Jul 18 2008 Epic Failure: Translate Server Error

If you're ever in China you have got to hit up Translate server error. Best food EVER.

Then we'll grab a bite at 404 Not Found [adfreak]

NOTE: I don't actually know if that's a restaurant or what. Anybody that can read it feel free to add.

Thanks Jason, a problem has been detected and Windows has been shut down to prevent damage to your computer.

Have a great weekend everyone, I'll miss you.

Jul 18 2008 Moon Transits Earth: Time-Lapse Video Caught From A Cool 31 Million Miles Away

This is a time-lapse video taken by NASA's EPOXI spacecraft from 31 million miles. It's pretty awe-inspiring. Halfway through the moon makes an appearance. You know, just to say what's up. In other lunar news: tonight's a full moon, so go check that shit out. But remember: If it's hairy, you're probably standing on the bathroom sink with your head between your legs, staring at your own ass in the mirror. Go outside.

HOLY FRAK! Moon transits Earth! [discover]

Jul 18 2008 Legit: The Dark Knight Joker Poker Set

The Dark Knight Joker Poker set is a limited edition that ships in August and costs $85.

This unique collectors' item includes a deck of 54 prop replica Joker cards (as seen in The Dark Knight film!) and a standard "playable" 4-suit, 54 card deck defaced by The Joker. Also included are 100 4-color poker chips in Joker-themed colors of green, purple, red and black, and 5 dice. The entire set comes housed in a black aluminum carrying case (which locks to prevent The Joker from defacing the second set of cards!), and the case is packaged in a 4-color box.

Seriously, f*** a 3-color box, those things are cheap. 4-colors, that's where it's at. OMG, OMG, The Dark Knight is out TODAY. Anybody wanna go with me? I'd go with my girlfriend but 1. she wouldn't appreciate it 2. I don't want to pay for her ticket (or yours either, cheapskate) C. she doesn't deserve to go, and B. she refuses to sneak booze in for me anymore. You knock over one bottle of bourbon and listen to it tink-tink-tink its way to the front of the theater and all of a sudden you're an "embarrassment" and "kicked out of Hellboy II".

Product Site
via
Batman: The Dark Knight Joker Poker Set [nerdapproved]

Jul 18 2008 Eye Candy: More Chinese Anti-Terrorism Exercises For The Olympics, With Captions!

Remember the picture of the Chinese military on Segways as part of an anti-terrorism exercise? Well it turns out there's a whole bunch more of them performing various drills. And I've posted them here for your viewing pleasure. This is one of the group practicing their synchronized flailing routine.

Hit the jump for 7 more, with captions!

Continue Reading " Eye Candy: More Chinese Anti-Terrorism Exercises For The Olympics, With Captions! "

Jul 18 2008 Capuchin Monk Plays In Heavy Metal Band. Monk NOT Monkey. The Kind That Wears A Robe And Loves God, Doesn't Throw Feces.

Cesare Bonizzi is a 62 year-old Capuchin monk who sings heavy metal. He was drawn to the music after going to a Metallica concert 15 years ago and has loved the style ever since.

His second heavy metal album, "Misteri" (Mysteries) has just been released.

In a sign of Brother Metal's eclecticism, it drew inspiration from a group of women in southern Italy who sang about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and a heavy metal version of that song is on the CD.

Other songs talk about how alcohol warms the heart but excess drinking can damage the liver, and how important sex is to man.

Ha, alcohol does warm the heart, doesn't it, Cesare? And you know what else does? Rescuing kittens. And also, fire. Seriously though, what's next, rapping nuns? No. Freaking. Way. Rapping nuns video added after the jump. And no, it's not Sister Act II.

Hold it now, hold it now, hold it now, hit it.

Continue Reading " Capuchin Monk Plays In Heavy Metal Band. Monk NOT Monkey. The Kind That Wears A Robe And Loves God, Doesn't Throw Feces. "

Jul 18 2008 eBay: Back To The Future II Shoe Prototype

This is a working prototype of the futuristic Nike's Marty McFly wore in Back to the Future II. This is not the shoe worn in the movie, it's the prototype from which the others were made. Oh, and it isn't a pair, it's just a single shoe.

They were originally called "Slamball Shoes," and that's what most people called them around Nike. There was supposed to have been a scene in the movie in which Marty plays Slamball, a game like 3D racquetball where the participants wear magnetic shoes which allow them to climb up the walls. That scene was never shot because the cost of building a huge room on gimbals to create the effect was too great.

