Jun 3 2008Cheating: Jesus As An Invisible Teammate
These are Jesus Inspirational Sports Statues for kids. They cost $25 apiece and I just ordered the whole set.
Handpainted resin statues on a solid wood base are the perfect gift for every young Catholic athlete. These statues portray Jesus actively participating with boys and girls in a variety of sports. A wonderful way to reinforce Jesus "as friend" in everyday activities. Sizes vary from 4 3/4 to 6 1/2 inches.Many customers have requested these Jesus Sport Statues depicting children other than Caucasian and playing other sports; we have expressed these requests to manufacturers and importers. When and if other statues are available, we'll carry them.
Hrrm...interesting. Well I know exactly what you're thinking, and you're right, they forgot to make a "Jesus and little boy playing Halo online" model. Hopefully that's one they're working on. Now you know how much I hate to get all religious, so I'll just say this -- Jesus was on my swim team in grade school and I think he may have cheated. For one, all he ever did was run on water -- which is not technically swimming. And secondly, it was the 10-12 age bracket and he was like 30 and had a beard.
A couple more statues and a link to the buy page after the jump.
Thanks Marc, I'll let you know when they get the "Jesus and ninja child throwing shurikens" model back in stock
Reader Comments
1. damn luddites - June 3, 2008 10:26 AM
is Jesus molesting a child in one of the photos? oh wait, they're just playing golf.
btw, OLD.
2. The Imaginary Reviewer - June 3, 2008 10:36 AM
I can imagine the parents' response if they saw this in real life.
"Duane! There's a middle-eastern man playing baseball with the kids! Call the national guard!"
3. Spanky - June 3, 2008 10:42 AM
Jesus , Mary and Joseph these are a little creepy
4. Lil' Joey Stalin - June 3, 2008 10:53 AM
Damn dude. I hate to be 'that guy', but these things were made famous on Conan no less than like 5 years ago.
5. Tim - June 3, 2008 10:56 AM
wait wait, so Jesus help YOU and only you? What happens of the other team believes in Jesus too??? would the world explode because no one could win!!
would Jesus make a peewee baseball team so good that another team helped by Jesus couldn't beat it!!!
i'm writing to the pope as we speak!!!
6. mike - June 3, 2008 10:59 AM
It totally looks like he's jacking the ball and going to run a touchdown for the other team, in pic #2.
7. prewife.com - June 3, 2008 11:01 AM
Wait...who in their right mind tackles Jesus? And from my vantage point it looks like JC is doing a forward lateral. I'm afraid that is a 5 yard penalty. But the tackle on JC looks illegal so let's just call it a touchdown!
Now go to http://prewife.com
8. emily - June 3, 2008 11:34 AM
Conan O'Brien used to have these on his show about 4 years ago (or whenever it was Comedy Central used to air reruns of his show in the evening... quite a long time ago). I'd say get on the ball, but these are still hilarious. These make Jesus look like the pervy family friend. He sure can relay race, though!
9. Maxwell - June 3, 2008 11:40 AM
#5 Tim, you got it mostly right except writing the Pope. He'd respond "I know aren't these things stupid?" This isn't for Catholics or other normal Christians. This is just perfect for the evangelical types that have a "personal relationship" with Jesus. Jesus is their BFF and Jesus doesn't date anyone but them.
10. SlyAndTheFamilyStallone - June 3, 2008 11:49 AM
Jesus looks like he'd be more comfortable playing Frisbee, disc golf and hackey sack.
11. Armadilz - June 3, 2008 11:58 AM
Jesus playing with little children? The baseball and golf statues are the best, lawlz.
12. Jumpin_J - June 3, 2008 12:02 PM
As comic said, you never hear from the loser's locker room, "Yeah we could've won the game till Jesus made me fumble"!
13. Bird - June 3, 2008 12:27 PM
I believe that tackling Jesus is a sure-fire way to get sent to Hell...
14. Tenchi059 - June 3, 2008 12:36 PM
LOL @2.
