Jul 4 2008 Happy Fourth Of July, With Fireworks!
The intrepid Geekologie Writer here wishing you all a happy Fourth of July. I'm currently between drinking binges and figured I'd say hi and let you all know I was thinking of you. I also included a video up of one of my favorite past-times -- shooting fireworks at your friends. And, like every firework war I've ever had, this one goes horribly wrong. Oh, and a heads up -- there's some NSFW cussing in it. Now everybody get out there and have a great holiday weekend. But remember: safety first. Under no circumstances should you play with fireworks without an alcoholic beverage's supervision.
Happy fourth! Be safe and I'll see you bright and early on Monday.
Jul 3 2008 Medical Manikin Is Pretty Freaking Disturbing
This is an old dude with really saggy tits and yellow wires hanging out of his arm. He comes with interchangeable two penis and vagina attachments and is used to train doctors how to play dress up with a plastic dummy. See, there's a wig and everything. Accessories include two bottles of everclear, a sports drink, and some syringes. If you want one of your own to get freaky with they're available for around $1,000. Also, if you want to play doctor I will play with you.
Medical Manikins Freak Us Out [gizmodo]
Jul 3 2008 Chinese Military Prepares For Olympics
So your good buddy The Geekologie Writer got what is known in the medical field as "f***ed the f*** up" last night because his wife made the mistake of going out of town for the holiday weekend. He hit wing night, drank like 300 beers, and then proceeded to sing "Ring Of Fire" at karaoke (he has a deep, sexy voice just like Cash). Good times. His hands are still shaking. Anyway, this is a picture of the Chinese military during a rapid deployment exercise in preparation for the upcoming Olympics. Because, let's face it, nothing says "I'm going for the gold!" like military personnel dry humping Segways.
Thanks Guillaume, I did a Segway once, but it was nothing compared to a Hoveround.
Jul 3 2008 Robot Bartender Serves Beer, I Don't Tip
Mr. Asahi was made by Japanese based Asahi Breweries and serves beer before stealing your girlfriend and making out with her in the walk-in cooler. It took over 200 man-hours to build Mr. Robobeer and he's pretty much limited to opening bottles and pouring draft beer. Did I mention he talks? He talks. Now I'm torn here because for once in my life I'm strangely attracted to a robot, but I think it's only because he serves beer. I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Or, okay, my roommate and the arm of the sofa. Great, now he's drooling on me.
Hit the jump for a worthwhile video of Mr. Asahi in action.
Continue Reading " Robot Bartender Serves Beer, I Don't Tip "
Jul 2 2008 Sickly Modded Rolls-Royce Spotted In London
This is a $1,000,000 highly modded 1995 Rolls-Royce Silver Spirit MKIV recently spotted in London. It was customized by Indian firm DC Designs and is rumored to belong to the Sultan of Brunei's family. I guess it looks okay, and I like the way the doors open (see pictures after the jump), but you know what really gets me? The custom plate. Somebody please tell me CEXI means something in another language or counting system. Because as far as I know, it's a tacky misspelling of "SEXY" and makes you look like an idiot. This reminds me: there was a girl that went to my high school, Lexi, and when she turned 16 her parents got her a new car. And you know what custom plate she chose? "SXI LEXI". The best part was she was nowhere near sexy. She should have gone with "FUGLY LX". I mean she was bad. I'm talking possum ugly. Pogly.
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of a car I'll never own.
Continue Reading " Sickly Modded Rolls-Royce Spotted In London "
Jul 2 2008 Telling Time With Colors: The Galaxy Watch
Well it's been a little while since we've posted some sweet time-telling gadgetry, so I figured now is as good a time as any to hit you with Tokyoflash's newest offering -- The Galaxy.
The cryptic looking display is deceptively easy to read; one touch of the upper button initiates a programmed animation of light, and then presents the time. Twelve yellow bars represent hours in a clock wise direction, eleven red bars represent groups of five minutes and four green bars show single minutes. Pressing the lower button presents the time immediately. No ordinary design, Galaxy has a modern look with futuristic style.