The REAL name of the shoes in Marty McFly's world of 2015 was the "Nike Mag" because of their magnetic properties, and that's what is molded in the back of the heel.
The shoe is in "good" condition for what it is, but since the polyurethane midsole and fabric body of the shoe were simply spray-painted in the suggested color, some of the paint has flaked off over time. The LEDs, the electro-luminescent panel on the ankle strap, and one of the two electro-luminescent panels on the midsole still work. The other midsole panel comes on if you flex the shoe slightly.

Current bidding is at $2,550 with two days left. I'd bid on it, but I have two feet. Oh, and I try to stay clear of footwear that requires you have a battery pack strapped to your junk. That's just me though. Somebody call me when the hoverboard from the movie is for sale. And it better still hover.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of just how poorly things age when brought back in time.

Continue Reading " eBay: Back To The Future II Shoe Prototype "

Jul 18 2008 Steampunk R2 Is Cute As A Victorian Button

This is a picture of a steampunkified R2-D2 made by Deviant Art user Amoebabloke. Because, let's face it, steampunk and Star Wars are a match made in heaven. Like crabs and Old Bay. Or beer and liquor. Or my penis and coworker's coffee. The point I'm trying to make is this: that shit was scalding this morning.

Beer Barrel R2-D2 Steampunk Sculpture [neatorama]

Thanks crowbarsamuri, can I be tireironninja?

Jul 18 2008 Guy Finds Mysterious Keylogger In Laptop

Some guy opened his laptop to make a repair and found a rogue keylogger up in that mother.

What could this mean? I called Dell tech support about it, and they said, and I quote, "The integrated service tag identifier is there for assisting customers in the event of lost or misplaced personal information." He then hung up.

I called the police, as having a keylogger unknown to me in my laptop is a serious offense. They told me to call the Department of Homeland Security. At this point, I am in disbelief. Why would the DHS have a keylogger in my laptop? It was surreal.

So I called them, and they told me to submit a Freedom of Information Act request.

You can read a scanned copy of the reply to his request after the jump, but it basically says his request warrants no freedom of information. DHS for the win! Needless to say, I'm ripping my laptop apart right now.

UPDATE: Okay, I didn't find any mysterious keyloggers, but I did find a couple rogue Cheetos.

UPDATE UPDATE: False alarm. Purportedly fake -- and old. But I'm man enough to admit when I've screwed up, and this was clearly my tipsters fault. Whew, back to surfing porn.

Hit the jump for a scanned copy of the DHS reply to the request for information.

Continue Reading " Guy Finds Mysterious Keylogger In Laptop "

Jul 17 2008 DeWalt Edition M-16 Is Power Tooltastic

Kidding, it's not really a DeWalt edition rifle, it's just an M-16 some guy modded to look like one. Apparently, it's supposed to look like a nail gun.

I'd just picked up a new (to me) M-16 and was in the process of fixing it up a little. It needed new furniture anyway, so I sourced the safety yellow stock, guard, and grip. Then, I went down to the DeWalt factory service place a few miles from the house to get a sticker. There, I saw they had brand new battery casings, so I picked up one of those too. I got home, found a short magazine , and got to work.

Yeah buddy, that's what I'm talking about. I freaking love modded weapons (except these ones) and even dabble in them a little myself. Like when my wife was at work today I modded a bazooka to look like her hair dryer. Anybody want to go out for coffee tomorrow morning, say around 8:00?

UPDATE: Added more pics after the jump.

Continue Reading " DeWalt Edition M-16 Is Power Tooltastic "

Jul 17 2008 Sweeeeet!: Hands-Free Laptop Holder

The Connect-A-Desk is a $40 hands-free laptop desk that hangs from your neck. It was designed to make you look cool and I think it's safe to say it's working perfectly. My tipster, Kenny, had this to say about the device:

hey man, saw this on thinkgeek, and figured youd find something very mean to say about it :P hahaha

Now I don't know why you think I'm the kind of person that'd write something mean, Kenny, and I hate to disappoint a loyal reader, but this thing is bad-to-the-ass. I mean, it's hands-free, so you can walk around (or drive) and still use your computer. I do suggest they sell a towel attachment though. You know, one that hangs down in front low enough to cover your junk. HA! -- there aren't enough towels in the world to cover your junk! Good one. We're like opposites.

Thinkgeek Product Page

Thanks Kenny, and I know, I'm a disappointment.

Jul 17 2008 New Analog Watch Models From Tokyoflash

In a departure from their typically cryptic watches, Tokyoflash has just dropped a line of easier to read analog models from Nekura. That's three of the them there, but there are five in total, so hit the jump for high-res pictures of all of them. Each sells for $85, has an engraved strap which is available with a black or clear outer, and is sure to get you laid. Trust me, I have the Twilight (the middle one) and that thing attracts the ladies like a rare earth magnet attracts a female rare earth magnet. I just strapped that baby on and BA-BOOM, mad chicks were hanging all up on me and fondling my watch. It was sensual. I mean these chicks were so close their chestfruits were like a foot and half away from my mouth (a first!). Mmmm, I could smell the intoxicating scent of their shampoos and I just wanted to eat them up like a zombie chomping on a brain. You feeling me? Because I'm feeling you. Literally. And no, this doesn't count as sexual harassment. This is totally legit.

