Oct 24 2008 Blast Off Into Space (Cramped And Alone)!
Copenhagen Suborbitals wants to send you into space, and on the cheap. Which means alone and stuffed into a little capsule atop a freaking rocket. Only limited arm movement will be possible, and you'll probably develop an itch on your back you can't scratch, which will inevitably ruin the entire trip. During the flight you'll experience 3g forces on your way to the far reaches of passing out and puking on yourself and then dying. No word on cost, but can you really put a pricetag on crashing into the moon?
Micro spacecraft to blast single brave rider into space [dvice]
And a very Happy Birthday to loyal Geekologist Jennifer, who, for her special day, can borrow my pet unicorn and fly him to the stars.
Oct 24 2008 I've Seen It All Now: Freaky Star Wars Porn
This is some freaky-deaky Star Wars porn by an artist named Miravi. This is the tamest picture I could find, so you can imagine what some of the other stuff is like. Think fully nude hardcore shit that'll burn your corneas out (I can type by touch). So, yeah. There are two more pictures after the jump, and a link to the gallery, which is WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY NSFW. You hear me? You will be fired before you can tell the IT guy "I thought I was being Rick Rolled, I swear!" And on top of being unemployed, you'll be branded perv of the year. But seriously, if anybody actually uses these pictures to, you know, PEW PEW!, make sure to leave a comment so we can all make fun of you. Wait -- actually, don't.
Hit it pervert.
Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Freaky Star Wars Porn "
Oct 24 2008 Almost Transformers, Almost Funny
Almost Transformers is a skit by Australian comedians Merrick and Rosso in which they don refrigerator and clothes dryer costumes and try to scare people walking by. I thought it was okay. Out of four stars I give it Pluto.
Thanks to Roberto, who needs no transformation to be devilishly handsome.
Oct 24 2008 Walking House Can Run Away From Floods
Art collective N55 built a walking house complete with bathroom and kitchen that can start hoofing it should shit hit the proverbial air-exchanger. It was allegedly designed to move to higher ground should a flood hit Britain. WTF, do they not have mobile homes in England? And if not, I'm moving there.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a video of the leggy bastard in action.
Oct 24 2008 Moron Calls In Sick, Busted On Facebook
Kyle Doyle, a 21-year old asshat from Australia, went out one night and got himself good and drunk. And then, like a little pussy, didn't want to go to work the next day. So what did he do? He called his employer and told them he was out due to a "valid medical reason". But then he updated his Facebook profile.
Kyle Doyle is not going to work, f*** it i'm still trashed SICKIE WOO.
Oh man, I want to get trashed SICKIE WOO. I don't even know what it means but damn it sounds like fun. But seriously Kyle, accept my friendship request already.
Hit the jump to read the full exchange between Kyle and HR from when he tried to get his leave processed as a valid sick day.
Continue Reading " Moron Calls In Sick, Busted On Facebook "
Oct 24 2008 OLD!: Grocery Store Wars
This is an older video but I'd never seen it, so I assume there are some of you out there that haven't either. It's Star Wars made in a grocery store with produce and other edibles, with a "buy organic and free range products" undertone. Well, not so much an undertone. More of an overtone. Oh, and rumor has it that it's fake, been shopped (the shadows are all wrong), and is actually a deleted scene from the summer blockbuster Never Back Down. *puts gun in mouth*
Thanks to Nava, who likes the way asparagus makes his pee smell.
Oct 24 2008 Disappointment: iBone Is Not What I Expected
This is not what I thought a product called the Haute Diggity Dog iBone would be. It's just a plush dog toy ($12) that resembles an iPhone with dog-related applications. It might not even have a squeaker! Oh wait, yes it does. Hold on, incoming email.
From: The Superficial Writer
To: The Geekologie Writer
Subject: iBone
iBone'd your girlfriend!
BOW WOW WOW YIPPIE YO YIPPIE YAY!
Awesome.
iBone chew toy gives sneak peek at dog-centric App Store [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, undisputed king of New York City burritos.
Oct 24 2008 I Smell Cancer!: Scotch Tape Emits X-Rays
So scotch tape can produce x-rays (that's a real picture taken with a 30-second exposure showing visible light emission from a roll).
In a tour de force of office supply physics, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, have shown that it is possible to produce X-rays by simply unrolling Scotch tape.
