May 9 2008 NES Controller Coffee Table Actually Works!
We've seen a NES controller case mod, a gigantic fake NES controller, and even a huge functional Atari controller, but never a humongous working Nintendo controller that doubles as a coffee table. Until now. Kyle Downes, a man I wish lived next door, was the creator of this wicked controller table.
Kyle spent months putting this together, starting with a scanned image of his original NES control. This he then simply scaled up, carefully crafting each piece out of MDF and hacking his own wiring onto a broken old controller board.
The glass can be removed if you want to use the controller to play (see video after the jump) and there is plenty of storage for other video game systems in the compartment beneath the controls (see picture after jump). Say, this gives me an idea...
UPDATE: Well they say hindsight is 20/20, but you've got to admit -- a fully functional Wiimote coffee table sounds like a good idea you first time you hear it, doesn't it? No? Well thanks for the warning. Now what the hell am I gonna do with this thing?
A bunch more pictures and a video after the jump. Have a good weekend everyone.
Continue Reading " NES Controller Coffee Table Actually Works! "
May 9 2008 "Game Over" Stop Motion Animation Is Great
Apparently this video is old. So old in fact that it was first discovered painted on the inside of a cave in France. So, yeah, freaking ancient. But I had never come across it before and it's awesome, so here it is. If you've seen it already and feel the need to type an obligatory "OLD!" in the comments, go right ahead. I'll be the first to congratulate you on your superior internetellect. Then I'll track you down and kill you. Just kidding, I don't care. Anyway, this is a stop motion animation of a bunch of deaths in video games. There's Centipede, Frogger, and several other classics. It is amazingly well done. I'm talking unbelievably good looking. Like my girlfriend. Happy birthday honey! Look, I said something nice about you on the blog for your special day. Of course I meant it, and all the readers know that too. Come take a look at it before I send it out to the interwebs. See, right there -- I implied you're unbelievably good looking. Now you get on in the kitchen and cook yourself a nice cake.
UPDATE: Sorry about that folks, obviously I didn't mean it. Except for the cake thing. I freaking love birthday cake.
Two more TOTALLY AWESOME videos by the same guy if you've already seen this one, after the jump.
Continue Reading " "Game Over" Stop Motion Animation Is Great "
May 9 2008 Kid Icarus Coming To Wii? I Hope So!!!
Kid Icarus is one of the best games ever made. If you've never played it you've never lived, but I'll give you a brief plot description anyways. Pit is an angel who has been trapped in the Underworld. He's given a magical bow by Palutena, Goddess of Light, to help destroy Medusa, Goddess of Darkness and Fugly, and restore peace to the world. Basically Pit rolls around kicking ass, avoiding those little grim reapers and eggplant throwers, looking good, and eventually sticks it to Medusa. It's good ol' fashioned fun and is available for the Wii Virtual Console. You should buy it, then we can take our relationship to the next level (possibly even holding hands).
Well now there are rumors that Kid Icarus franchise is going to be revived (after a single NES game, Gameboy game, and appearance in Smash Brothers)! OMGWTFANGELWINGS! Allegedly this is some very early concept art and looks nothing like what Pit resembles now.
The artwork we've published comes from a pitch document we got our hands on in the early part of 2008. Since then, sources have told us the game's artwork has advanced considerably. Despite this artwork not being reflective of the game's current standing, we've decided to share it so fans can get a look at what Factor 5 has experimented with.
The last nugget of information we have to share with you is in regards to the game's plot. At the time of the document's writing, Factor 5 had imagined a plot starring a grown-up, adult Pit, who is "cursed for thousands of years for a crime and becomes a 'fallen angel.'" The pitch adds that "a tattoo on Pit's arm bears the inscription of Pit's crime."
If you look closely you can almost make out the inscription. It says "I broke The Geekologie Writer's heart by not starring in more video games during the late 80's and early 90's when he needed me most". Oh my God, I think I'm crying.
UPDATE: False alarm. I thought I was tearing up but it turns out the wife spit in my eyes when I told her I'd trade our marriage for an early copy of the game.
More concept art after the jump, along with a link to the 30+ image gallery.
May 9 2008 Emergency Party Button May Create An Impromptu Sausage Fest, But Hopefully Not, Unless That's What You Were Hoping For
You come home from a long day at the office and it's time to get your swerve on. What do you do? Push the Emergency Party Button of course!
Basically, it is exactly what it sounds like; a button that instantly launches a party. When pressed, the blinds to my apartment close, the kitchen, hallway, dining room, and living room lights dim, the stereo starts blasting Haddaway - What Is Love, black lights turn on, laser lights start moving to the music, a strobe light goes on, and the fog machine starts up. With another press of the button, the party is gone as easily as it started. It may not be the most hi-tech thing in the world, but people sure as hell love it when they come over.
