May 30 2008 UPDATE: Alien Video To Be Shown To Media Today, Now With Frame Grab From Video

You may have heard of Jeff Peckman, he's that lunatic in the picture (looking even spacier than the father of LSD) that's trying to get Denver to put together an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission to deal with alien encounters and the subsequent probings. Well now he's convinced he has video footage of a real-life alien that proves their existence. The video will be shown to the media today, but is not allowed to be filmed, as it's part of a documentary set for public release next month.

An instructor at the Colorado Film School in Denver scrutinized the video "very carefully" and determined it was authentic, Peckman said.

Peckman, 54, said the video was among the reasons he was "compelled" to launch the proposed ballot initiative, which has generated news as far as South Africa.

"It shows an extraterrestrial's head popping up outside of a window at night, looking in the window, that's visible through an infrared camera," he said. The alien is about 4 feet tall and can be seen blinking, Peckman said earlier this month.

Way to try to sell some shitty alien documentary guys, but I'm not falling for it. Listen -- I know the easy thing to do when you wake up in the morning with a tender ass is to blame aliens, but sometimes you need to man up and admit there IS a possibility that you got too drunk and told your girlfriend to stick something up there. I'm just saying, it happens.

UPDATE: Frame grab picture that was handed out to the media added after the jump.

Continue Reading " UPDATE: Alien Video To Be Shown To Media Today, Now With Frame Grab From Video "

May 30 2008 Peeandgo, A Questionable Urinal For Women

The Peenandgo is a urinal for women. Because flowers and singing, moving clowns just don't cut it for chicks. The unit was designed by Chen-Karlsson and has a ball in it to prevent splashing or something. I thought it was pretty questionable, but I guess they're catching on because I heard they installed one in the women's room here at the office. I haven't seen it though. Oh, hold on, here comes The Superficial Writer.

Hey buddy, yeah I saw the Kim Kardashian post, way to put her in her place. I agree, totally butt pads. Seriously though, I can't believe she can even use a computer. Say, what you got there? A golden ball huh? You didn't happen to find that in the floor of the women's room did you? Nevermind what you were doing in there, just get it off my freaking desk. No, I don't want to buy from you. Or hold it. Dude I'm trying to post here, take the peeball back to your own cube.

One more picture after the jump in case you were wondering how the thing is used.

Continue Reading " Peeandgo, A Questionable Urinal For Women "

May 30 2008 Self Parking Car (No, Not That New Lexus)

This is a self-parallel parking car that engineering students at the University of Toledo built. It's pretty clever. I mean it's so simple that even women could conceivably parallel park. But I'm pretty sure my wife would still find a way to smash up every car around her, drive up on the curb, and back over someone's cat. And the best part? She'd have no idea.

UPDATE: Joking ladies, you know I love you all and think you're wonderful drivers. Truthfully, my wife has never damaged her car but I've driven it poles (telephone and yield sign) on two separate occasions. And the best part? I lied and told her someone must have backed into it in the grocery store parking lot.

Youtube

Thanks Mike, now lets go play buck-a-curb

May 30 2008 Apocalypse Ride: Flame-Throwing Wheelchair

This is a flame-throwing wheelchair built out of a golf car and Marine rescue helicopter seat. It can do 20 MPH and shoot flames up to 15-feet. I need one. You know, for the zombie apocalypse. Unfortunately it's a one of a kind piece built by some guy that goes by Lord Humongous. Wait, huh? Lord Humongous? What in the hell kind of name is that?

Lord Humongous,

Gargantuan Dick Dragon

A couple more pictures of the vehicle after the jump.

Continue Reading " Apocalypse Ride: Flame-Throwing Wheelchair "

May 30 2008 Licensed Nintendo Themed Urban Clothing

Torrell LLC has recently released a line of Nintendo themed urban clothing for sale. It's expensive. I'm digging some of it, but freaking t-shirts are $50 and the jackets (like Bowser there) are $200. So it's too rich for my blood. Especially since I've been thinning it with alcohol since 10 this morning. And not with that sissy beer shit either, I've been mainlining the isopropyl. Gettin' mad f***ed up.

