Hover Scooter Is Wicked Freaking Uncool

Haha, so I haven't left New Orleans. And you know what? I might not. One of the awesomest parts of being king of the interweb is being able to work from any seedy, gin-soaked, smoke-filled bar with Wi-Fi that you want. So I'm at a coffee shop. And I want this freaking hover-scooter. Sold by Hammacher Schlemmer, the piece of monkey shit costs $17,000, and, apparently, should only be ridden with a safety helmet. Oh, and acting like you're humping the handle.

Hailed by The New York Times as a "miniature flying saucer with handlebars, the hover scooter provides an unprecedented experience in personal transportation, levitating inches above the ground and speeding a single rider across level land on a cushion of air. Gentle lift from an engine-powered fan elevates the scooter off the ground, and a stream of air exiting a vent in the back provides light forward thrust.

Light forward thrust, huh? As opposed to some heavy backwards stabbing? Which, incidentally, I may or may not have experienced in the quarter last night. They're not all chicks!

Product Page

Thanks to Jeff, who made me swear I'd buy him one for posting this. But guess what Jeff? I'm a lying asshole!

• Crystal Covered Mercedes Is A Piece Of Crap

  January 11, 2009

  This is a picture of a Mercedes Benz that's been Bedazzled. It's a "customized Mercedes-Benz SL600, Luxury Crystal Benz, studded with 300,000 Swarovski crystal glass." It was on display at the recent Tokyo Auto Salon 2009 by auto-modder Garson/D.A.D. Oh, did I mention it's a ... / Continue →
• Luxury Ice Comes At A Cost (Hint: $8 A Ball)

  February 16, 2009

  I had no idea there was a market for luxury ice and I'm still hoping there isn't but California-based Glace Luxury Ice Company is hoping differently. The company is selling 2.5-inch "luxury" ice spheres for $8 a freaking ball. The Glices are supposedly hand-carved in Canada... / Continue →
• Yay?: First Commercially Cloned Dog In US

  January 29, 2009

  Ed and Nina Otto are two rich crybabies that just couldn't deal with the cancer death of their dog Sir Lancelot Encore in January, 2008. So what did the couple do? Be happy with their eight other dogs? Adopt another one from the pound? Hell no, that would be too logical. In... / Continue →