*I'm being spited me for drinking the holy water that one time. God, I was thirsty!

Youtube

Thanks to Richard, P0STMAN, and imasys, who could play Guitar Hero on skateboards while eating Hot Fries. Good choice guys, those things are freaking delicious.

Nov 19 2008 Keep Your Money Secure With A LEGO Safe

This LEGO safe is made out of modular plastic blocks called LEGO bricks. And it has a Mindstorm NXT unit attached to handle its secret combination.

Five double digit codes protect your valuables, and the dial goes both ways, so there's a left and right entry for each number -- hence, over 305 billion possible combinations. Moving the safe will trip motion sensors and set off an alarm, and bars inside strengthen the structure.

Not bad -- as long as you're only locking up old Halloween candy or your little sister. But what if you need to protect something a little more valuable? That's right -- always cover your nuts with a free hand.

Video after the jump.

Continue Reading " Keep Your Money Secure With A LEGO Safe "

Nov 18 2008 Alien/Dragon Cars Gaining Popularity In Russia. Also, Remaining A Virgin, Vodka.

Apparently in Krasnoyarsk, Russia, the youth are obsessed with pimping out their cars with dragons, which is probably one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. Dinosaurs, sure, but dragons? What are you, 10?

Thanks to some really imaginative car lovers with tons of time to kill, the youth of the Russian town get to witness some of the wildest car art in the world.

Dragon Cars, as they are called, are apparently a real hoot in that neck of the woods and even bald guys with mean looking cars get all the chicks. Now that's what I call a culture shock!

No, dragon cars and dumb bastards getting chicks is not a culture shock. A culture shock is a worn-panty vending machine. *ahem* Japan. I <3 you -- call me. xoxo

Hit the jump for several more of dragon cars, including one of a bald guy smoking a hookah.

Continue Reading " Alien/Dragon Cars Gaining Popularity In Russia. Also, Remaining A Virgin, Vodka. "

Nov 18 2008 Wrong, Just Wrong: Sexy Microphone Video

First of all, these videos are NSFW because they're all of of some chick pleasuring a microphone. Jesus, I feel dirty just posting them. Apparently they're part of some performance piece by artist Wojciech Kosma that has something to do with, um, acoustics, and, uh, bl0wjobs. Actually, I have no idea. But I do know this: I'll never be able to watch an interview the same way again.

Hit the jump for two more equally NSFW videos of the same damn thing. How people can casually sit there and watch is beyond me. Oh, and yes, you are a pervert if you watch these.

Continue Reading " Wrong, Just Wrong: Sexy Microphone Video "

Nov 18 2008 Artist Wants Webcam Installed In Eyeball

San Francisco artist Tanya Vlach lost an eye in a car accident several years ago. And now she wants a webcam installed in her prosthetic, because she's a badass.

Tanya reasons that her aesthetic-only eye could become a source of "augmented reality," and she's got a list of possible specs up on her blog for would-be engineers to begin with. Just some of the things mentioned for inclusion are: DVR capabilities, MPEG-4 compression, a microSD slot, A/V out, and Bluetooth.

Tanya,

While a webcam eyeball would be cool, particularly if you spend a significant portion of your day in the women's locker room or staring at your own privates, I believe there are bigger fish to fry -- with a laser eye. PEW PEW!

Yours truly,

The Geekologie Writer

Monocular San Francisco artist wants webcam installed in her prosthetic eye [engadget]

Thanks to Captain Pants and Allegro, who, for the tips, get their choice of a free pegleg or eye patch.

Nov 18 2008 Couple Divorces After Husband Is Caught Banging Virtual Prostitute In Second Life

In a story that reminds me of this one, a couple is getting divorced after a wife caught the husband banging a virtual hooker in Second Life. Jesus, this shit is pathetic.

Amy Taylor, 28, said she had caught husband David Pollard, 40, having sex with an animated woman. The couple, who met in an Internet chatroom in 2003, are now separated.

"I went mad -- I was so hurt. I just couldn't believe what he'd done," Taylor told the Western Morning News. "It may have started online, but it existed entirely in the real world and it hurts just as much now it is over."

The couple's real-life wedding in 2005 was eclipsed by a fairy tale ceremony held within Second Life.

Fairy tale wedding ceremony in Second Life, beautiful. But here comes the kicker -- wait for it, wait for it.

Taylor is now in a new relationship with a man she met in the online roleplaying game World of Warcraft.

BWHA HAAH AHA HAH HAHAA! Dreams really do come true!

Second Life affair ends in divorce [cnn]

Thanks to Allegro, Curtis, and Ryan, who have never cheated on their significant others because they aren't giant sacks of shit. Ladies?

Nov 18 2008 Questionable: Highly Inappropriate Zune Ad

Allegedly this is a spec ad made for the Microsoft Zune. If it's real, I hope Microsoft demanded their money back and told the ad agency responsible they're all a bunch of sick sickos. Because this is just wrong. I don't want to ruin it for you, but it's awful. And sick. And disgusting. And morally reprehensible. Ugh, just vile. And tactless. Okay, so how'd he do that? And will finger paint work?

Youtube

Thanks "Cool Zune Ad!" Frank, I'd hate to see what you consider an uncool Zune ad.

Nov 18 2008 How To: Make Your Own Bacon Ice Cream

Mmmm. If there's one thing that makes a geek, it's having never seen a boob in real life. If there's two, it's a penchant for Mountain Dew and bacon. Am I right? *high five* WOO! Still haven't seen a titty. Maybe someday. But damn do I pound some Dew. And, when the mood strikes me, bacon. Well now you can make your own delicious candied bacon ice cream by following the simple instructions over at David Lebovitz's website. I don't really want to go into details, but for you stoners out there: it's a little more complicated than just adding Bac~O's to vanilla ice cream. Which, ZOMG, is totally about to happen!

