Aug 20 2008Bigfoot: "That Totally Wasn't Me"
In a turn of events that shocked no one, Bigfoot left a message for reporters in the woods claiming the recent pictures of a creature in a freezer, are, in fact, not him. The message, spelled out with carefully arranged arm-length turds, read "that totally wasn't me".
Turns out Bigfoot was just a rubber suit. Two researchers on a quest to prove the existence of Bigfoot say that the carcass encased in a block of ice -- handed over to them for an undisclosed sum by two men who claimed to have found it -- was slowly thawed out, and discovered to be a rubber gorilla outfit.
First, the hair sample was burned and "melted into a ball uncharacteristic of hair," Kulls said in the posting.The thawing process was sped up and the exposed head was found to be "unusually hollow in one small section." An hour of thawing later and the feet were exposed -- and they were found to be made of rubber.
Well folks, it just goes to show you -- you can't believe every legendary creature is real just because some asshats claim to have one in a freezer. You can't will Bigfoot real, no matter how badly you want to make love to him.
Researchers say bigfoot just a rubber gorilla suit [yahoonews]
Thanks to Dan, SilverSided, Laurel, Brad, The Hashishin, Gingela5, and Melanie for letting me down easy.
Reader Comments
1. venort - August 20, 2008 10:32 AM
first comment! also, it seemed suspicious
2. Julian - August 20, 2008 10:37 AM
I knew there was something strange when I saw that Bigfoot's genitalia was a big purple vibrator. the pieces are starting to come together.
3. Count Orlock - August 20, 2008 10:42 AM
What can I say...I new it'd be fake but I'm still disappointed.
4. Inkognito - August 20, 2008 10:54 AM
Well Fiddlesticks!!!
I was hoping Big foot had hit the dirt. He promised me a seat on his space ship. Him beeing dead would explain why he hasen't returned my phone calls.
Now I know he's just a douchebag.
Kids, todays lesson is:
Never trust a big foot on a 3 day bender, who's rowdy. He'll tell you anything...
5. SilverSidedDotCom - August 20, 2008 10:54 AM
Could it be possible that Bigfoot indeed has two rubber feet??
As for the hollow bit of his head, well, maybe thats why he was a bit camera shy...If YOU had a hollow bit in your head (other then the usual openings) you might not want to have pictures taken of you either!!
Nah, i do think so either!!!
The researchers who brought the rubber footed, bit of a hole in its head bigfoot have now become the pure definition of the term FAIL!!!
6. sasquachification - August 20, 2008 11:00 AM
I think the most hilarious thing is the retarded guy who went all over the news saying it was real. sounds like the douches who "found" ie. (stuffed a costume in a freezer) were just out to get cash. no surprise. but you'd think before the stupid "researcher" went all over the Efing news he would have thawed the damn thing out and found out it wasnt real. He is the real fool!
7. David Gerard - August 20, 2008 11:03 AM
But how could anyone have ever doubted those guys? http://notnews.today.com/2008/08/16/internet-memeticists-find-bigfoot-ya-rly/
8. Cheatachu22 - August 20, 2008 11:28 AM
#6
That's what I was thinking. Way to make an asshat out of yourself, man.
"It's definitely REAL!"
"What tests have you done to prove this?"
"Well, none, but I'M JUST SO SURE IT'S REAL!"
9. Jeezy - August 20, 2008 11:41 AM
Yes, we definitely needed researchers to tell us this was a hoax...
10. Andyman - August 20, 2008 11:49 AM
Do rubber suits have DNA?
11. hey idiots - August 20, 2008 11:54 AM
No, they have RNA.
GET IT!?!??!!!?
12. Leg3nd - August 20, 2008 11:58 AM
Like I said"Lol @ Fox news"...
13. gingela5 - August 20, 2008 12:06 PM
It really was such a let down but why, oh WHY would you pay two guys up front for stuff like that? Idiots...
14. Bigfoot - August 20, 2008 12:51 PM
Told you.
15. Uncle Eccoli - August 20, 2008 2:24 PM
Can't will him real? That remains to be seen.
16. dliup - August 20, 2008 2:43 PM
More info on the scammer's attempt to defraud the public.
www.bfro.net/hoax.asp
17. iram84mx - August 20, 2008 7:29 PM
I went to his website and he has pictures of a costume wherehouse that he went.?? WTF??
18. Harry Knopp - August 20, 2008 9:53 PM
I don't think anyone was truly surprised by this, but just for fun you can find a link to the video of them unthawing "Bigfoot" (and other Bigfoot links) on http://www.USAMediaGuide.com
19. Tommy B - August 21, 2008 12:50 AM
How do you guys know big foot isnt just made of rubber?