The Galaxy retails for ¥13,900 ($133, and free 5-day worldwide shipping) and is just the icebreaker you need to talk to that chick at the bar you've been wanting to. "Hey, wanna know the time?" "No." "But look at my watch, it's the awesome." "Oh my goodness, it is! Now do me on the pool table." Well that's the way it goes in my dream anyway. You know, the one where I wake up with a cue in my thing. You know, the around the corner thing. Back thingy. My ass, I'm talking about my ass.
Hit the jump for another picture. Oh, and I just got a couple Tokyoflash watches so expect reviews in the coming weeks -- complete with pictures of my hands and wicked scars!
Continue Reading " Telling Time With Colors: The Galaxy Watch "
Jul 2 2008 Using A Laser-Etch Machine To Brand Yourself
What you're looking at is a picture of a guy's hand. A guy who stuck said hand into a laser-etching machine and used it to brand a robot image into his skin. There are a bunch more laser-etch tattoos/brands after the jump if you're curious what burnt skin looks like, so check them out. There's also a video and link to the instructables detailing how the guys did it and what the experience was like. Which, to me, looks a little tamer than when I got branded with a heated coat hanger freshman year of college. My leg scabbed to the bedsheets when I passed out that night. Then I woke up the next day, developed an infection, slipped into delirium, and woke up two days later when my friends were taking me to the hospital. It was a crazy semester, but I still managed to pull out a solid 1.57 GPA. Skills: I've got tons. Brain cells: not so much.
Hit the jump for a VIDEO, more pictures and the links. And yes, it's a true story.
Continue Reading " Using A Laser-Etch Machine To Brand Yourself "
Jul 2 2008 Oh Great: Robot Can Learn To Use Tools
Wonderful, just wonderful. The UMass Mobile Manipulator, developed at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, can learn (by itself) how to use different tools (weapons).
UMan uses a regular webcam to look down at a table from above. By analyzing differences between adjacent pixels, it guesses where an object's edges might be found. Then it prods the object and, on the basis of how it moves, revises its estimate of the object's shape. It continues shoving the object around, observing how its parts move in relation to each other. UMan will push the object backward and forward along its width and length and at a 45-degree angle to both, if necessary, until it's satisfied that it understands how the object moves. Wherever the movement is restricted, the robot concludes that there's a joint. UMan then uses that information to figure out the best way to manipulate the object. It can also tell if there are multiple joints, and how those relate to each other.
Oh my God this is the exact opposite of awesome. I can see it now: some robot lopping my melon off with a pair of compound pruning shears. Great, this is just great. F*** you, UMass robot sympathizers.
Robot Learns To Use Tools [technologyreview]
Thanks Steve, Shawn and Jim, now I have to break everything in my toolbox.
Jul 2 2008 For The Plushie Trifecta: Plush Guts
First it was particle plushies, followed by microbe plushies, and now, for the win and trifecta, come plush guts. Each organ is about 6"-8" in size and run between $16-$20 (except for the limited edition heart of gold, that one will set you back $30). I personally just bought a backup liver and uterus but was disappointed to find they don't sell my favorite organ. You do know the one I'm talking about, don't you? The spleen, how can they not sell the spleen?
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of different organs, including the coveted heart of gold.
Jul 2 2008 Good Looking: Optimus 'Scrap Metal' Prime
Being a Transformer and all, we've seen Optimus Prime in a variety of different forms. And here comes another -- scrap metal. Optimus 'Scrap Metal' Prime is made entirely out of welded metal and makes for some serious eye/tetanus candy. Made by Robot-Models, this particular Optimus stands over 7-feet tall, weighs 550 pounds, and costs a whopping $6,896. If you like the style but can't afford to drop a few grand, they also have smaller models in the several hundred dollar range (pictures after the jump). But, being the Geekologist, I had to drop for the big daddy. It arrived yesterday, and guess what my wife had the nerve to ask -- "What in the hell is that piece of junk?" She should have known better. "He's not junk" I replied, "he's an early divorce present for myself."
Hit the jump for two more pictures of this model and a couple of the smaller ones.
Continue Reading " Good Looking: Optimus 'Scrap Metal' Prime "
Jul 2 2008 Best Light Bulb Commercial Ever
Hailing all the way from Thailand, this commercial was made for Sylvania by ad agency JEH United and has it all -- a picnicking family, ghosts, a guy who may or may not be a member of the Blue Man Group, and a transvestite. Advertising people, take note: this is how you sell freakin' products.
