Oct 17 2008Zombie Tools: Weaponry For The Apocalypse

I already have my zombie tools, a crate full of records.

I don't know after seeing the Zombie pinups I think id rather inslave them then kill them.

i neeeeeeeeeeeeed these tools

Swords? Come on nothing compares to a chainsaw for a hand and a sawed off double barrel remington

zombie swords??

poppycock

BRAINS...

Sorry I don't really know why I said that...

Forget zombies, what about weapons against robots? Swords can't bring the right PEW PEW.

I'm kind of diggin on the machete style one... but for the Zombie Apoc I'd rather have a shotgun and slightly fatter/slower/dumber friend with me...

TOASTY

lol.. so true...sad, but true

Are you really high or do you just love the word? Either way, I concur.

I'm all set with two 12 gauges and a .40

@ 1
Me and 1 know how you really deal with zombies.

not a MK2 fan is see

Yes I am. I am just not that cleaver...

And by cleaver, I mean clever...

and FYI I love Darkwing duck... Just thought you should know...

boosh

this is Fake, you can tell because shes not wearing a boot on the right foot. clearly a photoshop job. looks like a scene out of never back down.

I believe you mean BOOF

When, in any zombie movie, have you ever seen the weapon being a large blade? It's usually a shotgun or a very large pistol.

Word, Ash.

Also, you can buy a perfectly good machete at Wal*Mart for like 10 bucks.

Zombies HATE reuben sandwiches.

BOOSH
wheres the party dog?

Party over here, Hell yeah

How retarded. I have time to prepare for the apocalypse now, so I should buy swords that look like they were made AFTER the apocalypse before it happens. What?

BLah Blah BLah - I'm stupid - incoherent babble - doesn't this osund really gay...blahblahblah - im a noob

@20 - see how it is when someone posts for you? Cut it out.

and who the f***s wears a corset while slaying the living dead...
the attire is all wrong

PEW PEW PEW

I personally fight zombies in the nude, you know for the ultimate Pew Pew Pew

I hope you are a girl Ash. No offense, but I am not down with slaying zombies while my buddy is free balling.
Also, hope you were talking about the laser type PEW PEW and not the PEWPEW type of PEW...

nude zombie battle is the best.

playmate of the apes.... style.

pew pew pew

Yeah im freeeeee... Free Balling
Yeah im freeeeee... Free balling.
Of course i ment laser Pew pew
of course the laser beam is straped to my head

You really know how to get a geek all fired up Gizmo... Shout binary at me!

Thank you Ash for the horrific mental picture...

PEW VOMIT PEW

what?!? no Cricket Bat?! that is not a complete toolset not even slightly!

No time to vomit Mr. Mitchell the zombies are trying to flank us from the right!!!
Pew Pew Pew

have you seen playmate of the apes?

that will give you a stain in your poo poo undies.

Gosh with all this non-work, I need a whiskey and Fatty bong rip break. Followed up by some not giving a f***.

@38 I have not, but there is a wicked donkey show in TJ that I will never forget...

PEW PEW PEWing zombies?

Sounds like fun. As long as they're green lasers.

@1 Then we gotta get straight to the Winchester and have a pint.

@4 BOOMSTICK!

@All Sharpie Comments ever made jfcstfua...bbq Let Daisy do her thing.

Heyyyyyyyyyyyy... Shaun didn't use any swords...

... I'll just use my overly-just sense of willingness to enslave the zombie nation to do my bidding...

Wait... It's a trick...get an axe

Good...Bad...I'm the guy with the gun

http://tribe.cycomaniacs.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/zombie-kit.jpg

Why has nobody linked this yet? Lazy asses.

No silly if you wanna do it right you'll need this
http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a300/findingmyecho2/021908_zombie_poster.jpg

Or this
http://eatpoopyoucat.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/boomstick.jpg

@1, 11 and 42

Do you want anything from the shop?

Cornetto!

;-)

Hey, I know these guys!

That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?

Sheila? But i thought i left you back in the middle ages... I mean good to see you...we should go for coffee some time... whos she? ah shes my sister... yeah thats it

chainsaws eventually run out of fuel, and guns run out of ammo. i'd prefer to keep either (or both) close by for when i come across more (fuel or ammo respectively), however a sword, axe, f*** it hatchet even, would be handy in a pinch. word to the paranoid/wise...

I bet they're made out of shitty stainless that doesn't take an edge and breaks when you try to cut anything. Feh!

These would be cool if they were old and had .. what's the word..

Anyway

Now they're just a small part of the reason why America is failing. This has no real value, and is an example of what people spend their money on.

