Aug 1 2008 Alfa Romeo Concept Actually Being Produced
The Alpha Romeo Bertone BAT 11 looks like someone stole it from the future. Apparently the once concept car is actually hitting production. If you call making 25-50 "hitting production". I already put my name on the list, along with this guy and this guy, which means we'll probably be seeing D&G and rubidium covered models soon. There's not too much information on the car's stats, minus it goes fast and runs on the blood of virgins instead of oil. Thankfully my girlfriend promised to save herself till marriage, so I have a supply for at least the next couple years.
UPDATE: Engine seized up, the bitch was lying.
Continue Reading " Alfa Romeo Concept Actually Being Produced "
Aug 1 2008 Casting Couch: Host A Show On The Discovery Channel -- Super Testing!!
The Discovery Channel has an open casting call until midnight on August 6th looking for a male host for a new show they're producing -- Super Testing. So what is Super Testing?
The show explores the world of extreme testing - a world of explosions, planned crashes, and controlled chaos. The show is produced on a level as big as the subjects it covers. There are no scale models. No recreations. No "staged reality". Our cameras are involved in actual tests conducted by the U.S. military, government agencies, corporations and inventors around the world.
And who are they looking for?
We're looking for someone who is
:
* In his late 30s to early 40s.
* Smart - he needs to be credible in his interactions with scientists and engineers. Science, stuntman, or engineering background is a strong plus. He does not have to be an "expert" in science or engineering per se, but should grasp the science or engineering concepts at least well enough to ask the kind of intelligent questions that our intelligent viewers appreciate.
* Tough, but an "Everyman" - He should be credible dealing with military officials, mechanics, pilots, test subjects - the whole range of folks who build things and sometimes blow things up all in the name of progress. Military, construction, or mechanical engineering background is a strong plus. He should come off as knowledgeable but likeable - and definitely a man's man.
* Charismatic, but not too "hosty" - He should be able to explain the who-what-where-when-how of the testing in a clear, direct, and always conversational way. We need someone who seems comfortable in his own skin and comfortable on camera. But he should also be comfortable letting the light shine on the real stars of the show - the people who he encounters, who make "super testing" a reality.
Interesting, Discovery channel. But you could have made it a lot shorter. It should have read:
We're looking for someone who is:Mike Rowe.
And, since it's Friday and I have a man-crush on Mike Rowe that's borderline sexual, I've included several MUST MUST MUST SEE videos of Mike when he used to sell crap on QVC. If you're a Mike Rowe fan you must watch them, and even if you're not, they're hilarious. Search Youtube for a bunch more if you like them.
Continue Reading " Casting Couch: Host A Show On The Discovery Channel -- Super Testing!! "
Aug 1 2008 Segway Competition: Toyota's Winglet
The Winglet Advanced Scooter is Toyota's attempt at a smaller, more agile Segway. I wouldn't be caught dead on one, but I would ride it until I got hit by a car and launched clear off. Then I'd be caught dead on the pavement. Win-win. Skip to the second half of the video to see a woman riding it without the stupid handle in the way. It looks a lot cooler like that. Also, sweet ass-shot at 0:41. I'm not the pervert, you're the pervert. You looked didn't you? Haha, gimme that neck!
Aug 1 2008 I Called It!: The Apocalypse Is Nigh
When running from a robot, you only have to run faster than your children. Which should be easy because you tied their laces together, right? If you answered, "I would never!", then it's been nice knowing you, but you're robot fodder. Anyway, remember the post a while back about Robokiyu (pronounced Robokillyou), a robot used to extract the wounded in emergency rescue situations? Well, unsurprisingly, the robot is now going to be used to eat the dead instead of the living. Why? Because everybody the robot came to "rescue", no matter how badly injured, actually tried crawling away from the damn thing. Can you blame them? Absolutely not. Like my grandpa always told me, "I'd rather have all my red run out than let one of them thar robotech sums of bitches nom nom my gray spaghetti. You understand what I'm tellin' ya, boy?" I'd shake my head "no", but he'd keep right on, "Good, now fetch the hootch and I'll tell you about the time I caught your pa humpin' a tractor."
Weirdest Robots Ever -- Corpse-Eater Bot [asylum]
Thanks Adam and MoMan, now let's take that mother out.
Aug 1 2008 Rowling Fans Rejoice: Collector's Editions Of The Tales Of Beedle The Bard At Amazon
That's right all you Rowling/Potter fanboys, it's time to get excited. The Tales of Beedle the Bard, a $4 million book handmade by the sorceress herself, is being made into an accurate reproduction collector's edition. It'll cost $100 and be available on December 4th. So what do you get for your Benjamin?