There's a build page here if you're interested in making one yourself. I'm definitely going to, but with a twist. Instead of being an emergency "party" button, it's going to be an emergency "uh-oh, I think that's my girlfriend at the door" button. It won't play music or dim any lights, but it will start the ignition on my jetpack.
A worthwhile video of the system in action after the jump. Oh, and another highly questionable one of some MIT kids that made something similar in their dormroom.
May 9 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Dissolving Bodies With Lye
Well it's not news that lye has been used in the past to dissolve bodies. But now it's being considered as a possible alternative to burying, being shot out of a cannon, and cremation by the funeral industry.
The process is called alkaline hydrolysis and was developed in this country 16 years ago to get rid of animal carcasses. It uses lye, 300-degree heat and 60 pounds of pressure per square inch to destroy bodies in big stainless-steel cylinders that are similar to pressure cookers.
The resulting brown, syrupy residue can then be flushed down the drain, or, if you're a real sicko, applied to waffles with a little butter. However the procedure does not come without its opponents.
"We believe this process, which enables a portion of human remains to be flushed down a drain, to be undignified," said Patrick McGee, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Manchester.
Hrrm, interesting. So how do you want to go? Personally, I want to go out sticking it to two supermodels. I couldn't care less what they do with my body after that. Just stuff me in a pizza box and throw it out with the trash.
New idea in mortuary science: Dissolving bodies with lye [newsvine]
Thanks Melissa, I hope you live a long, happy life
May 9 2008 Ridiculous Beer Pong Table Is Crazy, Nuts
Four couch burning engineers at WVU recently made a ridiculous beer pong table. And when I say ridiculous, I mean it's almost as cool as mine, which is two stools and my roommate's closet door. I recommend you let the video load and then skip to 2:15 to see the finished product. The first part is just still shots of the construction and wiring (which is worth watching if you're into that sort of thing). The table has tons of LEDs which move to the music playing, a nice WVU logo in the middle, and the coolest part -- swirling ball washers built into the table! I thought that was impressive. The kids are currently taking orders if you want something similar, you just tell them what you have in mind and how much you want to spend. But be warned -- this one cost over $1,000 to build and took over 400 hours to complete. Which is funny because at the beginning of the video it says that they only consumed 6 cases of beer during the project. 6 cases? I won't even drive a nail into the wall or mow the lawn without crushing at least 7 cases. Pussies. Oh shit WVU, you just got burned!
Seriously though, great job guys.
Thanks Shaina, lets take a trip up to Morgantown sometime and show them how its really done
May 9 2008 Ghost Mirror Makes You Look Ghostly
The Ghost Mirror is not what I thought it was. At first I thought it was going to be like one of those mirrors in the Haunted Mansion ride at Disney World where it looks like a holographic ghost is sitting next to you. This is not the case. Instead it makes you look ghostly.
In this mirror, the observer can see the reflection of his surroundings and yet he is never able to see himself.
Now I'm not totally sure how that works, but I've got the feeling that if that bookshelf shows up, you should too if you stand by it (so maybe you only disappear if you're really close). But there is, of course, the chance that an evil sorcerer lives inside the mirror and steals your image whenever you look at it. Yeah, that's probably it. You know, just from looking at her, you'd swear my girlfriend applies her makeup in a mirror like this. Seriously -- she looks like she got beat in the face with a paint can.
Ghost Mirror [pipeline]
Thanks David, now don't go and disappear on us
May 9 2008 Is Steampunk Fashion The Next Big Trend?
Probably not. I would definitely throw myself in front of a train before I was caught dressing like one of those wanksteaks in the top pictures. The guys on the bottom are looking pretty sharp though. I could do that. Maybe. Well there was recently an article in the New York Times Fashion and Style section about the steampunk fashion trend. I tried to read the whole thing but I mostly just looked at the pictures and ate three oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.
Quaint to some eyes, or outright bizarre, steampunk fashion is compelling all the same. It is that rarity, a phenomenon with the potential to capture a wider audience, offering a genteel and disciplined alternative to both the slack look of hip-hop and the menacing spirit of goth.
"As a subculture, we are not the spawn of Satan," Ms. Kriete said. "People smile when they see us. They want to take our picture."Steampunk style is also an expression of a desire to return to ritual and formality. "Steampunk has its tea parties and its time-travelers balls."
Stop the presses. I was this close to going out and buying a monocle and tophat until I read that. As a time traveler, I'm gonna have to take a stand against Steampunk taking my balls. I mean, that's just wrong. I need those for when I travel back to the Jurassic period to bang velocirapators dino-style.
A link to the NY Times article and several more pictures after the jump. And since it's Friday and I love you all, I included one of some smoking-hot steampunky chicks.
Continue Reading " Is Steampunk Fashion The Next Big Trend? "
May 8 2008 A Stripper Pole Wii Game In The Works?
Is there a stripper pole Wii game in the works? Possibly.
