May 16 2008 Lonely No More: Bed A Virtual 2-D Girlfriend
INBED is the brainchild of NYU student Drew Burrows. Drew is a really lonely guy that decided a 2-D virtual girlfriend would be way easier to bed than a real 3-D one. And he was right. The girl is projected onto your bed from the ceiling and interacts via "infrared-sensitive" light. If you curl up on your side she spoons with you, and if you lie on your back she stretches out beside you. Plus, if you're feeling amorous and try to kiss her she raises her rear into the air and beckons you to "tap that". Just kidding, no chick would ever do that -- she just buries her head in a pillow and ignores you like your girlfriend does whenever you're feeling procreational.
UPDATE: Okay, I know I said there was no woman that would ever do that, but I got to thinking and figured in the off chance that one of you lady readers out there might do that, could you please contact me?
NYU Student Creates Virtual Girlfriend - Shame She's Only 2-D [gizmodo]
May 16 2008 WTF, That's Gross: Bread Head Bakery
Kittiwat Unarrom got a master's degree in fine arts and now makes lifelike body parts out of bread at a bakery in Thailand. All the disturbing yeast sculptures are made out of dough, raisins, cashews and chocolate. He'll also paint the outside with some sort of edible paint to give it an even more gruesome appearance. When asked why he does it, Kittiwat replied, "I'm a wackjob and I like making people sick".* And what does The Geekologie Writer think of these bready body parts? We may never know -- he's too busy puking up the Spaghetti O's sandwich he had for lunch.
*As interpreted by yours truly.
UPDATE: VIDEO added after the jump.
More pictures after the jump, but warning: they're more graphic than the first one. Yes, I'm a girl. I wear frilly panties.
May 16 2008 Crazy Automatic Mario Level Set To Music
So I was unaware of this, but people hack Mario games to make them play automatically when the game starts. Like you don't need to push any buttons, Mario just starts with some momentum and he plows through the level thanks to its intricate design of bumper blocks, etc. They're pretty amazing, and I posted a couple more after the jump, but this one is particularly neat because they made the sounds match up with some techno song playing the background. The video is 11:00 long, but the first two minutes are the best. But hell, watch the whole 11:00 if you want, just don't come asking me for a life refund. I'm still trying to get two and a half years back from an ex-girlfriend.
A couple more (shorter) automatic Mario levels, without the techno, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Crazy Automatic Mario Level Set To Music "
May 16 2008 'Fusion Man' Provides More Jet Wing Action
I posted the story of the Jet Wing back in January, but since Yves Rossy just made his first public demonstration of the jet-powered wing, he's back in the news. Rossy and sponsors spent over $285,000 perfecting the thing, and he recently flew that shit for a gathered crowd of media before landing on the eastern shore of Lake Geneva (via parachute). Rossi wants to try crossing the English Channel later this year, and eventually fly through the Grand Canyon.
Rossy stepped out of the Swiss-built Pilatus Porter aircraft at 7,500 feet, unfolded the rigid 8-foot wings strapped to his back and dropped. Passing from free fall to a gentle glide, Rossy then triggered four jet turbines and accelerated to 186 miles an hour as a crowd on the mountaintop below gasped -- then cheered.
Steering only with his body, Rossy dived, turned and soared again, flying what appeared to be effortless loops from one side of the Rhone valley to the other. At times he rose 2,600 feet before descending again with a trail of special-effects smoke in his wake.
Ah yes, smoke effects, what a showman.
"It's like a second skin," he later told reporters. "If I turn to the left, I fly left. If I nudge to the right, I go right."
Oh yeah Rossi, just like a second skin. Except, you know, it's a rigid 8-foot wing with four jet engines attached. But besides that, yeah, just like a pair of tighty whities.
Video of Rossi and the wing in action after the jump.
Continue Reading " 'Fusion Man' Provides More Jet Wing Action "
May 16 2008 I Know What I'm Getting!: This Wicked Tattoo
Let's face it folks, the Bowser riding a surfboard tattoo is pale in comparison to this wicked work of needle and ink. As you can see, it's a, uh, dolphin with its own tattoo smoking a bong and sitting on a tattered recliner. Oh, and it looks like he's staring at an owl and thinking "AKH" (which may or may not be some prison ink). Seriously, not even Spiderman guy can F with this. This thing is just pure ridiculous. Admittedly, I was high for the majority of my college career but never, ever, ever have I smoked with a dolphin before. Or a porpoise. Okay, that's not entirely true. I did smoke with a porpoise* -- to avoid going to class and to make Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 even funner.
*High-five for the pun!
"I'd like a tattoo of a dolphin with a tribal tattoo smoking a bong on a recliner, please." [albotas]
May 16 2008 Heligoodness!: Airwolf Replica For Sale
We've seen helicopters made of junk, mini-gunning helicopters, and even a couple renditions of personal helicopters, but this is the grandaddy of helisweetness -- Airwolf. Airwolf was an awesome TV show about a supersonic military helicopter and its crew. If you're too young to remember it then you should probably just ask your mommy for another sippy cup and to put you back in your playpen for a nap. I kid -- I barely remember it myself. But not because I wasn't alive and relatively coherent at the time it aired (1984-1987), it's just that I got spat on by a camel at the petting zoo and lost part of my memory. Or it could be all the drinking. Whatever the case, a replica of the helicopter is now for sale on eBay.
