Jul 29 2008Guy's Mower Won't Start, He Shoots It
Keith Walendowski is (based on his picture) the last man in the world I'd expect to be a raging alcoholic and own illegal weaponry. But he is, and he does. One day, Keith, who had already eaten his bourbon breakfast, decided to partake in a little Russian-toe-roulette and mow his yard (which, incidentally, is also his mother's -- he still lives at home with her). So what did ol' Keith do when the mower wouldn't start? What any other freaking idiot in his situation would do, blast it with a sawed-off shotgun. Forget checking the gas and oil, when a mower doesn't start all it needs is some holes.
Police officers said Mr Walendowski had told them: "It's my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want." He was charged by police in Milwaukee with disorderly conduct and possession of a sawn-off shotgun. He could face a fine of up to $11,000 and a maximum prison sentence of six-and-a-half years if convicted.
Geez, six-and-a-half years? I assume that's mostly for the shotgun. But, uh, just out of curiosity -- blasting a weed-wacker is totally legit, right?
Hit the jump for an example of what a Mad Max collectible "sword"-off shotgun looks like.
US man charged for shooting mower [bbcnews]
Thanks Franco, you wanna help me take out this wheelbarrow?
Also, thanks to Lee, who will be selling daggered-off shotguns soon.
Reader Comments
1. TallFace - July 29, 2008 2:01 PM
it's just a push mower...it's not supposed to start
...oh
2. Jimmy - July 29, 2008 2:03 PM
I hope that god awful Maserati doesn't start one morning and the owner takes to it with a sawn of howitzer
3. el - July 29, 2008 2:09 PM
hey! that's my uncle!
but seriously...
4. Dave C - July 29, 2008 2:15 PM
Enough with the "PEW PEW PEW!"s. Seriously, the first time was funny (it's my wallpaper, for the record), but now it's trite.
5. Madgame - July 29, 2008 2:16 PM
Last time I checked, guns don't come in styrofoam containers (althought I DO) but seriously...that gun is a toy. You can plainly see the orange tip which is required for all toy guns.
Also, there is no MAD MAX brand shotguns, and no company manufactures sawed off, sword off, or even daggered off shotguns.
Story may be real but gun is fake
6. Brainiac - July 29, 2008 2:28 PM
ya know, not to be picky....
but since the mower 'wouldn't start' it would have made much more sense to actually use a photo of a motorized mower rather than a non-powered mower you used in the photo.... just sayin'....
7. bbenny - July 29, 2008 2:43 PM
#5, your an idiot...
the picture is a joke, NOT the actual gun used...
8. el - July 29, 2008 2:46 PM
god. not only are all of you guys bitches, but you're idiots as well. the point of the article was to make fun of how freaking stupid this hick is. obviously the gun in the picture is a toy. if that was some sort of realization to you then you should be shot in the head with the freaking "sword off" shot gun. and what's funny about using a non-motarized mower in the picture is that, of course it won't start! it makes the man look that much more stupid. ya know, like you.
9. dan - July 29, 2008 2:46 PM
+5 if he said "THIS IS MY... BOOMSTICK!" while shooting
10. Madgame - July 29, 2008 2:47 PM
#7 i think YOU'RE the idiot...learn proper grammar.
11. BB - July 29, 2008 2:48 PM
#8..... STFU, you're a douche
12. Mr. E - July 29, 2008 2:53 PM
#8, if you're going to berate others at least spell 'non-motorized' correctly
13. SmokingGirl - July 29, 2008 2:56 PM
What little rays of sunshine we are today...here, everyone, have some coffee.
14. bear nuts - July 29, 2008 3:03 PM
POOP!
15. Andy Dick - July 29, 2008 3:07 PM
awwww..... El,
are you my secret lover/butt pirate?
16. suzy blue balls - July 29, 2008 3:56 PM
i forgot what this story was about. but YEAH, HEY SCREW YOU GUYS. INTERWEBZ RUMBLE!!
17. bbenny - July 29, 2008 4:18 PM
#5
the purpose of language, is to interprit wat u meen. if u ca'nt uderaustand hwat 'im trieing to sae, than i wouldnt' B uppsett. da grammour coment maeks u louk moore juevinille then you're ferst commmint...
18. Deficationist - July 29, 2008 4:21 PM
calm down..
anyone who reads geekologie on a daily basis knows this was a JOKE.
for the others, don't give them the time of day..
They make themselves look like uptight cocksmokers so they don't really need our help.
19. Deficationist - July 29, 2008 4:23 PM
ps. pew pew w/ the question mark is hilarious.
& that guy looks like the love child of rip torne and the guy with the mustache from that there motorbike show, choppers or whatever...
20. The Fonz - July 29, 2008 5:08 PM
he should have punched that lawn mower in the face!
21. hojo - July 29, 2008 6:00 PM
See a gun IS the solution to every problem :-)
22. El Basto - July 29, 2008 8:34 PM
PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW! PEW PEW PEW!
23. WOW OMG!!! - July 29, 2008 9:39 PM
The wording was a bit iffy in this one. Don't most people live at home? Isn't a home a place that is lived in by definition? I'm just saying
24. Samuel - July 29, 2008 11:55 PM
Dead Kennedys wrote a song "A Child and his Lawn Mower" in regards to a similar event, two decades ago.
The guy got fine roughly $60 (bargin!)
25. DrNecropolis - July 30, 2008 12:28 PM
What does this guy do if his shotgun doesn't work?
26. bryan - July 30, 2008 1:02 PM
Dear Readers,
Dave C, you're an ass! One can never have enough pew pew jokes.
Deficationist you are absolutely right, the question mark takes the joke to a whole new level.
El Basto, PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!
Yours truly,
The King Of Pew Pew Pew
27. TW!TCHCRAFT - July 30, 2008 1:09 PM
@4 You're trite. PEW PEW PEW! PALALLEL BARREL SWORD OFF SHOT GUN RULES OK
28. ashley - August 5, 2008 1:39 PM
"It's my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want." *southern accent*