A bunch more pictures of different styles, a video, and a link to the online store with all the designs, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Licensed Nintendo Themed Urban Clothing "

May 30 2008 I Want This Boat -- The Wallypower 118

The $33 million Wallypower 118 is the boat of my dreams. Its 118 feet are powered by five engines -- 2 diesels for tooting around the marina, and 3 jet turbines, for pirating at over 70 MPH. At top speed it guzzles a liter of fuel per second, which limits the range of its 22 ton fuel tanks to 400 nautical miles (compared to 1,500 nm if you're just putting around with the diesels at 9 knots). I could go on and on about how I want to get one and pirate my life away, but instead I'll just say this: I take back all the mean things I said about the guy that has sex with cars, because I would totally do this boat.

A TON more pictures that you WILL look at because I spent a lot of time editing them (and there's one of a chick in a bikini from 50 miles away). Also, some videos.

Continue Reading " I Want This Boat -- The Wallypower 118 "

May 30 2008 Battery Powered Robot Climbs Grand Canyon

The Evolta Robot is the mascot for Panasonic's new Evolta batteries. He's cute, has a wonky eye, and can climb.

The company says the new battery cell -- called Evolta, combining "evolution" and "voltage" -- can keep gadgets running 20 percent longer than offerings from rivals Duracell and Energizer.

Guinness World Records certified Evolta as "the longest-lasting AA alkaline battery cell," based on testing under guidelines set by the industry's International Electrotechnical Commission this year.

To prove the long-lastingness of his batteries, the 5-ounce, 7-inch robot climbed a rope dangling in the Grand Canyon for as long as he could. When his batteries finally crapped out, he had climbed 1,740 feet over the span of 6 hours, 46 minutes. I watched the whole thing and I've gotta say -- it was freaking boring.

Battery-Powered Robot Climbs Rope for 7 Hours in Grand Canyon, Sets Guinness World Record [foxnews]

Thanks Shawn and Dan, now one of you yank his batteries, I'm not going anywhere near that deceptively cute deathbot

May 30 2008 Freaked Out And Pissed Off: Uncontacted Amazon Tribe Photographed From Aircraft

From The Gods Must Be Crazy 3 department come these photos of a rare uncontacted Amazon Indian tribe. As you can see, they're none too happy about the flying apparatus that's come to kill them all.

The photographs of the tribe near the border between Brazil and Peru are rare evidence that such groups exist. A Brazilian official involved in the expedition said many of them are in increasing danger from illegal logging.

Of more than 100 uncontacted tribes worldwide, more than half live in either Brazil or Peru, Survival International says. It says all are in grave danger of being forced off their land, killed and ravaged by new diseases.

Now was it really necessary to scare the everliving shit out of the tribe by buzzing their village? Couldn't we have gotten some satellite images or something? This just seems wrong. Now they probably think their gods are mad at them or something. Shit, I'm gonna have to head down there and straighten things out aren't I?

UPDATE: poison-arrowed in the face...fading fast...tell my wife I love her and have one last request...to burn the shoebox in the bottom of my closet -- under no circumstances should she open it...afterwards tell her I've always hated her and she burnt her inheritance.

A couple more pictures of the pissed off tribe after the jump.

Continue Reading " Freaked Out And Pissed Off: Uncontacted Amazon Tribe Photographed From Aircraft "

May 29 2008 Goofy Suit Is Actually A Musical Instrument

The Pacer Suit is a musical instrument that looks like a goofy spacesuit (because that's what it is) that I would never, ever wear -- not even if I lost a bet (I'd just renege and let them beat me up or cut my fingers off).

The Pacer suit receives electro impulses that appear when muscles are activated (movement), amplifies them and turns them into sound with the help of the sensors attached to muscles. Each impulse is goes through the sensors via amplifiers (boxes on the back) to control panel where we can control volume, type of sound, select rhythm to follow...With this suit it is possible to produce harmonious rhythm and melody by dancing. These sounds can be heard through headphones connected to the control panel (box on the front) or through the speakers connected to the control panel by infrared rays.

