May 19 2008Caffeine Laced Chips: I'll Just Stick To Coffee
If you're anything like The Superficial Writer, you down several cups of urine-fortified coffee to get you going in the morning (seriously, stop taking my parking spot). Well for those of you out there that aren't into the liquid (or soap) caffeine scene, how about some, uh, chips? That's right, Engobi "Energy Go Bites" are cinnamon or lemon (WTF!?) flavored chips laced with wake-up powder. While I couldn't find the exact amount of crack per bag, each 1.5-ounce serving is advertised as containing "70% more caffeine than those little energy drinks." Yeah, and all for the low, low price of $1.29. To promote the chips, Engobi is taking the chips to the street.
The company is running a "Girls, Guitars and Geeks City Tour," with a Guitar Hero-equipped van, giving gamers willing to leave their basements the chance to compete for Guitar Hero controllers and gear emblazoned with the name of everyone's favorite insomnia-inducing snack product.
And if you were worried that Engobi was run by a bunch of old shriveled nads with no concept of what's cool to their target demographic, fear not.
Says the company's VP, Mark Singleton: ""If this contest, the Engobi girls, or our high-octane Engobi snack chips don't perk you up, I'm not sure you have a pulse. With Engobi on the scene, couch potatoes just earned a place on the endangered species list."
Wow, Mark, wow. You just made a whole bunch of no sense whatsoever. Doesn't gaming promote a certain level of couch/desk chair potatodom? I can't remember the last time I played video games while running a marathon. Unless slapping a Nintendo Power Pad with my hands to beat Cheetah at World Class Track Meet counts. Which, damnit, it should.
Engobi Website
via
Engobi Chips: Caffeinated, Guitar Hero-Friendly [gearlog]
NOTE: Whatever you do, don't go to the Engobi website and then click Products, What's Inside and then scroll over the heaps of shit at the bottom. Trust me, just don't.
Thanks Shawn, lets down a bunch of espressos and punch holes in the wall
Reader Comments
1. cwalk - May 19, 2008 5:29 PM
i don't know if any of you have tried this stuff but its really aweful...you can only eat like 2 of them and then you get sick...they have this really gross strong lemon flavor and you definately can't eat them without water...don't waste your money on this stuff...
2. Fi - May 19, 2008 5:37 PM
I should have listened to the Geekologie writer. I should have! But did I? No of course not. And now the sound of that "what's inside" page is burned into my brain forever! :'( Scarred for life...
3. SlowMonkey - May 19, 2008 6:14 PM
@2 nice try at reverse psychology but I didn't fall for it and I am NOT going to that website. I know the sad story of ImpatientMonkey and how he put his hand in the tree for the treat but couldn't get his fist back out. Nope, not going to that website. Besides, Starbucks has enough caffiene for me.
4. captainlaziness - May 19, 2008 7:16 PM
What's next? Caffeinated communion bread?
5. Jimboooo! - May 19, 2008 7:41 PM
They're called crisps, dammit.
6. pdrunk - May 19, 2008 8:03 PM
Holy f-in' junktruck, finally something that will give me insomnia and anal leakage! Huzzah! Now I can finally die peacefully and what I mean by peacefully, I mean bleeding from every orifice. Thanks, Engobi.
7. Society - May 19, 2008 9:04 PM
cwalk is totally right. these things are horrendous.
8. moose - May 19, 2008 10:05 PM
I guess these would be good if you haven't shit in 12 days AND needed to run a marathon in the afternoon (after you shit yourself silly, of course)
9. BlightedArt - May 19, 2008 11:31 PM
#2 I agree, the horror... THE HORROR OF IT ALL. I feel like my eyes and ears just wrestled with a pneumatic drill and lost.
10. Tenchi059 - May 20, 2008 4:05 AM
Cinnamon or lemon flavored chips whit caffeine.
That's just... American.
Plus: The average (redbull, burn, shark) energy drink contains 80 mg of caffeine. If they do really contain 70% more of it this means that in a single dose you find approx 135mg. I'm a fresh graduated M.D. so call me ignorant, but that dose is enough to give pressure peaks, arrhythmia, and, uh, sudden death.