Thanks Mikal, now I have to install floodlights in the bedroom.
Jul 2 2008 Kid Breaks Guitar Hero Record, Is 13
Danny Johnson is 13-years old that started playing Guitar Hero a scant 9 months ago. But that hasn't stopped him from putting my skills to shame and snagging the Guinness World Record for highest score on "Through The Fire and Flames". Danny scored 890,971 points in front of a live audience at the Guitar Hero 24 Hour Maraton in Dallas and has allegedly pushed past 950,000 points at home. Danny estimates he's played the song nearly 500 times since first starting the game.
Danny still plays "Guitar Hero" about three hours a day. And even though he holds the world record, he's trying to do even better on "Through the Fire and Flames," trying to beat his high score. That poses plenty of challenge for him -- if not some irritation."I do hate the song," he admits with some reluctance. "It gets annoying a lot."
Three hours a day, huh? I see your three hours Danny, and raise you two more. The record will be mine. Oh yes, the record will be mine. Okay, now's the part where I say something mean about a 13-year old to make myself feel better because I'm jealous that he's better than me. Look away if you still want to have any respect for The Geekologie Writer. You've been warned. Hey Danny, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the grand prize for the tournament wasn't a girlfriend, was it? Haha, BURN! Wait a minute, I don't have one either. Who's the asshole now, Danny? Yeah, still me.
Hit the jump for a video of the record-breaking performance (filmed on a freaking television), along with one that was made in the comfort of his own home in which he scores over 949,000.
Jul 1 2008 HD Sunglasses Suprisingly Not High Definition
If there's one thing I've learned about fashion, it's this: I look damn good in women's jeans. Wait ,what? This is a glasses post? Ha, so it is. Well, just forget I said anything about shopping in the juniors section then. Carrying on. HD -- the new buzzterm to sell whatever the hell you want. In this case, sunglasses. So what benefits can one realize from a pair of $20 HD glasses? I'll tell you.
- HD Vision technology gives you clarity that you have never experienced.
- Enhance your vision.
- Just like High Definition TV.
- Modern European Style.
Yep, just like High Definition TV, folks. Older, tech-illeterate folks are busting a hip rushing to their land line to order even as you read this. There's a commercial for the glasses after the jump, and if you order now you get a patented HD visor clip to store the glasses in your car. Holy shit, an HD visor clip! Now that better stand for HanDy visor clip, otherwise I'm suing them for false imprisonment. Ha, did I just say imprisonment? I meant for being a bunch of misleading assholes. Poor old people.
Hit the jump for a worthwhile two minute commercial.
Continue Reading " HD Sunglasses Suprisingly Not High Definition "
Jul 1 2008 When Airplanes Get Hit By Lightning
Not much happens, as the metal shell of the plane acts as a hollow conductor, and the lightning just continues on its way to the ground.
But why doesn't the gigantic amount of current, which is in the neighborhood of 20,000 amps for a typical lightning bolt, harm the passengers inside the aircraft? Because the hull of the plane forms a Faraday cage! A Faraday cage is a hollow shell made of conducting material. A strong electric field outside the cage will force the charge in the material of the cage to redistribute itself, but the interior space inside the cage remains uncharged.
It's still neat to watch though. But that's not why I posted this. I posted this because how did the person filming know the plane was going to get hit by lightning? Here, I'll give you a hint -- sorcery.
An Electric Aviation Experience [popsci]
via
What Happens When Lightning Strikes Your Plane? [uberreview]
Jul 1 2008 Roll-A-Bout: Because WheelChairs Suck (Hoverounds And Rascals Are Still Legit)
Forget to pay your bookie? Girlfriend beat you in the leg for commenting on the delicious roundness of another woman's posterior? Or did you just slam your leg into the coffee table on the way to the bathroom one night? Whatever the case, the Roll-A-Bout is for you! The $600 - $740 device is made for people with lower leg injuries (one leg at a time, please) that think wheelchairs are for old people and want something a little bit more office chair race-y. The basket comes standard on the model, but the cup holder will set you back an additional $15. Of course, if you want to save some money you could just mod an office chair like a normal person. Just add a little scooter engine, cooler, some turn signals, a microwave, card table, bedpan, a few magazines, pillows, custom mini-rims, naked lady mudflaps, and presto: you still get pulled over doing 8 in a 35.