In the current issue of the journal Nature, Dr. Putterman and his colleagues report that surprisingly fierce flows of electrons were unleashed as the tape was unpeeled and its gooey adhesive snapped free of the surface. The electrical currents, in turn, generated strong, short bursts of X-rays -- each burst, about a billionth of a second long, contained about 300,000 X-ray photons.
Great, so now I have finger cancer.
UPDATE: My stapler cured me!
From a Strip of Scotch Tape, X-Rays [nytimes]
Thanks to Raymond, mkaggie, and Sarahj, who have all been exposed to Post-Its.
Oct 24 2008 The Incredible, Edible (Healthy) Death Star
This is a Death Star made out of a cantaloupe. It's probably a lot healthier for you than the cake version. And less tasty. Far less tasty. But if you had two, well, then I'd have to stick my face in between them.
Fan Made: An Edible and Healthy Death Star [cinematical]
Thanks to Pat, a fellow melon fan.
Oct 23 2008 Man Divorces Woman's Avatar In Online World, Woman 'Kills' Man's Character
Jesus, women. Am I right? Am I left? I am left. Some guy divorced his online wife's avatar in "Maple Story", a Korean virtual world similar (but not really) to "Second Life", and she, in her resulting anger, killed his character.
A 43-year-old Japanese piano teacher's sudden divorce from her online husband in a virtual game world made her so angry that she logged on and killed his digital persona, police said Thursday.
The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married, and killed the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his beloved online avatar was dead.
Guy was so broken up about his dead character he called the police and had the woman arrested.
She was charged with illegal access onto a computer and manipulating electronic data, police said. If convicted, she could face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000.
This just goes to show you: people are crazy. Especially women. Can I get an amen? "AMEN!" Thank you, bitter divorcee. Say, this reminds me of a funny ex-wife story -- she's a freaking bitch!
Angry online divorcee 'kills' virtual ex-hubby [msnbc]
Thanks to Heather and Anthony, who do all of their living in the real world.
Oct 23 2008 WTF?: Man 'Dances' With Heavy Machinery
This is some guy dancing with a 5-ton digger, and it's every bit as mecherotic as you'd expect.
'Transports Exceptionnels' is an experiment piece created by French dance group Compagnie Beau Geste. Unlike traditional ballets, this piece doesn't doesn't follow a narrative. Instead, the viewer is encouraged to find their own meaning.
Own meaning? Like what? That twisted f*** is trying to court a ditch digger.
Man and machine duet [reuters]
Thanks to Craig, who once danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.
Oct 23 2008 eBay: Back To The Future II Jacket Replica
eBay seller bendianamj is selling a jacket he/she made to look like the one in Back To The Future II.
You are bidding on a Back to the Future Marty McFly Jacket from the "Back to the Future Part II" in Men's Size Large but fits like a Medium. It is the same future year 2015 style jacket that Michael J. Fox wore it in his moive (Back to the Future Part II). It is a great costume made by our own registered brand. The jacket is brand new and the condition is great. It is a Every BTTF Fans must have item!!!
They'll make one in any size you want, which leads me to believe that you're not getting an actual auto-fit jacket like the one in the movie. Which you should for freaking $400. And also, free shipping. I don't care if it's coming from Hong Kong, I wouldn't pay $40 to ship myself to the moon.
UPDATE: Okay, I take back the moon thing. But for $40 I better get a whole shit-ton of packing peanuts -- I get hungry on long trips.
Hit the jump for several more pictures, including one from the movie, and a link to the auction.
Continue Reading " eBay: Back To The Future II Jacket Replica "
Oct 23 2008 Learning is Fun!: The Star Wars Alphabet
If you're anything like me, you taught yourself to read off the back of a cereal box you had to use as a pillow (or, alternatively, newspaper sheets). Rough times. But look at me now -- shit, still rough times. Anyway, this is some cute Star Wars alphabet art. As you can see, A is for Ackbar. I went through the whole set and picked out a couple of my favorites, which you can see after the jump. No, which you WILL see after the jump. Going through them all took upwards of twenty clicks, and I'll be damned if I clicked in vain. Repent, dear reader, repent! But seriously, who do l pay to get my sins absolved?
Hit it for two more and a link to the worthwhile gallery.
Continue Reading " Learning is Fun!: The Star Wars Alphabet "
Oct 23 2008 Maybe Someday: A Lamborghini Garage
I've never felt poorer in my entire life.
Youtube
Thanks to Andrew, who, along with robot apocalypse tipster Nolan, is taking turns kicking me in the nuts today.