While details are sketchy, the thought is likely that such a game would take advantage of the Wii Fit balance board, which arrives next month. You can imagine how such a "game" might work, with players tasked with balancing on the pole for certain lengths of time or in certain positions.
The company behind the possible game is Peekaboo Pole Dancing, which specializes in pole dancing kits and videos (including the Carmen Electra one). There has been no word on how Nintendo feels about the idea, but my guess is not ecstatic. But who knows? I do. They're not ecstatic.
Ha, this reminds me of a funny story. When my siblings and I were in college my sister was moonlighting as a stripper. I went to the club once with a bunch of my friends for some steaks and entertainment, completely unaware of her secret profession. Lo and behold -- my sister dancing naked! Oh man, the hilarity that ensued. Seriously, you should have seen me trying to gouge my eyes out with the end of a T-bone. Hilarious.
Game company plans stripper pole for Nintendo Wii [yahoo]
Thanks to Heather, the best dancer you'll never get to see
May 8 2008 What The Apocalypse May Look Like (That Is, If It Happened Naturally And Not At The Hands Of Giant Robots And/Or Zombies)
These are pictures of the Chaitén volcano erupting in Chile (the country, not the delicious mixture of beans, meat and spices) and creating a "dirty thunderstorm". Dirty thunderstorms are caused by the incredible amount of static electricity generated in a volcano's ash plume and are not to be confused with "dirty thunderwearstorms" which are created when a coworker (i.e. The Superficial Writer -- thanks a lot dude) is taking his afternoon nap on the only commode in the building and there's nowhere else to relieve yourself.
Several more pictures of the apocalypse after the jump.
May 8 2008 Mouse Coat Created, Raises Ethical Questions
The Museum of Modern Art in New York recently had this installation, "Victimless Leather", on display. It's a coat made out of mouse embryonic stem cells. However, after just a month the coat was too large to continue growing in its flask and had to be killed. Now the creator of the exhibit doesn't know know how to feel about it.
I've always been pro-choice and all of a sudden I'm here not sleeping at night about killing a coat...That thing was never alive before it was grown.
This is almost certainly going to open a whole new can of whoop-ass worms on the ethics and moral dilemmas associated with experiments and art of this nature. Perhaps the most important of which is, "It's totally straight to shrink ray your kids so they fit in little mouse coats, right?"
May 8 2008 Original NES Gets Redesigned, Sleekified
ReNESED is Javier Segovia's name for his redesigned Nintendo Entertainment System. As you can see it's a little sleeker, has some added color (namely red), and wireless controllers. Plus there's a funny looking placemat. I'd demand Javier make me one, but I don't need another Nintendo because I had a doctor install one in my brain. Well he isn't really a doctor in the traditional "medical" sense, but he has stabbed a lot of people in prison. Which I think is at least deserving of an honorary Ph. D in Stabbyology from the University of State Corrections.
Another picture of the redesign after the jump.
Continue Reading " Original NES Gets Redesigned, Sleekified "
May 8 2008 Hood.e Hoodie Features Integrated Speakers
The hood.e is the brainchild of Tim Dubitsky. It is currently being prototyped, as Tim continues to work out the kinks (like if you should wash speakers on the hot/cold or warm/warm setting). Tim has this to say about music and how it should be listened to:
There is a soundtrack to life, and now it's not just in your head. Throw on your hood.e, plug in your favorite mp3 player, and you're ready to roll (and rock). The embedded speakers make it possible for you to share your latest favorite track without the awkward ties of a tethered earbud. After all, music should enhance your life, not shut it out.
There's a soundtrack to life, huh? If that's the case mine would be filled with tracks about being in a dead-end relationship with yourself, having an ex-wife and two kids that hate you, and trying to kill yourself in the oven but failing because you can't afford to pay the gas bill. I'm sure people would love listening to that soundtrack.
Another picture of the hoodie after the jump.
Continue Reading " Hood.e Hoodie Features Integrated Speakers "
May 8 2008 Sweet (!) Companion Cube Birthday Cake
A guy who goes by N III sent me a little tip about this delicious Weighted Companion Cube cake. He writes, "My girlfriend decided to be awesome, and collaborate with a friend to make a pretty fantastic rendition of the Portal companion cube in the form of a birthday cake for me." Now that is so sweet. I wish I had a girlfriend that gave me something besides a mysterious rash for my birthday. Listen, I know what you readers are thinking -- "fondant tastes like plaster", but that's not what this is about -- this is about a girlfriend who lovingly made a companion cube cake for her boyfriend. If fondant is the key to wicked cake artistry, so be it. So just save your "I once fondanted my gonads and the dog wouldn't even lick it off" comment for somewhere else.
Two more pictures of the cake (including one with it cut so you can see the red-velvety deliciousness inside) along with a link to a bigger gallery, after the jump.
