Jun 6 2008 OMGWTFNOBBQ?: Cannibal Banquets
A "Cannibal Banquet" is gross and involves eating a sort of fake human.
Here's how the Cannibal Banquet works... a pinata-like "body" is carefully crafted, then stuffed with edible goodies in a red sauce. More "sauce" is somehow embedded into the outside covering - "skin" as it were - of the body so that it will appear to bleed when cut into.
What.The.F***? And I thought the Bread Head Bakery was an assault on good taste. This cannibal banquet is a fullblown wack attack. I'd still try it though. Save the neck for me, Clark. Ooh, and a breast.
Hit the jump for worthwhile before and after shots (don't worry, the beaver is pixelated in traditional Japanese porn fashion).
Jun 6 2008 Derrie-Air: Pack Less. Weigh Less. Pay Less.
Derrie-Air is an airline that believes the less you and your baggage weighs, the less you should pays. It's fake and part of an ad campaign run by a Philadelphia newspaper to f*** with fat people.
Philadelphia Media Holdings spokesman Jay Devine said the goal is to "demonstrate the power of our brands in generating awareness and generating traffic for our advertisers, and put a smile on people's faces."
A disclaimer labels the ad campaign "fictitious" and says it is designed "to test the results of advertising in our print and online products and to stimulate discussion on a timely environmental topic of interest to all citizens.""In other words," it says, "smile, we're pulling your leg."
Oh I'm smiling alright, but only because that's not my leg you're pulling, Jay. You have such soft hands. Hey, I didn't say stop.
Derrie-Air
via
Paper runs ads about fake airline Derrie-Air [msnbc]
Thanks to Dan and Matt, one of which better sneak me into their luggage on their next vacation -- or else.
Jun 6 2008 Video Of The B-2 Bomber Crash Released
Remember the B-2 Bomber that crashed in February? Well the government has finally released footage of the $1.2 billion disaster after verifying there were no aliens, terrorists, zombies, polygamists, or rogue robots involved. It's pretty sad to watch, especially since the camera operator has the motor skills of a newborn. The first half of the video is another B-2 taking off, so skip through halfway to see the second one that actually crashes. It's not super-crazy or anything, but the crew ejector-seating out was neat to watch. The rest is just sad. Like the family video of me crashing my bike as a kid. You can hear my dad laughing and telling the neighbor he loosened a bunch of bolts.
Another video after the jump, but it cuts out right before the crash.
Jun 6 2008 Classic Game Scenes Rendered In LEGO
Here are a bunch of classic video game scenes rendered in LEGO. As you can see, that's Duck Hunt there, and there's some Mortal Kombat, Contra, Castlevania, and Excitebike after the jump. I must say, they're all very well done and beautiful to look at. Not as beautiful as a naked chick mind you, but what is? Exactly, nothing. Even a naked chick with a penis isn't that bad if you squint your eyes and shake your head a bit.
Hit the jump for the rest of the eye candy and a link to Flickr with a few more.
Jun 6 2008 Reading Material: RSS Toilet Paper Printer
I'm not sure if this is even real or not, but I sure hope it is because I'm getting pretty damn tired of the reading material options in the office bathroom (a couple Highlights and an empty cereal box). The RSStroom Reader allegedly prints out your favorite RSS feeds on toilet paper so you can catch up on Geekologie without bringing your laptop to the can (which, don't get me wrong, is perfectly acceptable as well). Now that's just freaking brilliant. Plus, it comes with biometric user identification (presumably assblast-based) so I don't have to sift through all The Superficial Writer's Tigerbeat and BOP feeds. Haha, I know I promised I wouldn't tell, but I'm a liar, not a 12-year old girl!
RSStroom Reader shows where you think blogs belong [dvice]
Thanks to Marie, a hot French chick who promises to wipe exclusively with Geekologie
Jun 6 2008 Star Trek Rap Is Not Suitable For Work, Home
First, there were the Star Wars raps, and now, Star Trek. This is song called The U.S.S. Enterprise (is getting *insert slang term for a woman's nether-region here* tonight) by some group called Those Aren't Muskets. It's very NSFW because it's all about doing it and they say a bunch of dirty words. I didn't like it at first, but it got okay towards the end. Don't get me wrong -- I still got fired for watching it, but at least now I've got catchy lyrics about the captian's "log" stuck in my head.
Youtube (all the lyrics and a link to a downloadable mp3 here as well)
Thanks Shawn, I'll never view Star Trek: The Next Generation the same again
Jun 6 2008 Sobrietol Reduces Level Of Blood Alcohol, Fun
Sobrietol is some mystery formula of cancer-causing agents that reduces your blood alcohol content after a heavy night of drinking. And let me tell you -- as someone who thought yesterday was Friday and went out and got shit-hammered -- I lost my shoes.
