Oct 10 2008 Put The Vintage PEW PEW Back In Your Life With A Steampunk Ray-Blunderbuss

Weta Collectibles is releasing a limited edition of 50 of this steampunk rifle, Lord Cockswain's "Unnatural Selector" A Ray-Blunderbuss from Dr. Grordbort. What do you get for your $4,500 - $7,900 (depending on what edition number you want)?

• 100% designed and crafted at multi Academy Award winning Weta Workshop in New Zealand
• Built from metal, glass and rare Venusian Worm Oak (imitation wood....which under Earth conditions is surprisingly similar to resin)
• The breech block will be engraved with your name and individual edition number.
• Articulated triggers, levers and switches
• Custom built stand - suitable for displaying on your mantelpiece, or hanging on the wall

"I say, old bean, I slappeth thee with mine glove, prepare to duel!"
"Very well then, PEW PEW, good sir, PEW PEW."

Product Site

Thanks to Bimbol, who once had sex with a German beer maid. And what does that have to do with a steampunk rifle? Everything.

Oct 10 2008 Sure, Why Not?: A Giant Guitar Boat

Like the saying goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough build a giant freaking guitar boat and cruise around in that mother like PUT PUT PUT". Am I right? I'm wrong. Anyway, this is Indie rocker Josh Pyke taking a fully functional guitar boat for a spin in the music video for his song "Make You Happy". I tried to find the video and couldn't, but apparently the dude's got some musical skills. But no boating ones. He crashed into a dock and spilled a ton of notes. You know, notes -- like musical notes. Because it's a guitar. Fine, somebody come AIDS me in the face, I deserve it.

Giant guitar is a seaworthy motorboat [dvice]

Oct 10 2008 Added To X-Mas List: Kota The Triceratops

Kota the Triceratops is a robot toy for children that "has 11 different movements and reacts to touch and sound." The 37-pound behemoth can even support a child rider up to 60-pounds. Unfortunately, the dino doesn't actually walk, so you'll still have to get your children to fetch your beer the old fashioned way, on a tricycle. Suggested retail price is between $300-$400, but I'm willing to pay upwards of $500 if it could, you know, do a little *wink wink* blogging. That's right, I want it to write for me.

nr9onnvipom; fwjpwe vw;5nt9 9vfrk;l lebtv;;g,oo]twtm3wij2 34ipomjhm b5yp9vm v rewk;lm

Keep it up, you're doing great!

Hit the jump for a video of Kota inaction.

Continue Reading " Added To X-Mas List: Kota The Triceratops "

Oct 10 2008 Is It Too Late?: I'm Running For President!

I'm running for president. Click here to watch the amazing story of my rise to political prominence. Then go here to make the video with your own name. Or any other name. And it doesn't censor anything, so you can put whatever you want. At least I think so, but truthfully, I only tried Dick Dribblins.

2008 Election Coverage [tsgnet]

Thanks to Ryan and Hilda, who, with their votes combined, netted me a single vote -- Ryan ate his ballot.

Oct 10 2008 The I-Foot: Toyota's New Mobility Suit

I don't really have any more information on this robotic suit except the i-foot is a terrible name, it was made by Toyota, and appears to be the lovechild of a MechWarrior that stuck it to a Tyrannasaurus Rex (wish I could have been there). Oh, and two thumbs up on the choreography, Toyota, I love the theater. Okay, strip clubs.

Toyota Mobility Suit [useloos]

Thanks to Tytus, who, in his quest to build a mobility suit, invented the jetpack.

Oct 10 2008 Revenge CD Annoys Neighbors, Yourself

The Revenge CD from Fred is a CD packed with 20 of the most annoying sounds ever, from unhappy dog, to violin practice, to house party. The $7 CD even comes with a pair of earplugs, so you don't have to listen to the racket. Clever, but I can't help but think there are better ways of seeking revenge on neighbors. Including, but not limited to: breaking a basement window and leaving a hose running into it while they're on vacation, vandalism, and my personal favorites: kidnapping and arson. But seriously, rake up your leaves already, you're making our block look like shit.

Product Page

Thanks to Silver Sided, who believes living well is the best revenge, which is total bullshit. Burning a house down, that's where it's at.