Oct 23 2008 Great, Just Great: We're All As Good As Dead
Well folks, it's been nice knowing you, but the end is nigh. The Pentagon recently put out a request to contractors to build a "Multi-Robot Pursuit System" to "search for and detect a non-cooperative human." Hoooooly shit.
"What we have here are the beginnings of something designed to enable robots to hunt down humans like a pack of dogs. Once the software is perfected we can reasonably anticipate that they will become autonomous and become armed.
We can also expect such systems to be equipped with human detection and tracking devices including sensors which detect human breath and the radio waves associated with a human heart beat. These are technologies already developed."
Wow, just wow. And you thought I was half kidding about the robot apocalypse thing, didn't you? Well I wasn't. I was whole not kidding. We're f***ed. I mean, this is just awful. Imagine: packs of armed BigDogs and LittleDogs hunting "non-cooperative" humans. Run for the hills! And also, a couple of you slow runners distract the beasts with some blatantly uncooperative behavior.
Packs of robots will hunt down uncooperative humans [newscientist]
Thanks Nolan, I've never been more depressed in my life.
Oct 23 2008 Cool!: The World's Smallest Writing
Japanese scientists have written the world's smallest letters using only a handful of atoms.
a research team at Osaka University has "written" the letters "Si" using an atomic pen that interchanges silicon and tin atoms, enabling those who have the time, resources, and patience to manipulate said atoms one by one. The results are a diminutive 2 x 2 nm (or 40,000 times smaller than a strand of hair) which took about an hour and a half to complete.
That's impressive and all, but I once had an Asian lady write my whole name on a grain of rice at the mall. Suck on that one, scientists!
Atomic pen achieves invisible victory [engadget]
Thanks to mkaggie, who can actually write with individual electrons.
Oct 23 2008 Halloween Ideas: Sexy Star Wars Costumes
Here's a little gallery of sexy Star Wars costumes to get you excited about handing out candy to undeserving teenagers who didn't even bother dressing up. Ha, you're probably just gonna leave a bowl with a "please take one" note aren't you? Well let me tell you something -- the first kid that sees it is taking it all. Bowl too. And, if it's shitty candy, shatter the bowl on your porch.
Hit the jump for several more.
Continue Reading " Halloween Ideas: Sexy Star Wars Costumes "
Oct 22 2008 New Mac Commercials Directly Stab At Vista
These are the two new Mac ads (other one after the jump) that take a direct stab at Microsoft's recent commercial endeavors and Vista. Now I hate to call this a mud slinging campaign, but that certainly seems to be what it is. Which, I think we can all agree, harkens back to the age old question: which came first, the chicken or the egg?
A: It was a cock! Trust me, I'm an evolutionary bioscientologist.
Hit the jump for the other one.
Continue Reading " New Mac Commercials Directly Stab At Vista "
Oct 22 2008 Man Builds Lamborghini Countach In Basement, Has To Dig It Out When Complete
Ten years ago Ken Imhoff started building a Lamborghini Countach in his basement.
A little history on the car. 100% hand crafted Countach out of aluminum and a space tube frame. All aluminum body formed on a wooden buck using an English wheel. My own design space frame with Corvette hubs and custom A-arms. Mated to a ZF-25 5 speed. S.S. 180 degree headers GT40 design "bundle of snakes" Boss 351 bored stroked to 377 515hp 48 IDA Webbers. One off TransAm BBS rim shells to my own center section wheels. Custom brake package to fit 16" wheels. Fuel cell, twin aluminum sprint car (Howe) radiators. All aluminum interior with leather dash, Momo seats and 5 point harness, on board halon fire bottle. quick release steering wheel. Low to the ground at 2700 lbs. 100% body correct by using a real Countach to measure from. Over 10 years in the making.
And now, it's complete. The only problem is, Ken's basement has no outside access. So what do he do? Simple -- made some. He actually hired a contractor to dig down to basement level, destroy a basement wall, and pull the car out. Awesome! I guess I should have thought about that before I started building my rocketship.
UPDATE: F*** it, I'm blasting that mother straight through the roof.
Hit it for a bunch of build pics, and a couple showing how they got the car out.
Continue Reading " Man Builds Lamborghini Countach In Basement, Has To Dig It Out When Complete "
Oct 22 2008 Russian Suspended 'Boob' Ceiling
Apparently suspended ceilings are popular in Russia because upstairs neighbors have a penchant for getting drunk and leaving the bathtub running all night.