Have you ever had one too many drinks at a party, wine-tasting, or night out with the girls? Unfortunately, for all too many of us, we know what that means for the next morning -- we wake up a little lethargic. Maybe a tummy that's queasy, maybe a throbbing head, maybe a dude you thought was a chick in bed next to you.
Sobrietol® was found to decrease the level of blood alcohol by 56% in independent tests as measured by Oregon State Troopers. The next day will be like you didn't drink at all!
First of all, there's no such thing as "one too many drinks", there are only too few. And secondly, a box of 8 packets costs $40 -- that's like 8 good liquor drinks! And trust me, nothing cures a hangover like drinking the next morning. So thanks but no thanks Sobrietol, the only product I need to help remove alcohol is free -- my penis.
Check out the link to the website right under these words to hear an auto-playing sales pitch for the product that's filled with lies.
Thanks Allyson, lets down like twenty packets each and then go out drinking. Everyone will think we're superheros.
Jun 6 2008 Online Service Sends Emails To Nonbelieving Friends/Family Left Behind After The "Rapture"
Youvebeenleftbehind.com is an online service that will send emails (assuming computers still work) to as many as 62 nonbelieving friends/family after you, the good Christian, have been conveniently relocated to heaven during the "Rapture".
We have set up a system to send documents by email, to the addresses you provide, 6 days after the "Rapture" of the Church. This occurs when 3 of our 5 Christian team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.
Interesting. The service costs $40 a year and I just signed up. Of course, I'm only sending a single email:
Future Me,
Surprise, surprise -- you didn't make the cut. Now you're f***ed.
Website Lets You Send A Post-Rapture Email To Friends 'Left Behind' [wired]
Thanks to Sam for reminding me there are more apocalypses to worry about than just robot/zombie ones
Jun 5 2008 Self-Stirring Coffee Mug For The Fingerless
Are you a lazy bastard or a shop teacher that's had ten accidents? If so, this self stirring mug may be for you. The mugs are made by Gevalia, a company best known for convincing me to sign up for their coffee of the month club through the use of a well placed late-night infomercial featuring a sexy saleswoman with a sultry voice. Anyway, the $19 mug features a special base that runs on two AAA batteries and promises "to gently stir your beverage at the push of a button". Now call me crazy, but what kind of gentle stir creates a freaking whirlpool in your beverage? That picture looks like a blender set on the highest setting. You'd have hot beverage in your lap quicker than you could say "I'm suing you McDonalds because I'm a stupid asshole and the coffee you served me was hot." Still, I'm buying one. Mostly because, unlike that pussy James Bond, I like my martinis stirred -- and served in 12-ounce mugs. Suck it Bond, you couldn't even spy on your own girlfriend in the shower.
Stir Mug Does All Of The Work For You [ohgizmo]
Jun 5 2008 Boeing Tested New 25 kW Laser While I Hid Under My Bed And Waited To Blow Up
Boeing recently tested their new 25 kilowatt solid-state laser, which is a step in the direction of a future 100 kW (keep in mind the Death Star was only packing something like 80 kW*) ray that will blow up the whole world and possibly Mars and Venus (which, honestly, is a shitty planet that we're better off without).
The thin-disk laser is an initiative to demonstrate that solid-state laser technologies are now ready to move out of the laboratory and into full development as weapon systems. Solid-state lasers are powered by electricity, making them highly mobile and supportable on the battlefield.
A high-power solid-state laser will damage, disable or destroy targets at the speed of light, with little to no collateral damage, supporting missions on the battlefield and in urban operations.
Okay, I have no idea what that means because I'm not a scientist (I'm just a guy who looks sexy as hell in a white lab coat), but I think what they're saying is you shouldn't stare directly at it.
*I made that up so don't email me complaining about how the Death Star's superlaser was like 50,000 billion kW
Boeing Successfully Fires 25 kW Solid-State Lasers, Laser Weapons One Step Closer to Being a Reality [gizmodo]
Jun 5 2008 Guy Mods Roomba Into Pacmba -- A Ghost Chasing, Dot Eating, Pac-Man Vacuum!!
Using 448 LEDs and a controller unit, this guy modded his Roomba into Pacmba, the Pac-Man Vacuum. It's fairly awesome, but nowhere near as awesome as the Donkba, my Donkey Kong Roomba. Say, who ate the last of my bananas? F***ing Donkba! I swear I'm gonna kick -- whoa now, put the barrel down.
roomba pac-man [hackaday]
Thanks Shawn, Andy, and BK, now you think one of you could come over and get this bastard off me?