Oct 10 2008 10-Year Old Tennessee Boy Enlisted To Drive Drunks Home, Flips Van At 90MPH

A 10-year old's driving services were requested by 43-year old Randy Lewis (that's actually him in the picture, he was really wearing that shirt) and Paula Elaine Evans because they were too drunk to drive themselves. Other passengers included another 10-year old and a 6-year old. However, the driver lost control of the van at 90MPH and flipped it, before it finally came to stop on its roof. Thankfully, the children were released from the hospital later with only minor injuries (the adults could have died for all I care).

When the authorities arrived on the scene, Lewis admitted to having consumed at least 15 beers as well as some alcohol while Miss Evans pounded down as many unidentified pills as she could before police arrested her.

Wow, making a 10-year old drive you home because you're wasted? That's just sad. I think we can all agree here that designated drivers should at least be 11½. You know, so they can reach the pedals.

Ten-Year-Old Drives Drunks Home, Rolls Van At 90 MPH [jalopnik]

Thanks to biggestpenisintheworld, who, based on the picture he sent, may actually be.

Oct 10 2008 Star Wars: A New (Cardboard) Hope

This is fan-made video of Star Wars: A New Hope made entirely out of cardboard, a hubcap, and fifteen minutes. Truthfully, it's not the worst thing I've ever seen, but that's only because I walked in on an orgy in the craft room of Silver Pines Retirement Home.

Youtube

Thanks to Abraham, who once tried to recreate Jurassic Park out of cardboard but I kept stealing his dinosaurs.

Oct 9 2008 Human Vs. Zombie Tag A Growing Trend On College Campuses, Having Sex Declining

Apparently Human Vs. Zombie Tag (HvZ) is a growing trend on college campuses.

An HvZ game typically involves hundreds of students and runs 24 hours a day for days on end; dwindling numbers of humans try to fend off and outlast growing legions of zombies.

The rules are fundamentally simple: Zombie tags human, human becomes a zombie. Unlike movie zombies, with shambling walks and undead makeup, zombies in the game just wear headbands to distinguish them from armband-wearing humans. And they are free to sprint.

If you're a human, you can "stun" zombies for 15 minutes by hitting them with a Nerf gun or balled up sock (preferably stuffed with pennies). I dunno about all that, but, for the sake of unbiased reporting, I suppose I'll have to play before passing judgment.

UPDATE: I bit some bitch's arm off! Good times!

Hit the jump for a video of a game that actually made me feel embarrassed for the guy talking.

Continue Reading " Human Vs. Zombie Tag A Growing Trend On College Campuses, Having Sex Declining "

Oct 9 2008 Cool!: Sound Chasers Make Music

Sound Chasers are little cars that ride on strips of vinyl records that have been cut and connected together to form a track, playing the music as they cruise along. Awesome idea, but they sound like a cacophony. Going a step further and actually making a track that produces a good beat would be have been nice. But like most things in life, you don't always get the nice. Sometimes you get the ugly. Like last night. Thankfully I realized what I was doing on the ride home and pulled a 'duck and roll' out the passenger side door. In hindsight, I probably should have told her to take the wheel and used my own door, but seriously, fight or flight. I flew. Straight into a fire hydrant. Now it hurts to breathe.

Tiny Chaser in my Hand [yankodesign]

Thanks to Karina, who, for two tips in one day, gets a free Whopper coupon.

Oct 9 2008 Used Condoms Reborn As Hair/Rubber Bands

Soiled condoms *HORF* are being recycled into hair bands and rubber bands in China.

"There are a lot of bacteria and viruses on the rubber bands and hair ties made from used condoms," a dermatologist at the Guangzhou Hospital of Armed Police, who asked to be identified by his surname Dong, told the local paper. "People could be infected with AIDS, warts or other diseases if they hold the rubber bands or strings in their mouths while weaving their hair into plaits or buns."

*HORF* Jesus. But on the upside, a bag of 10 hair bands only costs 3¢. Which, I think we can all agree is worth the risk of contracting something.

Report: Used condoms 'recycled' as hair bands in China [usatoday]

Thanks to Skip, who may or may not have been the guy that ratted me out for blowing up used condoms at my last clown gig.