The full size Airwolf replica was made with an existing Bell 222A airframe. The side panels, nose panel and refueling port were all made from the specs from the original Airwolf and are exact. The ADF pod and chainguns are not included in this auction, but will be available if anyone is interested. The interior is not finished, but the pilot and co-pilot seats have been reupholstered and the instrument panel has been mocked up. Airwolf inspired a whole generation to learn to fly helicopters and this replica is beautiful.
Unfortunately it doesn't fly.
Q: Could it fly with the right components?A: Not sure. It doesn't have any paperwork, but I don't know if there is a way around that. My guess is yes, but it would be a long(dealing with the FAA.) and costly process.
Well ain't that some shit. That's like selling KITT with no engine, wheels, flashing red lights, or ability to talk. Which, my friends, would be sad enough to make the Hoff cry tears of pure chest hair.
A bunch more pictures of the replica and a link to the auction after the takeoff.
Continue Reading " Heligoodness!: Airwolf Replica For Sale "
May 16 2008 Stop Motion Wall Painting Is Pretty Impressive
This is an artistic stop motion video made entirely of wall paintings. It's pretty damn impressive. It made me kind of motion sick, but that was a small price to pay for the incredible awesomeness. A freaking ton of time, effort and ability went into this piece. Almost as much as my last artistic venture, which was a can of orange juice concentrate I glued popsicle sticks to and wrote on in puffy paint. I gave it to my mom for Mother's Day. I tried calling her to see if she liked it, but I think she's blocked my number.
MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU [vimeo]
Thanks to Nathan, Saul, Heather, Meg, and Pork Musket, who should all come hang out so we can paint the town red
May 16 2008 Philisophical Question Of The Day: Can We Use Robotic Suits To Defeat The Robots Of The Apocalypse, Or Will They Turn On Us?
Okay, I posted on the Sarcos Exoskelton Robot Suit back in November, but this week I've been flooded with tips to show it again, so here she blows. Raytheon, impressed with the Sarcos suit, purchased the company, and continues to develop the exoskeleton suit as part of a $10 million Army contract.
The suit can multiply its wearer's strength and endurance as many as 20 times, with relatively little loss of agility, by sensing and almost instantly amplifying every movement the wearer makes.
The suit itself weighs 150 lbs. and the biggest hurdles Raytheon has yet to overcome are the unit's short battery life, incredible cost of production, and clunkiness.
When a soccer ball was thrown at him, he bounced it back off his helmeted head. He repeatedly struck a punching bag and, slowly but surely, he climbed stairs in the suit's clunky aluminum boots, which made him look like a Frankenstein monster. "It feels less agile than it is," Jameson said. "Because of the way the control laws work, it's ever so slightly slower than I am. And because we are so in tune with our bodies' responses, this tiny delay initially made me tense." Now, he's used to it. "I can regain my balance naturally after stumbling -- something I discovered completely by accident." Learning was easy, he said.
"It takes no special training, beyond learning to relax and trust the robot," he said.
Over my dead body. The day you learn to trust robots is the day they turn on you and blast a powerful burning laserbeam straight through your domepiece. I'd rather trust my girlfriend, and she cheats on me like it's her job (which it kind of is, she's a hooker).
So today's philosophical question of the day is this: Can the human race battle robots with robots? Wow, did that just make your head explode? I know, I'm freaking deeper than a well. Suck it, Descartes.
Another video of the suit in action after the jump.
May 15 2008 Awesomest News Story Ever Is So Awesome
This is the awesomest news story ever, and it all started when Ralph Hardy, a 13-year old, ordered another credit card from his dad's existing account. Then he and his friends went on a $30,000 shopping spree and ordered some hookers to a hotel room where they were playing Halo on Xbox.
Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.
Oh my freaking goodness kids are getting so smart these days. What a great lie!
The $1,000 a night girls sensing something up played "Halo" on the Xbox with the kids, instead of selling their sexual services. They told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.
Awh man, they got them there and then bailed out? At 13 I could've definitely hit pause for two minutes (give or take a minute and a half) to bang a hooker.
But sadly, this all happened because of a father that forgot his son's birthday.
Ralph had reportedly told police that his father wouldn't mind, as it was his birthday last week and he had forgot to get him a present. The father, a lawyer said he had been too busy, but would take him on a surprise trip to Disneyland instead.
Oh yeah, the ol' forgotten birthday and promised trip to Disneyland. Been there. Ralph was actually smart just sneaking a credit card in his dad's name. I'm still waiting for my freaking trip.
UPDATE: Story may be a hoax. If that's the case I'm gonna help my little brother make it a reality.
13 Year Old Steals Dad's Credit Card to Buy Hookers [money.co.uk]
Thanks Aaron, I'll let you know just as soon as my dad's new card gets here
May 15 2008 Alien "Email" Could Arrive As Early As 2015, The Pope Is Totally Cool With That, You Know, As Long As It Doesn't Really Happen
Hisashi Hirabayashi and a colleague used a radio telescope in 1983 to send a message to Altair, a star approximately 16 light-years away.
The message, which is believed to have reached Altair in 1999, consisted of 13 binary-encoded images (71 x 71 pixels each) that showed, among other things, the characteristics of our solar system, the location of our planet, the known chemical elements, whole numbers, human characteristics, and the basic structure of DNA. Their message also attempted to explain biological evolution with a depiction of mammals evolving from primeval life forms (see the image above of the fish crawling onto land).