That's pretty neat. I bet it sounds awesome too. And by awesome I mean worse than my girlfriend's incessant blathering about how much she hates her coworkers. Speaking of which, she just pulled up. Later folks -- I'm diving out a window and running to the bar.

UPDATE: Greetings from the ICU! We live in a third story apartment.

A couple more pictures of the components after the jump.

Continue Reading " Goofy Suit Is Actually A Musical Instrument "

May 29 2008 People Claming Wi-Fi Allergies in New Mexico

A group of wackjobs in New Mexico are claiming they have allergic reactions to Wi-Fi signals.

"I get chest pain and it doesn't go away right away," alleged Wi-Fi allergy sufferer Arthur Firstenberg told KOB-TV.

The Santa Fe city attorney is checking to see if the Wi-Fi signals could be considered a form of discrimination, KOB reports.

Freaking wow. Before you waste any more time Mr. or Mrs. Santa Fe city attorney, let me tell you -- Wi-Fi signals aren't a form of discrimination. And neither is me kicking Arthur Firstenberg in the nuts and telling him to stop drinking the Fire hot-sauce packets from Taco Bell.

New Mexico Wi-Fi 'Allergy' Sufferers Want Wireless Ban [foxnews]

Thanks Neal, are you any closer to New Mexico than I am? I mean I'll still go out there if I have to, I was just hoping you could save me a trip.

May 29 2008 George Lucas Wearing 'Han Shot First' Shirt

We all know Han Solo blasted Greedo first (wiki link) and it was a travesty when they changed it in the re-release. And we also know Han was the first to blast Carrie Fisher. So what's up with the shirt? Per my tipster, Jon:

Great, now that we all agree George, give me my freaking cleaned up version of the original trilogy on DVD and Blu-Ray you Ewok/Jar-Jar/CGI loving asshole!

Thanks Jon, now settle down lest us Star Warriors catch the same bad rap as those crazy raging Trekkies.

Scene Stealer [latimes]

May 29 2008 DIY: Make Your Own Ultrasonic Batgoggles

Ever wanted to be a bat boy? Me too, but the local minor league team said I couldn't because of my club foot. So I'm going to have to settle for making my own ultrasonic batgoggles (not to be confused with lobster-vision).

What you see above is a homegrown device that enables humans to discover how bats must feel when using echolocation in order to judge how far away certain objects are. The main components are an Arduino microcontroller clone, Devantech ultrasonic sensor and a set of welding goggles.

Basically you can't see anything because of the welding goggles and the ultrasonic sensor controls audio feedback to let you know how far away something in your line of sight is (fast beeps for something close, slower for further away).

Awesome, I just built a pair and am about to give them a go. Oh wait:

Please do not wear these in hazardous environments or in traffic! These goggles are for educational purposes only and meant for controlled environments since they are intended to block your peripheral vision and regular vision so you are more reliant on auditory cues.

Ha, there's never any traffic on my street -- time to take these suckers for a spin in my girlfriend's car!

UPDATE: In retrospect they would have worked better had I busted out the windshield. Seriously though, I think a Buick is just what the neighbor's kitchen needed.

Video of the goggles in action and a link to the instructables page, after the jump.

Continue Reading " DIY: Make Your Own Ultrasonic Batgoggles "

May 29 2008 Man Admits To Having Sexual Relations With Over 1,000 Vehicles. This Just In: I Vow To Never Rent A Car Again

Edward Smith has sex with cars and doesn't care if you think he's a demented perv (which he totally is).

The 57-year-old Washington state native first had sex with a car at age 15, and says he has never been sexually attracted to people, female or male. And he feels no need to change. His current flame is a Volkswagen Beetle that's he's named Vanilla, and considering a typical woman's reaction to Smith's spreading himself around, she's very low maintenance (not counting trips to the mechanic or pricey imported auto parts).

Smith says his fetish took root when he was a teenager. "When I was 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it." He continued, "There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until nighttime, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them."

