Apr 25 2008 My Little Master Chief Is Just Damn Wrong
Remember the female version of Master Chief? She was hot wasn't she? Well how about this sexy little number, it doing anything for you? If so, please don't write about it in the comments section (oh what the hell, it's Friday -- go for it, sicko). Well AnimeAmy recently won second place in a custom My Little Pony contest with this Master Chief inspired creation. As you can see, it's the master in My Little Pony form. He was molded entirely out of Apoxie clay and went for over $150 on eBay recently. God, this takes me back. I used to have a My Little Pony when I was a kid (Cotton Candy, the fourth one down). Did I just type that? Well it was a lie. My Little Ponies were for chicks, and I was all man in kindergarten. As a matter of fact, I used to stand on top of the jungle gym and let the other kids to throw rocks at my nuts. That's how tough I was. Just kidding, I did crap my pants in the sandbox once. Yep, I had to run all the way back to the school building holding the load up with my hand so it wouldn't fall out.
My Little Cyborg...Pony: Halo fan horses around [dvice]
Thanks to Karisha, who I'm kind of embarrassed just read that story, for the tip
Apr 25 2008 All-In-One Computer/Monitor Steampunk Build
Jake Von Slatt is a man who loves steampunk. This is one of his most recent creations, an all-in-one 24" widescreen with computer packed in the back. It looks good (reminds me a lot of this bad-assery). If you're a steampunk fan be sure to check out Slatt's Steampunk Workshop website for all kinds of steamy projects, including a steampunk car. I even found a link to a guy's wicked steampunk motorcycle (picture after the jump) on there. He features some pretty good pictures and details on each build, and even some videos. What he doesn't feature is how to convince your girlfriend to wear one of those old school umbrella dresses so a man can get a little steampunk role playing on in the bedroom. After all, nothing says "Honey, quick, call the fire department and burn ward!" like fooling around with hot coals in the sack.
A bunch more pictures after the jump, including that motorcycle I promised.
Continue Reading " All-In-One Computer/Monitor Steampunk Build "
Apr 25 2008 Where Do I Sign?: This Chick Will Do You If You're A Virgin And Swear By Net Neutrality
Warning: This is kind of risque. If your children are reading Geekologie over your shoulder then you should probably let them so they grow up to be the awesomest kids ever.
Tanya Devereaux is some chick that claims she'll do every virgin that takes an oath of internet neutrality.
I will make love with every virgin who defends the Internet. Certain ISP's are planning to limit internet access in a way that infringes upon internet freedom or 'net neutrality'. Description of Services The services consist of Tania performing sexual intercourse with the applicant, the form and style of the performance will be discussed prior to the act, Tania tries to allow as much freedom as possible in this area but she does reserve the right to decline suggestions. Tania covers all her personal expenses, including travel. Any sort of recording (video, audio or photographs) of the performance is allowed for non-commercial use. Tania adheres to high standards of service but due to time limitations each performance can last no longer than 30 minutes, no exceptions will be made under any circumstance.
Wow, then she goes on about some rules of conduct (which I have posted in their entirety after the jump), of which one particularly caught my eye: "If anywhere along the process, it becomes clear that the applicant is not a virgin, Tania reserves the right to terminate all activity." YES, I'M IN!! I've been having sex for well over a decade now and I guarantee there is no way in hell she'd ever think I have any experience.
Hit the jump for the full terms of service and an uncensored pic (still no nipple though).
Apr 25 2008 Automated Bike Storage In Japan Is Cool, Fast
This is some sort of news report about an underground automated bike storage facility in Tokyo.
For a single-use fee of 100 yen (about $1) or 1,800 yen for a monthly pass, customers roll their bikes onto a platform and use a control panel to have them whisked away to a rack within the 9,400 spot facility. The video shows that it takes the system 23 seconds to retrieve the reporter's bike.
Wow, 23 seconds, that's pretty fast. But not nearly as fast as my bike storage unit, which is the front yard. I just cruise in and jump off, simple as that. See, it's right -- shit. That's it, I'm planning a sting operation. First I'll hide in the bushes, and then I'm gonna steal from the first person that touches my bike. I may take their wallet, but I'm definitely taking their legs -- with a chainsaw. Now if I could just find one of those hockey masks...
Underground Bike Parking in Tokyo [streetsblog]
Thanks to Karina, who I would be more than happy to pedal around on my tandem bike, for the tip
Apr 25 2008 Balding Penguin Gets Custom Made Wetsuit
Sometimes it's a good idea to take a break from the inevitable human destruction by robots and read a beautiful, heartwarming story about a balding penguin. And this, my friends, is that story.
Pierre, a dapper 25-year old African penguin at the California Academy of Sciences, was going bald around his ass (I'm having trouble relating, Pierre) and getting too cold to dive into the water and swim around.
Unlike marine mammals, which have a layer of blubber to keep them warm, penguins rely on their waterproof feathers. Without them, Pierre was unwilling to plunge into the academy's penguin tank and ended up shivering on the sidelines while his 19 peers played in the water. "He was cold; he would shake," said Pam Schaller, a senior aquatic biologist at the academy.