That one picture looks like a midget kicking a naked woman in the shins, but whatever. Now provided the aliens (if there are any) were intelligent enough to receive and decode the message, they could have a message back to us as early as 2015. Hot damn, I can hardly wait!
Strangely, one of the pictures sent to Altair includes the molecular formula for ethanol along with the kanji characters for kanpai (the Japanese toast of "cheers!") and the English word "TOAST." "I came up with that idea while drinking," Hirabayashi playfully admits. "The aliens probably won't understand that part."
Oh, they'll understand Hirabayashi, they'll understand. Alcohol is the universal language that that makes communication with the opposite sex possible. The googly-eyed bastards will definitely get that. What I'm worried about is them understanding the rest of it.
And in a related story the Vatican has announced that it is perfectly Christian to believe in aliens, despite their not being in the Bible.
The Bible "is not a science book," Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes (Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory) said, adding that he believes the Big Bang theory is the most "reasonable" explanation for the creation of the universe. The theory says the universe began billions of years ago in the explosion of a single, super-dense point that contained all matter.
And when asked why aliens didn't make an appearance in the Bible, Funes noted, "It's not a damn sci-fi novel."
Alien e-mail reply to arrive in 2015? [pinktentacle]
and
Vatican: It's OK to believe in aliens [yahoonews]
Thanks to Melissa, who may be the only person who really knows what's out there
May 15 2008 Underwater Camera Mask Is A Great Idea
The SeaLife SL321 ECOshot is (allegedly) the world's first underwater camera built into a snorkeling mask. It packs a 5 megapixel camera and is good up to depths of 15 feet. It even has crosshairs in the eye pieces so you can frame up your shot and goes for right around $100.
Sweet. Mine just arrived so I'm gonna head down to the pool and see if I can't score some shots of the college girls swim team in action. I'll post any sweet derrières I manage to capture.
UPDATE: So I was the only one in the pool. Which was weird, I mean there wasn't even a lifeguard around. I guess I missed the sign on my way in, but the pool was supposed to be closed for disinfecting. Which explains the floater in the deep end I snapped a pic of.
UPDATE UPDATE: Just got an email from a concerned reader.
Date: Thu, 15 May 2008 2:30:53
From: allstarseaworthy@snorks.com
Subject: Geekologie Tip - We came up with this shit years ago
Geekologie Writer,
This post is bullshit. Snorks came up with these years ago and have been selling them forever in Snorkland. Screw whoever is making this claim, we demand royalties.
Help us get our money,
AllStar Seaworthy (Snork)
World's First Swimming Mask With Integrated Digital Camera [tfts]
Thanks Andrew, and no, it definitely wasn't a Baby Ruth
May 15 2008 BBQ Sword Perfect For A Masked Meat Thief
The $30 BBQ Sword is a grilling accessory made to look like a sword. As you can see, it features a nice hilt and the end is pronged so you can stab meat. As an added bonus the cardboard box it comes in has a mask cutout so you can pilfer your neighbor's meat without revealing your identity.
Whether you're prancing around the garden making a total Athos of yourself, flummoxing guests with your frankly ridiculous mask or thrusting away at a regiment of seditious quarterpounders, the BBQ Sword is guaranteed to become your new favorite cooking implement. Most impressive of all we've managed to write (this entire review) without mentioning pork swords. On guard!
I want one. Oh, and what the hell is a pork sword? Is that a slang term for hot dong or cockwurst? Because, if it is, whoever wrote that review is vulgar. Grow up already.
Thanks to Jackie, who apparently works for the company and should send me a free one of these.
May 15 2008 RINGBO Ridable Robot For Kids Reminds Me How Much My Childhood Sucked, Was Bad
RINGBO is a robotic transportation device for children that hate walking. It was designed for kids aged 2-3 so they can run over the cat's tail. The unit has a 66-pound weight limit and a 6-8 hour charge yields about one hour of drive time. It also looks like a miniature Hoveround. Say, have I ever told you about how I always wanted one of those little motorized Jeeps when I was a kid but my parents never got me one? True story. My friend had one though, except he would never let me drive it. Or even ride in it for that matter. What he would let me do is lie in the sandbox while he backed over me. Best friends forever!
A commercial video of the thing, which features an awesome song that'll get stuck in your head and you'll sing all day long, after the jump (lyrics included).
NOTE: The lyrics start at 0:45. You MUST memorize them if you want our friendship to last.
Continue Reading " RINGBO Ridable Robot For Kids Reminds Me How Much My Childhood Sucked, Was Bad "
May 15 2008 (Oh God Please Be) FAKE: Ghost In Elevator
I watched this video a couple of times so needless to say I'm making this post from under the bed. It's allegedly a video of a ghost in a Singapore hotel's elevator (let it load and skip to 1:20 to see the goods). I'm sure it's fake as all hell. Right? It's fake right? Good, because you know ghosts scare the crap out of me. Seriously, I've got a huge mess back there. You know, I'd be more inclined to believe this was real if the ghost wasn't a dead(!) ringer for the bag lady I make out with at the train station on Mondays and Wednesdays. I know she's still kickin' -- we played a little tonsil table tennis just yesterday. I would have won too, but she cheated and bit the tip of my tongue off.
