May 29 2008Man Admits To Having Sexual Relations With Over 1,000 Vehicles. This Just In: I Vow To Never Rent A Car Again

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Edward Smith has sex with cars and doesn't care if you think he's a demented perv (which he totally is).

The 57-year-old Washington state native first had sex with a car at age 15, and says he has never been sexually attracted to people, female or male. And he feels no need to change. His current flame is a Volkswagen Beetle that's he's named Vanilla, and considering a typical woman's reaction to Smith's spreading himself around, she's very low maintenance (not counting trips to the mechanic or pricey imported auto parts).


Smith says his fetish took root when he was a teenager. "When I was 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it." He continued, "There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until nighttime, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them."

Wow, it doesn't get much worse than that.

Despite his passion for his four-wheeled friends, Smith has occasionally strayed. His most intense sexual experience ever, he says, was with a helicopter. It totally chopped his nob off.

Holy shit, it did get much worse!

Read the whole article for more ridiculousness.
Man who's had sex with 1000 cars gives new meaning to auto-erotic [nydailynews]

Thanks Jaden, I'll never look at my Neon the same again

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Reader Comments

First! So how exactly does one have sex with a car? There's lots of holes and crevices, but none I'd wanna stick my penis into... kinda like my roommate.

how? I just want to know how? does he dry hump it? stick it in the exhaust pipe? recline the seat, lay face down and slip it in the crack?

Redd, your roommate doesn't wanno stick his penis into holes and crevices either? guess you two must get along well.

Maybe I'm alone in this, but I find a man who is sexually attracted to cars to be far less disturbing than a man who is sexually attracted to other men.

at least he won't end up reproducing.

Yeah, I'd say you're alone on that one.

Man, he totally wrecked that ride!
Heyo!

I wish I didn’t know this but there is a guide out there in the internets somewhere on how to properly have sex with a car: penis into exhaust pipe. O_O

I've heard of people having sex with coats. Explain that one...

Didn't Neil Patrick Harris have sex with a car in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle?

Damn luddites,
I don't actually have any idea what the hell you meant by your comment since you write like a 2nd grader. I assume it was your attempt at a clever joke at my expense. haha. I never mentioned anywhere in my comment any place my roommate may or may not want to park his genitals. The less I know about where he sheaths his meat sword, the better as far as I'm concerned. However, he is a rater large gentlemen, hence the "crevices" I have no interest in sticking my dick in. As it turns out, we do get along well, I suppose the fact that I have no interest in f***ing him does help. So by that logic, I'm guessing everyone gets along with you, since I'm pretty sure no one has any interest in sleeping with some dork who keeps a blog about Oracle forums he totally said something funny in once. Get bent.

Redd.

wow redd, panties in a bunch today? it's a f***ing joke, you moron. if you don't get it, then ignore it. if you get it, and don't think it's funny, then fine. but don't get all bent out of shape over it!

I'll try to clear it up for you with an example from the movie "Real Genius" -
Chris - Kent put his name on his license plate
Mitch - My mother does the same thing with my underwear
Chris - Your mother puts license plates in your underwear?

so, get bent yourself asshat.
and havea nice day!

You must be this intelligent to follow along: >85 IQ

You must be this intelligent not to follow at all: *Whoosh*

Nah, #6... I think #4 has the entire Bible belt backing him.

Haha, #7: yet another example of someone who comments without reading.

Writer: Nice addendum to the second quote. I believed it until I read the article :p

Redd: it's not nice to talk like that to my boy Luddites. That said, I can't believe you actually said "...where he sheaths his meat sword..."

Um...that to me points at you being a homosexual. Unless it's a cultural thing. In any case, relax, this is a site for entertainment and if you take it too seriously, then instead of getting "bent" as you say, then get "medicated."

Make love, not war...Seek love, in fact, there's a post about this female robot...

I always read the tags each article contains, great one. I'm surprised it didn't make the "OMGWTFBBQ" one.

guate6,
not sure about your comment re #7. I thought the same at first, but he did add the Ed McMahon "heyo", possibly indicating that he knows that what he said was way off base, but made the stupid joke anyway.

I liked the comments, luddites...

Though just to add, sometimes people who are dense at first about writings such as these toneless, internet postings, will miss a point due to stress or simply fast reading. Simply said, Redd: luddites was not insulting you in the least, with the first post.

With that said, I can imagine coming in from a political site flamewar and getting bent out of shape for something benign. At the same time, I've known intelligent people who won't ever, EVER get a really well placed sarcastic or clever joke. It is okay when they are hot girls though (as has been the case before; you can humor them FOREVER).

WILL WORK NEVER END TODAY!!!

Luddites,
Good call, I missed that.

good lord, the freaky thing about this article is not wheter or not this man has had sex with cars... he's had it with a 100 of them :O

And I'm guessing this dude does not own 100 cars, so a lot of his dick holsters were not his. EEEEW imagine yourself starting your car in the morining, ready to go to work ... and the gas hole is open... eeeew

That picture at the top reminds me of the movie 'Crash'..(the james spader flick not the oscar winner)...which puts this into an odd perspective...

He said "gas hole" uhhh huh huh huh.

And honestly. Who here couldn't say they haven't walked by a still running car and thought, "I wonder if I could ejaculate before the muffler singes my cock off..."

#15, I'm pretty sure #7 read the post. I believe they intended it to be a pun. I guess you've never head a guy go "I would so wreck her." or "Man, last night I totally wrecked that chick." (I suppose he might have been punning on "ride" as well.) But yeah, fairly common phrase.

If there was a movie that I would have assumed that NO ONE could whack it to, it was Cars... however, the variety of human kinks and quirts knows no bounds and... well... I don't know if I should feel empty and hopeless after reading this or strangely hopeful. Either the sky's the limit or the abyss is bottomless. I can't decide.

*quirks... damn it.

Does riding my bicycle with no seat count?

What a wack job.

He said "gas hole" uhhh huh huh huh. : :D

I LOVE TO HAVE SEX WITH CARS!! nothing is better as ramming my dick into a tihght, warm and vibrating tailpipe.. mmmmhh

is no one thinking about the face that women could be just as responsible as men here? i mean, think of what a woman could do to a gear stick and hand brake! one in the goo, one in the poo. nuf said.

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