*sniffle* So what did the good people do? They made the little guy a custom wetsuit. And it worked -- he started swimming and diving again. Now Pierre has regrown some of his feathers, is back to being alpha-male, and is even boning his mate again. He is currently being weaned off the wetsuit, and will once again swim au-naturel. Which, incidentally, I can totally relate to. I freaking love swimming naked. Or, you know, just hanging out by the kiddy pool in the front yard, drinking beer and watching traffic go by. If I ever have to stand up for any reason I just cover my junk with a koozie. Are you with me Pierre? Hell yeah you are little buddy, high flipper!
Balding penguin's wetsuit lets him swim again [msnbc]
Thanks to Matt, who looks damn good in a tuxedo himself, for the tip
Apr 25 2008 Cat 5 Wedding Rings Let Everyone Know You're Connected To A Very Special Geek
Looking for a nice geeky ring to seal the deal with your special someone? How about these Cat 5 rings? No? Okay, just thought I'd throw it out there.
A wedding set for the unconventional! The female ring has a choice of four opaque colors: turquoise, white, orange or black. The male ring stands tall and dramatically transparent. Switch-up the sexes! Order two of the same! The world is your technological oyster.
First of all, the world is not my "technological" oyster. The world is my "kick me while I'm down and then punch me in the throat when I try to get up" oyster. Secondly, I didn't even propose to my wife, she proposed to me. You should have seen the ring she used. Okay, it wasn't so much a ring as it was brass knuckles. And sure, she wasn't so much proposing as she was punching me in the face and telling me to get off her property. But I think you get the point -- we're a match made in heaven. Well technically it was the alcohol safety class you have to take after two DUI's, but whatever.
A worthwhile gallery of geeky rings, including a vacuum tube one, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Cat 5 Wedding Rings Let Everyone Know You're Connected To A Very Special Geek "
Apr 25 2008 Final Proof: Robotic Takeover Is Imminent
I know I've been going off on a "robots are gonna kill us all" tirade lately, but quite frankly, that's because they are. So I'll just offer this last piece of evidence and let it rest for awhile. Introducing the forest fire prevention robot by Jordan Guelde (that sick, robot sympathizing bastard). The unit was designed to go in and remove (read: cut the everliving hell out of by way of giant spinning blades) trees surrounding a forest fire so it can't spread. To me it looks like it was designed to kill every last human being on the face of the planet. But what do I know? I only have a doctorate in robotic technology from the University of Outer Damn Space. And no, you can't see my diploma -- it's holographic, you'd probably try to steal it.
A ton more pictures of the killing machine after the jump. Oh, and by the way, the robot was actually designed for entertainment, so we might actually be safer than I initially made it seem. Psyche! We're effed.
Continue Reading " Final Proof: Robotic Takeover Is Imminent "
Apr 25 2008 Gryphon Glider Is Wicked Freaking Sweet
We've seen several different gliding apparatus here on Geekologie, and we've even posted the Gryphon before. So why again? Because many of you probably haven't seen it. Plus it's been updated yo. Now the stealthy looking bastard is down to 30 pounds, can carry 100 extra in a built in compartment (pic after jump), and the best part -- can now be fully weaponized. Two words: missiles and lasers and bombs. Is this making you as hot as it is me?
The Gryphon attack glider, designed to penetrate combat zones at 135 miles per hour, could revolutionize the art of parachuting. Its helmet has a heads-up display and provides on-board oxygen for the jump. To land, a soldier separates the wing from his pack and releases his parachute to slow his descent. The wing remains attached to the soldier by a cord and lands before him.
The wing is currently steered manually via rotary controls connected to the rudder, but SPELCO, the company behind it, hopes to add an electronic system to make it much easier to steer. If successful, they'll be dropping a commercial version! Man oh man I can hardly wait. Sure it's no jetpack, but if my shorts are any indication, that hasn't stopped me from riding the 4-Inch Express to Bonertown. *toot toot* All aboard!
Several more pictures of the pack and a link to a video, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Gryphon Glider Is Wicked Freaking Sweet "
Apr 24 2008 A Vision Of The Future: Robots With Lasers
These Kondo KHR-1HV robots are all rocking lasers for a world domination training exercise poorly disguised as the Blazer robot tournament in Fukuoka City, Japan. The little guys ran around shooting each other and pew-pewing to their mechanical heart's content in a little mock-up city made just for them. Whoever thought that this would be a good idea was wrong. The little bastards are going to kill us all. I mean, these people are indirectly training our future overlords by allowing them to play these war games. I guess what I'm getting at is that I've built a hidden shelter beneath my tool shed in the back yard and I'm looking for several attractive young ladies to join me. I am now officially accepting applications. But no funny stuff! Namely scrunching your penis up behind you so it looks like you don't have one. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice a week for the entire duration of a five month relationship and I am freaking scarred for life. Thanks a lot.
VIDEO of the little guys duking it out laser style after the jump.