Wow, it doesn't get much worse than that.

Despite his passion for his four-wheeled friends, Smith has occasionally strayed. His most intense sexual experience ever, he says, was with a helicopter. It totally chopped his nob off.

Holy shit, it did get much worse!

Read the whole article for more ridiculousness.
Man who's had sex with 1000 cars gives new meaning to auto-erotic [nydailynews]

Thanks Jaden, I'll never look at my Neon the same again

May 29 2008 Huge Piñata Shaped Like A Monster Derrière

Remember when you went to your friend's birthday party in kindergarten and he ended up hitting you in the eye with a huge wooden dowel because he had no idea where the piñata was? And then you yanked the thing out of his hands and beat him in the head with it until his parents pulled you off and asked you to leave? That was awesome. Especially how you pushed his cake off the table and grabbed a couple presents (Voltron, baby!) on your way out. Good times. Well now you can get three and a half foot "Big Ass" piñatas on eBay for a paltry $50. I pay $15 for the little treasure chest ones I get at the local party store (and they're freaking small). Just imagine all the crap (!) you could stuff in this thing! Tons! After all, nothing says, "We'll miss you aunt Phyllis", better than cracking open a piñata stuffed with airplane bottles at her funeral.

eBay Auction

Thanks Mulva, come on over and we'll tear that piñata a new one

May 29 2008 'Flavor Tripping' Is Not What I Thought It Was

'Flavor tripping' revolves around the "miracle fruit" (Synsepalum dulcificum), a little red berry that, after eaten, changes the perceived taste of things eaten afterwards. "The cause of the reaction is a protein called miraculin, which binds with the taste buds and acts as a sweetness inducer when it comes in contact with acids." Neato. People are even starting to throw 'flavor tripping parties'.

Carrie Dashow dropped a large dollop of lemon sorbet into a glass of Guinness, stirred, drank and proclaimed that it tasted like a "chocolate shake."

Nearby, Yuka Yoneda tilted her head back as her boyfriend, Albert Yuen, drizzled Tabasco sauce onto her tongue. She swallowed and considered the flavor: "Doughnut glaze, hot doughnut glaze!"

In a corner, The Geekologie Writer was licking bird shit off the window sill. After deliberation he concluded, "Bird shit, this tastes like bird shit -- now somebody give me a berry."

You can get about 30 berries for $90. Read the whole article for a lot more information if you're interested.

A Tiny Fruit That Tricks the Tongue [nytimes]

Thanks to James, one of the coolest people on the planet

May 29 2008 Like I Really Needed Any More Proof: Foolish Scientists Teach Monkeys To Control Robots With Their Minds, AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

If there's one thing I hate in the world it's robots. And that hate is only trumped by cute little monkeys in laboratories controlling robots with their brains. F'ing a. So yeah, a bunch of scientists that deserve to have their diplomas and lab jackets revoked have taught some monkeys to feed themselves using robotic arms using only their brains. Because this is supposed to help us in one way or another.

The animals were able to feed themselves using prosthetic arms, which were controlled by brain activity.

Small probes, the width of a human hair, were inserted into the monkeys' primary motor cortex - the region of the brain that controls movement.

"The more we understand about the brain, the better we'll be able to treat a wide range of brain disorders, everything from Parkinson's disease and paralysis to, eventually, Alzheimer's disease and perhaps even mental illness."

I call shenanigans. These scientists don't give two flying monkey shits about curing disease. The sick bastards are building a primate-controlled robot army to kill us all. Now let's go smash up their lab and free those poor little monkeys. Who's with me? Come on, it'll be fun. We'll get drunk as shit on the ride back and make the monkeys drive.

Video of the poor little guy in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Like I Really Needed Any More Proof: Foolish Scientists Teach Monkeys To Control Robots With Their Minds, AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! "

May 28 2008 Baaad Idea: Robot With Supergun Attached

iRobot, best known for selling Roombas (the vacuuming robots) and Loojes, (the ass-cleaning robots) has partnered with Metal Storm (the purveyor of 1,000,000 round/minute superguns) to create a robot that just made me destroy the back of my pants. The 250 pound vehicle is allegedly going to be used for non-lethal purposes, but we'll see what happens when the thing goes rogue.