UPDATE: Thankfully, I did some investigative interwebbing and found the creators of the video. It's some human resource group that wants you to work for them and "never have to work late and risk seeing a ghost". Which is stupid because the guys in the video never even saw the damn ghost. That said, I have seen one before. It sucked. It was this real busty chick. I tried to cop a feel but my hand just passed right through her. Tease.
Ghost Caught On A CCTV In An Elevator [aolvideo]
Thanks Emilia, I hate sleeping anyways
May 15 2008 Awesome Clock Has Over 150 Moving Hands
We've seen lots of clocks here on Geekologie that aim to tell time with words, but this is by far the coolest one. Clock is a design by Christiaan Postma. It uses over 150 moving matchstick-like hands to spell out the hour. The picture there shows the change from 3:00 to 4:00. The best part is the words appear in the same positions they would on a normal clock. You just have to see it to appreciate it. So go here to check it out (click "clock" and then the big 3 in the lower right corner).
Okay, I just watched it again and still think it's cool, but remembered that the animation shows twelve hours packed into a scant minute and forty seconds. So the mesmerizing movement seen in the video won't really be present in the actual device. Still awesome though. Just not as hot as the timepiece I invented, which was the sun. Seriously, I sold the idea to God for the promise to create beer. Yes, yes I am your hero. No need to thank me for the booze though, I did it for myself.
Christiaan Postma's Clock [iconeye]
Thanks to Hazel for knowing what time it is
May 15 2008 Completely Inappropriate Austrian PS3 Ad
Sometimes, being The Intrepid Geekologie Writer requires me to report on things I'd prefer not to. This is one of those cases. Featured here is a real PS3 ad created by the TBWA\Wein agency for the Austrian market. Long story short: It's a naked dude -- with a thumb for a penis. You heard me --- a thumb for a penis. And, as my wife so lovingly pointed out, it's way bigger than my unit even after using the pump. So yeah, I'm killing myself. Oh you think that's funny do you? Making fun of The Geekologie Writer for the cruel joke God played on him? Well I hate you. Go eat a thumb.
Oh, and ladies -- if you think every man hasn't tried playing video games with his favorite digit before, you're kidding yourself.
The NSFW picture after the jump.
WARNING: It's a dude with a thumb for a penis.
Continue Reading " Completely Inappropriate Austrian PS3 Ad "
May 14 2008 Solar Boulder Holder Powers A Little Sign
Triumph International, a Japanese firm that really triumphs in the global lingerie market, has created the Solar Brasserie (not to be confused with the solar bikini or solar dress). It's a bustier that looks like it was made out of carpet and has a flexible solar panel pinned on. It also comes with some unusual looking padding that I thought typically went on the inside of lingerie. But what do I know? I'm not a underwear manufacturer, I'm just a man with a penchant for bra-ripened chestmelons. Oh, did I mention the solar panel powers a little scrolling sign? Because it does, and it can be programmed to read whatever the wearer desires like, "TSA - I swear this isn't a bomb" and "$50 for 30 minutes".
One more worthwhile picture of a sexy model (I actually mean it this time) wearing the thing after the jump.
Continue Reading " Solar Boulder Holder Powers A Little Sign "
May 14 2008 Another Annoying Alarm Clock To Break
Here at Geekologie we've had no shortage whatsoever of ridiculous alarm clocks that use various annoying methods to get you out of bed and ready for another horrible day of life. But here comes another anyways. When the $40 Puzzle Alarm Clock goes off it launches three puzzle pieces out of the base. You then have to find said pieces and return them to their respective resting places. It sounds like a freaking disaster waiting to happen. I would have that thing smashed to bits before you could say "where's the star piece?" Mostly because I never learned my shapes. That's right -- I was the kid in kindergarten that tried to wedge the square peg into the round hole and glued his head to his cot during naptime. But look at me now -- on top of the freaking world. Okay, maybe just on top of house. I'm gonna jump!
Puzzle Alarm Clock Looks Seriously Infuriating [uberreview]
May 14 2008 Man Grows Old Right Before Your Eyes
Wow, I really need to ramp up my efforts to live a more stress free life. I don't wanna end up like this guy, who, in the span of three years, went from a young dapper lad to an old diaper clad. Apparently he's a Japanese news reporter that let the stress of the job get the best of him. Listen, I've got a piece of advice for those of you out there that feel like you may be headed down the same path. Hookers. They help you live a happy, stress (but not necessarily VD) free life. I'd still frequent them if I didn't get wrapped up in this whole "marriage" thing. It's seriously killing me, and I've only been hitched for two years. It started with gradual hair loss, then a strange rash. Next came a chest pain, and now I can't hear (over the sound of my wife's blathering piehole). Oh no -- oh no. Hold on a sec. "Hey, wait, please don't go -- I need you. PLEASE. No, not them too. Come on, maybe tonight'll be the night. No I haven't been saying that for two years! Come back, I beg you!" *sobbing* Well folks, it's official -- my proverbial sausage has packed his metaphorical meatballs and left. Life as I know it, is over. I might as well become a leper.
May 14 2008 Honda's ASIMO Conducts An Orchestra
To calm your shaking nerves after that last prophetic post, I've decided to put up a less fear-inspiring robot feature. The last time we saw Honda's ASIMO here on Geekologie all he could do was fall up and down stairs (NOTE: you must watch those, it'll make you feel like we stand a chance in the robot war), but now -- now he can conduct orchestras.