Oct 9 2008 Uh-Oh, I Think We're Sinking: Titanic Ice

A couple of days ago it was ice bullets and today, ice boats. The Titanic to be precise. Gin & Titonic ($7.49) by Fred are little boat and iceberg shaped ice molds meant to resemble the Titanic. Buy several sets to play drinking Battleship!

Product Page

Thanks to Karina, who I'd risk drowning in a sea of gin to save any day.

Oct 9 2008 German Artist To Smoke Kurt Cobain's Ashes

German artist Natascha Stellmach has allegedly acquired Kurt Cobain's ashes after they were stolen from Courtney Love's home, where she had been keeping them in a pink teddy bear.

The artist is keeping mum about how exactly she came to be in possession of the remains. She tells Artworld magazine, "That's confidential and kind of magic. They came to me. And I am setting him free."

In a statement announcing her find, Berlin-based Stellmach has detailed her plans to smoke the ashes as part of the forthcoming Set Me Free exhibition at the city's Wagner + Partner gallery on October 11th.

Wow, can you really get high smoking someone's ashes?

UPDATE: Not my grandma's!

German Artist To 'Smoke' Kurt Cobain's Ashes [mtv]

Thanks to Sean, who only smokes asses. If that's cool. If not, then something else.

Oct 9 2008 Questionable: Disappearing Pool Table

Somebody went and built an elevator for their pool table so they can use the space it would normally take up when not in use. It had to have cost a fortune, probably even more than building an addition on the house. Which is what I would have done. Or, I dunno, gone to the bar.

Youtube

Thanks to Ian, who racks and cracks with equal dexterity.

Oct 8 2008 Prevent Drunk Emailing: Google Mail Goggles

Google recently unveiled a Gmail application that may help prevent drunk emailing. When in use, the program requires a potential emailer to solve a few mathematical problems before the message can be sent. Pretty clever, now make something similar for cell phones and we'll be set. Or you can just subscribe to The Geekologie Writer's method of drunk messaging prevention -- dropping your phone in the pisser when you're trying to text. I touched a urinal cake with my finger!

Google's Mail Goggles Prevents Drunk Emailing [wired]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer and DJ LIBOR, who both probably regret sending this tip.

Oct 8 2008 Star Wars Hoodies Are Out Of This Universe!

Ecko has a new line of hoodies out with a Star Wars theme. As you can see, the Stormtrooper and Boba Fett models are the awesome. Minus the $100 price tag. But still, I'll take one if it, you know, fell of the back of a truck. I'm winking at you right now. Make that happen. Fine, I'll actually pay. I'm gonna get the Stormtrooper one, and I'm gonna rock that shit all zipped down with the mask and all. I'll let you know how laid I get.

UPDATE: I got hit by a taxi. My Force was malfunctioning, and also, I think he ran a red.

Thanks to Britany, Vince, and P05TMAN, who all look just as good naked as in wicked Star Wars hoodies. Trust me, I've seen pictures.

Oct 8 2008 It's A Surprise!: Wario-Land Promo Video

This is a promo video for Wario-Land. Except, technically, it's not an actual video, it's just a screen capture. You have to hit this link to watch the video. It's a surprise. And speaking of which, did I tell you my friends threw a surprise party for my last birthday? It was awesome, I walked into my apartment and -- SURPRISE! -- they all freaking forgot the most important day of the year.

Youtube

Thanks to Josh, Kyle, and Mark, who know the only good surprise is an accidental nipple slip.

Oct 8 2008 The Shower Power: No More Slipping And Breaking Your (Most Precious) Bone

The Shower Power is a powerful suction cup with two handles. It was designed to provide a safehold while you're having sex in the shower. Or in the car. Or on the side of a building. I couldn't find out how much it costs but it can't be much. And seriously, can you really put a price on personal safety anyways? Yes, about $8. Or, if you want to live dangerously, you can do what I do and have sex while swinging from the shower head. But remember: if you're not doing the Tarzan yell you're totally ruining the experience.

Hit the jump for the product packaging which explains how to use the device in graphic silhouettey detail.

Continue Reading " The Shower Power: No More Slipping And Breaking Your (Most Precious) Bone "

Oct 8 2008 I Lost His Arm: Detachable Parts Zombie Doll

The Dismember-Me Plush Zombie from ThinkGeek ($15) is a cuddly little zombie with detachable parts. You can rip his arms, legs and head off, and his brain even comes out. To eat! However, the toy is not for children.