May 8 2008 Google Maps Reveals Sweet Squadron Art
Remember the crack deal caught on Google maps? That was pretty awesome wasn't it? Yeah, awesome and wack. Because crack is wack. Well now a reader of Geekologie has sent in some sweet squadron art via Google maps. According to my informant, Wes:
I just came back from Kadena Ab. in Okinawa Jp. and I just found your site. I think you might like these links from Google map. The first one is from my old office -- we were the 44th Fighter Squadron and we were the vampire bats so guess what was on top of our building? The second link is from our sister squadron the 67th -- they were the fighting cocks. Seriously, let the penis jokes fly but here is what the tops of each office looks like.
Man, that is freaking awesome. Inspired by this information, I Google mapped my own house to see what was up there. Unfortunately the zoom wasn't good enough, so I'm getting out the trusty ladder to take a first-hand peek.
UPDATE: Damnit, no roof art here. I did find a dead bird in one of the gutters though, so the the kids aren't allowed to drink out of the downspouts for at least a week.
Hit the jump for a picture of the penis, along with the links to the two maps.
May 8 2008 The Tetris Theme Played On Empty Bottles
First the RC car Mario theme, and now this. It's a video of the Tetris theme "as arranged in the Dr. Mario & Tetris SNES video game". It's played by three people and a bunch of empty bottles. It seems like they originally recorded it at half speed and then sped the video up (it sounds like there's a metronome clicking in the background too). But I could be wrong (I've been wrong before). All I know is that these kids have some serious talent and I want to support them. By, uh, drinking all the booze out of the bottles they need. I'm what's considered a "generous patron of the arts". I bet you didn't know that about me did you? What about the nipple on my back?
Youtube
Thanks Shawn, how about you and I split a bottle of bourbon? I'm buying.
May 7 2008 I Know What I Want For Mother's Day!
It's this -- Craftsman's 1,470 piece tool set. Actually 10 other different tool sets combined, it includes such hits as the:
300 pc. Professional Tool Set
198 pc. Advanced Essentials Professional Tool Set
189 pc. Specialized Essentials Professional Tool Set
204 pc. Advanced Access Professional Tool Set
106 pc. Advanced Professional Tool Set
89 pc. Specialized Access Professional Tool Set
83 pc. Fully Polished Ratcheting Tool Set
77 pc. Heavy-Duty Mechanics Tool Set
94 pc. Auto Specialty Tool Set
130 pc. Professional Impact Tool Set
Now if you're a woman you're probably thinking to yourself, "You know, I should probably be in the kitchen cooking something". And I wouldn't argue . Kidding ladies! That only applies to my wife. But if you're a guy you're probably thinking, "Is my firstborn son worth the $8,600 pricetag?" And the answer, sadly, is no. You're gonna have to sell the second one too.
Product Page (check it out for more pictures of the individual sets and whatnot)
via
$8,600 Craftsman 1470 piece tool set: your house is doomed [dvice]
May 7 2008 Website Lets You Graffiti Any Other Website
Paintthatshitgold.com not only stole the domain name I wanted, but it actually made pretty cool use out of it (not the website I was gonna make about people with gold privates). Basically you enter any URL you want, and then the site it provides you with graffiti tools (markers, spray cans, stencils) so you can graffiti the hell out of it. I did one for the best website on the interwebs (Geekologie), and you can see the results above. Now I know what you're thinking, "Damn, The Geekologie Writer has mad graffiti skeelz." And you're right, I do. I swear, you put a spraypaint can in my hands, and I'll huff the hell out of it.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Kids, huffing is bad. Don't do it. Not even a spot of delectable model airplane glue. It really does destroy your brain, and not in a good way like alcohol. Just look at me, I'm priving loof.
Oh, and if you make anything good, attach the link in the comments
Thanks Jason, now lets go tag the shit out of the neighbor's house
May 7 2008 Brightdoor Makes Its Locked Status Obvious
The Brightdoor is green when unlocked, red when locked. Pretty simple, but it's making that girl in the picture glow like the devil. Apparently Lervik Design (the company responsible) first made just handles that lit up. But after realizing you could waste a lot more energy if the whole door glowed, they created this monstrosity. But as ridiculous as it is, I kind of like it. But instead of indicating locked or unlocked, I think it should be enter/do not enter (serving a similar function to the "do not disturb" signs in hotels and the sock you used to hang on your dormroom door in college). And here's why: One time a girlfriend of mine in college was studying for an exam all night, so I decided to go out and get drunk and mack on all the soon-to-graduate chicks at the bars. So I had a good time with the ladies and eventually ended up back at home. And what should happen? My girlfriend, who promised she would be studying all night, decided she was already prepared for the exam and came over to sleep in my bed. I was completely unaware of this. So, lo and behold, she comes over and busts open my bedroom door. And there I was, having sex. With myself. To anime. She screamed and broke up with me right there. And what I learned from the situation is this: I can't believe I just told you all that story.