The lights dimmed, the sold-out hall grew hushed and out walked the conductor -- shiny, white, 4 feet 3 inches tall. ASIMO, a robot designed by Honda Motor Co., met its latest challenge Tuesday evening: Conducting the Detroit Symphony in a performance of "The Impossible Dream" from "Man of La Mancha."
Whew, not nearly as frightening as the robotic killers in the last post, was it? I thought this might help. You can come out from under your desks now. Although...I suppose the little robotic bastard could stab a person's eyes out with the conductor's baton. Awh, shit. *shuffles back into the closet with my blankey and boob pudding*
Honda robot conducts Detroit Symphony to warm response [yahoonews]
Thanks to Matt F and The Superficial Writer. Say -- Matt and I, we, uh, totally tag-teamed Megan Fox this past weekend*. Yeah, and Optimus Prime taped the whole thing. I thought, I don't know, maybe you could do a post about it.
*High-five!
May 14 2008 Killer Robots Abound At Maker Faire
Michael, a brave member of my underground anti-robot coalition, the Fairly Unorganized Brotherhood Of Technology Saboteurs (FU-BOTS) did a little reconnaissance work at the recent Makers Faire to scope out our potential robotic killers. He brought along his trusty bowtie spy camera and sent me these exclusive pictures via messenger pigeon. As I've been screaming atop my soapbox forever now, we're seriously funked. Definitely hit the jump to see some of the carnage, including a robot tearing apart mannequins for practice, one about to rip an old woman's head off with its pincers, a scorpion-bot that has already cut someone's leg off, and a Birdo-inspired gunning robot. Now if I've said it once I've probably said it at least three times, people need to stop making these damn things. While Carzilla was certainly cool to see at that monster truck rally when I was six, this shit has gotten seriously out of hand -- and into limb-tearing claws. So I have no choice but to open membership to FU-BOTS to anyone who takes a pledge of robotic sabotage. Please send your applications to:
FU-BOTS
ATTN: The Geekologie Writer
125 His Treehouse
Anti-Robotville, Geekologie Island
Mom, bring me some cookies and milk when you deliver this
NOTE: All applications must include a picture of you destroying something metallic.
UPDATE: Another reader, Ian, has sent in some more exclusive pictures including a kid-eating giraffe, a flame spewing human destroyer, an Arnold Schwarzenegger robot crushing the earth, and a pretty scary cupcake.
Hit the jump for all the pics, but be warned -- it's a vision of the future.
May 14 2008 jDome Gives You 180° View While Gaming
The jDome is the brainchild of John Nilsson and allows a player 180° field of vision. "All you do is put the jDome in front of a projector, mirror the image in the projector, change the Field of View and you're good to go." Simple as that. Nilsson estimates the domes will go for $125-$200 as soon as he procures the necessary fundage to get them made. If you're really interested you can provide a donation at his website or make one yourself out of your little brother's bedsheet and sister's hula-hoops.
UPDATE: No, your audio isn't screwed up, John just has trouble pronouncing the name of his product (0:59).
JDome Gives First-Person Gamers 180-Degree Vision, Gives Me Headaches [gizmodo]
Thanks to Pork Musket, who games the old fashioned way -- with a real gun.
May 14 2008 Folding Grill Has A High Level Of Portability
The Notebook Portable Flat-Folding BBQ is a $40 grill that, even when collapsed, still has more sensuous curves than my girlfriend.
Picture the scene. It's the height of summer, or what passes for summer. You're off to the park with your chums. You've just had a big night out and you've got the serious 'munchies', as we believe it's called. You now have a choice. Run off down to the Co-op for a few tubes of Pringles... or run off down to the Co-op for a few chicken drumsticks, sausages, veggie skewers and massive fat burgers.
Oh yeah, I'm totally with you. Serious 'munchies', that's just what I've got. Oh God, I hate Pringles, those things suck, what I'm after is a delicious piece of man meat.
Fully collapsing to just a few inches thick, it's ultra-light and ultra-portable yet robust and sturdy wherever you choose to put it. Just plonk it down, light it up and you're a twisted firestarter, as my nephew likes to put it.
Umm, yeah. So should I call the police on this guy's pyro nephew or can one of you do it? In all seriousness though, I like the grill and will definitely buy one. Just as soon as they learn how to make folding bags of charcoal.
Product Page [gadgetshop]
Thanks Mulva, come over this weekend and I'll cook you up a dog. My wife's -- the damn thing keeps crapping on the carpet.
May 14 2008 Japanese Hooter Pudding: Definitely Not The Stuff Bill Cosby Used To Sell, But Should've
Japanese hooter pudding (aka double D deliciousness) are pudding packs that come in the shape of everyone's favorite pillows. That's right, inside the seemingly innocent packaging are two scrumtittilyumptios pudding receptacles. Sheer marketing genius. I love sweater yams and pudding, so this is a match made in heaven for me. Say, did I ever tell you about the time a lady friend and I messed around with some chocolate pudding in the sack? Yeah, it looked like someone shat the bed.
Two NSFW pictures of what's under the packaging, after the jump.
Oh, and can someone send me some?
