Jun 16 2008Epic Failures: How Not To Drive A Tank
Tank Driving 101
Don't drive your tank off a cliff. Don't drive your tank too deep in a bog. Keep your treads on at all times. Don't try to mount another tank from behind unless you've taken it out for dinner and bought it a few drinks. Don't try to stunt-drive your tank on a single tread. And last but not least -- never, ever, ever pose for a picture with the tank you just fucked up.
And while I'm not saying I could drive a tank any better than these guys, it'd be pretty hard not to.
A nice big gallery of tank mishaps (and a few planes for the hell of it) after the jump.
Tank Mishaps [discuss]
Thanks Russell, want to help me steal a tank and park it on my ex's car?
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Reader Comments
1. Freddy K - June 16, 2008 3:21 PM
Awesome.
some of these are so bad I wonder how the hell they happened.
2. Popadopolis - June 16, 2008 3:25 PM
Anyone else a little dissapointed you can't do some of this stuff with a tank? I mean... it's a TANK! These things should be able to roll over just about anything (Including other tanks and 90 degree drops) without having any problems! Ugh, so much for my world domination with just one tank idea...
3. pdrunk - June 16, 2008 3:26 PM
My bad.
4. Elboroto - June 16, 2008 3:41 PM
The last one was a great prank.
5. SalsaShark - June 16, 2008 3:42 PM
The last two aren't screw-ups, technically.
The C-130s are from a Delaware ANG unit whose base got hit by a tornado. The planes were "securely" tied down, but got tossed around like toys.
As for the track that's laid out, just like tires, tank treads eventually wear out and need to be replaced. The easiest way to do it is to disconnect the links on the worn tread, re-connect it to the new tread, and just drive the tank onto the replacement. Then the worn tread is disconnected and the new one is re-fastened around the drive wheels. It's a lot easier than trying to life the thing up with the crap-ass jack the manufacturer shoves into a corner of the trunk....
6. Blu - June 16, 2008 3:57 PM
@5
Who cares?
7. Wanks - June 16, 2008 3:59 PM
^smart guy...want to have babies?
8. VeronikaQ - June 16, 2008 4:21 PM
@6
I do.
9. Rokk Star - June 16, 2008 4:42 PM
plane nose in a truck? What the heck was was that????
10. The Imaginary Reviewer - June 16, 2008 4:50 PM
I've got to say, I'd rather be the guy that fucks up in a tank than a helicopter.
11. BlightedArt - June 16, 2008 5:11 PM
For the third picture (tank standing vertically on its front), all they have to do is fire the cannon and it'll flip back into position with no possible ramifications at all! :D :|
12. damn luddites - June 16, 2008 5:20 PM
@6
I also found SalsaShark's comment very interesting
13. Lynn - June 16, 2008 7:11 PM
I'm just glad these are the people defending our country....
14. Jon H - June 16, 2008 8:23 PM
"I'm just glad these are the people defending our country...."
Who do you think planned the occupation of Iraq?
In the Bush administration, incompetence gets you promoted.
15. Joey - June 16, 2008 8:33 PM
ATV my ass!
16. jules RN - June 16, 2008 11:12 PM
@11 <3 <3 <3
@13- i hope you die, because you're a dumb fuck
17. CD - June 17, 2008 3:11 AM
@5: but I don't think there's a new tread on that tank ;)
18. Jon - June 17, 2008 3:27 AM
@ most of the tanks.
Shoulda done a barrel roll...
19. Maddy - June 17, 2008 3:52 AM
the tanks were probably driven by women :))
20. ~zeus~ - June 17, 2008 5:05 AM
@17 it's invisible
21. j_major - June 17, 2008 5:35 AM
l wonder how these guys may have felt when calling AAA to help them
22. boredom - June 17, 2008 11:19 AM
@5 while I agree with what you say about replacing a tread (I've done it before) there's no tread on the right side of that tank.
@14, not all of these are US tanks. Very few of these pictures actually involve US vehicles
23. Amy - June 17, 2008 12:27 PM
Our tax dollars hard at work.
24. Matt - June 17, 2008 1:04 PM
3 and 5 are probably swedish, used to command both main battle and engineering tanks, and there is a story about a tank that where supposed to try out a temparary bridge (that was basically bought on miltank itary garagesale) half of it broke and the tank flipped.
scary fact for the rest of the world: swedish tanks are operated mostly by 18-21 years old doing their military-sevice-year-thingie, and they´ve won tournaments against professional crews from all over europe
And the accidents are beautiful, had a day when we saw who could jump highest with the tanks average was 1,5 m in the air and about 4-7 m of flight
sorry got carried away, good memories....
25. Genghis Khunt - June 17, 2008 7:16 PM
want. tank. now.
26. guate6 - June 17, 2008 9:00 PM
Two words: Military Intelligence
It's been and forever shall be, an oxymoron. (whether official MI or not)
27. Zippy - June 26, 2008 2:59 PM
@19 you're probably right
This collection is missing at least one photo - the a-hole who drove the tank all over Los Angeles several years ago and then got it caught up on a concrete barrier in the median. Cops opened up the hatch and shot the bastard to death.