The Roll-A-Bout - A Questionable Alternative To Crutches Or A Wheelchair [ohgizmo]
Jul 1 2008 Plush Microbes Don't Make VD's Less Scary
After posting yesterday's Plush Particles I got several tips asking to post the microbe versions, so here they are. They've been around for a while so you may have seen them already, and if so let me know before I sleep with you because I don't want to catch any of them. Each of the microbes comes in a 5"-7" option for $8, or you can get a "petri dish" of three mini-ones for $13. There are a ton of different microbes available, not just VD's, and I posted a few more after the jump, along with a link to them all. Oh, and despite it's cute, sunflowery form, you still don't want herpes. Trust my ex-girlfriend.
Hit the jump for more.
Continue Reading " Plush Microbes Don't Make VD's Less Scary "
Jul 1 2008 Urban Lounge Gear: The SumoSac
From Sumo Lounge, the same company that brought us the Omni Chair, comes the SumoSac. I personally have one, and it's awesome. And I'm not just saying that because I want to get in good with the company so they'll send me that model's number, but I do think we'd make a good couple. Anyway, SumoSac review in three words: comfortable as hell.
I have the 6 foot model (top right, middle right), but they also come in 5 foot (top left, bottom right) and 4 foot models (bottom left). They'll run you $229, $199, and $179, respectively, and all come with free shipping.
An improved version of the beanbag chair, SumoSac is a more savvy, stylish & comfortable alternative. This product will never decompress & is truly the most comfortable chair in the world at 3ft. high & 6ft. wide covered in micro suede. Made with 100% shredded furniture grade urethane foam. Covers zip-off for machine washing.
They're really not lying about it being the most comfortable thing in the world. I've gamed in it, blogged in it, slept in it, passed out drunk in it, caught the pets curled up in it, gotten intimate with a lady-friend in it, and even hidden underneath it when my girlfriend came home while the aforementioned lady-friend was still there. Needless to say I pretended I was a big, soft-shelled turtle watching a catfight. Unfortunately, I couldn't operate the video camera with my flippers.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Jul 1 2008 Valve Hacker Blows $20 Million With Stolen Credit Cards, Is Not The Brightest Criminal
A 20-year old hacker that goes by MaddoxX (not the best page in the universe guy) busted up in a third party Valve server and stole the credit card info of Steam Cyber Cafe users. Then he proceeded to "burn 13 million Euros playing poker online and shopping for notebooks, flat screens and MP3 players". Holy crap, this kid is either the worst poker player in the world or painted the walls of his apartment with flatscreens. And still, that'd have to be a huge freaking apartment. But then MaddoxX got real stupid about the whole thing and boasted about the hack in April of 2007 and posting a bunch of stuff about the feat, that led to his recent arrest.
MaddoxX then posted an archived file that included unverified credit card numbers, transaction amounts, Valve's supposed bank balance, and data that reportedly allowed the creation of counterfeit cyber cafe certificates.In addition to the Valve caper, MaddoxX is being charged with hacking his way into an Activision server and subsequently downloading an unfinished version of Enemy Territory: Quake Wars. MaddoxX also stole 50,000 credit card numbers from an English ticketing website.
You just had to have that Quake Wars before everybody else, didn't you MaddoxX? Tssk, tssk. Seriously though, stealing from other gamers? That's just wrong. Robin Hood, MaddoxX, Robin Hood. It's "steal from the rich and give to the poor", not, "steal from the gamer and give to the Amazon". You greedy bastard.
Valve Hacker Caught by Dutch Police [shacknews]
Thanks Peter, now lets take turn sucker punching this guy in the nads.
Jul 1 2008 T3 Mobile Defender Rocks A Powerful Air Gun
Lamperd Less Lethal's T3 Mobile Defender wasn't inspired by T3:Rise of The Machines, but it does look like the bastard lovechild of a Segway and the Big Wheels I had growing up. But with one worthwhile difference -- a powerful air gun and holographic sight system. The aiming system was designed to ensure body shots only, as a headshot could, well, kill you. Lamperd plans to sell the goofy looking things to the Army at first, but law enforcement organizations will have them available soon after.
