May 6 2008Zip Holder Keeps Your Zipper Up, Prevents Embarrasing Situations (Exposing Your Junk)
The Zip Holder is a very simple product. It consists for a rubber band that loops through your zipper hole, then over your pants button. It keeps your zipper up so it doesn't sneak down to the bottom and end up exposing your tubesteak to everyone on the #9 train. Pretty clever, but seriously, pants are on their way out -- especially ones with zippers. As a rule I don't want anything with metal teeth (especially Jaws from the Bond movies) that close to my moneymaker. Seriously though, it is my moneymaker. I moonlight for a strippergram company. Lots of Rick Roll requests these days. Hey, I don't care, it pays the bills -- there's no shame in my game. Fine, there is. Tons. Mountains of shame.
ZipHolder Zipper Holder Makes Pantsings Super Difficult [gizmodo]
Thanks to Shawn, who doesn't wear pants and the ladies are totally cool with that
Reader Comments
1. Ant - May 6, 2008 1:17 PM
erm......couldn't a paper-clip do the same thing for a hell of a lot cheaper? That's what I use anyway.
I also find them hand for nose-picking. Just don't do what I did and push it in too far and pull out a bit of grey matter.
2. Shoes - May 6, 2008 1:19 PM
This product is insensitive to those of us who enjoyed being flashed by the random penis of a stranger.
3. SmokingGirl - May 6, 2008 1:22 PM
Tubesteak has been one of those terms for the penis that just, ugh, makes me queasy. One-eyed field mouse is better than tubesteak...hell, yogurt slinger is even better than tubesteak.
I'm going to go sit and corner and feel sick now.
4. Skatelip - May 6, 2008 2:17 PM
The Zip Holder may be designed with conscientious men in mind but that picture looks like its attached to the waistband of a pair of Mom Jeans.
5. paige - May 6, 2008 2:26 PM
Well, I am female and having gained the slightest bit of weight, I find that my zippers don't want to stay up. I will not buy bigger pants! But I will now use a rubber band (i could never buy something like this).
I think the fact that I didn't think of this before is all related to my denial of fat-induced zipper-slippage.
6. damn luddites - May 6, 2008 2:40 PM
damn, if you're too fat for the zipper to stay up on your jeans, perhaps it's time to admit defeat and resign yourself to a life of sweatpants.
7. Uncle Eccoli - May 6, 2008 3:39 PM
This is great until you can't get the thing off and the slut gets impatient and leaves to find another knob to schlobb.
8. wanks - May 6, 2008 4:15 PM
umm yeah i came up with this idea like a couple years ago....with a paperclip
9. ShitBitch Carl - May 6, 2008 4:32 PM
This is a great simple idea. I never thought of it, in any form. I've just gone about pulling my zipper up every hour or so.
Eccoli, this is the answer to the unsolvable bra puzzle. Both partners have a frustrating time trying to get to the goods, and it results in some of that charming awkward foreplay that we love in the movies... or boggle stock goes up.
luddites, you're an asshole. That wasn't insightful or funny.
10. Rebecca - May 6, 2008 6:10 PM
You can do the exact same thing with a keyring loop. Been using them for years and they're awesome and you can get a pack of ten of them for a buck at walmart heh.
11. Trisha - May 7, 2008 7:27 PM
Wouldn't that make things slightly more difficult for guys when they have to take a piss? Because it loops around the button, and then you actually button your pants... soooo when you go to take a piss you now have to undo your button, unloop it and then unzip?
12. damn luddites - May 8, 2008 9:48 AM
@ 9. ShitBitch Carl
"luddites, you're an asshole. That wasn't insightful or funny."
well, can't argue with sound reasoning like that. you are not only a shitty bitch, but a true master debator
13. laz - May 8, 2008 10:13 AM
i cant understand that so many people have problems with their jeans. I have only had one pair in my life that the zip did this on, and thats because that little zip catch thing wore down after years of use. I bought new jeans.