Hit the jump for a big picture of each one.

Continue Reading " New Analog Watch Models From Tokyoflash "

Jul 17 2008 Because You Hate Your Kids: Baby Wigs

First there were cat wigs, then dog wigs, and now, baby wigs. Baby Toupees are "small wigs for small people" and cost $22 apiece. Thankfully these weren't available when I was a baby or my mom would have bought them all. Baby Toupee: $22. F***ing your kids up for life: priceless.

Baby Toupee website (with a huge gallery of babies in other, discontinued models)

Thanks to Julian, who just purchased the whole set for his doll collection.

Jul 17 2008 Epic Failure: Kid Riding Jet Ski In Hot Tub

This is a short video of an asscap riding a jet ski in a hot tub. It's every bit the epic failure you'd expect. The whole time I was waiting for a cruise ship to come along and crush the dumb bastard to death, but my prayer went unanswered. Something about God hating me.

UPDATE: I'd like to apologize to all of you who were misled into thinking that Captain Numbnuts of the USS Special Ed was going to hurt himself by the inclusion of "epic failure" in the title and post. If it's any consolation, there was nobody wishing him more harm than myself. And also, YAAAAAAAAA! *UMPH* -- there, I just punched myself in the go-go-gadget-gonads for you.

Jet Skiing in a Jacuzzi Is Half Crazy Half Sad [gizmodo]

Jul 17 2008 Cool: Batman's Tumbler As A Transformer, Also, Tumber Vs. F1 Race Car, WHEE!

This is what Batman's Tumbler might look like as a Transformer. I say "might look like" because I'm pretty sure the real Transformer would be more piratey. You know, with a patch and peg-leg.

Make sure to check out the high-res picture, including info, here. And since the Dark Knight is dropping tomorrow and I'm as excited as the time I found out my girlfriend wasn't pregnant after all, I threw up some pictures and a video of the Tumbler and Toyota's F1 race car going at it after the jump.

Kris Kross will make you jump jump
uh huh uh uh
jump jump.

Continue Reading " Cool: Batman's Tumbler As A Transformer, Also, Tumber Vs. F1 Race Car, WHEE! "

Jul 17 2008 Disgruntled IT Administrator Comandeers San Francisco City Network, Gets Arrested, Sticks It To The Man By Refusing To Give Up Password

Terry Childs, 43, is acting like one and refuses to give up the password he created that is effectively blocking all access to San Francisco's new multimillion-dollar network. Why did he do it? Possibly because he was on the verge of canning.

Childs has worked for the city for about five years. One official with knowledge of the case said he had been disciplined on the job in recent months for poor performance and that his supervisors had tried to fire him. "They weren't able to do it - this was kind of his insurance policy."

Officials also said they feared that although Childs is in jail, he may have enabled a third party to access the system by telephone or other electronic device and order the destruction of hundreds of thousands of sensitive documents.

As part of his alleged sabotage, Childs engineered a tracing system to monitor what other administrators were saying and doing related to his personnel case, law enforcement officials said.

Damnit Terry, the city paid you $149,269 last year, just do your freaking job. I'd do anything for that kind of money, including, but not limited to: work, selling all my internal organs except the kidney, televangelism, and turning tricks in the back of a hybrid. I'm telling you, eco-friendly johns are a growing market. If the Prius is a rockin' don't bother knockin', you have to wait your turn or pay $5 to watch.

Way more in-depth article link follows.

S.F. officials locked out of computer network [sfgate]

Thanks Romeo, now lets do something similar to Skynet before it's too late.

Jul 17 2008 Had A Tetanus Shot?: More Scrap Metal Art

Remember Optimus "Scrap Metal" Prime from a couple weeks ago? Well here's some more. Scrap metal art that is, not Optimus Primes. Geekologie loyalist Julian spotted some of Metal Park's work at a street fair in NYC over the weekend and took some pictures. The artists make all sorts of different characters, that's a Big Daddy from BioShock there. Hit the jump for a couple more, including a dragon, Master Chief, Boba Fett and WALL-E. If you're interested check out their website, they make more scrap metal figures than you can shake a rusty shiv at. But don't touch anything: tetanus abound. You know, these reminds me of when I was a kid and my dad would take me to the construction site to play in the scrap metal heap. Like he always used to tell me, "What doesn't kill you only makes me wish it would have". Father of the year, hands down.

