Sep 18 2008'Toilet Paper Researchers' Develop 3-Ply TP
First of all, what in the hell is a 'toilet paper researcher', and how do I become one? Secondly, this is ridiculous. I've been wiping with the comics for years, and let me tell you -- you could probably read Garfield on my buttcheeks.
Yes, there is such a thing as a toilet-paper researcher. And a team of them at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.
The new product will be launched Monday. The company touts the toilet tissue as "ultra-soft" and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time."
Hey, I'm not 45+ or female, but I'm all for a "sanctuary of quality time". I spend countless hours in my cozy fortress of solitude. It even has a bidet. I've been using it for a couple months and, honest to God, I haven't gotten a single cavity. Yay fluoride!
Toilet-Paper Researchers Create 3-Ply Tissue [livescience]
via
"Toilet Paper Researchers" Create 3-Ply Tissue [gizmodo]
Thanks to Emma, who, in the world of comfy toilet paper, would be like 12-ply
Reader Comments
1. Jubbliee - September 18, 2008 10:47 AM
wow...shit on the wall?
2. Daisy - September 18, 2008 10:50 AM
Fake!
That's a photoshop job done over a frame capture from Never Back Down!
3. Firsty - September 18, 2008 10:51 AM
FYI, the stuff on the wall is PEW PEW PEW
4. Jan - September 18, 2008 11:02 AM
In Germany we have 5-ply paper. It's called Happy End ;-)
http://www.ciao.de/Happy_End_Premium_Tissue_Toilettenpapier_5_lagig_Penny__1438963
We also have 6.ply paper but this is only used for incontinence in hospitals.
5. Jo Mama - September 18, 2008 11:08 AM
Wow we're quick to jump right into the PEW PEW PEW jokes aren't we? But seriously guys enough with all the bathroom humor.
6. Jan - September 18, 2008 11:20 AM
Oh, I forgot:
The best paper in Germany is Charmin Deluxe.
Its got extra long extra and soft slices. And we got wet paper since years now.
Here is a video for unconventinal use.
http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=fA1tNadGOTE
7. johnny k - September 18, 2008 11:22 AM
In germany you are retards with your 5 ply papers.
Here in france you have Lotus Just 1. Yo just use ONE sheet at a time.
I really tried it. It's expensive as hell, but it's SMOOTH and you need to use just ONE sheet at a time. And i used another to clean the walls.
http://www.adrants.com/2008/06/lotus-toilet-paper-absorbs-more-than-its.php
8. Steve - September 18, 2008 11:35 AM
They wipe in France?
9. Jan - September 18, 2008 11:44 AM
Very nice commercial for Lotus Just 1. And man, i really need to try this paper out.
Found a shop: 5,33 EUR is really an expensive paper. Thanks
10. Gingersnapz - September 18, 2008 11:51 AM
It would suck to be a sheet of toilet paper
11. Farva's Twin - September 18, 2008 11:52 AM
Q - Know why the European carried used toilet paper in his wallet?
A - In case he was asked for picture ID.
12. Dobbson - September 18, 2008 11:54 AM
Being a big fan of Northern 2 Ply Double Sized rolls, I was intrigued when I noticed the 3 ply rolls on a recent trip to the supermarket. My eagerness to get home and squirt out my daily deuce was only trumped by using this newer, softer wiping accessory.
It is soft. Like a thousand tiny butterflies gently scraping at every nook and cranny in the name of cleanliness. But, alas, there are some show-stopper downfalls that will keep me from returning to this new technology once the 4 rolls have done their job.
For starters, the rolls are smaller. More narrow and the extra ply does not translate well when pulling a few feet off. There's simply less squares per roll. And, while there's 3 plys, they're very thing, creating the texture of angel wings. If you're an aggressive wiper, then count on a lot of break away, dingleberries and the occasional poking through of the fingers.
Verdict: I'm sticking to the 2 Ply Double Rolls, providing they don't go the way of the doo doo bird.
13. John Latrine - September 18, 2008 11:59 AM
Being a a toilet-paper researcher sounds like a shitty job - And 3 ply toilet paper? Who's crappy idea was that?
Have a nice bidet.
John
(poop)
14. barney - September 18, 2008 12:09 PM
Seems like a rip off to me. I do use Northern 2ply and after a monstrous clay turd it certainly isnt easy flushing a lot of it down the toilet. Put it this way, if you got the smeary shits (like in that picture) you DEFINITELY dont need more plys.. Just a shower and/or anal douche & bleaching. Either way. Im not buying this, I'll just opt for a nearby baby blanket if i need softness.
15. nullCRC - September 18, 2008 12:15 PM
Why not just fold the 2-ply in half for some 4-ply?
16. Dr_Freak - September 18, 2008 12:33 PM
I've been this pissed off...
Great pic!
17. Mr. Man - September 18, 2008 12:54 PM
More blumpkin art!
18. timmy the dying boy - September 18, 2008 1:12 PM
Toilet paper is for pussies. I use pages from catalogs, it's free and toughens me up for those Saturday night parking lot parties.
19. Elmo - September 18, 2008 2:20 PM
they should have wrote "CHOCOLATE!!" on the wall
20. ginormagantuan - September 18, 2008 2:37 PM
hmmmm.......... npw it there were some corn suck to it....... maybe a hamster or two
21. Ralph_Because - September 18, 2008 3:15 PM
@8 i thought that was funny.....
22. Gingersnapz - September 18, 2008 5:02 PM
My only question is how did they get it on the wall?
They either used thier finger, or they took the whole turd OUT OF THE TOILET....WITH THEIR HANDS....and wrote with it on the wall like a giant sharpie.
Yeah, it got its point across. But I would be afraid to put my hands anywhere near.....anything. For at least a week.
23. Linah - September 18, 2008 6:38 PM
@22 .. seriously ? that's what you're wondering about ?
24. Necro-Ninja - September 18, 2008 7:04 PM
@22 To be honest I used both the finger AND the sharpie technique... Good guess.
25. Gingersnapz - September 18, 2008 7:26 PM
@23, Just because a wall with a shit message on it is normal for you, doesn't mean all of us have fully embraced the idea yet.
@24, Thank you
26. J - September 18, 2008 8:10 PM
That's some good poomenship
27. Mad-Alfred - September 18, 2008 11:37 PM
Toilet Paper is for wimps.
Just let it dry and after a couple of days it just crumbles off.
28. I DONT DO PAPER... - September 19, 2008 1:19 AM
I'm from southeast asia and with all the west's modern technology and great advancement, it still awes me how you people don't wash. you know, with water and soap?
wiping isn't enough. you got to wash first. you people are gross.
29. Lenore - September 19, 2008 9:45 AM
WOw looks like amnesia from the superficial site could use this! she commented under the brad pitt picture!!!! wow... SHE'LL ENJOY THIS! some one plz tell her!
30. v - September 4, 2009 10:40 PM
at # 18
Thank you, i looked like a spaz when i laughed out loud at work.
good shit.