Metal Storm's 40mm weapons mount can deliver both high-explosive and less-lethal rounds. Which makes it perfect for everything from urban assaults to "border patrol" to "infrastructure protection" to "crowd control."

Okay, so I take it infrastructure protection isn't getting your house's foundation sprayed for termites. I swear, you learn something new every day. Like today I learned if my wife's dog gets really excited when a stranger comes to the door she's likely to shit on the floor. Knowledge: it's not just in books, sometimes you step in it.

Robot + Supergun = 'Crowd Control' [wired]

Thanks Kyle, so how exactly do we destroy these things?

May 28 2008 Steampunk USB Drive Looks Pretty, Shiny

This is a steampunkified USB drive that comes to us all the way from Russia. As you can see it's got all the typical steampunk necessities, namely brass and copper. No actual steam though, that would be ridiculous (and dangerous to carry around in your pocket). Say, have I ever told you the one about the time my girlfriend "steampunked" the computer for my birthday? Yep, she actually steamcleaned all the components. You know, because she's an idiot. Despite her incredible ignorance and the monumental loss of porn, I did appreciate the gesture. Just kidding, I let her pay for my birthday dinner and then broke up and slept with her roommate.

A couple more pictures after the jump.

Continue Reading " Steampunk USB Drive Looks Pretty, Shiny "

May 28 2008 WTF Was That?: Cellphone In Microwave

This is a video of a cellphone in a microwave. If you're going to watch it, watch it before you read past this sentence. You didn't listen did you? You're just going to keep reading without watching the damn movie. Fine, but the spoiler is coming right after this colon : cell phones turn into scary ass snarling faces in the microwave. Who'd have thought? Not me. I just thought there'd be some sparking, maybe some smoke, and then a flying unicorn would shoot out or something. But not a scary face. Which leads us to a very important question -- how the hell are you supposed to cook a Hot Pocket without that bastard eating it?

Youtube (you have to be logged in to watch it)

Thanks Bailey, I didn't see that coming.

May 28 2008 Ace Of Cakes Show Makes Star Trek Cake, Trekkie Rage (And Some Hilarity) Ensues

So those crazy fonadanters on the Food Network's Ace of Cakes recently made a Star Trek cake and posted pictures of it on Trekmovie.com. But some Trekkies weren't happy with the result.

6. sean - May 25, 2008 THIS IS A DISASTER I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY PUT SCOTTY IN THE NAVIGATOR'S POSITION I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE ARE SO CLUELESS ABOUT THE BASICS OF STAR TREK THIS IS A DISASTER

12. Sean - May 25, 2008
lol #6 has a point. Scotty and Uhura are not in the right spots and Chekov is nowhere to be found. Even before Chekov came onto the show Scotty didn't sit there.

18. Navigator NCC 2120 USS Entente - May 25, 2008
Actually Sean, Scotty DID sit at the Navigator's Station on the bridge at the end of the second pilot "Where No Man Has Gone Before" because Navigator Gary Mitchel was dead. There is a picture of it at http://www.trekcore.com. I tried to post the link to the picture but it did not work.

Finally, the voice of reason stepped in.

38. Gary Seven of Nine - May 26, 2008

Sean:

"Have you ever kissed a girl??!?!?!?!?!"

It's an F-in cake. Turn-off your caps lock and and stop making trekkers look like such OCD losers.

Good burn with your lightsaber there, Gary Seven of Nine. Oh shit, lightsabers are from Star Wars and not Star Trek aren't they? God how embarrassing. Seriously though, I've always loved Star Trek -- especially the spaceship, Discovery One.

A couple more pictures of the cake after the jump. And for the love of God please don't email me about the Discovery One being the ship from 2001: A Space Odyssey, I know that.