Hit the jump.

Continue Reading " Had A Tetanus Shot?: More Scrap Metal Art "

Jul 16 2008 Non-Newtonian Fluid On Subwoofer

This is a video of a non-Newtonian fluid on a metal sheet set atop a subwoofer. It's pretty cool to watch. In case you forgot (or never knew) what non-Newtonian fluids are, I've copy/pasted some Wikipedia below, and posted another video of some people running across a pool of the stuff after the jump.

A non-Newtonian fluid is a fluid whose flow properties cannot be described by a single constant viscosity. An inexpensive, non-toxic example of a non-Newtonian fluid is a solution of corn starch (corn flour) and water, sometimes called oobleck. The application of force - for example by stabbing the surface with a finger, or rapidly inverting the container holding it - leads to the fluid behaving like a solid rather than a liquid. This is the "shear thickening" property of this non-Newtonian fluid. More gentle treatment, such as slowly inserting a spoon, will leave it in its liquid state. Trying to jerk the spoon back out again, however, will trigger the return of the temporary solid state. A person moving quickly and applying sufficient force with their feet can literally walk across such a liquid.

Mix cornstarch to water in a 2:1 ratio to make your own. But if you don't have any cornstarch handy you can just use pancake batter.

UPDATE: Okay, who believed me and used pancake batter? Anybody, anybody? Suckers! This is the interwebs, folks -- you can't go around believing everything you read. And on an unrelated note, does anybody know how long it typically takes for a Nigerian prince to transfer funds into a U.S. bank account?

Hit the jump for a video of people running across a non-Newtonian fluid.

Continue Reading " Non-Newtonian Fluid On Subwoofer "

Jul 16 2008 Steve Wozniak Likes The Price Is Right

There was a time in my life that started when I turned 21 and ended on June 15, 2007 when I would get drunk at the bar everyday at 11:00 A.M. and watched The Price Is Right. And if you think I'm joking, sadly, I am not. Anyway, this is a picture of Stephen "Woz" Wozniak, co-founder of Apple, watching the show from the front row. Sadly for Woz, he was never called down to contestant's row and given the opportunity to win a diamond tennis bracelet or curio cabinet. Still, you have good taste in game shows, Steve. Give me a call sometime and we'll pound some beers (you're buying) and complain about how freaking stupid the contestants are. We may even scream at them through the television. Good times. Miss you Bob, think about you and your beauties everyday at 11:00. <3

Hit the jump for another picture of Woz and some of my favorite Price is Right videos including the stoner that always guesses 420, one of the dumbest contestants ever, and a bloopers reel.

Continue Reading " Steve Wozniak Likes The Price Is Right "

Jul 16 2008 Tempest Storm, Born 1928, Still Stripping

Tempest Storm was born in 1928 by some other name and was stripping by 1950. And guess what -- she's still at it. And, oh, I just puked a little.

"I don't just get up there and rip my clothes off," she says.

Indeed, the 80-year-old burlesque queen takes her clothes off very slowly.

Her act is a time capsule. She knows nothing of poles. She would never put her derriere in some man's face. Her prop of choice is a boa, perhaps the occasional divan.

It takes four numbers, she says adamantly, four numbers to get it all off. To do it classy.

I disagree Tempest, three minutes is about all the class I can stand. Anyway, the geriatric Storm claims she dated Elvis and regularly danced for the likes of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Mickey Rooney, Nat King Cole, and The Geekologie Writer's great-grandfather. Okay, the puke dribble has developed into a full fledged projectile vomit, so I'm gonna have to wrap things up here with another quote.

Oh my God, I'm emptying my whole stomach.

Ha, I quoted myself. Hit the jump for two more pictures, but a warning: one is from the back (waist up) and shows her in her stripping outfit. It's definitely suitable for work, but not for a mere mortal's eyes. You have been warned. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I WARNED YOU. WARNING, WARNING! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! F*** it, lose your sight, I don't care.

Hit it if you're cool with blindness.

Continue Reading " Tempest Storm, Born 1928, Still Stripping "

Jul 16 2008 Tetris Ice Cubes Keep Drinks Cold, Gamey

We've seen Tetris shelves, mirrors, decals, waffles, and even another set of ice cube trays, but here comes another. Because, well, I love Tetris and I love drinking. Both hold a very special place in my heart. A place I go when my wife starts blathering about the rough day she had at work and I'm trying to tune her out.

tetris + ice cubes = icetris [technabob]

Thanks Shawn and Mary, now lets play a game. It's called Drinktris, and we'll make up the rules as we go along. Rule 1: Drink. Rule 2: Something to do with Tetris. Oh, I've got it -- shapes. So we drink and call out shapes. I'll start. *gulp* Orange. Okay, your turn Shawn.