Brightdoor: Well, the Door is Securely Locked, But I Haven't Slept in Days [gizmodo]
Thanks to Shawn, who once forgot to hang a sock on the door and his roommate walked in on him with four chicks in the bed
May 7 2008 The Naturmobil Is A One-Horsepower Vehicle
The Naturmobil is the brainchild of Dubai (you know, the United Arab Emirate that's always building crazy stuff) resident Abdolhadi Mirhejazi. It's a one-horsepower vehicle. Literally! Can you see the horse in there? He walks on that treadmill, which both powers the vehicle and charges a battery. I don't know if they have to dangle a carrot over his head or not.
Mirhejazi also discovered the horse can power two LCD advertising screens mounted on the sides of the Naturmobil."Bearing in mind the originality and uniqueness of the idea, Naturmobil was designed and built to achieve the maximum level of attention from its audiences," said his marketing manager, F. Minooeifar.
Wait a minute. This Mirhenjazi character has a marketing manager? I don't have a damn marketing manager. Of course, I don't have a one-horsepower eco-vehicle either. What I do have is a wicked magic act that features two mind-blowing card tricks. I'm seeking representation. Anybody interested? Come on, I can even work a pigeon into the act.
Several more pictures, including one of the device that catches the horse's crap while he's walking (I know I was curious), after the jump.
Continue Reading " The Naturmobil Is A One-Horsepower Vehicle "
May 7 2008 Designer Guns Great For Gaudy Tramps
Couple one of these guns with a designer gas mask, and you're guaranteed to be the tackiest thing trying to run in stilettos during the coming robot/zombie/candied yam/werewolf/douchebag/vampire/lobster apocalypse. Created by Peter Gronquist for his art exhibit "The Revolution will be Fabulous", each weapon looks god-awful. That said, I'm sure they'll sell like hot cakes. Oh wait, they have.
Gronquist's show opened last night at Gallery 1988 in Los Angeles. The pieces ranged from anywhere from a few hundred bucks to several thousand and several, such as the Louis Vuitton chainsaw, have sold.
This is just crazy. Anybody who actually bought one of these things should be locked up for having absolutely no theology or geometry. Well, except for the guy that bought the golden Louis Vuitton chainsaw -- he sounds cool as shit and writes this blog.
Hit the link for a TON more name-brand weapon ridiculousness.
May 7 2008 Portal Inspired Beer Stein Is Making Me Thirsty
This is a Portal inspired beer stein. It costs $15 and was created by a guy named Marc who really liked the game and even sleeps with a companion cube at night and everything. As you can see in the picture, beer is being poured from a tap, entering a blue portal, and then exiting the red portal and filling up a stein. Nothing fancy, just nice and simple. Now before you go off on a tangent about how your penis could make something better, it hasn't, so, yeah. But if it ever does, send it to me and I'll post it. Anyway, I bought one of these to replace my Garfield "I'm not a morning person" coffee mug at work. Except I'm not gonna drink coffee out of it -- I'm gonna drink beer! Sometimes liquor. And if a coworker questions why I smell like the juice I'm gonna stick my foot up the portal to their large intestines*.
*Their b-hole.
May 7 2008 University Of California, Berkeley Marching Band Does Nintendo Themed Halftime Show
This is a video from November of UC Berkeley's marching band doing a Nintendo inspired half time show. I would have posted it early, but honestly, UC Berkeley didn't accept me and I hold grudges. And for the record -- filling out a college application in crayon shows creativity, damnit. And the coloring book page I included proved that, while creative, I can still color within the lines when necessary. Well anyway, this is the school's marching band doing a Nintendo themed half time show. They start off with a little Tetris, then move on to some other stuff, until the 3:10 mark (I recommend just watching this part) when they start hitting those Zelda notes. Mario Bros. follows that. It was pretty impressive, but the performance left a little something to be desired. Namely a better performance. Just kidding, that's the grudge talking.
Another video of the infamous Gordon College live action Super Mario Bros. performance in case for some reason you haven't seen it.
May 7 2008 I Never Met A Flavor I Didn't Like: Baskin-Robbins Co-Founder Dies At 90
Hold it together Geekologie Writer. Irv Robbins, a man my girlfriend swears deserves two Nobel Peace Prizes, has passed away at the age of 90. Robbins is best known for putting the Robbins in Baskin-Robbins and providing invaluable aid in my girlfriend's quest to gain 30 pounds. In all seriousness though, I used to eat the hell out of some Baskin-Robbins as a kid, and Irv helped create countless memories for millions of ice cream loving children and adults alike. *sniffle* Thanks Irv, I hope you're rambling along that great Rocky Road in the sky. *sniffle* Hold me, mint chocolate chip.