"An eyepiece shows a red target dot, and then transmits an image of the target to a monitor, which relays the information to the gun." According to creator Barry Lamperd, if the holographic sight is on target, you can't miss.
Can't miss, huh? That's a pretty bold statement. Because I've had my member resting on the urinal cake before and still missed. Just saying, the dude next to me got pissed.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, you know, if cops riding little standup trikes is your scene.
Continue Reading " T3 Mobile Defender Rocks A Powerful Air Gun "
Jul 1 2008 Paper Shampoo: Because Liquids Are Sketchy
The last time I tried to fly I woke up on the floor beside the bed. And the time before that airport security confiscated my juice box. Needless to say my hair was unkempt. So how can you get some shampoo on your next flight without a hassle? Simple -- Paper Shampoo.
Paper Shampoo comes in boxes of 30 sheets and costs $12.50 for two packages. They dissolve into a lather whenever you add water (including salt-water, which is awesome because I do the majority of my bathing at sea). Plus they're mint scented. And if there's one thing I've learned in my 40-odd years on this planet, it's this: mint-flavored hair is freaking delicious.
Paper Shampoo lets you travel with clean hair without being branded a terrorist [dvice]
Jun 30 2008 Buzzball Could Be Fun, Could Be Pukey
Evento's Buzzball is is a giant ball with a seat in it that's being hailed as a one-person roller coaster.
At the heart of the Buzzball is a dual motor configuration, enabling the pilot to control the motion and direction of travel via left and right control triggers, which provides power to the driving wheels.The amount of power applied to each wheel will determine the direction the Buzzball moves.
Once the Buzzball is in motion the pod maintains an upright position until the pilot turns, causing the pod to rotate inside the ball against the direction of travel, which applies a braking force and the pod to lock with the ball. This causes the pod to rotate with the ball until the weight of the pilot and pod overcomes the inertia forces and causes the Buzzball to change direction.
This is when the fun starts, as the speed will affect the degree of rotation of the pilot and pod from a partial barrel roll to complete and multiple rotations!
Okay, so let me give it to you in layman's terms: You get in this giant freaking ball, pull some levers and shit, and the next thing you know you're puking, and, oh God, drowning in a creek. Now that's what I call a good time.
Hit the jump for a video of the ball in action.
Jun 30 2008 Shock Absorber Sports Bras: Because You Don't Want To Be Flopping Around Like This
In the same "what would I look like wearing..." vein as last month's Knicker Pickers website, comes Shock Absorber sports bras. Of course they've gone about things a little differently. Instead of actual video of chicks walking around in their intimates, Shock Absorber has gone the CG route. You just choose a breast size A - FF/GOMG and then a level of activity from light (yoga) to extreme (running) and the website uses a CG model to show you an animation of what your boobs look like during said activity with 1. no bra 2. a regular bra and 3. a Shock Absorber bra. Needless to say I went straight for the FF's at extreme, and let me tell you what: something magical happened. The company, in an attempt to pawn off their $52 bras, says breasts can move up to 14cm (~5.5 inches) during heavy exercise (which is a world of difference from last week's 36-inch claim), but I think the true value lies somewhere between those two, preferably nearer my face.
Hit the jump for the uncensored CG pictures and a link to the website so you can try it for yourself. But a warning: they're probably NSFW unless you get paid to animate CG boobs.
Jun 30 2008 Drinking And Driving: Party-A-CarGo
The Party-A-CarGo isn't just the worst named product I've seen in recent history, it's also the drinking-and-drivingest. What is it you ask? Why it's a kegorator and sound system hitch, of course. The $3,000 unit holds a regular keg, 5-gallon cooling system, two 6"x9" speakers, 10" subwoofer, and 9" LCD television. No extension kits or dash-mounted taps available, "I've been drinking" sign optional, but not recommended.
Party-A-CarGo slaps a kegorator on the back of your truck [dvice]
Jun 30 2008 Cardboard Bicycles Could Be Coming Soon
Remember the kid that built that wooden bike awhile ago? That thing was sweet and made from trees. And so is this one. Phil Bridge is a 21-year old Industrial Design student that developed a cardboard bicycle. The idea is to make bikes so cheap that nobody will be put off by the thought of buying a bike as a means of personal transportation.