Continue Reading " Ace Of Cakes Show Makes Star Trek Cake, Trekkie Rage (And Some Hilarity) Ensues "

May 28 2008 Help Guy Beat Guitar Hero 3, Earn Money

Well it's no Princess Zelda or vagina couch, but some guy named Jon that lives in the St. Louis Park area recently posted on his area's Craigslist looking for some help beating Guitar Hero 3.

I need help beating Raining Blood on Hard, and the last 2 sets on Expert starting with 3's and 7's.

If you could come over either Thursday night or Saturday afternoon I'd pay you to beat them for me. I'll give you an extra 5$ to beat Fire and Flames on Expert.

Let me know. I'm going to throw guitar through tv shortly if I don't get these beat. Thanks, Jon

So that's a whole $25 you could earn just by helping poor Jon beat some songs. Anybody in the area that can take him up on his offer? If so I want a kickback. And to find out if this is really a personal ad in disguise.

I need help with Guitar Hero 3 - $20 (St Louis Park) [craigslist]

Thanks to Kyle, who has no need for personal ads because his advertises itself

May 28 2008 Space Station's $19 Million Toilet Is Broken

Well folks, the 7-year old, $19 million shitter aboard the International Space Station is acting up. Although truthfully they've only had problems with the urine collection system. The solid waste part is still holding it down (thankfully), but there's no telling for how long. And I thought the plumber that charged me $60 an hour to fish out a couple G.I. Joe figures my son flushed down the john was highway robbery. This thing probably requires a $1 million/hour plumber. NASA is currently considering the best course of action, and the astronauts are currently considering getting the f*** back to earth.

Space station's toilet begins to fail, panic sinking in [engadget]

Thanks to Shawn, who uses a Gatorade bottle like a real man

May 28 2008 'Perfect Woman' Robot Is Far From Perfect

Remember Aiko, the life-like wheelchair-bound robot woman that slapped you if you tried to touch her boobs? Yeah, that was wrong on every level possible. Well here comes another robot companion for men -- Lisa, the Perfect Woman. She can allegedly cook dinner and I really hope this is fake.

We created a technology called RKS, "Recognition Krax System", which allows for vocal, tactile and visual recognition. Lisa is able to recognize objects and persons and she can even differentiate between roses and tulips for example.

...everything started with a book called Love + Sex with Robots: the Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships by David Levy. I had always thought that one day technology would allow us to create a robot that would be able to perfectly imitate human behaviour. With Lisa we succeeded.

Well I've heard enough. Seriously, sex with robots is just wrong, period. Call me crazy, but what in the hell's the matter with good old fashioned analog sex with an inflatable sheep?

Another MUST MUST SEE video about a guy that allegedly fell in love with one of these, after the jump. Note: They block out his face and make him sound like he sucked down a helium tank so he can't be identified and ridiculed. And no, it's not me, I swear*.

*On the robotic life of my beloved Lisa.

UPDATE: As I had hoped this is strongly believed to be a hoax and an actual real-life woman. But I humped her anyway and she did start smoking out one of her ears. So what conclusion can we draw from this? I clearly have no idea where a woman's vagina is located.

Continue Reading " 'Perfect Woman' Robot Is Far From Perfect "

May 28 2008 Bubble Man Bedroom From Mega Man 2

This is the bedroom of a Mega Man fanboy who painted it look like Bubble Man's level from Mega Man 2.

This is what the bedroom of my old apartment looked like. Three months of measuring, stenciling, painting, and retouching well spent!

The guy that did it also does covers of Mega Man songs, so you can go to his myspace music page here if that's your scene. If that's not your scene we could always just hang out in the food court at the mall and make fun of people. Now don't get me wrong -- I love Mega Man just as much as the next kid who grew up in the 80's and whose parents used the NES as a babysitter, but this just isn't for me. Zelda bedroom, sure. But I think we can all agree a Zelda themed room would be the baddest ass thing ever, and wouldn't handicap your chances of scoring with the ladies. This one probably does. Dude must have a member the size of an RV.

Hit the jump for a few more pictures, including night mode.