Jun 5 2008 More Custom Footwear For You To Love/Hate
Well folks, it's been awhile since I've showered or posted any custom shoes, so I guess now is as good a time as any to release the hounds with another set of custom footwear. The Optimus Prime ones there are admittedly awesome as hell and I'd totally give my left nut (well, only nut) to have them. Unfortunately they're selling for about $600 and the doctor just called and told me my ball, at auction, would only fetch around $16-$18. Hit the jump for a ton more (GTA, Pac-Man, Care Bears, Batman, Simpsons, Marvel Comics, Mario, another Transformers) that all go for around $160. I'm not sure how they made the Optimus pair, but everything on the next page was made by someone sewing patches of printed fabric into the shoe's recesses. If you're interested I included links to the customizer's eBay store and online store. If you're not interested you can do what I do and just walk on the skulls of your fallen enemies. Skull-shoes baby, I'm bringin' em back!
Continue Reading " More Custom Footwear For You To Love/Hate "
Jun 5 2008 'Modern Toilet' Restaurant Sounds Awesome
As a man who frequently blogs and eats his lunch on the john, I know all about the benefits of canning your food (!). And now there's a restaurant in Taiwan that is cashing in on what I've known for years -- eating on the throne is the shit (!).
Patrons sit on toilets for seats and eat food off covered sinks and bathtubs. The food is served in a mini-toilet bowls and patrons drink out of mini travel potties. To finish the atmosphere, toilet paper is provided in the place of napkins.
"It's really unusual, so special that it doesn't gross me out," said Betty Tsai, 16, a Taipei high school sophomore trying Modern Toilet for the first time on a friend's recommendation.But for a few customers, the toilet humor is too much. "My son thought it was disgusting and didn't know if he could finish his food," said Taipei mother Lin Li-ju.
Wow, Lin Li-ju, it sounds like your son has a problem. Namely that he was born with a vagina and doesn't know how to appreciate the finer things in life. Seriously, if I had one of those oldschool TV-dinner stands I don't think I'd ever leave the bathroom. So yeah, I once saw a little kid at Home Depot urinate in one of the unplumbed toilets they had on display. I wonder if they have similar problems here. Well, my legs are going numb, time to get up.
Several more pictures and a video news report about the place, after the jump.
Continue Reading " 'Modern Toilet' Restaurant Sounds Awesome "
Jun 5 2008 OLD!: Crow And Tom Servo Debate PCs Vs. Macs On Mystery Science Theatre 3,000
This is a 17-year old clip from Mystery Science Theater 3,000 in which Crow and Tom Servo debate PCs vs. Macs (similar to those new commercials). Seems like not much has changed since '91. I believe they said it best when they sang:
Gamera is really neat,
Gamera is filled with meat,
We've been eating Gameraaaaa!
Shells, teeth, eyes, flames, claws, breath, scales, fun!
High fives to everyone who has seen that Gamera vs. Guiron episode. Low fives and a free screening this weekend for those of you who haven't. Come over around six and we'll get good and drunk and then project it onto a bedsheet in the backyard. You know, drive-in style. But with no actual driving-in -- the Superficial Writer has parked enough cars in the pool already.
MST3K debates Macs versus PCs [boingboinggadgets]
Thanks Nuke -- and no, you can't come over if you're just gonna blow shit up. Okay, fine.
Jun 5 2008 Magnetic Accelerator Kit Fires Ball Bearings
The $30 Magnetic Accelerator from Thinkgeek uses black magic to launch ball bearings at your roommate when he refuses to fetch you a beer from the fridge even though he's closer. The kit can be assembled in just a few minutes and requires no glue (so there's little chance of bonding your hand to your genitals again). "Set the metal ball at the end of the track and watch as the energy transfers and multiplies down the track of magnets and metal balls until finally the last ball zooms off." Whee, what fun -- I love zooming balls, provided they're not my roomate's buzzing in for a teabag because I passed out on the couch. Seriously, you had your fun, now take the pictures off Facebook.
Hit the jump for a short video of the weapon in action.
teabagging the roomie!
In this photo: The Geekologie Writer (photos), my balls (photos)
Added May 29, 2008
Continue Reading " Magnetic Accelerator Kit Fires Ball Bearings "
Jun 5 2008 Interactive Pong Table Reminds Me Of Air Hockey Minus The Air, Puck, And Paddles
This interactive Pong Table was constructed by German designer Moritz Waldemeyer for MOMA's recent Design and the Elastic Mind exhibit. The table uses 2,400 LEDs, two track pads, and the souls of old Atari execs to immerse players in an updated, and much more interactive Pong experience. Still reminds me of air hockey though. And speaking of which, I lost a tournament at the bar last weekend and had to eat the puck. It wasn't super, but it was better than the urinal cake.