In Russia suspended ceiling is not only a stylish element of the flat interior, it can simply save your dwelling from flood made by the careless neighbors living above. Like in this case the practice shows that it is able to gather and hold all the water. Now the question is how to pour it off safely. But just imagine you wake up one morning and your ceilings look like this!
If I woke up one morning and my ceiling looked like that I'd think, "damn, I got a sexy f***in' ceiling." And then, if nobody was around, I might do some light to moderate fondling. Just kidding, I don't care who sees.
Hit the jump for several more shots, including one that shows why you wouldn't want to suckle these things (the last one).
Oct 22 2008 Lookin' Good!: Hand Made Gamer Jewelry
Alright, some more gaming jewelry, woo! All handmade by Etsy seller The Clay Collection, all this gaming-related jewelry promises to satisfy even the most demanding gamer's tastes. They've got everything from XBox controller earrings to NES cartridge cufflinks to everything else you could imagine. I just put the Zelda cuffLinks (!) up because they're my favorite. And as my 5th grade math teacher told us in class one day, "there's nothing wrong with a little Zelda on your shirt. Or my mustache -- HIYO!" He's not allowed to teach anymore.
Hit the jump for a couple more of my favorites, including a non-gaming related Tom Servo and Crow.
Oct 22 2008 Stormtrooper Is Bengals Fan, Loves Losing
Not to be outdone by the Master Chief and Optimus Prime Saints fan comes this Cincinnati Bengals (0-7) stormtrooper. As you can see, he's really rocking out with his orange, Darth Vader loving penis out. Good for him. And, to his credit, this picture was actually taken last year when the team was 4-7. Which, in four more games, they might be this season too! Or, you know, 0-11.
Bengal Trooper [sportsillustrated]
Thanks to Pablo, who doesn't wear costumes to sporting events.
Oct 22 2008 Coffee May Shrink Breasts, Prevent Cancer
In a recent study by Sweden's Lund University, researcher found that about half of the women participating had a gene that links breast size and coffee consumption.
Healthy, premenopausal women with the gene who drink three or more cups of coffee a day have smaller breasts. Those women also have a lower risk of breast cancer.
I'm all for cancer-free breasts, so if coffee (and smaller breasts) is the way to go, so be it. I like all breasts equally anyways. Ha, except for yours, Superficial Writer. Yeah, solid B's, now stop rubbing them on my monitor.
Coffee Can Shrink Breasts, Study Finds [aolnews]
Thanks to Dan, who is now boycotting Starbucks.
Oct 21 2008 Sweet!: Custom Intramural Zombie Hunter T's
Hunt zombies? Want to get started? Well what better way than with a custom Intramural Zombie Hunter t-shirt from Seibei. Each $24 shirt comes with a custom (your choice) name and number on the back and option of none, some, more, or lots of hand-applied gore. The shirt makes a perfect Halloween costume, but is definitely acceptable for everyday wear. Then, when you're caught braining some poor bastard in the road for jaywalking, you can just play it off to the woman that saw you. "Read the freaking shirt, it says right here Intramural Zombie Hunter, I think I know a zombie when I see one. Ha, so it is a vintage Led Zeppelin concert tee. Zombie shirt must be in the wa....HOLY SHIT, WHAT'S THAT?! *THWACK* *THWACK TWACK* *poke*
NOTE: Oh, almost forgot: still in New Orleans, having trouble leaving (read: don't want to). Going to see the Rebirth Brass Band tonight at the Maple Leaf. Come down if you're in the area.
Oct 21 2008 Frightening Little Gnome Still Gnoming Strong In Argentina
Remember the gnome/leprechaun that was terrorizing Argentina? Well, he's still around, and, apparently, still looking for his gold.
The teens - who recorded footage of the freaky being on their mobile phone - said they are now "too terrified" to go out at night.
Experts who examined the latest footage, taken in the town of Clodomira, province of Santiago del Estero, Argentina, last week, say it is 'credible'.But sceptics say the sidestepping 'gnome' could be a speedy child or even a small animal.
Haha, no. What in the hell would a child on speed or a dog want with with a pot of gold? Exactly, nothing. "WHO ELSE SEE THE LEPRECHAUN SAY YEEEAAAH!"
'Creepy gnome' back on prowl [thesun]
Thanks again to Julian, who, for two tips in one day receives a free lap dance. Ladies?