May 13 2008 A Jawa Sandcrawlerload Of R2-D2 Cakes
Get it? Instead of boatload? I'm throwing rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. So I've been getting a ton of R2-D2 cake tips lately, and I've decided to just compile them into a single post and unleash the beast in one fell swoop. So here they are, starting with this handsome droid, that, get this, comes sans fondant. Oh snap, crackle and pop indeed my friends. A cake without fondant. All the ones after the jump are heavy on the fondantry, so yeah. Oh, and you've got to check out the picture of the Star Wars themed wedding party for the last cake (after the jump). Freakin' awesome. Almost as awesome as my wedding's theme, which was admittedly less Star Warsy and more "the biggest mistake of your life"sy.
All the must see pictures after the jump.
May 13 2008 Raku Ceramic Ray Guns Look Awesome
This is a raku style (low temperature ceramic firing) sculpture made entirely out of clay and glazed to look like a badass raygun. Each one runs about $275 and comes mounted on a 12" by 9" moon crater plaque so you can hang it on the wall. But, if you're gonna do what I think you are (turn it into a pipe to smoke weed), then you can probably just break that off.
Three more after the jump.
May 13 2008 Video Of Darth Drunkard Attacking Jedis Is Sadly Not Nearly As Exciting As I Had Hoped
Remember when that drunk guy wearing a garbage bag and swinging a lightcrutch tried to beat up on the founder of the Jedi Church? Well it turns out the event was videotaped. But sadly, the scene is nothing compared to the one I had imagined. The only time I got excited was when he swung the crutch and almost caught dude in the nose. But he didn't. He just hit the cameraman over the head and then ran away. Making him the suckiest drunk Darth Vader impersonator ever. I make a better Drunk Vader, and all I do is wear black and breath heavy. Although once I did try to use the Force (read: a grappling hook) to score a free bottle of bourbon from behind the bar. Unfortunately I miscalculated the swing, clocked myself in the head, and fell off the barstool bleeding. Now I know what you're thinking -- "Damn yo, the Force is weak with The Geekologie Writer." And sadly, you're correct.
Oh, and as an update to the story, dude had to pay $500 and won't be serving the 12-month sentence originally expected.
May 13 2008 Untooned Peter Griffin Looks Pretty Good
For those of you that never click through to the jump or check out the links I so lovingly provide, you probably haven't seen this. Unless it came to you in a dream or something. In which case I wouldn't trade dreams with your for all the money in your couch. Anyway, this is human-like Peter Griffin from Family Guy. It was an entry in the Reality Cartoons Contest I linked to in yesterday's Jessica Rabbit video post. If you've seen it (and especially so if you saw it by following the link I provided yesterday), then I applaud you, and you get an A+ in Internetellect 101 (yes, I'm going to continue using that until it catches on and I get some credit). Regardless though, this Peter Griffin untooning does bring up an interesting question: can someone get a naked Betty Rubble one to me at least 30 minutes before my wife gets home?
Since today is side-by-side comparison day on Geekologie, I've included one of Peter after the jump.
Continue Reading " Untooned Peter Griffin Looks Pretty Good "
May 13 2008 Jerrari Is Half Jeep, Half Ferrari, All For Sale
Looking to buy a car but can't make up your mind? Have you got it narrowed down between a Jeep and Ferrari? Well why not pick up this sweet-ass Jerrari and get both!
This one-off combines a 1969 Jeep Wagoneer with a Ferrari 365-GT front-end. Although currently equipped with a 350ci V8, it could easily be returned to its original Ferrari V-12 power plant.
That's right folks, the Jerrari is the lovechild of a Ferrari and Jeep that spent a romantic night together in the shadowy corner of a used car lot. You see, the two got drunk after lapping up the remains from some wino's jug that he accidentally knocked over while urinating on the side of the Jeep. Yep, they totally bumped bumpers, and the Ferrari squeezed the Jerrari out her tailpipe four months later. The Jeep soon grew tired of the Ferrari's constant bickering and cracked his own block. Now the Ferrari is selling her offspring so she can afford a CD player and new floor mats to attract another mate. Strumpet.
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures and a link to the auction which has a TON (literally, 2,000 lbs.) more and links to some videos.
Continue Reading " Jerrari Is Half Jeep, Half Ferrari, All For Sale "
May 13 2008 GTA4: Liberty City Vs. New York City
These are side-by-side comparison shots of New York City and Liberty City in Grand Theft Auto 4. New York is on the left, Liberty on the right. As you can see, they share some pretty similar architecture. But seriously, all 911 conspiracy theories aside, I couldn't find my favorite hot dog vendor (Ignatius of Paradise Vendors) in the game. I swear, something about those dogs -- so freaking delicious. I think Mr. Clyde may have stumbled upon the holy grail of boiled weenies -- the perfect pig lip to asshole ratio.
Several more comparison shots after the jump, along with a link to the Flickr gallery with them all.
May 13 2008 Hard Drive Crusher Looks Like Drill Press
EDR Solution's Hard Drive Crusher costs $11,500 and looks suspiciously like a slightly modified drill press.
With the Hard Disk Crusher you can crush over 60 disks an hour. It drills through the hard disk's spindles and physically creates ripples in the platters making it impossible to recover the data. One customer informs us that they destroyed over 9000 drives in a month, and another customer destroyed over 800 drives in day.The Hard Disk Crusher is durable and transportable. You can put it in your vehicle and take it from one location to another. It uses a standard 110 outlet and can crush a disk in 10 seconds.
