May 12 2008Sure, Why Not?: Get Buried Underwater
Some people are happy being cremated and spending eternity in an urn on the fireplace mantel that the grandkids get all freaked out about. Others are happy with a traditional burial 6 feet under -- but some, some take it a step further and want to rest 45 feet under. Enter the Neptune Memorial Reef, near Miami. The artificial reef opened this last fall, and is an underwater cemetery. The first phase consists of gates, pathways, plaques, and benches, and can hold up to 850 people's remains.
The ashes are mixed with cement designed for underwater use and fitted into a mold, which a diver then places and secures into the reef. A copper and bronze plaque is installed with the person's name, date of birth and death. There is also a line for a message.
The cement mixer treatment starts at $995 for their most modestly priced receptacle, and goes all the way to $6,495 if you want to be incorporated into something wicked like a lion statue. The hope is that eventually the reef will cover 16 acres and hold the burnt remains of up to 125,000 people.
"This is simply as good as it gets," said Gary Levine, a diver who conceived the reef and is now a shareholder in the company that owns it.
Whoa there Gary, whoa there. First off, that is not as good as it gets. Having your remains shot into outerspace in a rocketship is as good as it gets. And secondly, it's a little hard to trust anyone who has "conceived a reef". Now I've conceived children before, but never a reef. As a rule I keep my conceiver away from anything sharp like coral. Cut up your junk real bad.
Several more pictures (including a lion) after the jump.
Artificial reef near Miami is cemetery, diving attraction [yahoonews]
Thanks to Heather, whose initials I once carved into a sidewalk before the concrete dried
Reader Comments
1. N - May 12, 2008 4:16 PM
I just thought my grandma was senile when she told me that she wanted to be made into a reef when she died.
2. damn luddites - May 12, 2008 4:19 PM
Here in New Jersey, you can buried in cement at the bottom of the ocean for free. Just ask for Fat Tony
3. Stolencheese - May 12, 2008 4:47 PM
Lol, Good ol' Fat Tony.
Although I wouldn't call him fat, He's been trying to lose weight.
4. Freddy K - May 12, 2008 4:50 PM
Judging by the pictures, I think we just found Narnia.
5. Kelli - May 12, 2008 5:01 PM
Sweet, i'd totally be buried underwater! You mentioned having your remains shot into space... check out this video, its a short film some of my friends made... pretty funny:
http://www.atomfilms.com/film/star_corpse.jsp
6. Dazz - May 12, 2008 5:02 PM
makes visiting your ancestor's graves a little harder
7. lem - May 12, 2008 5:16 PM
whatever happened to good ol' fashioned decomposition in nature? oh, i forgot, as humans we are entitled to infict damage upon the earth even after death.
8. pickle - May 12, 2008 5:23 PM
why not just have it so sharks can consume the corpses of your loved ones in a viewing tank that the whole family can witness during the funeral ceremony? Then after the sharks have digested and shat your loved ones upon the ocean floor, your loved one can go on to feed all the plankton of the world. oh yeah i forgot, follow the fucking money.
9. damn luddites - May 12, 2008 5:26 PM
I too prefer the compost method - just bury me out back in my tomato garden.
I think part of the problem with decompostion is that there are too damn many corpses, and there are concerns about the rotting bodies polluting the water tables. so in most of the US you can't even be legally buried without the worm-proof concrete sealer. so it takes even longer to compost (since the worms can't get you), and when you finally turn to dust, the dust just sits in the vault. and there's the issue of wasted realestate.
and cremation is a rip off because they require (by law over here) that you get cremated in a coffin. so you pay extra for a box that gets burned with you.
I'm thinking viking funeral. but like the one in "S.O.B."
10. Amy - May 12, 2008 5:28 PM
Was I the only one who got the Big Lebowski reference?
11. damn luddites - May 12, 2008 5:34 PM
@pickle
I don't know if the sharks would want to eat the corpse. I think they prefer fresh meat. but it would work great for euthanasia.
how about pickling (got the idea from your name)? body stays fresh for ever. you can put gramps in a giant mason jar in the corner of the living room. no need to go to the cemetery to visit him. maybe throw some eggs and pigs feet in there with him (for hungry mourners).
that's the real problem - the stupid idea that you need to know where the body is, and be able to visit it. it's dead, it doesn't care if you visit it. and if you believe in the afterlife, do you really think that the spirit is confined to the coffin, just waiting for you to visit? if there is an afterlife, the coffin is just full of worm food, so there's no need to visit it. either way about it, coffins, cemeteries, urns on mantels, etc, are all stupid.
12. Matt - May 12, 2008 6:05 PM
"JUST BECAUSE WE'RE BEREAVED DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE SAPS!"
No, Amy, I got it too.
13. Jason - May 12, 2008 7:17 PM
#10 - totally not, I was just cracking up thinking about the Folger's can.
14. Cyberwulf - May 13, 2008 2:39 AM
I always wanted my remains to be frozen and launched into orbit...
15. pickle - May 13, 2008 6:59 AM
sharks will eat dead stuff if they're hungry enough.
the pickling idea is already in effect with embalming. embalming is the precise reason coffins with concrete liners are required by law. we're so self-centered as a society we preserve our dead, stinking corpses and then have to protect the groundwater from those same chemicals.
toss me inside a hefty and put me in the ground.
16. Jenny, Bloggess - May 13, 2008 8:10 AM
What a colossal waste of time and money. Sign me up! (To make fun of anyone who actually pays for this.)
Everything's a fucking travesty with you, man.
17. sportner - May 13, 2008 12:42 PM
Is there a Ralph's around here?
18. lola - May 16, 2008 2:05 AM
I'm sorry......can we talk about the ridiculous word "BENCHES" in this context?
And second of all......This is without a doubt my biggest fear. I am creeped out at the thought of it. Bury me in the ground? Whatever. Burn me? Sounds good, I'm impatient. Bury me underwater? You sadistic fuck.