Jun 3 2008How To: Keep That Ass Cool And Swamp-Free
Use this thing, the Suzukaze Air-Conditioned Seat Cushion. It keeps your rear cool, funk free, and is allegedly eco-friendly.
Using the sweat generated by your bum and a tiny bit of energy, this cushion has an internal fan that blows over 170 liters of air per minute to keep your nether-region cool. It is light weight, portable, and so efficient that even if used as much as 8 hours a day, you'd still only spend pennies per month on electricity.
Whatever happened to prevention being the best medicine? If this thing needs sweat to operate, then it only works after I've already got a problem. A huge problem. Mainly that my ass is a La Brea Tar Pit and no amount of fanning is gonna save the dinosaurs.
Keep Your Bum And The Earth Cool [ecogeek]
Thanks to Shawn, who probably sent this after he saw the stain I left in his car
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Reader Comments
1. yo - June 3, 2008 2:28 PM
first biatch
2. bar room hero - June 3, 2008 2:33 PM
I hate "swamp-ass" as we used to call it
3. Elmo - June 3, 2008 2:38 PM
"You're a swamp ass, swamp ass"
4. jeremy - June 3, 2008 2:40 PM
man if only they made this to work in my car. thats where i get it the worse
5. Freddy K - June 3, 2008 2:56 PM
You guys are worried about your butt sweat? What about your ball sweat? There is nothing worse than schwetty balls. and I doubt this thing will address that. Maybe if they made it into a cup form... then you might have someting there... like not being able to sit down at your desk comfortably.
6. poopoo - June 3, 2008 3:05 PM
Freddy K, not sure what kind of partitioning or wide open spaces you've got keeping the ball and butt sweat in their respective corners but, for me, it's one hot mess down there and I am greatly in need of an earth friendly arctic chill pretty much right now.
7. Pete - June 3, 2008 4:51 PM
Im sticking with just air conditioning the whole room so the body temperature is regulated as a whole.
8. Elmo - June 3, 2008 5:09 PM
hey... you guys ever see that SNL skit with that ass hole Baldwin?
The Schwetty ball Christmas recipe thing?
9. Patrick - June 3, 2008 10:50 PM
Bravo Geekologie writer. That was funny. It damn near brought me to tears. Bravo.
10. Spanish Guy - June 4, 2008 6:57 AM
I want that chair right now!!, I want to keep my ass cold!!
11. Stuey - June 4, 2008 8:45 AM
I dont have any issues with ass sweat? Do y'all? I cant recall one time sitting in my office and thinking, wow my ass if sweating.
12. SmokingGirl - June 4, 2008 12:30 PM
I just can't relate with you guys. Since I've never had sweaty balls, I can't even begin to imagine how uncomfortable and just plain nasty that must be.
I do know what having sweaty tits are like, and the only issue I have is if the nipple gets sweaty, and I sit in front of a fan, so the sweat gets really cold and it makes my nipple, like, knife hard...oh yea, that fucking HURTS like hell. It's not hot, it's not sexy, it's just painful.
So if sweaty balls are like that, then, whew, yea...don't want that.
13. guate6 - June 5, 2008 11:00 PM
SG: I have had sweaty pectorals and then going to a cold place, my nipples become diamond-hard and I can cut glass...but sweaty balls don't work that way.
Baby powder can only go so far and only do so much. It sucks when it's so hot you get sweat to roll down the crack of your ass like Niagara. I don't like it when my man-titties begin to lactate. :\
14. anyone - June 7, 2008 10:29 AM
That's right, balls are pretty weatherproof.
One of the most painful thing that can happen to them is when one decide to do a back/front flip and the little hose connecting it to whatever gets corked. THAT's painful!!
..and then you're stuck like this and don't know which way to untwist it. Some people will tell you to gently jump up and down until it gets back to it's rightful place by itself.
The nipple part was quite entertaining SG. I recommend local application of hot lips or warm and soft fingertips to relieve you of that condition.