Continue Reading " Bubble Man Bedroom From Mega Man 2 "

May 27 2008 A Shocking Jacket For Personal Protection

Forget tasers ladies, the No-Contact Jacket is where it's at.

The No-Contact Jacket is a wearable defensive jacket created to aid women in their struggle for protection from violence. When activated by the wearer, 80,000 volts of low amperage electric current pulses just below the surface shell of the entire jacket. This exo-electric armor prevents any person from unauthorized contact with the wearer's body.

Pretty freaking sweet. The little blue things you see in the picture up near the lady's neck is actually arcing current. Man that's awesome. I'm getting one for my girlfriend, I'll let you know how she likes it.

UPDATE: She liked it a lot until she wiped her nose on the sleeve. Now she's on the kitchen floor with smoke coming out of her eyes.

Several more pictures, including a close-up of the arcing accent, and a link to two videos, after the jump.

Continue Reading " A Shocking Jacket For Personal Protection "

May 27 2008 Solar-Powered Speedboat Looks Good To Me

This is allegedly the world's first solar-powered speedboat, the Dutch-built Czeers MK1. The 33-foot aquatic transportation device is capable of doing about 30 knots (~35 MPH) and is powered entirely from energy generated from its 14 square meters of photovoltaic cells. No word on cost, but who cares, I definitely couldn't afford one (if you think you could though we should be totally be friends). So, you think it'll make an appearance in the next Bond flick? I sure hope not -- I'd hate to see it destroyed in one way or another. But what I wouldn't hate to see is the return of Pussy Galore. Unless they insisted on using the original actress from Goldfinger (Honor Blackman, 82). If I saw Bond hitting that in the theater I'd gouge my eyes out with the straw from a $6 soda. Actually, forget about Galore, they should just try to get her granddaughter, Snatch Abunch.

A bunch of close-ups of the boat after the jump.

UPDATE: Horrible quality video with an allegedly awesome soundtrack added.

Continue Reading " Solar-Powered Speedboat Looks Good To Me "

May 27 2008 My Hand Is Red!: Make Things Glow Different Colors With A Handheld Thermal Imager

The $7,500 Thermal Imaging Camera from Fluke combines "both a visible light digital image with an infrared one, producing a single view that lets you get an immediate visual temperature may of whatever you aim it at." It was designed primarily for an industrial work environment, and if it was priced $7,400 cheaper I'd consider getting one. But not because I work in a factory, because I don't. No, I've heard these things are great for ghost hunting. It's a fact that ghosts are colder than the air surrounding them and try to grope me in my sleep.

Another picture of some guy (which may or may not be Mike Rowe, the object of my nonsexual man-crush) using the thing, after the jump.

Continue Reading " My Hand Is Red!: Make Things Glow Different Colors With A Handheld Thermal Imager "

May 27 2008 How Not To Sell Car Stereos At Best Buy

This is the car stereo salesman at Best Buy doing his best to pawn a new car stereo off on some chicks. Okay, so there's no real sale going on. The girls just start dancing to some song on one of the radios, and dude decides to show them what he's made of (spoiler: he's made entirely out of awesome freaking dance moves).

Best Buy's Salesmen Will Do Anything To Close A Deal [gizmodo]

May 27 2008 Finger-Regrowing 'Pixie Dust' Is At It Again

Remember the story we posted about the man who regrew the tip of his finger after having it cut off in a model airplane propeller? Yeah, that guy totally shouldn't have been allowed to work in a hobby store. Well now the infamous "pixie dust" is being used again -- this time in an attempt to regrow a soldier's finger that was lost in a bomb attack.

A key to the research dedicated to regrowing fingers and other body parts is a powder, nicknamed "pixie dust" by some of the people at Brooke Army Medical Center. It's made from tissue extracted from pigs.

The surgery is part of a major new medical study of "regenerative medicine" being pursued by the Pentagon and several of the nation's top medical facilities, including the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and the Cleveland Clinic. So far nearly $250 million has been dedicated to the research.

Awesome. I guess the only remaining question I have about this treatment is this: How ethical is it to cut off you junx and hope to regrow a bigger one?