Jul 16 2008 Oops: How Not To Use A Drive-Through ATM

This is how not to use a drive-through ATM. Now I hate to sound sexist or anything, but this is quite clearly a woman's doing. So what if the only people in the truck were a guy and his 10-year old son? His wife probably demanded some cash before allowing them to leave on their male-bonding camping trip. And you know what she was gonna use the money for while they were gone? Shoes. Shoes and, more than likely, a male stripper. Now do I know women or do I know women? I freaking know them like the back of my hand. See, there's the scar from when I cut myself opening a can of catfood, and there's the...wait a minute, I don't remember getting a "chauvinist asshole" tattoo.

Note: Thankfully, both the driver and his son escaped from the truck unharmed.

Thanks Kate and Jaybone, either one of you want to be towed behind my truck on an office chair? We could go through the drive through at Dairy Queen and get ice creams.

Jul 16 2008 Pope Benedict XVI Sending Text Messages

Pope Benedict XVI is now sending messages of encouragement to pilgrims (you know, the people that ate with the Indians) via SMS texting. The first message was sent this morning and reads as follows:

Young friend, God and his people expect much from u because u have within you the Fathers supreme gift: the Spirit of Jesus - BXVI

No he didn't. Did he? He did. He used a U instead of spelling you.

Hs holiness,

U R lIk 100 yr.z old. pls dun uz U insted of "you" n futR txt msgz.

Sincerely,

d Geekologie Writer

p.s. i M l337 txtor

Note: The story is real, the picture I made.
Pope Benedict XVI texting out messages of encouragement [engadget]

Thanks Julian, but seriously -- stop texting tips, they cost me 40¢ apiece

Jul 16 2008 Millenium Falcon And Master Yoda Cakes

Whee, two Millennium Falcon posts in a row! I bet all you readers out there with Millennium Falcon fetishes are Kessel Running out of your minds right now like you're on glitterstim spice thanks to all the awesomeness I so selflessly provide for you. As you can see, we've got two cakes here. On the left, a Millennium Falcon (made by Charm City Cakes), and on the right, Master Yoda (made by Mikkel Mihlrad for Star Wars Weekends). They're both made out of eggs and flour and shit (damnit, not literally) and look unbelievably amazing. Almost too good to eat. Almost, but I'd blast the hell out of those things like Greedo in the Mos Eisley Cantina -- into my face. NOM NOM NOM. You know, I think these cakes serve as an important reminder. A reminder that, no matter how sincere they sounded, my parents were lying whenever they told me they loved me.

Hit the jump for larger photos so you can really appreciate the amazing work that went into these caketacular masterpieces.

Continue Reading " Millenium Falcon And Master Yoda Cakes "

Jul 16 2008 LEGO Millennium Falcon Time Lapse Build

This video is a little older, so you may have already seen it. But if not, you're in for a real treat. If you have seen it already, you're in for fond memories of a treat eaten awhile ago. It's a time-lapse video of some guy building a Millennium Falcon LEGO set. Not the 5,195 piece Ultimate Collector's set though, a smaller one. But it's not just a boring build, he actually makes the pieces dance around on the table and shit while being assembled. It's very well done and took over 38 hours to complete. Which is more time than I've ever spent on a project in my entire life. Hell, I've even had marriages that didn't last that long. Ask my current wife if you don't believe me, we just celebrated our 24-hour anniversary this morning. And honestly -- I think we're about ready to call it quits. Isn't that right, what's-your-face?

Youtube

Thanks to Lockjaw, who needs to learn to wear shoes. All it takes is one rusty nail.

Jul 15 2008 Evan, 5, Gets Transformers Cake For Birthday

Evan, a 5-year old from Whoknows, Orcares, got a Transformers cake for his birthday. As you can see, it's fairly well made and features a lead-based Transformers logo on top. But don't eat the figurines, Evan, or your fifth birthday may transform into your last. HAHA AHAH! Seriously though, Evan, I had a real-life Transformer at my 5th birthday. He started off as my dad, but after a bottle of Evan Williams transformed into a guy that made out with the magician's assistant and sat on my cake.

Hit the jump for a close-up of the logo.

Continue Reading " Evan, 5, Gets Transformers Cake For Birthday "

Jul 15 2008 The iGiveUp: A Handgun Bluetooth Handset

The iGiveUp is a Bluetooth handset in the form of a gun. You just put the barrel in your ear and pull the trigger to make and receive calls. There's an Instructable if you want to make your own, and it's not too complicated. The concept may or may not have been developed by the guy who made Mana Energy Potions seeing how his Instructibles name is ManaEnergyPotion and there's a picture of him surrounded by bottles of the stuff. I've got to hand it to whoever is responsible though, there have been many times when I'd have rather have just wrapped this life up than take a phone call. Like this morning when my parole officer called to ask why my ankle monitor reported I'd been in Vegas over weekend. You know what I told him? Because I love drinking, gambling and prostitutes. Which, incidentally, is how I got arrested in the first place. As the saying goes: you can't teach an old dog not kill another hooker.