Collector's Edition Product Features:
• All five fairy tales from the original The Tales of Beedle the Bard
• Outer case disguised as a wizarding textbook from the Hogwarts library
• Exclusive reproduction of J.K. Rowling's handwritten introduction
• 10 new illustrations by J.K. Rowling not included in the Standard Edition or the original handcrafted edition
• Velvet bag embroidered with J.K. Rowling's signature
• Metal skull, corners, and clasp
• Replica gemstones
• Emerald ribbon
• Net proceeds from the Collector's Edition and the Standard Edition support the Children's High Level Group, an organization that benefits children living in residential institutions.
Of course, if you don't want to dish out two day's pay for the thing (despite the good cause), you can get a trade paperback the same day for $7.59. Which, based on my limited mathematical abilities, is still more than I pay for a haircut. Because I shave it myself -- nuts too!
Amazon Product Page (non-collector's edition here)
Thanks Jennifer, can you teach me some magic spells?
Aug 1 2008 Because Working Out And Dieting Sucks: Scientists Develop A Workout In A Pill
Scientists at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla, CA announced on Thursday that they've developed a drug that gives you the benefits of exercise without actually doing anything. Unfortunately, they tested the compound on mice instead of my bedridden lover.
Sedentary mice that took the drug for four weeks burned more calories and had less fat than untreated mice. And when tested on a treadmill, they could run about 44 percent farther and 23 percent longer than untreated mice.We have exercise in a pill," said Ron Evans, an author of the study. "With no exercise, you can take a drug and chemically mimic it."
When asked what was in the drug, Evans replied, "It's difficult to explain....but have you ever been to a rave?"
Hit the link if you want to read a really long article about the stuff.
Drug gives couch potato mice benefits of a workout [yahoonews]
Aug 1 2008 Yes Please!: Limited Edition Goonies Pumas
For every kid there's a movie that so was awesome to watch in your youth that it shaped your very being. For many, this movie was Goonies. For me, it was a sick German porno I found in my uncle's closet. But that doesn't make these limited edition Goonies Disk Blaze Pumas any less awesome. Dropping around the 6th of December for an undisclosed number of doubloons, they've got everything a gang of prepubescent treasure hunters could want in a pair of sneakers.
Puma obtained exclusive rights to the artwork and constructed this LE release out of the map on our most iconic runner from the early 1980's, the Disc Blaze. It features the infamous Disc closure system, heavy weave pull tabs and exclusive Goonies film logos on heel, sockliner and midsole. The limited Puma "List" sneaker comes in a customized burlap Goonies sack. Enjoy your adventure trying to snatch these up.
Must have!
Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket.
Oh man, I could sit here and copy/paste Goonies quotes forever, but I'm on a mission today. It's a top-secret operation I've cleverly named Operation Get Drunk At The Local Street Fair, Eat A Street Vended Sausage, And Buy A Bunch Of Knick Knacks I'll Regret Tomorrow.
UPDATE: I puked kielbasa all over a basket weaver. Mission Accomplished!
A bunch more of the shoes along with, because it's Friday and I love you all dearly, a video of Chunk doing the Truffle Shuffle.
Continue Reading " Yes Please!: Limited Edition Goonies Pumas "
Aug 1 2008 I'm Thirsty: Mars Ice Melted, Turned To Water
Remember the post about the Phoenix Lander spotting ice on Mars? Well now the brave little explorer has collected a sample of the stuff and cooked it in a special easy-bake oven it has on board. The result? Water.
"The fact that it melted at zero degrees Celsius leaves very little doubt that it is standard water ice," William Boynton of the University of Arizona said. He said sensors also tested the chemical makeup of the vapor and found the familiar combination of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom.
HIYO, we have water! And all it took was a little oven, huh? Well I'll get to the bottom of this Montauk Monster business yet. *jamming beast into oven* What do you think, 4 hours at 450⁰?
UPDATE: Mmmm, starting to smell real science-y. Anybody seen the baster?
Existence Of Water On Mars Confirmed [washingtonpost]
Jul 31 2008 "Offbeat Attitude" Star Wars Figurines
This is a Star Wars KUSTOMZ, which "take characters and vehicles from the Star Wars universe and transforms them with an "offbeat attitude". That's the Camo Speeder Bike figure there, and there's a Red Baron TIE Fighter after the jump. They were just released at San Diego Comic Con last week and retail for $70. But they're limited edition so you better get on it. And also, the pill. I'm not ready for kids.
Hit the jump to see the Red Baron TIE Fighter.
Jul 31 2008 Sure, Why Not: The USB Memory Nail
The USB Nail is the first product from a company called plankton and is a 2GB flash drive shaped like a giant nail. It costs about $46 and is sure to get a rise out of the IT department. You know, because they won't believe you paid fifty bucks for a giant nail drive. You've gotta admit though, it does bring new meaning to the phrase "nailing your computer", doesn't it? Haha, I had sex with the hole in my CD tray!