Pong Updated for the 21st Century [thebbps]
Thanks to Tom for guiding us geeks to the greatness. But seriously, the pink ones are alright if you're starving, but steer clear of the blue ones, they're straight ass.
Jun 4 2008 UPDATE: This Is What Happens...
When you send an anonymous email to The Superficial Writer with a subject line promising nude photos of Hayden Panettiere when it's actually packed with snapshots of your nuts.
UPDATE: Another video of the second half of the action from a worker's cellphone camera added after the jump (thanks Sunyeti and Rachel).
Jun 4 2008 Handwrench Is A Real Hand Wrench, But Not A Real Hand, Or A Real Practical Wrench
This is the Handwrench by designer Paul Julius Martus. It's a hand wrench, with a little hand on the end. BWAHAH HA HA HA! Some people, so clever. I'm pretty sure it's just an art piece though, seeing how your little fingers would probably break off if you were trying to bust a real serious nut loose. Still, Paul gets clever points for being clever with the little hand. But I get 2x clever points for that bust a nut thing I said.
Handwrench [notcot]
Thanks Shawn, you wanna come over and help me build a deck?
Jun 4 2008 Wake Up Equipment: DANGERBOMB CLOCK Goes Boom -- Boom, All Up In Your Room!
The $22 DANGERBOMB CLOCK looks like a bomb and shouldn't be taken on flights. It's the next generation in wake up equipment that requires you to do something besides slap a button to actually turn the damn thing off. How does it work? Per the translated Amazon Japan page:
Product specifications:Do not happen in the explosion and quickly ugh? KACHI KACHI KACHI... wake-up time bomb-type device! Danger Bomb Clock!! Danger Bomb Clock!!
DOKI DOKI DOKI... "What a piece of wire to stop the explosion I can...?!" In film and television, to stop the time bomb which one should staple a line scene. Such a scene reminiscent of a time bomb alarm clock, and a parody of fun.
Set in a predetermined number of hours to the sound of heavy explosions. In other words, turn off the alarm switch in the explosion, three of the wiring was imitated one of a number. Three, how to stop it is through daily random set. This will also no longer be late? Daily life for the thrill and excitement...!
Basically the alarm goes off and one of the colored lights blinks indicating which wire you have to separate to turn it off. If you choose the wrong one it makes loud explosion noises and scares the shit out of your cats. Simple as that. Now I'm not totally sure what happens if you just disconnect all the wires the night before, but if I had to guess I'd say I'm f***in' MacGyver!
And he's the bottom.
Translated Amazon Product Page
Thanks to Redd, who actually taught MacGyver everything he knows.
Jun 4 2008 LEGO Johnny Five Is(n't) Alive
This is a LEGO Johnny Five. As you may recall, he's the robot from such films as Short Circuit and Short Circuit 2. Brothers Brick user rack911 made him, and I've got to admit he's looking pretty damn good. Small, but good. Especially the eyes. They remind me of an ex-girlfriend's. Blue and piercing. That chick could burn a damn hole through your skull if she stared long enough. Although truthfully, she was a lot less like an actual girlfriend and a lot more like the Chirsty Brinkley poster I hung above my bed in college. Ahh, she and I shared many romantic evenings in that dormroom after my roommate was safely asleep. And sometimes when he wasn't. HAHA, I caught you watching that one time, Ben!
A couple more pictures and a link to the full gallery after the jump.
Jun 4 2008 UPDATE: Freaking Brilliant: A Subway Pole Dancer
In public transportation news, police in Bucharest, Romania are looking for some chick that performs pole dances on the city's subway between stations and then uses AN EMPTY KFC BUCKET to ask for donations. That's actually her in the picture (that looks like it was taken with a pinhole-cameraphone through a paper bag).
Passengers described the dancer, photographed by a passenger's mobile phone, as a "well-dressed, attractive, student-like young woman".Her modus operandi is to play Tom Jones's You Can Leave Your Hat On on a portable CD player while taking off her clothes and dancing around a pole.
One passenger, George Stancu, who witnessed the act, said: "I can't say I didn't like the show but I found it unusual. There are lots of kids who travel by underground and I just don't think it's proper."
A police spokesman said the woman faced charges and a fine for indecent exposure and public begging if she is caught in the act.