R.I.P. Irv Robbins (December 6, 1917 - May 5, 2008)
Baskin-Robbins Co-Founder Dead At 90 [aol]
Thanks Pat, let's go out for a quadruple scoop in Irv's memory
May 6 2008 Holy Repo, Batman: The Batmobile Is On eBay
Remember Tim Burton's 1989 film classic Batman? You know, the one with the guy from Mr. Mom, that chick from L.A. Confidential, and the dude who I always confuse with the golfer with a similar name? Yeah, that one. Well one of the five Batmobile props is up for sale on eBay at a cool $500,000. It's prop car 5/5 and only has 58 miles on the odometer. The 20-foot long, 8-foot wide vehicle is built on a custom frame and powered by a Chevrolet 5.7L 350 engine. I kind of want it, but not that bad. I mean I already have a car. If I bought a Bat-vehicle, I'd go for something I didn't already have. I'm thinking Batman's yacht, the Batty Batshit.
UPDATE: Well the auction used to be there. Now the item has been removed. I hate to start wild speculation about what happened, so I'll cut straight to the chase -- the freaking Joker stole it.
Hit the link for a whole bunch more pictures and a link to the auction page where the auction used to be.
Continue Reading " Holy Repo, Batman: The Batmobile Is On eBay "
May 6 2008 Luncheon Meat With Faces Just Tastes Better
This is some delicious pork luncheon meat. With a face. As you can see from the sign it's 80% pork and 20% something else they figured wasn't worth mentioning in the product description. Which means it's probably the most delicious lunch meat on the planet. I mean, 20% mystery filler AND a kid's face? That's a recipe for yummy if I've ever heard of one. I would have downed the hell out of this stuff in kindergarten. Speaking of which -- back then they wouldn't give us dessert unless we ate our whole meal. So you'd have to sneak the nasty stuff to a portly kid or stuff it in your socks when the teacher wasn't looking.
Another picture of Builder Bob meat (and I mean that in the most unpervy way possible), after the jump.
Continue Reading " Luncheon Meat With Faces Just Tastes Better "
May 6 2008 Tallest LEGO Tower Is Pretty Tall, But Wired
I know what you're all thinking, "Damn, Geekologie ain't had no sweet LEGO posts in awhile, how am I supposed to get my fix?" Well put the needles down my friends, the LEGO post is back, this time in the form of a monster puke colored tower. The Legoland Windsor theme park in England recently broke the world record for tallest LEGO structure (which was 96.1 feet) with this motley mother. The scraper of skies stands inches short of 100 feet (add a couple more blocks you fools!) and took just under a billion individual LEGO blocks to complete. Did you fall for that? I was just wondering if you'd believe that if I said it. Because it didn't really take a billion blocks, just 500,000. It's pretty awesome and all, but how about removing those wire tethers? That makes it kind of questionable. I want to see it stand on its own. Which is why I just started construction of the world's tallest freestanding LEGO tower. I made it to five feet but ran out of blocks. So I tore a couple blocks off the top and created a mask. That's right folks -- I'm robbing Toys "R" Us, wish me luck.
UPDATE: A pimply teenage clerk hit me in the face with a broom handle and my mask broke. They recognized me as the guy who's always hanging out in the LEGO section. I tried to grab one of the new Indiana Jones sets and make a run for it, but some hag hit me with her shopping cart and threw my back out. Now I'm laying face down in a holding cell at the police station with a slipped disk or something. Some other guy keeps touching my ass and I keep telling him to stop. I can't even see what he looks like. I guess the real lesson here is this: next time I'm making my mask out of K'Nex.
A couple more pictures of the LEGO highness after the jump.
Continue Reading " Tallest LEGO Tower Is Pretty Tall, But Wired "
May 6 2008 Win Lobsters In A Claw Machine. HAAHAHA A!
Get it? Lobsters, claw machine? Lobsters have claws, this claw machine has lobsters, I have no brain. I've actually known about these machines for a while, because I was filming a documentary about people (me) who get drunk and travel around to bars playing claw games. If you think I'm joking I have three trashbags filled with stuffed animals and crap to prove it. Oh, and I saw one like this at a seafood restaurant in the Outer Banks. The place would even cook your lobster for you if you won. But it cost $1 to play so I only got to try twice. And even being a claw machine expert, I couldn't freaking grab the crustaceous bastard I had my eye on. I did manage to tear one of his legs off though.
NOTE: Not really.
Worthwhile video of people playing, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Win Lobsters In A Claw Machine. HAAHAHA A! "
May 6 2008 Zip Holder Keeps Your Zipper Up, Prevents Embarrasing Situations (Exposing Your Junk)
The Zip Holder is a very simple product. It consists for a rubber band that loops through your zipper hole, then over your pants button. It keeps your zipper up so it doesn't sneak down to the bottom and end up exposing your tubesteak to everyone on the #9 train. Pretty clever, but seriously, pants are on their way out -- especially ones with zippers. As a rule I don't want anything with metal teeth (especially Jaws from the Bond movies) that close to my moneymaker. Seriously though, it is my moneymaker. I moonlight for a strippergram company. Lots of Rick Roll requests these days. Hey, I don't care, it pays the bills -- there's no shame in my game. Fine, there is. Tons. Mountains of shame.