Hit the jump for a video of the folks showing the gun off to people waiting in line for the new iPhone.

Continue Reading " The iGiveUp: A Handgun Bluetooth Handset "

Jul 15 2008 Guy Tries To Rob Pizza Joint, Gets An Extra Large Knocked The Hell Out

There's nothing funnier than when some asshat tries to rob a pizza joint and ends up getting knocked the f*** out. Especially when his wig falls off and an employee realizes it's her dad.

As Stephanie Martinez was getting money out of a cash drawer, a co-worker, Rudy Sandoval, fought back against the intruder, knocking off his wig and sunglasses. Whe she saw the face behind the wig and dark glasses, "I dropped the money," Ms. Martinez said. "I said, 'Don't hit him again! That's my dad!' And he said, 'What's he doing here?' and I said, 'I don't know!' "

Wow, surprisingly, Stephanie was not in on the job, but her mom was. Robbing your daughter's workplace -- now that's family for you. Hold on, door.

UPDATE: It was my dad, he kicked me in the face and stole my wallet.

Skip to 1:15 for the action, 2:45 for a close-up.

Denton pizza employee: Surprised to see dad when wig falls off robber [dallasnews]
and
Do not rob this pizza store [break]

Thanks to Jaybone and Julian, now one of you bring over a pizza. I can't cook and had to dump the girlfriend after I found out she has a thing for some Italian's sausage.

Jul 15 2008 Crashed B-2 Bomber Pics Get Me Misty Eyed

If there's one thing that's sad, it's the death of a pet. Followed distantly by $1.2 billion plane crashes. And, while we've already posted another picture and video of the crash, here are some nice close-ups of the now infamous wreck. Pretty sad isn't it? I think so. Of course, it's not as bad as when Hammy the Hamster went. There are very few things sadder than watching your dad cook and eat your only friend because you couldn't make it to base in a little league game.

Hit the jump for two more pictures, including one of a firetruck and another of two doctors crawling through a field with a steampunk computer. Just kidding, apparently they're deactivating remaining explosives in the ejector seat.

Continue Reading " Crashed B-2 Bomber Pics Get Me Misty Eyed "

Jul 15 2008 Magic 3-D Box Displays Images In 3-D

The gCubik is a little 10cm (~4 inch) cube designed by Japan's National Institute of Information and Communications Technology (NICT) that can display 3-D images via integrated imaging technology and its multiple sides.

The NICT wants to significantly improve the display quality within 3 years. A wireless version is in the works as well. The institute aims at commercializing the gCubik for use in business and science. They say their invention could be used by video game companies, too, for example.

Sure, video games, that would be fun. But let's face it: the box was designed for 3-D porn. Can you imagine what a boob would look like on that thing? Yeah, pretty shitty. Still, it's a step.

UPDATE: I've decide the box looks like a ghost containment trap from Ghostbusters.

Amazing mini 3D-display cube developed in Japan [crunchgear]

Thanks Romeo, just imagine how awesome Portal would be on that thing.

Jul 15 2008 FAKE!: Last Week's Stormtrooper Smash

Remember those Scout Trooper smashing devil-women from last week? Well, as some of you had guessed, a video released yesterday proves it was, in fact, fake. Turns out the dude was in on it the whole time and they were destroying the doll because it was already broken and they needed proof of destruction to get a replacement from Sideshow Collectibles.

Congratulations on the trickery folks, you're all a bunch of assholes! Do you know how many sleepless nights I've had since watching the original video? All of them. Honestly, this doesn't change my opinion of the women whatsoever, and I still suggest they be burned at the stake. Only now, the guy can join them.

Youtube

Thanks to entropic soul for making me wish harm on all those involved even more now.

Jul 15 2008 Shouting Vase Turns Yelling Into A Whisper

The shouting vase is a $79 jug that you yell into after you stub your toe on the coffee table or your wife cooks your eggs the wrong way. It drastically reduces the volume of your screaming, as is evident from the scientific picture in the bottom right.

Turn your loudest, most urgent frustrations into mere whispers with the Shouting Vase. The plastic jug is designed to fit over the contours of your mouth and absorb your screams and shouts, "storing" them in the vase and emitting a softer version of your angry cries through the tiny hole at the base. Ideal for when you feel like shouting, but know that speaking softly is more likely to do the trick. Or the perfect gift for the loud one in your life.