#1 Amen to that.

If you like zombie tools you should check out prize rebel. Get points for clicking through easy surveys and get video games or any thing from amazon.com! OMGWTFBBQ JAWSOME! check it out here http://www.prizerebel.com/index.php?r=625261

Hey folks, thanks for checking out the site. We appreciate feedback. For those who have not taken the time to read the product descriptions or our FAQ here's the short version. All blades are handmade in Missoula, Montana out of 5160 spring steel and T6 aluminum grip for ridiculous durability. I'm not so much promoting our site as defending our products.

As for Zombie Tools being a small part of why America is failing, wow! Really? I was under the impression that using creativity and ambition to make a buck was one of the things that make America great. I'll have to tell the guys. They'll be so disappointed.

No real value? One. If Americans didn't spend their money on things they didn't need we wouldn't have an economy. Two. If value can be weighed on things you need to survive, a good, sturdy, sharp blade would rank much higher than music, movies, more than one pair of clothes, McDonald's food, even my precious computer.

End Rant

Thanks again for checking out the site. Oh, and read the FAQ, it's a hoot!

Joey of Zombie Tools

Has noone read the zombie survival guide?! A shotgun is good and all, but with the cone of fire, you'd have to be close to do any serious damage, and zombies use the mob mentality. A heavy handgun is used for single shots, only if you have good aim. An automatic rifle, preferably with a silencer, is the best option.

A well honed blade is good to have, but not as a main weapon. It should only be as a last ditch, when you've run out of ammo and have no place to run.

Chainsaw? Sure, it looked good on screen, but think of fuel and weight. Heaving around a chainsaw, tiring yourself out as zombie bits fly.... INFECTED zombie bits that is, and *putt putt.....* its dead, and your flesh is then kissed from your bones by your soon-to-be decomposing compatriots.

The zombie apocalypse is a very real threat looming over our society. Prepare for it well. I give this website a thumbs up though, as yet another step toward preparedness.

*TAKEN FROM ZOMBIETOOLS FAQ*
How long does it take you to make a blade?
You mean in beer hours or actual hours?

Um, actual hours?
Impossible to say.

Okay, beer hours?
Don’t really know. We’ve been making the blades in batches, we’ve been doing a lot of experimentation, and we drink a lot of beer. If we were to make a single blade from start to finish, without drinking beer, it would probably take us 2 days. But why the f*** would we do that?
END THEFT HERE

Would you want to carry a sword made by a drunken monkey?

BTW - my answer is yes...
I'm still digging on the Machete-style sword!
And guys, your FAQ is pretty funny

Hail to the king, baby...

Come on im not just talking about any chainsaw or shotgun im talking about the special kind you can purchase at S-MART that never run out of fuel or shells. As shown in Army of Darkness.

^ What the hell are you talking about? All that was from Never Back Down.

No Never Back Down Stole it

the sword is the best overall zombie fighting tool
it never need to be reloaded or refueled and it will never jam
well maybe itll get jammed in a skull

At lease someone is taking precautions. I was getting worried because neither McCain Or Obama has addressed our growing zombie problem and pre-apocalypse preparations.

ooo... i want one!

Read the zombie survival guide. Real book, very informative.

just find yoda and use a light saber and any ways i shop at true swords i got the full bleach collection

For anybody who has read The Zombie Survival Guide, you'll prolly agree with me when i say i'll pass and the swords and take a carbine instead.

Zombie Survival Guide: For those too stupid or dense to use common sense in the face of an undead army.

Come on guys, let's let survival of the fittest play out the way it's supposed to.

Personally, I like getting up close and personal with them undead bastards. that's why I like this weapon from merlos cutlery. I have two of theses and I wear a kevlar body suit with a lexan riot helmet.

Oops. Forgot to add the link.

http://www.merloscutlery.com/cart.php?m=product_detail&p=549&c=39

Anybody who decides to go into it without a plan is doomed to either die by zombie or become some shiftless bandit fighting over food while the planners are hidden away safe in their post apocalyptic fortress communities.

zombies are like 'bling', overused.

i wish for nothing more that the zombie apocalyps, it the only thing that would make me truly happy.

its like bringing a knife to a PEW PEW fight!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I love people who want to use a chainsaw. what happens when you run outta gas?

I want a Lobo.

The lobotomizer was described in Max Brooks World War Z. I've seen some design sketches online, but has anyone actually made one?

I like the machete, but for $250, one could get a regular one plus a shotgun and several boxes of deer slug ammo.

I want d'Captain