ZipHolder Zipper Holder Makes Pantsings Super Difficult [gizmodo]
Thanks to Shawn, who doesn't wear pants and the ladies are totally cool with that
May 6 2008 "Verb For Shoe" Shoes Are Available, $700
The Verb for Shoe "smart shoe" has been in the works since 2004. It was developed by MIT spinoff company VectraSense and they're finally accepting preorders. What do you get for your $700?
An embedded computer that automatically adjusts the shoe to your feet, syncs with your PC, and communicates with the shoes of others to exchange contact information.
Wow, for all that functionality I was expecting to pay at least $1,000. Of course, if you don't have $700 you could just, oh I don't know, buy a pair of shoes that fits and write people's contact information on your hand. For that kind of Pillsbury dough I was expecting flubber soles, a couple burning lasers, and a money back guarantee that you can't lose a bar fight if you're wearing them. I guess what I'm getting at is this: I lost a bar fight last night. I was wearing sandals. And, contrary to popular belief, beating someone in the head with a flip-flop doesn't do shit.
Verb For Shoe "smart shoe" finally goes on sale for $700 [engadget]
May 6 2008 Geek Flowchart From The New York Times
This is a flowchart from The New York Times that explains that if you're exposed to Dungeons and Dragons too early in life you end up developing an intense relationship with computers and never get any sunlight or chicks. It's pretty accurate. Especially the part about LOLCATS, those little guys are just too precious. And I love they way they talk. HAY I IZ IN UR POST BEIN CUTEZ. See, that was my cat. Just kidding, they don't ever talk. They just shit on the guest bed, which the dog eventually eats.
NOTE: To the friends that stayed at our place this past weekend, that was totally a joke*.
* Psyche, you nasty!
geek flow chart is way too accurate [technabob]
May 6 2008 Duck Hunt Lamp Is Looking Zappertastic
Based on the picture quality this thing could have been made 450 years ago. But I doubt it because the Nintendo Zapper and Duck Hunt didn't exist until at least the mid 1800's*. So we'll just assume the picture was taken with a pinhole camera made out of a Quaker Oats canister that someone forgot to eat all the oats out of first. It's a Duck Hunt/Zapper lamp. It looks good. I'd make one and put it in the living room but I'd stumble into the end table drunk one night and destroy it. That and I'm not sure how I feel about desecrating old school Nintendo cartridges (okay, the lamp's base is actually larger than a real game and made out of cardboard) and peripherals to make household objects. Well, except for the Power Glove. Sweetest oven mitt ever.
I Love Duck Hunt Lamp [albotas]
May 5 2008 How To Traumatize Your Children
My parents didn't need a book to effectively traumatize us for life. They did a fine job on their own. Well for today's slacking parents there's How To Traumatize Your Children, a book in the Self-Hurt series (along with How To Cut Yourself).
You'll learn how to:
- Determine your traumatizing "type"
- Cultivate your children's resentment
- Give your children enough material to write a memoir someday
- Defend your choices against others who've opted to traumatize differently
How To Traumatize Your Children Book [ohgizmo]
May 5 2008 It's About Time: A Sun Bed For Your Pets
Cats and dogs love the sun. They just want to lay in it and get all hot and smelly and delicious. Well for those of you out there that live in a windowless apartment or just keep the shades pulled all the time because you walk around with your junk flapping in the breeze, there is still hope for your furry little loved ones. And it comes in the form of a SunSpa.
The SunSpa's elegant wooden arch provides a stable base and convenient handles for easy maneuverability. The light itself maintains a comfortable temperature of 80-85 degrees on the bed's surface, lasts 5000 hours and is 150 watts. The luxurious Crypton (where Superman suckled his mother's teat) fabric cover is odor resistant, water resistant, stain resistant, and is machine washable. Along with the cover, the soft foam padding folds up for easy storage.
So there you have it. No word on price, but it's probably more than opening the freaking blinds. But less than a popcorn machine -- which, incidentally, is what my cats use to stay warm. So if you ever come over it's best to politely decline any popcorn I offer.
May 5 2008 Whew, I Can Finally Move On With My Life: Boomerangs Will Work Without Gravity
Finally, the weeks old question has been answered. Boomerangs work in space and are not dependent on gravity to work their magic. Say, here's an interesting fact: Did you know that the boomerang was first invented by Crocodile Dundee? It's true. I think this whole boomerang thing leaves a lingering question unanswered though, and that's this: Screw a boomerang, let's throw some damn horseshoes.