"nailed" memory stick - stop: hammer time! [technabob]
Jul 31 2008 Air Force Seeks Anti-PEW-PEW Spray
In a recent request for proposals, the Air Force has asked for the development of an anti-laser spray or embeddable layer than can be retrofitted on equipment and prevent it from being damaged by pew-pews for up to five seconds.
The idea isn't to render the weapons "impervious" to ray gun blasts. The Air Force just wants the shield to delay the laser burning through a weapon's skin -- five seconds or so ought to do the job. The best way to make it happen, the service believes, is with "a thermal protection coating (e.g., spray-on) or a broadband reflector embedded layer on [the] munition['s] skin."
Basically, we want to be able to get a missile to target without being lasered out of the sky. After skimming over the request (okay, so I didn't actually read it), I quickly filed a proposal.
To: Whoever dishes out the grant money
From: The Geekologie Writer
Subject: Request For Anti-Pew-Pew Technology
Two words: Duct to the muthaf***in' tape. Cash or Paypal preferred. Thank you.
CHA-CHING!
Note: The video just demonstrates how laser shoot downs work.
Air Force Looks to Laser-Proof Its Weapons [wired]
Thanks to Richie, who actually coined the term "anti-pew-pew-spray".
Jul 31 2008 Beer Pong Video Game Sparks Controversy
JV Games latest video game title, Beer Pong, has sparked quite a bit of controversy from outraged parents. Why? Because it's a video game about playing beer pong, and received a "T" for teen rating. It's the first in JV's Frat Party Games series (with soon to follow Elephant Walk and Olive Basketball). So you know what JV Games did to get the game out? They changed the name to Pong Toss and removed all the beer-related content. F*** this is stupid. Parents, you do know your kids are banging hookers and killing people in GTA4, right? Probably not, because it's not called GTA4: Banging Ho's and Busting Caps. Anyway, this game may sound horrible, but at least it's not Needle Toss: Riding The H Train. Which, holy shit, is brilliant. Are there Emmys for video games?
The War Against Beer Pong [yahoonews]
Jul 31 2008 Limited Edition Watches At Tokyoflash
I love wearing a watch, mostly because I hate fishing around in my purse to find my cellphone. Also, they're stylish. Well now Tokyoflash has got a couple limited editions from Independent (manufactured by Citizen) and Seiko.
The Independent Retrograde Dualtime features a citizen analogue movement with hours, minutes and seconds presented in the center of the watch beneath the uniquely shaped lens. The date is also displayed in the small window at the top and a 24 hour clock is included in an originally designed L-shaped window at the bottom of the face.
That one is available in several different finishes and will set you back $250 or $280 depending on which you choose. Now the Seiko, this is the one I've got my eyes on.
This is the first watch series we have seen that uses three rotating aluminum discs to represent the time, neatly and mechanically set beneath a brushed stainless steel case.The time is shown in the window on the left of the watch face, each of the discs indicating a different aspect of time, the outer disc showing hours, the center disc showing minutes and the inner disc showing seconds. The use of 23 jewels in the high precision movement ensure that the watch is as accurate as any in this price range.
23 jewels, that's 21 more than I've got. Seriously though, I love the look of that watch. Unfortunately, I don't have the $946 -- but I will make a trade for one.
FOR TRADE: Balls (one pair) -- light wear from kicking, never punctured or played in a real game. Used for practice only.
Hit the jump for higher res pictures of the individual watches.
Jul 31 2008 Felt Zelda Looks Sharp, I May Have To Buy
Etsy seller wedgered2 has made a handsome Link out of felt. And seeing as how I love everything Zelda, here he is. He is available for purchase at the bargain price of $75.
Link is a needle-felted soft sculpture made of wool on wire, so he is posable, but struggles to stand unassisted (I have some tips for the buyer if they wish to display him). His Accessories are sculpted from Polymer clay and he is able to hold them in his hand or carry the shield or sword on his back.
And, get this -- this is the best part -- the tip was actually sent to me by the maker, who had this to say:
"I am sending you this link to Zelda-related project I just finished. This little project caused me hours of headache which I only started because of the amigurumi Link you wrote of last week."
ZOMG! Not only did a Geekologie post inspire somebody to make something, but it caused hours of headache! I have powers! But not invisibility, because that jogger totally just saw my package.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of him.