11. NekoNeko - May 20, 2008 4:10 AM
Call me old fashioned, but whatever happened to getting energy by having a good 6-8 hours worth of sleep & maybe a nap or two during the daytime?
Food & beverages today use caffine as if it's a condiment rather than something that just naturally happens with the product. Blech. I'm glad I don't drink caffinated products anymore if everyone's starting to turn into even more of a caffine junkie than they were the year before.
12. Dr. Vekk - May 20, 2008 4:12 AM
I'm not sure why. But the sight of these makes my kidneys hurt >_<
13. Dick Dongle - May 20, 2008 5:50 AM
I did it I looked! Looks like some heavy crack goes into these munchies!!! I could do with these in the morning. The perfect comliment to any cafffeine based breakfast.
14. boredom - May 20, 2008 7:30 AM
damn you and your reverse psychology, why would you do that to us?
@10 Just cause you can't handle the powdered legal crack doesn't mean the rest of us can't, some of us can drink 4 red bulls and still go to bed
15. Tenchi059 - May 20, 2008 8:56 AM
@14: In fact I'm not talking about what I can or can't do; I'm talking about what the objective effects of that dose of caffeine are, regardless of who assumes it.
It's like saying: just because you say that smoking is harmful it doesn't mean that other people can't smoke...
Yes sir, for what I care people can drink 40 redbulls and smoke 400 cigs per day if they wish.
(...and the demonstration of all this is that I drink a lot of coffee and mildly smoke)
16. lame - May 20, 2008 2:57 PM
More shit we don't need that I will not buy.
17. SmokingGirl - May 20, 2008 4:02 PM
Blah...at least there's someone else now who can appreciate my coffee/smoking habits.
And congrats on being a new M.D.; although don't use that as your pick-up line. Try to act like you've been a doctor for years and the cum dumpsters will fly at you like spider monkeys. :) Happy hunting.
18. Tenchi059 - May 20, 2008 6:39 PM
@17: I can use it as my pick-up line because I'm used to live in a country where being a doctor is considered and payed less than -say- a drunk dj on a monday morning in a strip club.
So you see: no money, nor time to live outside the hospital... not hard to believe that cum dumpsters are not so interested.
That is, except my gf. And she is, guess what, another M.D.
19. Chuuie - June 26, 2008 10:06 PM
You all may be hating on these, but i got some of these samples at work, like the red bull girls only it was an old lady and not half as cute. (btw, I work at Claires, as in, they went to a little kids jewelry store and distributed bags of this as a promo... great targeting).
but the first 4 crisps i ate tasted pretty darn good (cinnamon). unfortunately, they left a strange taste in my mouth i could only get rid of by eating another crisp to start the cycle over again. a bag and a half later, i burnt a hole in my stomach and my hands were vibrating. not eating them again
20. polos - June 1, 2009 3:04 AM
but the first 4 crisps i ate tasted pretty darn good (cinnamon). unfortunately, they left a strange taste in my mouth i could only get rid of by eating another crisp to start the cycle over again. a bag and a half later, i burnt a hole in my stomach and my hands were vibrating. not eating them again
21. dual SIM - August 22, 2009 6:34 AM
I need these for all 3 meals, as well as snacks, and in between my red bulls.
22. Car accessory - October 23, 2009 7:18 AM
More shit we don't need that I will not buy，pls contact me
23. pet dog supplies - December 7, 2009 1:43 AM
Cinnamon or lemon flavored chips whit caffeine.
That's just... American.
24. obd - December 11, 2009 12:45 AM
I agree
25. brand clothing - December 23, 2009 1:36 AM
but the first 4 crisps i ate tasted pretty darn good (cinnamon). unfortunately, they left a strange taste in my mouth i could only get rid of by eating another crisp to start the cycle over again. a bag and a half later, i burnt a hole in my stomach and my hands were vibrating. not eating them again
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