Choking Hazard - Small Parts. Not suitable for Children under 3 years. This is an Adult toy.

Haha, no, this is not an adult toy -- adult toys require batteries and lube. Also, a willing partner. Ladies?

Hit the jump for one more picture and a video of the undead bastards.

Continue Reading " I Lost His Arm: Detachable Parts Zombie Doll "

Oct 8 2008 Wait, What?: A Monkey Waiter

I don't have much more information on this except apparently there's some Asian restaurant with a monkey waiter that brings your food and drinks. If that's not freaking crazy, I don't know what is. Just look at his cute little -- BASTARD JUST THREW A TURD AT ME!

Youtube

Thanks to Bryan, who owns a restaurant with a dinosaur server that accused me of grabbing its ass. I did!

Oct 8 2008 Mmmm, Delicious Mother Board Cakage

It's been a while since we've seen some scrumptious cakeologie here on Geekologie, but the wait is over! And as a man who's no stranger to eating computer components, I find this mother board cake utterly delicious looking. I mean, just look at those RAM wafers! You haven't lived until you've left a little memory in the back of your pants.

Hit the jump for one more mother cake.

Continue Reading " Mmmm, Delicious Mother Board Cakage "

Oct 7 2008 AT-AT Fail: Because Sometimes Standing Up Is Just Too Damn Hard

Oh man, that's one of my favorite scenes from the movie. The snow, the AT-ATs, all the little ships flying around PEWing their brains out. And then the trip-up. This AT-AT Fail shirt costs $20.80 and comes in a variety of colors. Collect them all! Just kidding. Buy one! Or don't. I don't freaking care, I didn't make them.

On a side note, if there aren't any more posts today it's because I'm moving and am on the road....south! Goodbye wife and hello buxom southern belles guns and rednecks! WOHOO, come visit! See you bright and early tomorrow morning.

Product Site

Thanks to Serene, who once tripped an AT-AT simply by willing it.

Oct 7 2008 Make Your Own Ice Bullets For Killer Cocktails

Can you believe that title? I'm a freaking idiot, true story. But I do like these ice cubes. The Bullet Ice Cube Tray makes ice cube rounds that look like AK-47 bullets and costs $13.25. Unfortunately, you have to add your own gunpowder if you want to fire them. But, as an added bonus, the bullets will melt before the police arrive. The perfect murder? MWAHAHAHAHAHA. No.

Hit the jump for a look at the trays.

Continue Reading " Make Your Own Ice Bullets For Killer Cocktails "

Oct 7 2008 FAKE!: Alleged Smart Car Body Kits

Well folks, it looks like today is Smart Car day on Geekologie. This here is an alleged Smart Car with a Porsche body kit. Hit the jump to see Corvette, Ferrari, and Lamborghini models. Needless to say, they're all fake and been Photoshopped. FAKE! FRIST! FIRSTIES! SECOND? THIRD YOU STINKING ASSHOLES!

Hit it for the rest.

Continue Reading " FAKE!: Alleged Smart Car Body Kits "

Oct 7 2008 Virgin Galactic Refuses Money For Space Porn

Virgin Galactic recently refused $1 million from an undisclosed company to make a space porn aboard the SpaceShipTwo.

The cash was slapped on the table "up-front, for a sex-in-space movie", said the company's prez, Will Whitehorn, According to Space.com. He confirmed: "That was money we had to refuse, I'm afraid."

Virgin rejects $1m space sex offer [theregister]

Thanks to Pat, who's up to his eyeballs in alien vagina.

Oct 7 2008 Wait, What?: A Smart Car Monster Truck

Somebody modded a Smart Car into a monster truck because, well, that's what people do. You come up with a really bad idea after a long night of drinking, and the next day you make your inebriated dream a reality. Trust me, it's the human condition.

Youtube

Thanks to Tim, who has drawn up plans for a Big Wheels monster truck.