Continue Reading " Felt Zelda Looks Sharp, I May Have To Buy "
Jul 31 2008 Amazing: Wooden Mechanical Motion Machine
This is a video of an all wooden machine made by a 70-year old man named Del who may or may not be Santa Claus. It contains absolutely no metal whatsoever and displays virtually ever method of mechanical motion, all in a single machine. Sure it doesn't actually do anything, but who cares, it's freaking awesome. Santa even used a variety of different wood to make the thing, including: maple, black walnut, pine, oak, cherry, hickory, and morning. Well done! I've been good this year Santa, and I'm thinking this is what I want for Christmas. And, if it's not too much trouble, one of your female elves. Pointier the ears, the better.
Youtube
Thanks Skyler, now let's build one out of marshmallows.
Jul 31 2008 OLD!: Tracing The World's Oldest Jokes
The University of Wolverhampton recently published a list of the 10 oldest jokes, and #1 dates all the way back to 1900 BC. It, unsurprisingly, was toilet humor.
It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."
Oh man, that's disgusting. I don't even get it but it still sounds nasty.
Joke #2 came from nearly 300 years later.
A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second -- "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."
Oh man, I totally want to be a pharaoh. I was a little surprised there weren't any caveman jokes, but apparently they weren't very funny (like yours truly).
The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."
More like "what barely hangs past a man's pubic hair". Am I right, guys? No? Just me? Damn. Seriously though, I just wrote a joke. What do you call a woman that makes you wait until marriage to have sex because she secretly has a penis? Just my luck. HIYO!
And yes, I added Drew from Office Space to the picture.
World's oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC [yahoonews]
Jul 30 2008 Epic Failure Awesomeness: Lake Launch
If she was going for a triple backflip, she failed. Epically.
Epic Blob Jump Proves That Fun and Adventure Aren't Without Consequences [gizmodo]
Thanks Kujo, did you see the look on her face at the end? Ouch.
Jul 30 2008 Cheeto Jesus, Dubbed "Cheesus", Found In 99¢ Snack Bag, Contains No Trans-Fat
Not to be outdone by last week's Allah meat gristle, Jesus decided to show himself to a Montana woman in a 99¢ bag of Cheetos.
Most of her family and friends believe it looks like a mini orange sculpture of Jesus on the cross. Ramey and her husband call it "Cheesus." Ramey doesn't plan to sell the Cheeto because it's bringing a lot of joy into her home. She will keep it in a safe deposit box or put it on display so more people can enjoy it.
This is clearly a sign. A sign that, if I'm reading it correctly, indicates Cheetos are, as I've long suspected, The Chosen Snack. Every orange crumb in your keyboard is sacred, and also, delicious. One more sign like this and I'm seriously converting.
UPDATE: I found a Virgin Mary ice cube in a frozen Mountain Dew. It's been fun folks, but I'm going to priest school.
Hit the jump for a video of the holy snack.
Continue Reading " Cheeto Jesus, Dubbed "Cheesus", Found In 99¢ Snack Bag, Contains No Trans-Fat "
Jul 30 2008 Monster Washes Ashore In Montauk
Allegedly this is a picture of some unknown monster that washed ashore in Montauk, on the eastern tip of Long Island. Obviously it's fake, because 1. like a girlfriend that doesn't make me want to blow my eardrums out, monsters don't exist, and 2. whoever made it modeled the damn thing after Tokka from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 (minus the shell). Anybody know what movie this is a viral for? After a little interweb spelunking my guess is a film adaptation of The Montauk Project. Apparently it centers around governmental time-travel experiments, but does feature some sort of alien monster coming to Earth. So, yeah, that's my guess -- which, I might add, is 120% correct. Because if it's not, I'll just edit the post and change it to be right. In case you haven't noticed folks, all your interweb are belong to me.
I'll update the story and let you know what's up when the truth is discovered.
Click through to see the uncensored version. Warning: It's fugly.
Jul 30 2008 Sure, Why Not: Trees As Artists
British artist Tim Knowles ties markers and brushes to tree limbs and makes the helpless botanical bastards create art.
In collaboration with the wind and local weather conditions, calligraphic gestures and automatic drawing readings are recorded on paper. The amazing thing about Knowles' Tree Drawings is the unmistakable signatures that each drawing reveals as an indication of the unique characteristics and even genus/species of a specific tree.
Interesting. Ooooh, nice work Mr. Pine, another, um, turd. While I find the actual art of questionable merit (my maple could do so much better), I do love the photos of the trees painting. Regardless of my personal feelings, I do hope this style of art sells. Tell me I didn't just staple a Sharpie to my penis for nothing.
Hit the jump for several more pictures.
Jul 30 2008 Heart Robot Has 'Feelings', Actually Heartless
The Childlike Heart Robot resembles something from a nightmare more than a child and is allegedly capable of displaying emotions. Its heart beats and can respond to movement, noise, and touch. Unfortunately, I can't even stand looking at the little herald of the robot apocalyptic. Why the hell did they make him so freaking scary? The chick though, she's alright. Reminds me of Jenny McCarthy before she shit her pants and totally disgusted me.
