Jun 9 2008The 3G iPhone Is Here, Fanboys Rejoice And Start Waiting Outside Apple Stores, I Get Drunk And Try To Forget About Life Like Any Other Day
Well folks, after months of rumors and speculation, Apple officially announced the new 3G iPhone today at the Apple Worldwide Developers Conference. It has exactly everything everyone thought it would. Well, except when I thought it was going to be a 3D iPhone. Because it doesn't have that. Everything else though, like 3G speed and GPS. The only real news is the price -- $199 for an 8GB, $299 for 16GB. And as an added bonus, the 16 is also available in white. Oh happy day! They'll all be available starting July 11th, so I'm headed up to the closest Apple store to start my month-long camp out. And by "start my month-long camp out" I mean I'll plow my car into the front of the line right before the store opens so I can be first. And by "plow my car into the front of the line right before the store opens" I mean continue lying on the couch. And by "continue lying on the couch" I quite literally mean I'm just gonna keep lying here.
Reader Comments
1. damn luddites - June 9, 2008 4:54 PM
wow, big fucking deal...
2. Devine - June 9, 2008 4:54 PM
it's July 11th.
3. Jason - June 9, 2008 5:02 PM
Will it finally let me send and receive f-cking picture messages like every other phone in the world has been doing now for years?
4. puma.the.hero@gmail.com - June 9, 2008 5:08 PM
the last iphone let you send pictures. you had to use email. this one would also allow you to save pictures received in an email.
5. The Malicious Lingerer - June 9, 2008 5:17 PM
According to reuters, they start shipping July 11
6. Who gives a fuck - June 9, 2008 5:32 PM
My N95 will still destroy the living fuck balls out of this bitch phone thing
7. Jim Jones - June 9, 2008 5:42 PM
Yay, another toy for super-rich, megalomaniac Steve Jobs to milk everyone with. I'm waiting for Google's Android phones to start showing up, something that actually has some potential.
8. CD - June 9, 2008 6:04 PM
"Twice as fast" and "Half the price" must hurt the people who bought the original iphone...
9. pdrunk - June 9, 2008 6:13 PM
To keep up with tradition, Apple will put out a 32GB iphone for the same price as the 16GB and it will come in fire engine red putting the new 16GB iphone at $199 all after only one month of the new 3G phones being on the shelves. Then mass rioting will ensue. Fires abound. "Genius Bar" technicians beaten so horribly that they pee blood when you ask them a simple question like "Paper or plastic?" Merry Stevemas indeed.
10. SandraB - June 9, 2008 6:33 PM
I was going to ask why the Superficial writer always shits on you. I think this post kinda answers that question.
11. none - June 9, 2008 6:58 PM
#4, you moron, you missed the point about what #3 is saying. Not everyone has email on their phone, infact, FAR more people have picture text messages on their phone then email. So, why in the world wouldn't the iphone? MMS is NOTHING new, but the iphone decides it's too good for it? what a joke...
12. Mr Art - June 9, 2008 7:31 PM
#2. I hope that was a joke.
13. Willravel - June 9, 2008 9:46 PM
The $199 price is hard to ignore.
#6 The N96 has slower G3 capabilities than the iPhone 3G when loading web content on the native browser. I'd wait until actually seeing and experiencing the iPhone 3G before further demonstrating why opinions on the internet are useless. I'm sure you also taut the iRiver Clix as superior to the 80+% market share iPod.
#11 Are you author Dale Carnegie, who wrote How to Win Friends and Influence People? Because your message communicates the subtle nuance of respectful speech necessary for people to pay attention to what you're saying or writing. You moron.
14. Matt - June 9, 2008 9:59 PM
man all you people need to QQ somewhere else - TEH I-PHONE 3G IS COMIN!
15. Charlie - June 9, 2008 10:08 PM
#8
That just gives them more apple cred.
16. HereIambaby - June 9, 2008 10:47 PM
Cute and Smart. Love it very much. I am a single girl from blackcentury.com
17. Kesang Tseten - June 10, 2008 12:50 AM
#6 hahaha suck it up loser, the N95 is just another nokia POS. pig arse slow, interface designed by a drunk retarded monkey, a 5megapixel sensor that is utter crap. the whole phone looks like is was designed in 1991. you must be so proud to own a bit of history
18. poop - June 10, 2008 3:04 AM
a few guys have large cocks. most don't. apple has always been one of the few.
me and my monster snake are buying a 3G iPhone, come July 11, 2008.it don't make a damned bit of difference what these non-tech savvy niggaz have to say about it. it's hip to be square.
19. poop - June 10, 2008 3:06 AM
i'm gonna say "niggaz" again. 'cause i' been listnin to some david allan coe and i don't take no shit from *you*.
20. julie - June 10, 2008 9:08 AM
I currently own a T-Mobile Dash and let's just say it SUCKS. It didn't live up to my expectations whatsoever, I pay $80 a month and get nothing in return, signing up for a TWO year contract was a HUGE mistake, I have another year left. Now that Apple stopped overcharing for the iPhone I can happily say i'm going to get one this weekend and terminate my contract with T-Mobile. YAY!