Indecent exposure? That's probably the only decent exposure those people have seen in years. I can't believe this. I mean, charges and a fine? A key to the city, sure, maybe even a national holiday named after her -- but a fine?
UPDATE: HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!! NSFW VIDEO OF A PERFORMANCE ADDED AFTER THE JUMP! WOOHOO, BARE BOOBS! (thanks io)
Uncensored picture (which looks like a shapely pixelated woman in bra and underwear) and NSFW video after the jump.
Continue Reading " UPDATE: Freaking Brilliant: A Subway Pole Dancer "
Jun 4 2008 Thanks NASA!: Visible Magnetic Fields
NASA, who should be focusing their efforts on a way to blast me out of the solar system, is instead making movies with visible magnetic fields. Not sure how this is gonna help me bed an alien chick, but whatever, it's freaking awesome so I'll let it slide.
Scientists from NASA's Space Sciences Laboratory have made (magnetic fields) visible as "animated photographs," using sound-controlled CGI and 3D compositing. It makes the fields, as explained by the scientists, dance in an absolutely gorgeous movie called Magnetic Movie.
Be sure to check out a ton more pictures and the movie after the jump, it's some serious eye candy. Now NASA needs to get to work on making a pair of glasses that can do this in real time. Then we could all, you know, get high and make Magneto put on a light show.
Hit the jump for a ton more awesomeness. Oh, and even though it sounds like it, the woman in the video does not say "hairy balls" at 0:45, she says hairball. This is science people, get your heads out of the gutter.
Jun 4 2008 Microwave PC Failed To Heat My Kid Cuisine
What's cooler than a beaver casemod? Well, not this microwave casemod, but it's pretty damn close. Check out the desktop background -- it looks like they're cooking microwavable lasagna! LOL! ROTFL! Listen, I promise to kidney punch myself as hard as I can for typing that. *UMPH* Oh man that was a good one, I'm gonna need to change boxers.
Microwave PC won't heat your leftovers [dvice]
Thanks Shawn, now lets start a fire and grill some shit
Jun 4 2008 Shoes For The Gaming Hooker With No Purse
In case you couldn't tell or are having your mommy read this aloud while you eat a bowl of breakfast cereal, these are some prostitutey shoes with embedded Gameboys. I assume they're either 1. for gaming hookers that don't carry purses, or 2. for those who service johns that think their penises are just nonfunctional joysticks and only frequent prossies to cry about how hard their favorite Zelda games are. *sniffle* Your money's on the Wii, now make like the Water Palace in Ocarina of Time and get lost.
Several more styles after the jump, in case you're in the market.
Continue Reading " Shoes For The Gaming Hooker With No Purse "
Jun 3 2008 All For The Love Of The Game: Inside The Basement Lair Of One Of The World's Most Hardcore (And Likely Neglected) Gamers
And I thought the shed I grew up in had poor living conditions. This just goes to show that you should never take anything for granted. This poor bastard is clearly locked in a basement, lives entirely on canned Coke and pot pies, pees in empty one-gallon water jugs, shits in an oversized litter box, thinks he looked handsome in his senior yearbook photo, has parents that steal power (along with gas, water, and whatever the hell else is coming in that wall) from the neighbors, only has a Gamecube, performs emergency medical procedures on himself with nothing but a pair of needle-nose pliers, sleeps with no covers on a towel bed, and really thinks rape sux. Holy shit.
Hardcore Gamer Defined? [albotas]
Jun 3 2008 Terminator: Salvation' Ending Revealed to be Stupid
Want to know the probable ending to Terminator: Salvation long before its release? Want to be horribly disappointed in something beyond your control? Then look under the cut!
Continue Reading "'Terminator: Salvation' Ending Revealed to be Stupid"
Jun 3 2008 Great, They Learned How To Do It: Robot Sex
Paul Granjon is the sadistic bastard responsible for teaching these robots how to procreate. They were programmed with five modes and act differently in each. The different modes follow:
Normal: the robots roam around and run into walls
Sing: the robots continue to putt around and run into walls, but beep occasionally
In Heat: the robots try to find each other so they can do it, once located, they go for it
Sleep: after mating, the male looks for a dark place to nap while the female chases him and attempts to cuddle
Battery Alert: worn out by the female's constant nagging, the male beeps loudly before it dies
There you have it, hit the jump to watch the video, but skip to about 1:30 to start watching the different modes, and to 2:30 to actually see them do it. Just a warning: it's every bit as disturbing as you think it'll be. And not because it's two robots having sex, but because Mr. Granjon is so into two robots having sex.