If he is cuddled his limbs become limp and he "relaxes". But if he is yelled at, he gets upset. He flinches, his hands clench and his breathing and heart rate speed up.
But if he's pulled limb from limb and his appendages are scattered in several different dumpsters around town, then he dies and The Geekologie Writer won't have to sleep with the lights on tonight. In mommy and daddy's bed.
UPDATE: Frightening video of the little goober of doom added after the jump.
Continue Reading " Heart Robot Has 'Feelings', Actually Heartless "
Jul 30 2008 Drinking Buddy: Malaysian Pen-Tailed Shrew
Well folks, I've found myself a new drinking buddy. The Malaysian pen-tailed shrew subsists entirely on fermented nectar from the pertam palm plant, which can be as high as 3.8 percent alcohol.
A new study found that the tiny animal subsists on a diet roughly equivalent to 100 percent beer... Amazingly, though the tree shrews drink like fish, they don't seem to get drunk. The researchers, led by Frank Wiens of Germany's University of Bayreuth, videotaped regular nocturnal feeding sessions and followed the movements of radio-tagged tree shrews. Though they measured blood-alcohol concentrations in the animals higher than those in humans with similarly high alcohol intake, the tree shrews showed no signs of intoxication.
Well folks, no sense hiding it now -- I had sex with a shrew. The pen-tailed variety, dear reader, is my progeny.
Tiny tree shrew can drink you under the table [msnbc]
Thanks to Chad, the only man who's ever come close to beating my pen-tailed progeny in a drinking contest.
Jul 30 2008 The Vortex: Not Your Grandmother's Fountain
The Votex Fountain doesn't shoot water out of a lion's mouth or pour from a bare-breasted woman's water jug, but it is expensive and comes with a lifetime tackiness guarantee. Basically, it's a giant acrylic cylinder with a pump that created a vortex in the center. Because I'm made of money, I bought one and had it installed in the front yard so all the neighbors will know who rules this street. Yep, I'm officially the richest person in the neighborhood and the only one with a....*gazes through window at fountain*....neighbor's brat shitting in their Vortex. That's it, the little bastard's going in.
Video added after the jump, thanks Icon.
Continue Reading " The Vortex: Not Your Grandmother's Fountain "
Jul 30 2008 Officer Brutally Rams Cycler From Bike
Remember Officer Rivieri? Good. Well, during the New York Critical Mass bike ride (a monthly protest against motor vehicle reliance) some other officer of the law decided to show the crowd how he feels about our reliance on motor vehicles. Apparently he freaking loves it, at least enough to running body slam some guy off his bicycle (VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP!). The cop has since had his badge and gun yanked while the incident is being investigated.
The video, posted anonymously, shows the officer standing in the street as bikes whiz past. He moves toward a cyclist and violently knocks him to the ground in front of crowds of people. The biker, Christopher Long, of Hoboken, N.J., was arrested because he was obstructing traffic in the heart of Times Square, a criminal complaint said. He was charged with attempted assault, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.The complaint said Long, 29, deliberately steered his bicycle into the officer, causing both of them to fall to the ground.
During his arrest, Long squirmed and kicked, saying to the officers, "You are pawns in the game. I'm gonna have your job," the complaint said.
Okay, it definitely didn't look deliberate on the part of the biker. That cop wanted to see dude's head splatter. And why on earth Long would tell the cops they're "pawns in the game" during his arrest, well, that's just not smart. They're at least the little castles.
Hit the jump for the video. It's worth a look.
Jul 29 2008 Windows Mojave: Vista In Disguise
This is a hidden-camera video released by Microsoft in which they had Vista naysayers that had no previous hands-on experience with the operating system take their latest OS, Windows Mojave, for a test drive. But it was really Vista in disguise! HIYO, that's an M. Night Shyamalanian twist right there! I'm not saying the people ended up looking like idiots in the end, but, well, they did. Okay, now I know what you're thinking, "That infernal Geekologie Writer is promoting Windows!", but this is not the case. The Geekologie Writer endorses no product!
UPDATE: Turns out Microsoft is advertising on the site. Which makes sense seeing how they the make the best damn operating systems on the planet! Also, Hondas are safe and reliable, not to mention great looking and fuel efficient (check out their new zero-emmission FCX Clarity). Lastly, Geekologie is typed exclusively on an HP laptop (it really is), and Mountain Dew: Code Red, despite personal, contradictory evidence, doesn't really make your dick shrink.
Thanks Popadopolis, now lets do something similar with Hardee's Thickburgers!
Jul 29 2008 T.I.E. Fighter Model Used In Star Wars: A New Hope On eBay, More Than You Can Afford
Want the T.I.E. Fighter model that was used in Star Wars: A New Hope? The one that hit Vader's ship? Well now you can, it's on eBay.