If you can crush a drive in 10 seconds, why can you only crush 60 in an hour? That doesn't add up. Does it take 50 seconds to remove the drive and toss another one in? That said, if the power goes out and the feds are coming, you can get a hand pump option for an additional $895 that allows you to break drives with 15 hand-strokes. Warning: Blatant self-advertising ahead.
Okay folks, instead of buying a ridiculous $11,500 drill press to destroy drives, just send them to me. I just started a new company, No Data Left Behind. I destroy drives through a combination of drilling and feeding them to hogs. Of course, I can't actually guarantee data won't get left behind. Or that the drive won't be scanned for credit card info and/or nudey pics first.
Thanks to Gooch, who destroys drives the old fashioned way -- with his teeth
May 13 2008 'Marry Our Daughter' Website Is Wrong (But I Proposed To The Cheapest One Anyways)
Marry Our Daughter is a website where parents post their daughters and ask for proposals. There's a short paragraph explaining the girl, and then the cost of marriage. Prices typically range from $20,000-$50,000 but I found a couple runts going for less than $8,000. I'm pretty sure the site is a joke. I was going to propose to a $5,995 14-year old to test it out before I realized I don't want to burn in hell or have some pedo-taskforce bust down the door. So yeah, we'll just assume it's fake. Read a testimonial:
Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn't very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We've told our youngest that when she turns 15 we're going to marry her off too!
Okay, bad example. The other ones though, totally made up. That one was actually believable. Trust me -- my parents once traded me to a mechanic for a tire rotation and piña colada scented air freshener.
Thanks to "Knowing my mom, I'm probably already on there" Alexis
May 12 2008 Thanks Grandma, It's Just What I Wanted! A, Uh, MiWi. Oh Really, You Got A Great Deal?
Awesome, another fake video game console. Designed to trick elderly grandparents and disappoint children, the MiWi is a Wii knockoff (in case you couldn't tell). It's monster piece of crap and comes with a throwback N64-looking controller. The best part? It requires no AC power! That's right folks, the console runs on 4 AA's and the controllers 2 AA's apiece. What else do you get?
- Interactive Boxing,PingPong,Tennis,Golf,Baseball,Soccer,Bowling Games
- Wireless Joypad
- 16 Bonus Games
- New design 16 bit color games
- Accessories:1 Main console, 1 Wireless Joypad, 2 R/C stick , 2 PongPong Racquet, 1 Baseball Bat, 1 Tennis Racquet,1 Golf Stick, 1 Soccer sensor,1 AV Cable, 1 Giftbox, 1 User Manual, 2 game card
Wow, did that just say "New design 16 bit color games"? Is that really a new design? Weren't 16 bit games a "new" design in like 1987 when the Super Nintendo and Genesis came out? Regardless, I can almost guarantee I'll get one of these for my birthday. Good ol' Grandma Bertie. She'll spend an hour telling me how easy it was to find one despite what everyone says, and how cheap it was priced. Then, when she wakes up after having talked herself to sleep, she'll tell me how the checkout guy wouldn't accepted an expired Taco Bell coupon and she had to browbeat him until he sold it to her for the price of a beef gordita.
One more picture of the peripherals after the jump.
May 12 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Get Buried Underwater
Some people are happy being cremated and spending eternity in an urn on the fireplace mantel that the grandkids get all freaked out about. Others are happy with a traditional burial 6 feet under -- but some, some take it a step further and want to rest 45 feet under. Enter the Neptune Memorial Reef, near Miami. The artificial reef opened this last fall, and is an underwater cemetery. The first phase consists of gates, pathways, plaques, and benches, and can hold up to 850 people's remains.
The ashes are mixed with cement designed for underwater use and fitted into a mold, which a diver then places and secures into the reef. A copper and bronze plaque is installed with the person's name, date of birth and death. There is also a line for a message.
The cement mixer treatment starts at $995 for their most modestly priced receptacle, and goes all the way to $6,495 if you want to be incorporated into something wicked like a lion statue. The hope is that eventually the reef will cover 16 acres and hold the burnt remains of up to 125,000 people.
"This is simply as good as it gets," said Gary Levine, a diver who conceived the reef and is now a shareholder in the company that owns it.
Whoa there Gary, whoa there. First off, that is not as good as it gets. Having your remains shot into outerspace in a rocketship is as good as it gets. And secondly, it's a little hard to trust anyone who has "conceived a reef". Now I've conceived children before, but never a reef. As a rule I keep my conceiver away from anything sharp like coral. Cut up your junk real bad.
Several more pictures (including a lion) after the jump.
May 12 2008 Is This What A Real Sonic Would Look Like?
From the same artist that brought us the realistic Bowser painting, comes this one of Sonic The Hedgehog. He even included a little pixelated version of what a more realisitc hedgehog would have looked like in game.
The biggest challenge about this one was, that the original Sonic looks everything but realistic. He is so stylized, that it's hard to tell if he is a hedgehog at all. This made it hard to find a middle course between the initial design and the look of a real hedgehog.
In the end I decided to give him a color-pattern that resembles a West European Hedgehog but facial proportions that stick to Sonic himself. His white gloves and the red shoes he kept as another link to the original, but the shoes underwent a little redesign. In addition his body looks like that of a runner, making it more believable that he can run at such high speeds.
