Aug 11 2008Montauk Monster Toast Surfaces On eBay


Some clown of asses sold a piece of Montauk Monster toast on eBay.

The life-changing adventure that will culminate with your successful bidding and acquisition of this item all began yesterday morning. In all honesty the morning began like any other for me. I woke gently to the peaceful soft-rock sounds of my local adult contemporary station. After hearing about the local bridge club and their quest to raise funds for their summer charity drive, I was finally compelled to matriculate to the kitchen for my normal Thursday breakfast of fresh grapefruit, small bowl of raisin bran (skim milk), slightly buttered toast, coffee, and 8 ounces of pomegranite juice. I was particularly looking forward to the juice as it is precisely the anti-oxidant superpower pick-me-up I need to help me attack the day.

But my interest and consciousness was quickly rocked to unspeakable heights when I witnessed what happened next. That toast I eluded to earlier had harmlessly popped up from the toaster as normal. But when I grabbed the first piece to lightly glaze with margarine I was stopped in my tracks the moment I saw the ghostly impression of none other than the unbelievable montauk monster laying peacefully in the slightly charred surface of my morning toast. A wave of both horror and wonderment washed over me as I quickly understood what the bystanders that found the actual beast must have felt during those fateful seconds on the beach.

Uh-huh. The winning bid was $810, but the winner has 0 feedback. So it's unlikely they're actually gonna pay for a piece of toast with a monster scraped into it. But there certainly was a lot of interest -- and questions!

Q: I plan to eat this toast. Will I be guaranteed a hint of monster in the flavor? Either way I'm fat and plan to eat it!

A: Well, as I said above, eating this toast would be like using the hope diamond as a door stop. But if you insist on eating it after you win the bidding, then you should find it will taste like any other piece of toast. Thanks, David

Q: What brand of pomegranate juice were you drinking?
A: I only drink POM Wonderful. It's too important of a part of my diet to skimp and pinch pennies. Thanks, David.

Q: I was wondering if I can get a couple eggs on the side? Would that add to the cost of shipping? Can you also include a couple of those little grape jelly containers that you get at Denny's? Thanks a lot.
A: This auction is for legendary Montauk Monster Toast only. Sorry no eggs on the side. Thanks, David

Q: Can I get the toast with eggs and bacon?
A: This auction is for toast only. No eggs, no bacon. Sorry. David

Q: Can I get it with out the crust?
A: This toast will be a full piece of toast as seen in the picture. If you win the auction then you can take the crust off. Thanks, Dave

Oh man, I hate the crust too. It's like bread skin. And you know what they say: skin is in, but fat is where it's at. And also, my pants. My pants are where it's at. If we're talking about my wallet -- but if we're talking about a party, forget about it. These pants haven't even seen a friendly get-together in months.

eBay Auction
EBay Seller: 'Montauk Monster' Turns Up on Piece of Toast [foxnews]

Thanks to Kenny Rogers, who in 1997 banged a hooker with a drumstick from his chicken shack.

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Reader Comments

First!!! or Second!!! or Third!!!

I already had a piece of toast with the monster on it last week. Thats so yesterday!

Can somebody watch my drink so Adam doesn't put anything in it while I run downstairs to get my drawings off the plotter?

NOM NOM NOM NOM = LAME LAME LAME LAME (in this instance only*)

I already put something in your drink Turd. Haha! It's Funny! It's an oversized hat! It's Funny! Unlike this piece of toast.

He eluded his toast? What the f*** was it trying to do to him?

One must elude toast when said toast is stalking them.

I thought that would be apparent and obvious; especially when said toast has a monster on it.
Just last week a cracker that was shaped like a knife hid in my closet until it sprung upon me in a blitz as I was looking for a particular shoe. Thankfully I defended myself and escaped unscathed.

It happens, my friends, it happens.

His spelling isn't quite as good as his prose. Eluded, eh? Try "alluded" buddy.

I call shenanigans. First he said "buttered toast," and then he says "...glaze with margarine..." Already he contradicted himself and therefore he fails at life.

In any case, the "beast" looks more like a square-ish sqirrell or dog of some kind. Sorry but I don't see the "none other" part because it can be many other.

hahahahahahahahahahahlolrofbbqsaurus!!!!!!1111111oneone this is soooo ghey!

One thing comes up, then all this starts. I hate people.

I tipped this one off, only bc i knew everyone would get a kick out of how lame/easily fascinated/assf***ed our society is. Now, I have to go. Roger Rabbit is making an appearance in my macarroni and I believe Marilyn Monroe will be in the foam of me beer.

Next up...Montauk Monster Stuffed animal. Which is in reality a stuffed turtle in a different color scheme.

Now the toaster is up for bid. Check it out on eBay. Montauk Monster Toaster. I heard the toast was delevired to the buyer today.
Monster Out.

peanut butter jelly time!

So first this guy puts the toast up for bid, funny, Next he puts the toaster that supposivly created the toast, I call that genius. And if he really got an offer why is it up for bid? The story gets interesting. Hopefully this will get on the news again becasue I miss Monty.
Pete the Great

POM tests on animals. Dave is a douche.

I think this guy is awesome. I think its a great idea to put the toaster on eBay. I may even bid on it.


I am particularly interested in knowing how much capital the bridge club needed to raise to kick off their summer charity drive.

Is that supposed to be the spring charity drive?
How much did they hope to raise to start that one?

Or maybe this marks the beginning of a revolutionary money making method.
PRE-fundraiser fundraisers.

The 110th annual Spring pre-charity summer charity fall post charity / pre-winter benefit winter benefit!

They could go on indefinitely.

This reads like an 11th grade creative writing assignment. And he should get beat down for listening to adult contemporary. Tool.

I am going to bid on the toaster! Who knows maybe it will make me some big foot toast!
Toast fanatic!

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