Candied Bacon Ice Cream Recipe [davidlebovitz]

Thanks to Dan, who once ate partially cooked bacon off a stripper's ass but felt sick afterward.

Nov 18 2008 Old Vampire-Killing Kit Sells For Small Fortune

An authentic vampire-killing kit from the 1800's recently sold at auction for nearly $15,000 to a pale man in a black cape. "This is a complete kit that comes fully equipped - stakes, mirrors, a gun with silver bullets (because where there are Vampires there might be Werewolves), crosses, a Bible, holy water, candles and garlic." The whole kit is housed in a beautifully decorated American walnut carrying-case. You know, because vampires hate nut trees, and nuts in general. Isn't that right, Dracula? Haha, biggest pair you've ever seen!

1800s Vampire Killing Kit Sold For $14,850 [youbentmywookie]

Thanks to Dave and REW, both of whom are trained in the art of beating the shit out of vampires.

Nov 17 2008 The World's Best Exercise Machine

We've seen incarnations of the treadmill-cycle in the past, but this one really takes the cake. Mostly because you can run on that mother tandem. And there's nothing cooler than running on a treadmill with wheels directly behind another guy running on the same treadmill with wheels. Seriously, If this thing was any more awesome I'd sell my comic book collection just to invest in the company. But since it's not, I'm going to rob a liquor store. Party at my place later!*

*Guys must bring two girls for admittance. And no ugly ones!

The Most Pointless Exercise Machine of All Time [current]

Thanks to Karilyn and Michael, who both agree I look sexy as hell in my short running shorts.

Nov 17 2008 Oooh, Nice Ride: The New Presidential Limo

General Motors, best known for their delicious line of breakfast cereals, has designed an all new presidential limo for when Barack Obama takes power next year. They were going to do it four years ago, but figured, f*** it, let's focus our efforts on going belly-up for awhile. Anyway, the car.

Most of the specs of this car are top secret, but a few tantalizing details are floating around, such as the five-inch-thick windows that are about half as transparent as regular glass and can stop projectiles from assault rifles, rocket-propelled grenades and high explosives. It's also said to be built of a combination of blast-proof ceramics and exotic metals, and certainly won't have a convertible top or sunroof. While GM's trying to make it look like a Cadillac DTS, it's based on the company's line of heavy-duty 2500 trucks.

Top secret specs my ass. I'll tell you all about this thing: It runs on a rocket engine powered by the tar-like blood of terrorists. It can also hover. Comes complete with dinosaur chauffeur who doubles as sexual masseuse should you hit rush-hour traffic. AM/FM radio. Four tires and spare donut in the trunk. Mini-bar. Wicked two-tone paintjob. Left and right turn signals. Bomb proof undercarriage. 7MPG city/13 highway. A real pussy magnet. I'm serious -- the CIA stole my blueprints.

Obama's new presidential limo is built like a tank, looks like a Cadillac [dvice]

Nov 17 2008 Asking Your iPhone: Am I Drunk Yet?

Drunk calculator applications already exist for the iPhone, but this one is more in depth. And freer. Because it's free. You can choose exactly what you've had to drink, and based on your weight, it determines how sloshed you are. Like right now it's telling me I shouldn't even be blogging. F*** it though. Seriously, it doesn't know shit. Bartender, another. If you do get too drunk, the application will even call you a cab or tell you to make out with the dude next to you who looks feminine enough to warrant a kiss. Then, puke on yourself, lose your shoes, and pass out in a ditch and get frostbite. I mean, it's the American way. Back me up Superficial Writer. Haha, yeah, I just told them about your weekend. So, did you get dude's number?

Last Call iPhone App Wants You To Get Drunk Responsibly [gizmodo]

Thanks to Josh, who drank 40 beers for breakfast and still had bourbon with lunch.

Nov 17 2008 Change The Color Of Your Glasses With Ink

The RGB Glasses from designer Luís Porém are hollow and made to be filled with the ink color of your choice. Want black glasses? Add black ink! Want pink glasses? Add pink ink! Want tortoiseshell glasses? Add brown, orange, and black ink! Want to frighten everyone you pass? Add the blood of your fallen enemies and smile while you gnaw on a raw arm.

Hit the jump for a couple more.

Continue Reading " Change The Color Of Your Glasses With Ink "

Nov 17 2008 Tetris Bracelet: Damn You Got Blocky Wrists

Looking for that perfect present for the Tetris fan in your family? How about two free therapy sessions? No? Okay, how about a $70 Tetris bracelet?

This handmade Tetris resin bracelet is embellished with a scene from the classic block-stacking puzzler. Created by Warsaw artist Sylwia Calus (a.k.a. "Sisicata"), its painstakingly detailed with tiny colorful bricks, infused into a clear resin cuff.

I'm not sure what "scene" from the game that is, but it looks like the one where you freaking suck and can't drop a line to save your life from a group of terrorists demanding ransom from you family or they'll kill you. :)

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.

Continue Reading " Tetris Bracelet: Damn You Got Blocky Wrists "

Nov 17 2008 Now That's A Good Dog!: How To Cook A Hot Dog Russian Style, Or, Alternatively: How I Died Trying To Heat A Wiener

Continue Reading " Now That's A Good Dog!: How To Cook A Hot Dog Russian Style, Or, Alternatively: How I Died Trying To Heat A Wiener "