903. Original T.I.E. Fighter filming miniature and original camera reports from Star Wars: A New Hope. (TCF, 1977) During the nail-biting assault on the Death Star in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, this is the actual filming miniature of the T.I.E. Fighter that bumps into Darth Vader's fighter knocking him out of the trench, allowing Luke to destroy the Death Star. This historic piece is from the collection of Academy Award-winning Visual Effects wizard, Richard Edlund. The design concepts for the T.I.E. (Twin Ion Engine) Fighters of the Galactic Empire originally came from Colin Cantwell and Ralph McQuarrie. Joe Johnston, who was the visual effects art director and overall storyboard artist for the entire trilogy was very involved in the final finessing of the ships and Death Star designs. Only four T.I.E. Fighters were built for the first Star Wars film. Grant McCune, head of the model shop, used a fairly heavy but stable resin for the body of the ship and other resins for the tinier parts. It has a central hollow aluminum knuckle with six-way threadings for top, bottom, front, back, left and right side mounting options with 11/16 in. hollow threaded rods as wiring conduits which attached to the various self-lit neon blue pylons. The hexagonal wings are created of fine expanded metal sheeting. Much of the intricate design detail was robbed from plastic model kits, then modified and affixed.
Unfortunately, the little thing is only 18" H x 14" W, so there goes using it as a treehouse. So, what can one expect to pay for such a diminutive T.I.E. Fighter? How about $170,000? Yeah. There's never been a better time to kidnap, extort, blackmail, and/or auction your hitman services. I'll start by knocking off The Superficial Writer. Do I hear $10? $5? $1? 2-for-1 Whopper card? Fine cheapskates, but this is your only freebee.
Hit the jump for several more pictures and a link to the auction.
Jul 29 2008 $100,000 Jetpack Coming Next Year?
48-year old New Zealander, Glenn Martin, has spent over 26 years developing a jetpack, and believes it may be ready for sale next year. The 250 lb (part of it rests on the ground at idle so you don't have to lift the weight), 200hp, twin-rotor (it's not actually a jetpack) beast produces 600 lbs of thrust and can be flown for over 30 minutes on a tank of gas. Is it safe? Who cares, I want to fly. And, maybe afterwards, learn to swim.
"People come up and go, 'Is it safe?' " Mr. Martin said. "Safety is a relative thing. We think we have done a lot to make this by far the safest jetpack ever built." But, he acknowledged, "It's not a high bar."He added, "I've got to get my head around the fact that at some point, somebody is going to have a very bad experience."
Well, at least he's being realistic. But seriously Glenn, I want to be that somebody.
Hit the link for a video of the thing and a way long article that was really long that I may or may not have read all of.
Jul 29 2008 Guy's Mower Won't Start, He Shoots It
Keith Walendowski is (based on his picture) the last man in the world I'd expect to be a raging alcoholic and own illegal weaponry. But he is, and he does. One day, Keith, who had already eaten his bourbon breakfast, decided to partake in a little Russian-toe-roulette and mow his yard (which, incidentally, is also his mother's -- he still lives at home with her). So what did ol' Keith do when the mower wouldn't start? What any other freaking idiot in his situation would do, blast it with a sawed-off shotgun. Forget checking the gas and oil, when a mower doesn't start all it needs is some holes.
Police officers said Mr Walendowski had told them: "It's my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want." He was charged by police in Milwaukee with disorderly conduct and possession of a sawn-off shotgun. He could face a fine of up to $11,000 and a maximum prison sentence of six-and-a-half years if convicted.
Geez, six-and-a-half years? I assume that's mostly for the shotgun. But, uh, just out of curiosity -- blasting a weed-wacker is totally legit, right?
Hit the jump for an example of what a Mad Max collectible "sword"-off shotgun looks like.
Jul 29 2008 PWNSOME!: Zelda Ocarinas For Sale
I know Zelda ocarinas have been available for awhile now, because I bought one at a street fair two years ago, but these ones from ThinkGeek actually look sharp and worth the $40.
Product Features
* Real playable Ocarina lets you re-create your favorite Zelda tunes
* Made from glazed earthenware
* 6 Holes, Plays notes from C4-D5
* Includes song book with instructions on playing several Zelda tunes
* Tri-Force Logo adorns the stem
* Made in the USA
I paid $40 for the one I bought and I'm pretty sure it was made out of Sculptey and had the holes punched through it with different sized pens. And it didn't help the dude was selling it right alongside Zelda themed bongs. Despite my better judgment, I also bought a Goron Bomb Bag Bong. *BOOM!* I'm crunk.
Hit the jump for a closeup and a couple videos of people playing the Song of Time (one kid is even dressed like Link) on an ocarina. If you like it just do a search on Youtube, you can pretty much find every Zelda song covered.
