Apr 22 2008It's Official And It's Not Good: The Robot Apocalypse Is Upon Us, Nice Knowing You
Well folks, it's been nice knowing you, but we're officially as good as dead. The robot apocalypse is upon us and our new overlords will not stop until every last one of us has been dragged in and chopped to bite sized pieces by these monstrosities. Currently "owned" by the Tokyo fire department, these "Robokiyu" (sound it out -- it means robot that kills you) bots were designed to "rescue" people from any situation. As you can see, rescuing is as simple as being grabbed by the neck with their throat-piercing arms and dragged into their digestive system (read: rotating blades of death). I, for one, am not going to sit back and wait for the robots to destroy me. I'm fighting back. Namely by creating a race of cyborgs that fight on the side of humans. I'm pleased to announce I've already sowed my wild oats with no less than two Roombas, an iPod, an RC tank, and my roommate's DVD player. Speaking of which, I think the DVD player is finally giving birth. At last, the first of my cyborg offspring!
UPDATE: False alarm. It was just an Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem DVD stuck in the player.
A couple more pictures of the last thing you'll ever see before dying, after the jump.
Giant Robot Body Scoopers [albotas]
Reader Comments
1. SmokingGirl - April 22, 2008 2:06 PM
Okay, that's a little weird.
And First!
2. damn luddites - April 22, 2008 2:30 PM
FAKE! That's not a real person being eaten by the robot overlord.
3. Scott - April 22, 2008 2:40 PM
Don't we have these already? They are called "wood chippers".
4. bluesman - April 22, 2008 2:57 PM
@3 yes we already have wood chippers......for chipping wood, this thing chips people i.e. it's a people chipper. It can't multi-task, it doesn't have a vagina.
5. leg3nd - April 22, 2008 3:19 PM
"Bring out your dead"-DING- "Bring out your dead"-DING-
Monty Python good stuff.
6. mr. roboto - April 22, 2008 3:27 PM
hahaha! check out that woman with the umbrella in the 1st pic all freaked out and stuff.
7. maddhatter919 - April 22, 2008 3:42 PM
"Robokiyu" (sound it out -- it means robot that kills you) - oh man thats classic!!!
8. Perry - April 22, 2008 3:46 PM
Soylent Green is people.
9. Veralynn - April 22, 2008 3:49 PM
Shit I've been preparing for this my whole life. Well okay- second to a zombie apocalypse. From these pictures it looks like the only way to fight back is to gorge ourselves into obesity so that we can't fit into the chipper anymore. Anyone know a good place that delivers? I'm going to get a head start.
10. Skeps - April 22, 2008 4:25 PM
You mean I spent all this time preparing for the wrong apocalypse, FUCK! How is my standard zombie-apocalypse kit baseball-bat and riot shield gonna help me against robots, NOOOOOOOO.
11. wiinja - April 22, 2008 4:30 PM
johnny 5 is alive!
...and you're not!
12. SlowMonkey - April 22, 2008 4:32 PM
Time to stockpile weapons. Buy them off the street - do not, I repeat DO NOT wait the 5 day waiting period. Your life may depend on it. Fuck those FTA gangstas! They got their own weapons already - the ones they confiscated from you! Do you think they are going to protect you when the shit goes down? No! So arm yourselves NOW!! Helpful Hint: shell reloading equipment would be a good investment.
13. Veralynn - April 22, 2008 4:39 PM
LOL Skeps- exactly. That's what I'm saying. Goddamnit. Maybe I'll have to resort to the bomb shelter I built full of Spam for Y2K?
14. Tephlon - April 22, 2008 5:15 PM
I'm sorry but I just have to do this:
"NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!"
15. Rick Vidallon - April 22, 2008 7:01 PM
LOOK! -- IT'S GOOGLES NEW SEARCH ENGINE ROBOT SCOOPING UP AND DELETING SPAMMERS.
16. Gaius Baltar - April 22, 2008 9:07 PM
I would like to be the first to welcome our new metal leaders
17. Super Duper! - April 22, 2008 10:28 PM
We have an infiltrator in our midst. Gaius Baltar, you cannot be human. Quick! everyone! Hit him with sticks! Kill him! Now!
18. David - April 23, 2008 1:45 AM
What's it gonna do with the tank tires?
Get some BigDog legs on that and we're talking.
19. Cyberwulf - April 23, 2008 3:09 AM
I have both plans! My zombie apocalypse blueprints and sharpened shovel + body armour, and my robot apocalypse plan.
Plan A: a violent offensive using weapons that fire electromagnecic pulses, and lots of computer viruses.
Plan B: curl up somewhere safeish in the fetal position and cry until they find me.
20. che-che - April 24, 2008 1:43 PM
i've seen these things at quizno;s. mmmmmm oven toasted!!!
21. butter_toast - April 24, 2008 2:25 PM
dude,
i knew the japanese were gonna have a hand in the apocalypse!!!
22. guate6 - April 28, 2008 11:54 PM
Writer, haha, great one!
Well folks, I guess this is it. I'm going out happy.