The loud one in my life, huh? Why don't you just come out and say "your wife"? Because that's obviously what you meant. I'd get one, but $79 is kind of expensive for a plastic freaking scream jug. Let me know when they're under $20, until then I'm sticking to pillow biting.

Product Page

THANKS FRANK, THIS THING REALLY WORKS WONDERS!!!

Jul 15 2008 Scientists Collect Cow Toots To Better Understand Their Effects On Global Warming

Argentinian scientists are collecting cow gas in an effort to understand how the methane produced by our bovine brethren is affecting the global solar cooker we call earth and its atmosphere.

As one of the world's biggest beef producers, Argentina has more than 55 million cows grazing in its famed Pampas grasslands.

Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology, said every cow produces between 800 to 1,000 liters of emissions every day.

Methane, which is also released from landfills, coal mines and leaking gas pipes, is 23 times more effective at trapping heat in the atmosphere than carbon dioxide.

Every cow produces 1,000 liters of emissions? Holy hellfire. I can't believe we can even breathe anymore. The scientists hope that by understanding the process by which cattle produce methane, they'll be able to alter their diets to produce less of the gas. Well call me old fashioned, but I think there's a much more logical, less scientific method for getting a cow to produce less tootage -- make them huff their own gas bags. Now I don't like awards ceremonies, so just go ahead and send the Nobel Prize to my parent's house.

Cow farts collected in plastic tank for global warming study [telegraph]

Thanks Jim and Julian, is it true that huffing cow ass gets you high?

Jul 14 2008 How To Win At Claw Machines: The Little Kid Method. Also, A Picture Of My Claw Winnings

We've all heard the stories before: some kid crawls into a claw machine trying to snag a free prize. Until now we just had to read about, but here comes the video! Note to parents: no matter what your paternal instincts are telling you, a claw machine is not a suitable babysitter. Hard to believe, I know.

Hit the jump for a picture I took with my cameraphone a while ago with a bunch of my claw machine winnings laid out (I'm a real catch ladies). Seriously, those are mine, and yes, the bullwhip in front actually came out of a claw machine. It was right next to a slingshot.

Continue Reading " How To Win At Claw Machines: The Little Kid Method. Also, A Picture Of My Claw Winnings "

Jul 14 2008 More Iranian Missile Photoshoppings

Remember last week's story about Iran Photoshopping their missile launch pictures? Well it turns out that several other individuals, inspired by the fine work by yours truly, have taken to Photoshopping their own versions of the picture. Hit the jump for several more, and if you happen to have seen another one, or have made one yourself, send me a link and I'll throw it up in the gallery. Like my grandfather used to say while squinting one eye and pointing his finger like a gun at anybody who walked past his house, "Pew pew, bitches, pew pew! Words to live by folks.

Hit the jump for the gallery.

Continue Reading " More Iranian Missile Photoshoppings "

Jul 14 2008 Tom Selleck Cake Is Chest Hair Delectable

If there's one thing I learned from watching every single episode of Magnum P.I., it's that I want to live in Hawaii and drive a Ferrari. If there are two things I've learned it's that I want to live in Hawaii and drive a Ferrari, and then lick Tom Selleck's chest hair in the most non-sexual mancrush way possible. Well birthday girl Emma got the next best thing when her friend Alicia Poicia made her a sweet Tom Selleck cake.

I will admit, this cake did not turn out how I envisioned. I initially imagined nipples, a bigger portrait area, and better bordering, lettering, and so on. I found myself running out of time, so the bordering, the lettering, and flowers were tremendously rushed and overall half-assed. Thus, they really bother me to look at.

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself Alicia. I didn't even notice there were flowers on the cake. I was too busy staring at the wormy man-hair covering Tom's glistening chest. Did I mention I like the mustache? I like the mustache. You can almost hear it asking, "Hey ladies, wanna go for a ride?" Oh oh, I do Tom, I do!

What's Better than Tom Selleck? A Tom Selleck Cake! [seriouseats]

Thanks Mariah, you think you could make me something similar for my birthday? But, you know, with real hair?

Jul 14 2008 Impressive: Homemade Paintball Sentry

Some dude made a paintball sentry that automatically detects moving objects and lights them up (with paintballs, not light, silly!). It's pretty freaking impressive. Skip to 2:00 to see an impressive distraction test, 3:30 to see a kid on a trampoline getting destroyed, and then keep watching to see the thing shooting at a guy speeding by in a Jeep. The kid that made the unit hopes to sell them once he's fine-tuned the design, but claims, "My ridiculously low income is the only thing slowing me down." Tell me about it, paintball sentry maker, I'm right there with ya. My ridiculously low income is the only thing keeping me living in my parent's attic. Well, that and I've befriended the mice. Haven't I, Cheesy Weesy? You're my little mousey wousy, aren't you? Gimme kissy. OW, YOU BIT ME YOU LITTLE....uh-oh. Aw George, I can still tend the rabbits, can't I?