A typical round town bike can cost several hundred pounds. That's a large investment for people who aren't sure whether they will use it. The idea of cardboard is to completely devalue the bike.
Phil's current prototype can hold up to 168-pounds (I'm out), costs $6 to manufacture (frame only, it uses a standard chain mechanism and wheels) and will cost about $24. Allegedly it's even rainproof. It is not, however, fireproof. So be sure to park it inside if you live near a volcano.
Cardboard Bicycle Costs Just $30, Don't Leave It Out in the Rain [gizmodo]
Jun 30 2008 Awh, How Cute: Subatomic Particle Plushies
So how can we dispel the fear that the world is going to be sucked into a black hole by the CERN Large Hadron Collider and leave us all to eat in the dark? Ooh, I know -- subatomic particle plushies! That's right folks, the Particle Zoo is now selling all your favorite particles. They're $9 apiece and can be purchased separately or in sets (that's not even all of them in the picture there). Each is packed with a material appropriate for their mass (lighter ones filled with foam, heavier ones with gravel). Whee! I love soft things. But be warned: the last time I thought I was bringing a charm quark home she turned out to be strange. I did get to see her photons though.
Hit the jump for more pictures and a link to the store.
Continue Reading " Awh, How Cute: Subatomic Particle Plushies "
Jun 30 2008 How Romantic: Dinner In The Sky
Dinner In The Sky is just that -- eating while suspended 164 feet in the air via crane. The table sits 22 people and three staff in the middle. The company will hoist you anywhere they can get a permit, and the service probably costs a freaking fortune. They'll even hoist another platform to the same height if you want live music available. And, now don't tell them I told you, but if you enter coupon code 'Hovering Hooters' while ordering on the website they'll even send a few strippers up. The service is available for 8-hour sessions and I have no idea how you relieve yourself after guzzling three bottles of wine up there. But, if I had to guess, I'd say the same way you normally would -- but with real people instead of a urinal cake for target practice.
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures and promo video.
Jun 30 2008 Guitar Hero Figures From McFarlane Toys
Thats right folks, McFarlane Toys has partnered with Activision to make a line of Guitar Hero themed action figures. They'll be hitting stores in November (in time for Christmas/robot apocalypse) and will each feature 15-18 moving parts, stand abound 6" tall, and run $10-$15. The figures available will include Johnny Napalm, Lars Ümlaut, the Geekologie Writer, Axel Steel, the God of Rock, and the Devil of Country. Seriously though, I should have a damn action figure. With accessories. Like a blue-screening computer and broken cellphone. Nagging girlfriend and cubicle playset sold separately.
Hit the jump for a look at two of the other figures.
Continue Reading " Guitar Hero Figures From McFarlane Toys "
Jun 30 2008 Sweet Wheels: Dog Born With Back Legs Only
I love dogs more than I love people and that's the truth. Ask my girlfriend if you don't believe me, she has to sleep on the floor.
Hope, a Maltese puppy, was born with two little nubbins instead of front legs. So what did the people at Southern Comfort Maltese Rescue in Chattanooga, Tennessee do? Simple, they made her a pair of wheeled front legs.
The wheeled device was created by orthotist David Turnbill free of charge with makeshift shoulder joints connected to model airplane wheels. Each of the device's 'arms' can move up or down independently of the other, allowing Hope to pivot and turn. The spring-loaded prosthetic arms hook to a custom-fitted chest plate to allow Hope to lay down or sit up without removing the prosthetic.The wheels she uses as front legs took some getting used to and at first the tiny lap dog would tip over to one side.
Now Hope is completely accustomed to the legs and can runs laps around her other puppy pals (but please, no stairs). Wow, that really warms the heart, doesn't it? Mine sure feels like it's on fire. And that's not just the spicy breakfast tacos talking. I just hope this doesn't start some sort of sick two-legged pet craze. I catch you brandishing a saw anywhere near an animal and it's gonna be you needing wheels.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a video of Hope before her wheels.
Continue Reading " Sweet Wheels: Dog Born With Back Legs Only "