Hit it for the YCPWAW (you can probably watch at work) video.
Continue Reading " Great, They Learned How To Do It: Robot Sex "
Jun 3 2008 How To: Keep That Ass Cool And Swamp-Free
Use this thing, the Suzukaze Air-Conditioned Seat Cushion. It keeps your rear cool, funk free, and is allegedly eco-friendly.
Using the sweat generated by your bum and a tiny bit of energy, this cushion has an internal fan that blows over 170 liters of air per minute to keep your nether-region cool. It is light weight, portable, and so efficient that even if used as much as 8 hours a day, you'd still only spend pennies per month on electricity.
Whatever happened to prevention being the best medicine? If this thing needs sweat to operate, then it only works after I've already got a problem. A huge problem. Mainly that my ass is a La Brea Tar Pit and no amount of fanning is gonna save the dinosaurs.
Keep Your Bum And The Earth Cool [ecogeek]
Thanks to Shawn, who probably sent this after he saw the stain I left in his car
Jun 3 2008 Eco-Friendly Car May Score You Chicks
Listen up guys: it turns out driving an eco-friendly car may increase your chances of getting to touch a woman.
According to a study conducted by GM as part of this year's Challenge X competition:
* Nearly 9 in 10 women (88 percent) say they'd rather chat up someone who owns the latest fuel-efficient car versus the latest sports car.* Eighty percent of American car buyers would find someone with the latest fuel-efficient car more interesting to talk to at a party than someone with the latest sports car.
* More than 4 out of 10 (45 percent) 18- to 43-year-olds say it's a fashion faux pas nowadays to have a car that's not green or environmentally friendly.
As a public service for those of you that aren't having any luck in the woman department, I've added a few other chick-attractors to the list.
* Tons of money.
* A good sense of humor.* Listening to them talk about stuff you don't care about instead of tuning them out and playing video games.
* Not living at home with your parents.
* A 10-inch penis.
* Puppies.
* Shoe sales.
* A 12-inch penis.
EcoGeeks get all the girls [yahoogreen]
Thanks Abe, wanna go cruising for chicks in my neighbor's Prius?
Jun 3 2008 Crazy Computer Desk Looks Like A Drum Set
We've already seen all sorts of ridiculous computer desks here at Geekologie, and here comes another -- the V1 (V for Vision, not Vagina). It looks like the bastard child of a three-way between a car seat, computer desk, and drum set.
The V1 computer desk is dynamically designed to be the best computer desk system on Earth. Comfort, quality, and customer satisfaction are our primary goals here. Three years of planning and development has brought the V1 computer gaming desk to this certain point. It can now be yours.
They start at $1,700 (sans monitor and speakers) but can be customized with different options all the way up to like a billion dollars. Maybe it's for you, but it's not for me. That thing would take up the whole damn room. Although now that I think about it, diamond-treaded foot rests could come in handy during a particularly volatile porn session.
Hit the jump for a few different setups and a link to the website.
Continue Reading " Crazy Computer Desk Looks Like A Drum Set "
Jun 3 2008 Master Chief Made Entirely Out Of Balloons
If there is one thing I hate at a birthday party it's a creepy-ass clown. A close second are magicians. But after magicians come balloon animal makers. And not just because the one I hired for my college graduation party got drunk and swung his little balloon covered unit around like a helicopter in front of my entire family, but that's part of it. Well the guy shown here, known to sobbing children in the Provo, Utah area as Balloon Guy, makes some pretty serious balloon sculptures. Seen in the photo is Master Chief, but hit the jump for a Star Wars AT-AT, Mario, a Ninja Turtle, and what may or may not be Optimus Prime. Balloon Guy says he'll make anything "as long as it's family friendly." BOOOO! You're telling me you're gonna show up dressed like that and not make balloon privates? Secretary, cancel Balloon Guy for the company picnic, we'll have to go with our backup: pony rides and a stripper.
Hit the jump for all the highly questionable other.
Continue Reading " Master Chief Made Entirely Out Of Balloons "
Jun 3 2008 Cheating: Jesus As An Invisible Teammate
These are Jesus Inspirational Sports Statues for kids. They cost $25 apiece and I just ordered the whole set.
Handpainted resin statues on a solid wood base are the perfect gift for every young Catholic athlete. These statues portray Jesus actively participating with boys and girls in a variety of sports. A wonderful way to reinforce Jesus "as friend" in everyday activities. Sizes vary from 4 3/4 to 6 1/2 inches.Many customers have requested these Jesus Sport Statues depicting children other than Caucasian and playing other sports; we have expressed these requests to manufacturers and importers. When and if other statues are available, we'll carry them.