Oct 21 2008 Bacon Tuxedo Looks, Smells Just Like Bacon
I know what you're thinking, "What IS that dapper ass-sockpuppet wearing in the picture?" And that, dear reader, is Uncle Oinker's Bacon Scented Bacon Print Tuxedo. The suits comes in four different sizes (from this little piggy to wild hog), cost $100, and have been chemically treated to smell like bacon sizzling in the pan. And give you cancer. Which, I think we all can agree, is a small price to smell delicious.
Bacon Scented Bacon Print Tuxedo [newsblaze]
Thanks to Julian, who once owned a chicken suit but couldn't keep the women away from his meat.
Oct 21 2008 Literal Translation Of A Freestyle Rap Battle
Well we've seen a couple literally translated music videos in recent history, and now comes a rap battle, carefully translated by a well-spoken honkey. I love the part about having sexual relations with the other guy's biological mother (around 2:00) -- rappers really do that shit, it's true. And then, at the end of the video, they actually start fighting because the one dude is all up on his tippytoes trying to kiss the other one. I didn't get that part.
Hit the jump to see the very NSFW (due to language) original video.
Continue Reading " Literal Translation Of A Freestyle Rap Battle "
Oct 21 2008 Website Makes Notifying Sexual Partners About Possible STD Exposure Quick, Easy, And Painless (Minus The Burning)
Does it hurt when you pee? Look down. Did the toilet lid fall on your penis? If so, disregard. But if not, get tested. And then use the inSPOT website to notify all your past sexual partners you may have given them something. Originally developed for gay and bisexual men, the site can be used by anybody to let their recent partners know they may have have been exposed to disease. I'm sending them instead of Christmas cards this year! Oh, hold on, incoming.
UPDATE: Great, just great. Now my penis is gonna fall off.
Thanks to Kelly, who urges Geekologie readers to wrap it up twice and still rubberband a Funyun bag on for good measure. Remember: you never can be too safe. Or onion-y.
Oct 21 2008 Steampunk Cell Phone May Look Good, But Works Horribly
This steampunk cell phone looks pretty freaking sweet. Unfortunately, it doesn't work. Made out of wood, brass, and ass, the faux phone looks like it came right out of the 19th century and requires a unique punch-card to dial a number (if it actually worked). The unit would go perfect with this nonfunctional bluetooth headset. Then you can pretend to make old timey prank calls all day long. I dare say good sir, you haveth just been steampunk'd!
Hit it for a couple more, including one of a guy with a brass-cut.
Continue Reading " Steampunk Cell Phone May Look Good, But Works Horribly "
Oct 21 2008 PS3's Little Big Planet Delayed For Song
If you haven't already heard, Little Big Planet, the much anticipated PS3 game about strangely erotic sock puppets, has been pushed back a week. Why? Because one of the songs in the game features two verses from the Qur'an.
The music in question is "Tapha Niang" a song performed by Malian musician Toumani Diabate, Sony said.
"One of the background music tracks that was licensed from a record label for use in the game contains two expressions that can be found in the Qur'an," the company said in a statement. "We have taken immediate action to rectify this and we sincerely apologize for any offense this may have caused."
Sony, maybe you should have done your research before stuffing offensive songs into your video games, you stupid idiots. Haha, no, I'm not just saying that because you didn't use the track I sent you. Although you should have, that shit was solid gold! At least brass. Brassy. Tin. Solid tin.
Sony delays videogame over offensive music [yahoonews]
Thanks to JoShmoe, whose balls have been mistaken for little big planets. True story.
Oct 20 2008 Explorers Find Alleged Yeti Footprint
On the left, a human footprint, and on the right, an alleged Yeti footprint. And possibly a turd. Japanese explorers stumbled across the print on an expedition in the Himalayas to track down the elusive beast.
The large hairy creature resembling a human or bear is said to live in the regions of Nepal and Tibet. While the scientific community largely regards the creature as folklore, given the lack of evidence, reports of the yeti go back hundreds of years.
Yoshiteru Takahashi, the leader of the Yeti Project Nepal, made the discovery leading his Japanese team's third attempt at tracking down the half-man-half-ape.
Half-man, half-ape, huh? Somebody's developing a new crush!
"Yeti" Footprints Discovered, Japanese Explorers Claim [huffingtonpost]
Oct 20 2008 Company Allegedly Manufacturing $98 Laptop
Chinese company HiVision claims to be manufacturing a $98 laptop. What do you get for two dollars less than a hundred?