Oct 6 2008 Dead Celebrities Made Out Of Fonts

This is a picture of Marilyn Monroe made entirely out of different fonts for an ad in a São Paulo newspaper. Check out three more of Charlie Chaplan, Marlon Brando, and James Dean after the jump, all of which look great. But still, prosthetic U leg and all, Marilyn is the best. I swear, I would hit that like a piñata -- with a Wiffleball bat.

Jump for the rest.

Continue Reading " Dead Celebrities Made Out Of Fonts "

Oct 6 2008 USB Light Up 'You've Got Mail' Indicator

This is a little $17 USB gadget that lights up whenever you receive new email. It can turn green, blue, or red to indicate which account the mail is from and looks like a little envelope. Neat. Oh, it's blinking! Oh boy, oh boy!

Date: Mon, 06 Oct 2008 07:04:33 +0000
From: "ives abdulkaf" mail@camelbak-deals.com
Subject: Upsize your hotdog into a french loaf
To: tips@geekologie.com

Top 10 sellers for organic pharmacology today

Hell yeah French loaf, I'm starving!

USB webmail notifier lights up your life when you've got mail [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who receives his email the old fashioned way, by horse.

Oct 6 2008 Now That's What I Call Good American Politics Volume 18: The American Titty Committee

Now boobs are an issue I can get behind. And by get behind I mean mush my face in between.

Official Website

Thanks to Jason, who knows that breasts are our nation's most valuable resource.

Oct 6 2008 Passengers Worried X-Ray Security Shots Will Wind Up On Facebook And Myspace

Passengers are worried that pictures from a new x-ray security camera, the "virtual strip search", will end up online and display their privates for the whole social networking world to see.

Readers feel the new security measure has gone too far.

"Sure as heck, some customs officers will make snide remarks about young girls with breast implants and people with piercings in private locations. You betcha some will appear on Facebook or MySpace," said a post on news.com.au

However, authorities insist there's nothing to worry about.

"Faces are blurred and images are not saved and cannot be transferred," said Office of Transport Security executive director Paul Retter.

Oh yeah, because I'm dying to see some fuzzy monochromatic images of a chick's privates on Facebook. Wait....I think I am. Sweet!

Passengers fear airport "virtual strip search" [news.com.au]

Oct 6 2008 Tallest Lego Tower Record Already Beaten

Sometimes victory is fleeting. You have to realize that you can't have the tallest LEGO tower forever, and that some jerks from Vienna are probably gonna trump you within months of the feat. And that's exactly what happened. Hundreds of children helped construct the tower to celebrate the 100 Years of Friends of Children (WTF?) festival. And you know what? The kids didn't even have the common courtesy to blow the other tower out of the water. Nope, they just made theirs 7" taller, for a height of 96.72 feet. You see, that's the matter with kids these days, they're freaking lazy. If they're not playing video games, they're just barely beating world records. Seriously, somebody should build one to the damn moon already. Imagine -- a LEGO tower six miles high!

Lego Tower Record Broken [uberreview]

Thanks to Delphine, who's gonna help me start construction ASAP.

Oct 6 2008 Awh, How Cute!: Baby Car Logos

This is a baby-fied Lamborghini emblem. As you can see, instead of a raging bull, there's just a wee little guy. How precious. Hit the jump to see Ferrari, Maserati, and Jaguar, they're all very well done. Unlike my breakfast burger, which was raw. I'm an animal -- I eat raw meat! Like giraffes. CAW CAW!

Hit it for the rest.

Continue Reading " Awh, How Cute!: Baby Car Logos "

Oct 6 2008 Mega Man 3 Song, In Extended Remix Form!

Remember the Mega Man 3 song we posted a few weeks ago? Well now Brentalfloss (the man responsible) has made an extended remix. This is it, and the new content starts halfway through. It has some bad words in it though, so it may be NSFW, but it's definitely SFACSF (safe for a college sausage fest).

Youtube

Thanks to Brentalfloss, the man behind the curtain.

Oct 5 2008 Artists Make (Functional) Giant Trippy iPod

Russian artists Aristarkh Chernyshev and Alexei Shulgin made this giant trippy iPod. It's fully functional, including the giant earbuds. Why? you ask, why not? the artists reply. Ha, right, because it's freaking stupid. Jesus, it hurts to look at.

This is your iPod on drugs, any questions? [tuaw]

Thanks to Sev, who used to own a giant Walkman.