My parents didn't need a book to effectively traumatize us for life. They did a fine job on their own. Well for today's slacking parents there's How To Traumatize Your Children, a book in the Self-Hurt series (along with How To Cut Yourself).
You'll learn how to:
- Determine your traumatizing "type"
- Cultivate your children's resentment
- Give your children enough material to write a memoir someday
- Defend your choices against others who've opted to traumatize differently
The 192 page full color book only runs $10 and is a great companion piece to The Superficial Writer's My Drunk As Shit Daddy
, which explains to kids why their daddy peed in the fishtank, and why his urine killed the turtle. But if reading isn't your thing you can always just have sex with the door open. That'll screw a kid up for life. Even beyond if you're caught doing some freaky cosplay shit or a mommy/daddy role reversal.
How To Traumatize Your Children Book [ohgizmo]
Now I'm not saying this is the best way to explain to your daughter what happened to Mr. Fluffernutter, I'm just saying I can't think of a better one. Your parents: be thankful I'm not one of them. EXCEPT I TOTALLY AM. Your other father and I made you!
Thanks to Yo... / Continue →
Seen here trying to bite his tongue but catching his lip instead, Stephen Hawking claims there's no need for a God in order for the universe to exist. *Preparing napsack and evacuation route for flame war*
Now, in his upcoming book, according to an excerpt of the introduction... / Continue →
Don't even bother asking what sort of Photoshop trickery I used to make that mirror image, because I won't tell you. Suffice it to say, it was some seriously L337 shit.
Allegedly, an employee dressed as Chuck E. Cheese (now to be known as Chuck E. Copafeel) grabbed some wom... / Continue →