So, what do you think? Good, bad, or ugly? I can't really judge since I was caught soliciting my vote in return for "inappropriate" favors during a bikini contest. So yeah, banned from judging.
sonic the real hedgehog [essenmitsosse]
Thanks to Tal, who is not only faster than Sonic, but has more gold rings
May 12 2008 No, Seriously, I Really Mean It This Time, I Promise: The Robots Are Coming, Run!
Ha, and you thought our robotic overlords would only come in the form of giant blade wielding mothers didn't you? Well think again. How would you like to have that little guy climbing up your leg? You wouldn't would you? I didn't think so -- but too bad. BAE (which undoubtedly stands for Bot Apocalypse Engineering) Systems has released a promo video of the robotic insects they've been developing for the U.S. Army as part of a $38 million contract. There are spider-bots, dragonfly-bots, and other kill-you-in-your-sleep-bots featured, and each one scares the everliving hell out of me.
The robots will slither and crawl around corners, into caves, and through booby-trapped streets, sending images back to screens in a command center or to a screen mounted on a soldiers wrist. The purpose is to "extend the warfighter's senses and reach, providing operational capabilities that would otherwise be costly, impossible, or deadly to achieve," says Joseph Mait, MAST cooperative agreement manager for the Army Research Laboratory.
Well that's wonderful and all, but what happens when I find one of these guys at the foot of my bed in the middle of the night? I'll tell you what happens -- I soil a $1,800 Tempur-Pedic mattress. And then what? And then sob into a pillow and beg my wife to smash the thing with a slipper.
The video (which looks a lot like a crappy video game) after the jump.
May 12 2008 Guitar Hero Mod For One Handed Players
That handsome devil in the picture there is Ben Heckendorn, a man best known for his portable consoles and a number of one handed controller mods. Well he's back with another, this time a controller that allows someone to play Guitar Hero with a single hand (and foot). It's basically a pedal that replaces the strum bar. You just wonk on it with your foot when you need to strum, and press the buttons on the guitar like you normally would. Great job, Ben. I love the fact that there are people out there like yourself that take the less-fortunate gamer into consideration when you're modding. Now if you could just make a robotic arm that chucks a Wii Wheel at the television whenever someone loses at Mario Kart, I think we'll be set. Not that I have a use for one -- I don't lose. No, I think The Superficial Writer needs one. You see, while not handicapped in the traditional sense, he's no good at the game and throws a hissy fit whenever you red shell him. Plus he's just an all around poor sport*.
*I'm going to the free clinic this afternoon, you better have been joking.
One more picture of the device after the jump.
May 12 2008 Treadmill Bike Makes My Head Explode
Similar to last week's Naturmobil, the Treadmill Bike is half treadmill, half bicycle, and half ridamndiculous. The logic behind it made my head explode. Now my brain is exposed and one of the cats is licking it. Apparently the bike has been out for awhile, but since I have a penchant for the old, and I don't think it has been posted here before, KA-BOOM!, here it blows. Not much to say except I can't believe that guy is actually wearing a helmet -- the damn thing has a top speed of like 2.5 MPH (and that's if you're running like you want to have a heart attack). Horribly energy inefficient, the bike is also inefficiently priced at about $2,500. But can you really put a price on being the stupidest looking cyclist on the streets? Yes, $2,500.
A video of the bike inaction(!) after the jump.
May 12 2008 Dang, I Missed It: D&D Event With Chicks
Well folks, we missed it. A chance to toss twenty-sided dice and play with chicks. This Dungeons and Dragons themed charity event took place last Friday (May 9th) at 826NYC (a nonprofit organization whose aim is to help young kids develop their writing skills) and the winner took home a sweet golden plastic crown and the lands, title and rule of a kingdom that doesn't exist. Guys had to cough up $25 to get their magic missile on, but chicks played for free. Doritos and Pepsi were complementary. Man, I wish I had known about this sooner, I would have totally been there. I've never even played with a chick before, let alone D&D. Of course, there has been no mention of how many females actually participated. And, speaking from experience -- when a bar advertises "Ladies Night" you can expect no less than a full blown sausage convention. I don't know why I keep going back.
826NYC D&D Charity Event
Thanks to Steve, a man whose Magic Missile has destroyed entire villages
May 12 2008 UPDATE: Jessica Rabbit Untooning Video
Remember the "untooned" Jessica Rabbit picture from a little while ago? Well now there's a video of how it was done. And for those of you that thought it looked like Angelina Jolie, give yourself a hearty pat on the back for being so right -- the picture from which the artist pulled the realistic features was indeed everyone's favorite MILHSWWBCUBAC*. Now go out and buy yourself a pipe and magnifying glass, you deserve it you little detective you. So this is a video of the first hour of untooning packed compressed into 10 minutes. Feel free to skip around and get a feel for the process. But under no circumstances should you feel free to skip around and get a feel for your crotch. Remember, you're at work.
*have sex with while Brad cooks us breakfast and cries
Reality Cartoons Contest (a whole bunch of untooned characters worth checking out. Some are good, some are mad shitty)
Thanks to Josh, who was once propositioned by Jessica Rabbit at a bar in Toontown, but turned her down because her eyes were too big