UPDATE: Horseshoe smashed instrument panel. Lots of stuff malfunctioning. I think my spaceship knows which way to go, tell me wife I love her very much she knows. Actually, scratch that -- just tell her if she has sex with any other dudes when I'm dead to not bother coming to heaven.
Boomerangs In Space [ohgizmo]
May 5 2008 Bald Eagle To Receive Bionic Beak
Beauty is a 7-year old Alaskan bald eagle whose upper beak was shot off by some stupid asshole. Unable to hunt or drink effectively, she was slowly starving to death while scrounging for food in an Alaskan landfill. Finally discovered, she was taken to a bird recovery center in Anchorage and hand-fed for two years with the hope that her beak would regrow. It never did. About to be euthanized, she was taken to Jane Fink Cantwell's Birds of Prey Ranch in Idaho as a last ditch effort. There, somebody came up with the idea of creating a bionic beak for the bird. Mechanical engineers, dentists, veterinarians, and other experts all volunteered their time to help the bird, and the beak is about to be attached.
Molds were made of the existing beak parts and scanned into a computer, so the bionic beak could be created as accurately as possible. The nylon-composite beak is light and durable, and will be glued onto the eagle.
Still able to breed, it is hoped that Beauty will one day get banged by a male eagle in midair and have babies. Truly heartwarming.
Oh, and I don't actually know if the beak will have a little antennae or make beepity boopity noises, but when you hear the word "bionic", you just have to assume.
A really sad picture of what the beak looks like sans bionic Photoshopping, after the jump.
May 5 2008 Super Long Foosball Table Is Mad Super Long
This is allegedly the world's longest foosball table (but not the bathtubbiest). It was made by Amstel (purveyor of that fine Amsterdamian beer) to coincide with the European Champions League Finals. It takes 22 players (two soccer teams worth) to play a game. Being a lover of foos, I'd love to give it a go on that sucker. It'd certainly be the longest game of foos I'd ever play! Get it! There was a double meaning there. Long time-wise and long like someone should punch me in the nuts because I deserve it. Unfortunately I could never actually play on this table because I hate strangers and have no friends. Something about being "no fun to hang out with" and "a major fruit-flavored douchepop".
Table Football XXL, the largest Foosball table in the world [dvice]
May 5 2008 Oh No!: Lethal Injection Attack Droid Prototype
This is a robotic art piece made by Christopher Conte. Christopher must be seriously f***ed in the head to be making stuff like this. I'm not sure what the deeper meaning of the piece is, but my guess is "robots are going to kill us all". Or maybe it's something about how if a robot kills you then a person doesn't have to and they can sleep at night. But what the hell do I know, I'm no art critic. I'm just a guy that hates robots, needles, crying babies, and my life. Just take me already you stupid Lethal Injection Attack Prototype Droid. Wait -- I just won $3 on a lottery scratcher! I'm on top of the world! Oh, I paid $5 for the ticket. Proceed little robot.
A couple more pics of the freaky thing, and a link to Christopher's portfolio with a bunch more scary robots, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Oh No!: Lethal Injection Attack Droid Prototype "
May 5 2008 Chainsaw Tongue Thingy Is Completely Wrong
This is one for the ladies. It's a female pleasuring device made from a chainsaw with fake tongues instead of blades. And even though it looks incredibly dangerous it'll still probably put my company (Mustache Rides, Inc.) out of business. It was made by a U.S. based pron company that specializes in making very wrong things like this (whose website you should definitely not go to at work). Oh, and please nobody send this link to my girlfriend.
UPDATE: Okay, who did it? I make one simple request and somebody immediately goes and sends the link to my ladyfriend. I thought we were cool. Now she called and broke up with me, citing "irreconcilable differences between you and a vajayjay licking chainsaw". Thanks a lot, whoever you are.
An uncensored pic of the thing (which has a sticker on it that says F#@$ing Machines and has a lewd graphic), and a NSFW link to Wired (you can find a link to the company that made the machine on that page but I'm warning you, it burnt my retinas out) with even more completely unacceptable sex thingies that are perverting the world's youth.
Continue Reading " Chainsaw Tongue Thingy Is Completely Wrong "
May 5 2008 Man Orders Beer Coffin, Uses It As A Cooler
The Geekologie Writer has a drinking problem and may or may not have alcohol poisoning this morning. But, being the brave cosmonaut that he is he's going to curl up on the cold bathroom floor until he feels better.
Me: Hey liver, how you feeling this morning?
Liver:
Me: Liver?
Liver:
Me: Uh oh.
Anyway, Bill Bramanti loves Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and had a coffin made that looks like a can of the stuff. He's using it as a cooler until he dies. Bill Bramanti is an American hero and I suggest he replace that clown Hamilton on $10 bills.
Illinois man designs beer can coffin [usatoday]
Thanks Judy, I'll buy you a beer when my economic stimulus check arrives