Salamander-inspired therapy may aid injured vets [cnn]
Go here if you want to watch a graphic video about the procedure.

Thanks Patrick, lets steal Tinkerbell's fairy dust so we can fly

May 27 2008 Touchscreen Turntables Require No Records

Let's face it: records are round and made of vinyl. The ATTIGO: TT is the brainchild of Dundee University student Scott Hobbs and is basically two digital turntables (with waveforms displayed) that allows DJ's to "loop, sample and scratch wave forms just as you would a record." Scott is currently looking for manufacturers interested in producing the ATTIGO, and I'm currently looking for a new girlfriend interested in producing beautiful music. But just with me -- not my roommate and the Fed-Ex guy while I'm busy mowing the yard. I HATE YOU JANET! YOU'RE LOOSE AND NOW EVERYONE ON GEEKOLOGIE KNOWS IT.

UPDATE: YOU DIRTY STRUMPET!

UPDATE: Okay, we're back together. But I'm leaving this up because I know she's gonna end up banging the dude that works the aquarium section at the local pet store. I've seen the way they flirt around the cichlids.

UPDATE: Wow, the reptile guy too. Didn't see that coming. Nice touch you skank.

A worthwhile VIDEO of the unit in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Touchscreen Turntables Require No Records "

May 27 2008 Unacceptable: This Freaking Keyboard

Wow, and I thought my roommate's Cheeto and pube keyboard was bad. He's got nothing on this guy. It looks like he's trying to burn his house down. Hrrm, let's dive deeper into the mind of the psychopath behind this epic grossness by analyzing the picture.

Evidence: He likes smoking. A lot. And Lucky Strikes too. He often forgets about his burning cigarettes and/or passes out at the desk.
Analysis: Heroin addict.

Evidence: Package of Pepcid Duo.
Analysis: Suffers from heartburn.

Evidence: Two uneaten baked potatoes, still wrapped in aluminum foil.
Analysis: Likes sour cream.

Evidence: Bottle of Gordon's gin just out of frame on the far right.
Analysis: Wait a minute -- that's my keyboard! Damn I have womanly hands.

Yummy! [geekarmy]

Thanks Shawn, you can have one of the potatoes if you want

May 27 2008 Epic Failure: Skydiving Record Attempt

Well folks, I miraculously survived three days of trying to kill myself with the drink (one more miracle and I'm eligible for sainthood). So here I am -- unrested, unshaven, generally unkempt, and ready to post. I hope you all had a good holiday weekend, it's great to see all your bright and shining faces this morning -- I missed you.

So on Sunday 64-year old Michael Fournier was set to break several world records and provide valuable data on what sort of impact damage a dead body can do to the earth with a skydiving jump from 40,000 meters (~25 miles).

Mr. Fournier was hoping to break the record for the fastest and longest free fall, the highest parachute jump and the highest balloon flight. He was planning to jump from a point three-times higher than a commercial jetliner flies. Mr Fournier was to wear a pressurized suit to protect him from the extreme low pressure and temperatures down to -100C. Sophisticated camera equipment was supposed to record key moments of the jump, particularly when he broke the sound barrier at 35,000m.

That's right folks, that crazy mother was gonna reach speeds around 1,000 MPH and break the damn sound barrier! That's one tough grandpa. Mine doesn't do shit but drink gin and sit on the porch carving wooden vaginas. So why didn't he end up making the jump? Was it the weather, a fear of death, or a problem with the pressurized suit? Nope, they forgot to properly attach the freaking balloon to his capsule.

...his helium balloon detached from its capsule as it was being inflated, and drifted away into the sky.

God that's freaking pathetic. Now I've gotten high and tried to beat world records before (namely the number of deviled eggs eaten in two minutes), but never have I failed as epically as that (unless projectile vomiting deviled eggs counts, which it doesn't). So what can we all learn from this? That Fournier's loose balloon (lower right) looks like a giant floating prophylactic. And I think we can all agree that's a valuable life lesson.

Jump record fails to take flight [bbcnews]