Hrrm...interesting. Well I know exactly what you're thinking, and you're right, they forgot to make a "Jesus and little boy playing Halo online" model. Hopefully that's one they're working on. Now you know how much I hate to get all religious, so I'll just say this -- Jesus was on my swim team in grade school and I think he may have cheated. For one, all he ever did was run on water -- which is not technically swimming. And secondly, it was the 10-12 age bracket and he was like 30 and had a beard.
A couple more statues and a link to the buy page after the jump.
Continue Reading " Cheating: Jesus As An Invisible Teammate "
Jun 3 2008 Once You Pop, You'll Wish You Hadn't: Iconic Pringles Can Designer Buried In Pringles Can
Fredric J. Baur was responsible for designing the Pringles potato crisp packaging system commonly referred to by non-jargonists as the Pringles can. But alas, Baur's expiration date passed in May and he requested his family bury a portion of his ashes in one of the cans he was so proud of. He was 89. Still no word if he specifically asked for a Sour Cream & Onion can, but I think we can all agree that's the best flavor.
R.I.P. Fredric Baur, I hope you're riding that great hyperbolic paraboloid saddle shaped chip in the sky
Pringles Can Inventor Buried In Pringles Can [huffingtonpost]
Thanks Justin, let's pop and not stop in Fredric's honor
Jun 2 2008 Emoticons For Driving Are A Horrible Idea
Drivemocions are animated LED emoticons for your car. You just stick the suction cup to your back window, and presto -- you become a dangerous hazard and reason enough for me to road rage on that ass like a tank. The faces are controlled via wireless controller, so you can pay even less attention to the road and more attention making sure you picked just the right emoticon to let others know you're a douchnozzle. They can be bought here for $50-$70, but I will go ballistic if anyone says they want one or thinks they're a good idea. Shit, phone.
That was the wife. Said she just bought the coolest car accessory ever. She wouldn't say what it was, but I have a bad feeling. So if you'll excuse me I need to plant a few landmines in the driveway.
UPDATE: Turns out she got one of those dancing hula girls for the dashboard! Unfortunately her grass skirt got charred a bit in the explosion.
Youtube
Thanks Shannon, you didn't send me that because you liked them, right?
Jun 2 2008 Man Nearly Arrested For Transformers Shirt
Brad Jayakody, 30 (that's him in the picture), was almost arrested for attempting to board a flight from London to Dusseldorf, Germany while wearing that Transformers t-shirt.
Mr Jayakody said the first guard started joking with him about the Transformers character depicted on his French Connection T-shirt. "Then he explains that since Megatron is holding a gun, I'm not allowed to fly,' he said. A spokesman for Heathrow operator BAA said: 'If a T-shirt had a rude word or a bomb on it, for example, a passenger may be asked to remove it.'We are investigating what happened to see if it came under this category.
'If it's offensive, we don't want other passengers upset.'
Freaking wow. Now I hate flying as much as the next kid whose father pushed them off the roof with a bedsheet hang glider, but seriously, you know? Seriously. Wow. In all honesty though, companies shouldn't even be allowed to sell Transformer t-shirts. It's a freaking terrorist act and breeds robot sympathizers.
Man threatened with arrest at Heathrow for wearing Transformers T-shirt [dailymail]
Thanks to Neko, who finds robot sympathizers as despicable as I do
Jun 2 2008 Cassette Face Watch Is Alright, I Guess
The AOS Cassette Face Watch costs about $70 and looks like a cassette. It also tells time. No way. Yes way. No way! Yes way! But who needs to tell time anyways? Time is old fashioned and not the sun. I suggest we get rid of time altogether and any hot and spicy female readers send me provocative pictures. Because then, I'm a scientist, time won't be important. I said I'm a scientist yo. This is a real lab coat. Wait, where'd my lab coat go? Okay, well this is an authentic Big Johnson t-shirt. I actually have no idea about worm holes because the bourbon this morning made afternoon delights a no go and I think a rocketship just crash landed on my brain. So get those coming. Also, something about...oh yes, this watch is okay but you know what's better than a cassette watch? No, not a Walkman watch. Well, technologically, that is cooler but not what I was getting at. I was getting at...shit now you made me forget. OH YEAH -- a BOOMBOX watch. A watch that looks like an old school ghetto blaster. Cool huh? I know. You hear that, Tokyoflash? I want one for free when it's made or else the good doctor gets it, do you understandeth what I speak? I need to lie down. Oh my God this pillow is meowing!
Another picture after the jump in case you were dying to know what the watch looks like with a hand casually tucked into your black-jeans pocket.