21. pdrunk - June 10, 2008 1:12 PM
@20
You do know the new iphone doesn't come out until July 11th, right?
22. Jumpin_J - June 10, 2008 1:12 PM
#20 Julie - Regarding the overcharging, you better think again. Not only will you have to switch to AT&T which sucks, the unlimited data program is going to cost $10 more per month. Saving money now to pay lots more for it later. Ooooooh, where can I sign up for that deal?!
23. N95 still fucks you in the ass - June 10, 2008 3:20 PM
I like you fairy pants faggots who call the N95 a bad phone because it looks like it was "Made in the 80's" WTF are you talking about? Have you ever held one. The fucker is tiny just like your herpes infected dick.
Also, the "3G", I believe you called it G3 dumb fuck, isn't any faster on the Iphone. The browser may be because of the Iphones 600 MHZ processor.
And for the guy mocking its 5 meg camera. Are you a fucktard or what? A sucky 5 meg camera. Its still a fucking 5 meg camera you fucking Apple pole smoker. Whats the Iphone got?
Ok lets go to features:
Iphone 3g:
Touchscreen
Ability to make you attractive to members of the same sex
N95:
GPS (multiple free and non free programs such as Amaze and Garmin)
3G (Yawn old news)
Skype
VOIP Tech
MMS (WOW!!!)
Internet Radio (1000+ Stations for free)
Ability to tag photos with location and upload them to Flickr instaneously where they appear on a map of where you took them.
Ability to upload pics/videos immediately
Use your phone as a Webcam to stream live to the net.
"Pod" cast from your phone.
Video calls
Open Source Software that doesn't cause your phone to be bricked
Multiple Web Browsers
Emoze app to get your Work OWA email
IM Programs
ORB
Quake 1, 2 Doom 1, 2
Ngage
Use your phone as a Wifi access point with Jaiku Spot or Walking Hot Spot
Radio
DIVX Player
Downloadable internet videos
RSS readers (Mobispine)
Weather Apps
Workout trackers such as Sports tracker
So yea the N95 fucks the Iphone in the asshole
24. guate6 - June 11, 2008 2:24 AM
I use a mobile phone for making and receiving phone calls. Occasionally, to exchange text/picture messages. The features the iPhone and N95 have are neat, but I have enough computers with well over 2TB of space, ram, and capabilities exceeding both phones combined. If I had a lot of extra money, sure I'd buy one, but I don't need one, since the services and features are something I can do easily with any one of my computers. I use a Samsung phone...not the best thing in the world, but it works and I'm satisfied. All phone companies suck.
/rant
25. sowhat - June 11, 2008 4:51 AM
This thing looks like it will die when you drop it on the pavement.
I have a three-years old Nokia simpleton phone (as opposed to a smartphone) and I can't count how many times I've abused it - dropped it, taken it apart, one time there was this accident with Indian food... What I'm saying is that the iPhone seems a slipperly little devil and I don't want it. I'm looking at N95, I know it's a bit sluggish and has tons of somewhat useless features, but goddammit! I will for once in my life own a big-ass useless phone!
26. sumobunny - June 11, 2008 9:20 AM
Apple/AT&T are playing a numbers game, and you (the consumer) are losing.
Currently, the iPhone costs $400 + $20/month for 24 months for the data plan, which is $880.
Going forward, the 3G iPhone will cost $200 + $30/month for 24 months, which is $920 (200+30*24). And if you layer in the SMS rates to make it apples-to-apples at either $5 or $20, you're at an extra $120 or $480. So the best comparison is probably $880 to $1040, which is about 20% more.
(plus you still have to pay for phone service if you wanna use it as ...Oh a phone.)
27. Jacque Denise Yap - July 4, 2008 5:16 AM
OK, so this is geeking out but with Gates retiring and Jobs unveiling the new iPhone, someone had to do one last 'How do you Compare': Steve Jobs v. Bill Gates. So, with both of these guys who have dominated the technology world for the last 25 years, let's look at their most recent big ticket tech toys.
But when it comes down to it, the Xbox360 has more to offer. The iPhone has a bigger cool factor in showing off the tech toy at a bar in front of all the women. Xbox360 stays at home in your 'cave'. So, i guess the real question is whether or not the iPhone enough of a chick magnet that you don't need the Xbox360 when you get home that night?
28. Jacque Denise Yap - July 4, 2008 5:19 AM
oh you can saw their video in http://clashorama.com/?id=0
29. Pimp Bberry - July 12, 2008 9:07 AM
Wow is all i have to say> pretty simple. 400 for the first iphone and 200 for the second iphone> you morons are paying 600 for the 3giphone because you cant sell the first piece of shit for more than a pack of tic tacs. Apple and Jobs can both shove it what a rip off. Bberry rules. I rather by a bag phone and a palm pilot than a iphone. stupid apple fan boys, look i can touch the screen, i cant do pic msgs, voice dial, etc, etc, etc,etc,etc,etc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wake the fuck up!!!!