Jul 29 2008 Homemade Transfomer Out Of Cigarette Box
This is a stop-motion video of some cigarette box Transformers. Well, they're not all cigarette boxes. I distinctly recall matchbox and condom box robots as well. The video is pretty well made although I did feel a seizure coming on a couple times. Did I mention this is probably old and you've already seen it before? You probably downloaded it off some Transformer forum in the early 90's when you were using CompuServe dialup at 14.4 kbit/s and pkunzipping nudey pics off the 3½ floppy your friend gave you. Please, tell me the story, I'm here to listen.
Youtube
Thanks to Lee, lord of audio, for the tip
Jul 29 2008 Ask Palpatine Contests: Star Wars Prizes
Askpalpatine, a website that encourages watchers to, well, ask a geriatric Palpatine puppet questions, is now holding a couple contests -- and one gives you the chance to win Star Wars related prizes! The first (no-prize) contest involves renaming Emperor Palpsmear.
The contest is called "What's my name?" People've been asking what Palpatine's real name is, but he's so old, he's forgotten, and he's looking for viewer's help: suggest the best new name for Palpatine, and that will become his name. No prizes, but credit and web-show fame.
That's easy -- Ol' Lightning Hands. Piece of cake. The next contest should prove more difficult though. And it involves prizes.
This one's called the "Design a Better Vader" contest. Basically, Vader's armor is getting a little long in the tooth, and could use some sprucing up. Viewers are being encouraged to submit a new design (sketch, painting, 3D model, whatever) of what a new, more bad-ass Darth Vader ought to look like. The winner gets a secret prize, and the winning design gets made into a puppet which will be featured on the show. We're still working out the specific prizes, but they will be awesome, and they will be Star Wars-related. Keep watching the skies! There will be one grand-prize winner, that's for sure. There will also be a number of runner-ups, too. Probably 3.
Hell yeah, I'm on it!
UPDATE: Finished! My sure to be winning entry is posted after the jump.
Continue Reading " Ask Palpatine Contests: Star Wars Prizes "
Jul 29 2008 Cuil: Google's New Competition?
Well if you haven't heard there's a new search engine that just moved in down the block and it's taunting the most indexed web pages (120 billion, 3x more than others) and a new way to display search results. From the company:
Cuil (pronounced COOL) provides organized and relevant results based on Web page content analysis. The search engine goes beyond today's search techniques of link analysis and traffic ranking to analyze the context of each page and the concepts behind each query. It then organizes similar search results into groups and sorts them by category.
And, according to the Huffington Post, people have been checking it out.
This morning the Google competitor started by former Google employees topped Google Trends. This means that people were using Google to find it's spunky new competitor. Misspellings of Cuil and Cuil's founder, Anna Paterson, were also top searches. Google may have been discouraged by this until they see 'Hot Trend' number 35, 'cuil sucks.'
Personally, I don't know if Cuil sucks or not because I've always been an Askjeeves kind of guy. Ha, did I just say that out loud? What I meant to say was The Geekologie Writer doesn't use search engines, the information comes to him. I just concentrate real hard on what I need aaaaaaand....CH34P V1@GR@. Shit, ladies I swear...
Cuil Website
and
Ouch- Cuil Dominates Google Trends [huffingtonpost]
Thanks to Matthew and SPM, who search the interwebs the old fashioned way, with bow and arrow.
Jul 28 2008 Holy Smokes: Slow Motion Face Punches
Slow-Motion Punches [collegehumor]
Thanks Lee, now sit still, this won't hurt a bit.
Jul 28 2008 Wait, What?: 25 Gesture Rock-Paper-Scissors
PRS 25 is rock-paper-scissors with 25 different gestures, also known as rock, paper, scissors, gun, dynamite, nuke, devil, laser, alien, moon, snake, sponge, cardboard, spoon, candle, dragon, geekologie writer, bowl, water, magic, dagger, tank, air, something, nachos, leopard, something, etc.. If 25 gestures is too many for you, there is also standard rock-paper-scissors and 5, 7, 9, 11, and 15 gesture varieties (and a mind-boggling 101-gesture version HERE). I like some of the explanations for why one particular sign beats another. Like, "Rock crushes woman", "Monkey flings poop at woman", and "Woman has sex with dragon". Okay, I made that last one up, but I did see it in a movie once. And that movie, my friends, was Harry Potter.
RPS-25 [newgrounds]
Thanks SomeGeek, you beat me again.