Some Guy Went and Built a Sentry Gun [kotaku]

Thanks to Harry and Sev, both of whom could easily dodge the paintballs with their l33t ninja skills

Jul 14 2008 Hat Tech: Ladies, The Bang-Go Is A Must

If there's one thing I know, it's fashion. So believe me when I tell you that these hats are totally gonna be the new paisley. The Bang-Go is a hat made for women and men with bangs that want to wear a hat but don't like the wear they crush their precious hairstyle. Bang-Gos costs $20, should have been called Go-Bangs, and the top can be removed if you just want a visor. This reminds me: I was getting drunk at the bar the other day and I kept trying to take a cameraphone picture of this chick at the bar who had the most ridiculous bangs I've ever seen. They weren't even bangs, they were freaking booms. HUGE. She caught me though and I had to buy her a Budweiser and lie about how awesome I thought her bangs were and how I wanted my girlfriend to do something similar. I eventually asked if I could touch them and she let me. Long story short: I haven't washed my hand since.

Product Site

Thanks Tara, I'll get one if you get one.

Jul 14 2008 Why Not?: Kid Makes N64 Controller Pipe

Ah, it seems like only yesterday I was a college freshman in the dorm puffing on a tinfoil pipe and blowing the smoke through a dryer-sheet filled 20oz bottle. Good times. Which could have been better if I had a wicked N64 pipe at the time. But I didn't. What I did have was a dorm custodian that would occasionally drop off a rubber glove stuffed with a NASCAR lighter and partially smoked pipe for me to finish off. I'd give anything to be 18 again.

N64 Controller Bong Combines the Two Reasons Your College GPA Sucked [gizmodo]

Thanks Alex, send me a picture after you make an X-Hotbox 360 and I'll post it.

Jul 14 2008 Russian Ravers Go Blind From Laser Show

As many as 29 people may have partial vision loss as the result of a laser light show at an outdoor rave near Moscow last week. Several have experienced vision loss as high as 80 percent.

Attendees said heavy rains forced organizers to erect massive tents for the all-night dance party, and lasers that normally illuminate upwards into the sky were instead partially refracted into the ravers' eyes.

Now don't get me wrong, a person losing their vision is freaking awful, and I hope all those affected by this show can get some kind of help. But the point I'd like to make is this: a laser light show where the possibility of going blind doesn't exist is a crappy laser light show. You might as well hire a kid swinging a flashlight on a string. Seriously though folks, I wish these ravers the best and would like to remind you, the reader, to be careful with your eyes. Like testicles*, you only get two.

*Or ovaries.

Ravers lose sight at Russian laser show [reuters]

Thanks Mark and Romeo, have either one of you ever bitten through a glow-stick? I have, it tasted awful.

Jul 14 2008 Woman Selling 'Cursed' iPhone On eBay

eBayer noli.tumi may have purchased hot pink hair extensions and fake eyelashes in the past, and even dabbled in selling jewelry, but now she's going for the gusto and selling her brand new 3G iPhone. Oh, did I mention it's cursed? And that she's asking $8,180,000.50?

When I opened the package.

The phone was on.

There were no cute buttons, no touch screen. (NEVER touch the screen, I'll tell you why later on.)

Instead, there was a blurry image of Steve Jobs burned into it. At first I didn't recognize it at all, my brother told me he was sure it was Steve Jobs. We looked through some pictures online and we are pretty sure the image is that of Steve Jobs.

I tried to rub it off thinking it was a joke, but the screen was SUPER HOT. I pretty much burned my fingers and as I type this, the middle and ring fingers on my right hand barely feel the keys on this keyboard. Never ever touch the screen of this ipod. The sides are cool room temperature, but the screen is intensely hot.

The image doesn't move, it's burned on so its not on the LCD. The LCD doesn't even turn on. However the sound does work, and occasionally (ussually when someone is looking at it or talking about it, but it might be a coincidence)
The iPhone chuckles, loudly!

Steve Jobs just laughs at me. Over and over and over. I've had it for a day and it hasn't run out of batteries. The sound still works. It laughs while I sleep. It laughs at me in the car. At work. Everywhere.

I was going to return it, but maybe someone is interested in this haunted piece of technology.

Now I'm not saying noli is trying to pull our leg here, but I am saying it's f***ed up she's charging $3.99 for shipping. I call witch, somebody start a fire.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Dimitri, who's trying to sell a cursed pager. Buy it now, $2.