Jun 30 2008Shock Absorber Sports Bras: Because You Don't Want To Be Flopping Around Like This
In the same "what would I look like wearing..." vein as last month's Knicker Pickers website, comes Shock Absorber sports bras. Of course they've gone about things a little differently. Instead of actual video of chicks walking around in their intimates, Shock Absorber has gone the CG route. You just choose a breast size A - FF/GOMG and then a level of activity from light (yoga) to extreme (running) and the website uses a CG model to show you an animation of what your boobs look like during said activity with 1. no bra 2. a regular bra and 3. a Shock Absorber bra. Needless to say I went straight for the FF's at extreme, and let me tell you what: something magical happened. The company, in an attempt to pawn off their $52 bras, says breasts can move up to 14cm (~5.5 inches) during heavy exercise (which is a world of difference from last week's 36-inch claim), but I think the true value lies somewhere between those two, preferably nearer my face.
Hit the jump for the uncensored CG pictures and a link to the website so you can try it for yourself. But a warning: they're probably NSFW unless you get paid to animate CG boobs.
Thanks to Ethan, who almost loves breasts as much as I do.
Reader Comments
1. theoutsider - June 30, 2008 5:02 PM
BOOBIES!
Hey, I just wanted to hurry up and put something before some jackoff wrote "FIRST!"
2. Allyson - June 30, 2008 5:12 PM
Something I've always pondered...
3. Adri Leya - June 30, 2008 5:19 PM
Oddly enough, my boobs look like that second image sideview - without the bra. For shame.
4. SmokingGirl - June 30, 2008 5:58 PM
Finally.
I'm tired of giving myself black eyes...
5. oeo - June 30, 2008 6:13 PM
FAKE.
The boobs, I mean.
6. damn luddites - June 30, 2008 6:22 PM
ww, looks familiar. oh yeah, "NY" posted the link last week on the "36-inch claim" thread (melon powered device chargers)
7. Tim - June 30, 2008 6:51 PM
Damn. I wonder if this can be made into a screensaver. Or desktop background!!!! :)
8. Krespie - June 30, 2008 7:49 PM
What? No option for seeing implants in motion?
9. Justin - June 30, 2008 8:27 PM
I wish this site was selling the actual women shown. The FF+G chick is thin and has tremendous boobs. Top shelf.
10. Michael - June 30, 2008 9:14 PM
For the love of god - do not choose FF+G with moderate activity (2nd icon) - I have been scarred for life.
11. alex - June 30, 2008 9:50 PM
this is very very old u posted this when the site was still called hedonistica.com so get sutten new
12. Joey - July 1, 2008 12:34 AM
This made me laugh thinking about Superbad, when they were talking about the girl that had the breast reduction surgery. I love that movie. :)
Big boobs + exercise = problems.
13. Lynz - July 1, 2008 12:59 AM
What? The nude breasts move less than the normal bra ones do. I think someone just felt like making boobies. The nude ones are not needed if they're trying to sell a bra.
14. poop - July 1, 2008 2:23 AM
fucking finally! i'm so tired of hearing about the way tits hurt swhen a biatch is working out. it's about *ME* and my balls, and i'm happy as hell that finally these broads have a way to keep that nasty shit from baboinging their tits to smithereens, and that maybe these dickheads will make a way for my ballsack to sit comfy and not chaff my swamp ass into a skinless oblivion every mornin at 7 am. god knows the bitches don't get up and work out that early. theyz be laying in the bed thinking up ways to fuck with the brothers when they come home from a hard ass days work.
tip: bitches, stfu and get back in the kitchen. leave the working out to the men, and hurry up and have that steak done, medium rare and hot when i get my hot tired and stressed out ass home at 6:30pm.
mkayuh??!!!
15. Gar - July 1, 2008 2:42 AM
When they put a link to FF+G , who's gonna care about the A ???????
I bet everyone didn't even notice an A exists in the links !
16. Rykos - July 1, 2008 2:57 AM
Jesus Dionosaur Riding Christ this is old. Did I hit a time warp?
17. Tim - July 1, 2008 3:16 AM
...boobs....
i mean what a great idea, remides me of a girl in my old PE class at school. she couldn't really run....
18. guate6 - July 1, 2008 3:16 AM
The 36-inch claim is preposterous. Except if you measure the lowest point of a breast at its lowest point, all the way to the highest point when it's at its highest...and the woman were very tall, and were doing something like dunking basketballs...then yes, 36 inches seems reasonable. Otherwise, 14cm is realistic.
Anyway, I gotta say, that it was bound to happen. As soon as one company comes out with a way to make energy by momentum, ie "green boobs," it was a matter of a time, when a rival company would make a way to reduce said momentum of said boobs. Sort of like when Toyota brings out a Prius, and Ford still keeps making a butt-load of large vehicles...people have different intentions, they'll both be bought.
As far as the website goes, the difference between nude and bra-wearing is not there. They're the same, except one has a layer of 'bra' over it, but we all know boobs wouldn't move exactly the same with a bra compared to braless.
#13's right, if they're trying to sell bras, no nudes are needed. Besides, for the center bra, they used a regular bra, instead of a sports bra...bad marketing.
Finally: the demos are alright. The FF+G in Extreme is...extreme. It looks like they more or less used the exact same model for the 'suspension bra.'
This reminds me of the ever-famous: "ELASTOMERIC SHOCK GASKETS" on that damn hammer. People think it's cool and they need it, so they'll buy it, even if it's stupid.
19. anonymous - July 1, 2008 9:45 AM
The 36-inch claim is 36 CUBIC inches, not 36 inches in one direction
20. guate6 - July 1, 2008 10:21 AM
#19: that makes more sense. Thanks.
21. Momboelitist - July 1, 2008 10:25 AM
So, I was going to the place the other time and....Heyyy! Boobs!!!
22. hojo - July 1, 2008 1:18 PM
This is a great idea... executed poorly. They look terribly unnatural. I'm very disappointed. I don't care about the bra, I'm just talking about the "simulator".
23. Brutor - July 1, 2008 5:32 PM
The larger ones like they were implants about 30 minutes ago. Real breasts hang down more than that, and I'm not talkin' some 55 year old in a trailer park.
Also, it seems the medium-low activity (jogging) did more bouncing than the extreme.
24. Grievousfish - July 2, 2008 12:33 AM
Reminds me of a interesting research article I once stumbled upon in the 1980s about a university exercise physiology lab's study of a breast size enhancement device. The US Postal Service commissioned the study as part of a suit against the company selling the device (using the mail service to commit fraud). The authors' of the study described their various techniques for measuring breast size and volume including using a water displacement method. The sad part was when they advertised for volunteers to participate in the study, something like 200 women at the college responded to their ad.