Yes, a lot of christians tend to forget too easily the ethnicity of Jesus. Maybe the same kind of people that think he was white like them, or that in a bar with friends are the typical "I'd nuke the Middle East right freakin now. Oh! It's late! Gotta go to the church with my family" kind of guy. LOL. (Wait... lol... but it's something sad too... so I'm a little confused right now...)
15. Talking Bread - June 3, 2008 12:45 PM
@ 9 : yea right for the evangelic type. thats why it's called http://www.CATHOLICshopper.com
dumb.
16. Uncle Eccoli - June 3, 2008 12:48 PM
Idolatry. Christianity is bizarre.
17. SmokingGirl - June 3, 2008 12:51 PM
Most 'normal' Christians/Catholics are well aware of Jesus's Jewness...and I think that the one where Jesus is partaking in a ballet lesson is the funniest one. *sigh*
18. pdrunk - June 3, 2008 1:11 PM
Do they offer Jesus helping me out in a hockey fight by pulling the other guy's shirt over his head as I beat the shit out of him? I'd be upwards of $30 for that one. A close second would be Jesus helping out Michael Vick in a dog fight.
19. SweetestJesus - June 3, 2008 4:02 PM
LOL @10
20. B - June 3, 2008 4:44 PM
Jesus seems kinda like a ball hog...
21. LanceThruster - June 3, 2008 5:03 PM
Ancient proverb say, "Messiah with robe up run faster than boy with pants down."
22. Mr. Christ - June 3, 2008 6:25 PM
I remember these on Conan O'Brien a few years ago
23. Rick - June 3, 2008 8:25 PM
Jesus is taking that football handoff all wrong. The arm closest to the ball should be above the ball, and the other arm below the ball so the bicep doesn't get in the way and hit the ball. Jesus can't even come out of a three-point stance properly...wtf.
24. Nemo - June 3, 2008 8:31 PM
I bet they would sell better using more... um... "rural" sporting themes. Like NASCAR, pro wrestling, and cow tipping.
25. jake - June 3, 2008 8:34 PM
I like the hockey one. My money's on Jesus to win the faceoff.
26. Nemo - June 3, 2008 8:36 PM
And deer hunting.
27. Kat - June 4, 2008 11:16 AM
So wait, when the kids lose doesn't this just tell them: "Jesus doesn't love you"? And when they get injured, does that mean they pissed the Big Guy off?
28. Kat - June 4, 2008 11:18 AM
Also, Jesus only loves WASPS. Good to know.
29. Popadopolis - June 4, 2008 1:46 PM
"Many customers have requested these Jesus Sport Statues depicting children other than Caucasian..."
...you mean there are black people that need Jesus' help with sports? I beg to differ.
30. Ret - June 4, 2008 5:46 PM
I like the ballet one best.
Jesus' first appearance of to catch a predator.
31. dylan - June 6, 2008 1:39 AM
I'm waiting for the Kid playing Halo online edition.
32. Joey - June 13, 2008 12:52 AM
I wanna see one of Jesus playing Frisbee catch with his halo.
33. James Cook - June 19, 2008 7:41 PM
I know this is old now and no one will see it dont know if the writer will read it but these where featured in a episode of my name is earl episode 15 when they go to visit the faith healer they are displayed on a table seen they seem to be maybe earlyer versions or something not that any one cares lol
34. Oscar Wilde - December 9, 2008 6:36 PM
ULTIMATE FIGHTING JESUS!!!
35. Tracie the Red - February 22, 2009 3:40 PM
The basketball one was the greatest.
My b/f and I were wondering if he was wearing "Air Jesus" sandals, and I wondered "can Jesus jump?" After all, he was portrayed as a white guy on the sculpture, right?
So my b/f says, "Jesus doesn't jump. He ASCENDS."
I think there's a squadron of angels armed with Louisville Sluggers waiting to beat holy hell out of him as soon as he dies for that comment...