The specs are admittedly minimal: an ancient 400MHz CPU, 64MB or 128MB of RAM, a 7-inch LCD, and a 1GB flash drive for storage. Wi-Fi is built-in, and the machine runs either Linux or Windows CE (now there's a blast from the past). It's a stretch to call a WinCE device a "laptop," but the Linux version that these guys took extensive video of at a trade show earlier this month looks decently capable. Almost like a real computer.
Wow, "almost like a real computer". I've had pen and paper with better specs. ZOMG I just drew the interwebs! And also, a heart with your name in it. We should go steady.
$98 laptop claimed for October [yahootech]
Thanks to bangdango, who astutely observed that the laptop probably has AIDS.
Oct 20 2008 Hank The Comedic Robot (Should Die)
Hank is a little animatronic comedian built by Ford which runs a comedy act at the State Fair in Texas. I guess you could call him a robot, but I'm pretty sure (SPOILER ALERT: don't read if you still believe the tooth fairy is an actual fairy and not a goblin that touches you while you're sleeping) Hank just stands there waving his arms around while somebody does all his speaking for him from a hidden location. There, I ruined it. The gig is up Hank, you'll never work in this town again.
UPDATE: Now he's a Walmart greeter. I hit him with my cart!
Hank the robot has State Fair auto show crowds laughing, wondering [dallasnews]
Thanks to Ken, who promised to run into him a few times with one of those complimentary Hoverounds first chance he gets.
Oct 20 2008 'Tis The Season (For Geeky Pumpkins)
Well folks, it's that time of the year again. Time to break out the costume and hit the bars looking for a chick that wants to have sex with a ninja turtle. Surprisingly there aren't very many. But what better way to get into the spirit of Halloween than some geeky pumpkinry? I can't think of any. Although, truthfully, I can barely think at all. I drank my weight in gin and tonic this weekend, and I hate gin. I may be a masochist, I dunno. Quick, somebody ball me!
Hit the jump for the rest of the gallery, which includes more Star Wars and Mario action than you could smash a pumpkin at. Oh shit, and a Transformer.
Oct 20 2008 Pouf-Man Chairs: Pac-Man's Bastard Brother
Design house QAYOT designed these Pouf-Man chairs. And I use "designed" loosely, since they're obviously freaking Pac-Man. Available in red, white, black and brown, the chairs are sure to liven up your rumpus rooom with a little video gamey flair. No word on price though, and the company makes no guarantee Pouf-Man won't munch the carpet.
Hit it for a few more of different seating possibilities.
Continue Reading " Pouf-Man Chairs: Pac-Man's Bastard Brother "
Oct 20 2008 My Turn, My Turn!: McCain's In Game Ads
Remember last week's Obama in-game ads? Well now it's McKillaCain's turn, and he's gone with a different approach. Namely using old games instead of modern ones. Like Obama's, the ads were professionally photoshopped by Paul Tassi, and are a throwback to a simpler time. A time when gas was cheap, video games were basic, and I had no idea what my penis was for. I think it's a coffee stirrer.
Hit the jump for a bunch more.
Continue Reading " My Turn, My Turn!: McCain's In Game Ads "
Oct 20 2008 Hover Scooter Is Wicked Freaking Uncool
Haha, so I haven't left New Orleans. And you know what? I might not. One of the awesomest parts of being king of the interweb is being able to work from any seedy, gin-soaked, smoke-filled bar with Wi-Fi that you want. So I'm at a coffee shop. And I want this freaking hover-scooter. Sold by Hammacher Schlemmer, the piece of monkey shit costs $17,000, and, apparently, should only be ridden with a safety helmet. Oh, and acting like you're humping the handle.
Hailed by The New York Times as a "miniature flying saucer with handlebars, the hover scooter provides an unprecedented experience in personal transportation, levitating inches above the ground and speeding a single rider across level land on a cushion of air. Gentle lift from an engine-powered fan elevates the scooter off the ground, and a stream of air exiting a vent in the back provides light forward thrust.
Light forward thrust, huh? As opposed to some heavy backwards stabbing? Which, incidentally, I may or may not have experienced in the quarter last night. They're not all chicks!
Thanks to Jeff, who made me swear I'd buy him one for posting this. But guess what Jeff? I'm a lying asshole!