Jul 28 2008 RaceChairs: Sports Car Seats For The Cubicle
When I was shopping for just the right ass-receptacle for my cubicle, I considered the ejector seat chair, Hula chair, and tank chair. Unfortunately, I didn't know about these fast little numbers at the time. RaceChairs are actual seats from sports cars that have been converted into office chairs. Based on the picture, they may or may not be manufactured in somebody's guest bedroom. Depending on the model, they vary in price from a paltry $2,000 to over $10,000. Holy crap. That one there is from a Ferrari 360 and costs $3,000, but I just used the company card to get the $11,000 Lamborghini LP640 Murcielago. Yeah baby, the Geekologie Grand Prix is mine this year. I'd have won last year too, but a certain cheating taint threw down an oil slick (water cooler) that sent me careening into the infield (women's restroom), where I saw my life pass before my eyes before being carried off the track by adoring fans (I snuck a peek under a stall door and was escorted out by security).
Hit the jump for a couple more chairs.
Continue Reading " RaceChairs: Sports Car Seats For The Cubicle "
Jul 28 2008 LEGO Mindstorms Set Solves Rubik's Cube
Tilted Twister is a robot built from a Lego Mindstorms NXT set that can solve a Rubik's cube.
Tilted Twister solves Rubik's cube fully automatically. Just place the scrambled cube on Tilted Twister's turntable. An ultrasonic sensor detects its presence and starts to read the colors of the cube faces using a light sensor. The robot turns and tilts the cube in order to read all the faces of the cube. It then calculates a solution and executes the moves by turning, tilting and twisting the cube.
Performance* Scanning the cube: 1 minute
* Calculating a solution: 20 - 40 seconds
* Executing the moves: 1 - 5 minutes. Average 4.5 minutes (60 faceturns)
* Average total time: 6 minutes
Not bad. Granted it's not as impressive as the time I solved this cube in under an hour using only my red-hot poker, but it's not bad for a LEGO robot. That reminds me, have I ever told you about the Rubik's Cube show I saw in Tijuana? Scarring.
Hit the jump to see a video of the little guy in action.
Continue Reading " LEGO Mindstorms Set Solves Rubik's Cube "
Jul 28 2008 No Thanks: Psycho Inspired Shower Curtain
Personally, I like the classic model we posted a while back. But in somebody's unending quest to eff up a perfectly good original, here comes a new and "improved" version. Not only does this curtain have gratuitous blood splatterings, it makes noise! That's right, the $20 curtain has a motion sensor and when you enter the bathroom you get the REEE REEE REEE and Psycho scream! Shit, that'll never get old. I could listen to it upwards of, I dunno, once.
Bloody Serial Killer Shower Curtain Brings Murderous Fun Into the Bathroom [gizmodo]
Jul 28 2008 Star Wars Edited With Rush Hour Audio
I couldn't tell if you'd like this or not. Sometimes you're so picky. You love things that I think you'll hate, and hate things that I think are right up your alley. I guess what I'm getting at is this: our relationship is still in its infancy. We have lots of learning to do about one another. But that's what makes relationships so great, right? Well, that, and having a partner for the horizontal shuffle. Because, let's face it, it's just not the same with you and the bed.
If you don't like this one there are three more after the jump: one of Vader with Cheech & Chong audio, one of Han Solo and Greedo with Bladerunner audio, and the last one of Anakin and Padmé that is VERY VERY VERY NSFW because it has some audio from Clerks. "In a row?" Yeah, that part. That's the very last video, so DON'T CLICK IT AT WORK.
Jul 28 2008 Stephen Hawking In LEGO Form
This is Stephen Hawking in LEGO form. I have no idea of the maker's intentions, but it was posted with this comment:
Professor Stephen Hawking, CH, CBE, FRS, Lucasian Professor of Mathematics - Cambridge University. BEST WISHES ON YOUR TRIP TO THE STARS
So I'm thinking the person was being genuine. Regardless, I think we can all agree that Hawking is one of the most brilliant minds of our time and I'm dumb as hell. Love you, Stephen. Some of my favorite Hawkingisms:
I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.
Space, here I come!
The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.
I have no idea. People who boast about their IQ are losers. (response given to question about his IQ)
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Jul 28 2008 Kids Dig Up Corpse To Make Skull Bong
Wow, just wow. Kevin Wade and Mathew Richard, two 17-year olds from Houston, Texas, were recently arrested for abusing a corpse. They didn't try to have sex with it, but they did remove the skull to make a bong.
Police were interviewing Jones about the debit card fraud when he told them about the grave theft.Asked why Jones would volunteer the information police sergeant John Chomiak said: 'We can only speculate and guess to what goes on in the criminal mind.'
Come on sergeant, the kids didn't mastermind a bank heist, they dug up a corpse to make a bong. I'm pretty confident there isn't shit going on in their heads.
Teens make human skull bong [metro]
Thanks Gypsy and Paige, now come over and we'll take GB's out of my roommate's fishtank.