Continue Reading " Cassette Face Watch Is Alright, I Guess "
Jun 2 2008 Geek Side Is The Best Side: Geek Gang Signs
Here are some geek gang signs that some nerds came up with when they were working on a secret handshake. As you can see, they're pretty questionable. But not nearly as questionable as the leftover red beans and rice I just had for lunch. Half the beans jumped out of the bowl and tried to stab me with my own fork while the rice just sat there and watched. Long story short: I had to go hungry, which sucks because all I had for breakfast were two hits of paper and four bonghits.
Geek Gang Signs [accordianguy]
Thanks Shawn, now lets come up with a super-sweet Geekologie handshake. Got any ideas?
Jun 2 2008 Omni Chair: Super Comfy, Super To Do It On
The Omni Chair is the lovechild of a pillow who was in love with a beanbag chair but whose families were quarreling (think Romeo and Juliet, but way comfier to sit on). Well one fateful night the pillow threw itself off the bed and snuck out to have relations with the beanbag chair in my parent's basement. Two months later *BLAM* the Omni chair.
This super-sized pillow by Sumo is the ultimate solution for all your relaxing needs. We've come up with 10 ways to use it, but some people say we lack imagination!
It's a crash mat, lounge chair, loveseat or floor pillow to name a few, but the possibilities really do go on.Sumo Beanbags are made from space age rip-proof nylon and come filled with top quality Sumo Beads. Omni is 4.5' x 5.5' and it only weighs 18 lbs!
I seriously do own one of these and it's comfy as hell. Typically I hit it face first when I come home from the bars (upper left position in picture), but I also use it as a gaming chair when I'm sober* (upper right). The formable $129 (with free shipping) unit really is a Transformer of furniture. It's a chair, bed, recliner, and make-out station. You see that lower left position? Out of this world. My last few girlfriends have really loved that one, as it doesn't put any strain on their brittle bones and hip replacements when we're getting frisky. And before you ask, yes, I stole an AARP mailing list.
*BAC ≤ 0.16
Jun 2 2008 I'm Still Hungry: World's Smallest Ramen Bowl
Scientists in Japan recently made the world's smallest ramen bowl, with a diameter of only 1/25,000 of an inch. Which, in scientific terminology, makes it invisible except to superheros that got shafted in the cool powers department (unless they can also see through walls, in which case boobs, sweet). The bowl was carved entirely out of nanotubes and was entered in a recent microphotography contest. Now as someone who just recently finished a project on nanotubes and nanotechnology, I know all about these things. Some interesting facts I uncovered during my research: They're made of carbon. They're mad small. Like super-duper small. They put my junk to shame. I hate nanotubes. Nanotubes are stupid.
Microscopic ramen bowl believed to be world's smallest [cnn]
Thanks to Hunter, who holds the competitive eating world record for nano-ramen: five quadtrillion megazillion boobillion bowls
Also thanks to Matt, who's been training hard and might take the title back this year
Jun 2 2008 GENIUS: A Candle That Smells Like Strippers
Sometimes there's a candle that comes along and changes the way I look at wax-fueled flames forever. And this is one -- The Hotwicks Stripper Candle. The $9 candle smells like strippers.
It's a candle and an alibi all in one! You don't smell like a stripper, you just smell like a candle.
This is our favorite candle. After hundreds of hours of research and a lot of dollar bills we succeeded in capturing the legendary stripper scent. If you don't know what a stripper smells like just imagine the perfume counter at your local department store times a thousand... then add some glitter. This is a perfect gift for your favorite bachelor, groomsmen, or retired stripper who misses her pole.
OMGWTFNOMORESLEEPINGINTHEDOGHOUSEFORTHEGEEKOLOGIEWRITER! Wow, I really need to shake the hands of the humanitarians that spent those countless hours researching this breakthrough in scent technology. Good people. Now when I come home and the wife accuses me of stripclubbing, I'll insist it's just the candle. But if she asks why I have a pastie stuck to my forehead I'll have to run and hide in the bathroom.
Another picture of the candle after the jump.
Continue Reading " GENIUS: A Candle That Smells Like Strippers "
Jun 2 2008 Giant Keyboard Is Missing Vital Keys
From the "Just Because You Can Probably Means You Shouldn't" Department comes this massive keyboard. It's just short of ten million feet long and doesn't have a QWERTY layout. Nope, the letters are in alphabetical order, and there aren't any keys besides the letters. So yeah, no ENTER, space, or anything else. It's still awesome though. Couple this sucker with a couch-sized mouse and you could win awards in practicality.
A couple more build pics after the jump.