Continue Reading " A Vision Of The Future: Robots With Lasers "
Apr 24 2008 Forget Time Travel, Now We're All Gonna Die
Remember the two Russians that were convinced the CERN Large Hadron Collider would tear a hole in the fabric of time so we can all travel to the future and ride hoverboards or the past and have sex with dinosaurs? Well now there are two gentlemen fighting a legal battle in Hawaii to prevent CERN from ever colliding anything. Why? They're convinced it'll open a black hole bigger than my girlfriend's gaping pie-hole, swallowing the earth -- and possibly the whole galaxy! My oh my.
Walter Wagner and Luis Sancho contend that scientists at the European Center for Nuclear Research, or CERN, have played down the chances that the collider could produce, among other horrors, a tiny black hole, which, they say, could eat the Earth. Or it could spit out something called a "strangelet" that would convert our planet to a shrunken dense dead lump of something called "strange matter." Their suit also says CERN has failed to provide an environmental impact statement as required under the U.S. National Environmental Policy Act.
Wow guys, way to be a bunch of weenies. You two never blew things up when you were kids did you? You know, you could learn a thing or two from Everett about living on the edge. I say f*** it -- if the thing creates a black hole and turns us into a shit-like lump of dead matter, we won't even be around to notice anyway. Screw it. Besides, I'm really banking on the whole time travel thing. Which is why I volunteered to have the particles collided with my face. If there's anybody who's gonna the be first to ride a tyrannosaurus rex while shooting at other dinosaurs with a giant laser beam, it's this guy. That's right baby, real life Dino-Riders! Now who's with me?
Try this headline: Black Hole Eats Earth [intl'heraldtribune]
Thanks to Kiyoshi, the only one who can stop the world from ending, for the tip
Apr 24 2008 Kid Makes Wrist-Mounted Flame Thrower, Somehow Manages To Not Hurt Himself
Everett Bradford is a boy. A boy with a dream. A boy with a dream of shooting flames out of his wrist. Well, Everett made his dreams a reality by making, what he likes to call, THE PYRO SYSTEM! It's basically a can of aerosol fuel rigged up to a barbecue ignition system strapped to his hand. It stops working at 0:25 and I thought for sure he was going to burn his face off when he points it at himself at 0:33, but, unfortunately for us, nothing. Now where the hell was your mother during all of this, Everett? Does she know about your little fire bracelet? She doesn't, does she? You told her you were going over to a girlfriend's house to mess around and then you came out here and filmed yourself fireballing it up didn't you? Everett, I'm going to go out on a sturdy limb here -- you have absolutely no idea what that thing dangling between your pasty white legs is for, do you?
Another longer video showing Everett's inspiration for the device, as well as an explanation of how it works (which was actually neat), after the jump.
Continue Reading " Kid Makes Wrist-Mounted Flame Thrower, Somehow Manages To Not Hurt Himself "
Apr 24 2008 Get You Wii Mii Turned Into A Real Sculpture
When I first got a Wii I spent over an hour making a perfect representation of myself in Wii Mii form. Needless to say, it's fugly as shite. But if your Mii turned out better than mine you can now get it made into a real sculpture. You just send Miisculptures $75 and a picture of Wii Yii (you) and they'll make a 4-inch tall physical model. If you're interested in using them as wedding cake toppers they'll do two of them for $140. And if your wife does let you use them as a cake topper, I have two words for you: holdon tight. You've got a good woman. I do not. I just casually suggested I wanted a video-game (Zelda) themed wedding and you know what she did? She kicked me in the grapes and started crying. You know what theme we ended up settling on? Pretty pretty princess. God, please take me now.
Two more pictures of Bill Gates and Chuck Norris miis they made after the jump.
Continue Reading " Get You Wii Mii Turned Into A Real Sculpture "
Apr 24 2008 Space Invaders Decals A Hit With, Well, Me
So Space Invaders is celebrating its 30th anniversary and there's a new game coming out. Now what better way (besides getting a themed tattoo and legally changing your name to Space N. Vaders) to let guests in your home know that you love the game than sporting these wicked wall decals? Each set costs $45 and product details follow:
- 20 decals/pkg
- 15cm invaders
- 4 each of the 5 styles shown
- includes 20 missiles
- Comes in 4 color combo: classic red, raspberry, kiwi & deep sea
They look red, purple, green and blue to me, but let's not argue over the names of colors. No, let's argue over dinner. *wink* Your place or mine? Actually, let's make it your place, mine's being fumigated for genital lobsters. You make the dinner, I'll make the wine. Just kidding, I'll pick up a box on the way over.
Product Site
Thanks to Jonny 5, whose daughter's father is awesome, for the tip
Apr 24 2008 Fat Lamp Is Like A Lava Lamp But Not Really
The Fat Lamp (aka the Slow Glow Light) is filled with fat. When you turn it on the bulb inside melts the fat, rendering it more transparent, and the light gets brighter. Each one cost a staggering $774, so you're definitely better off stealing fat from a liposuction clinic (a la Fight Club) and making your own.
this unique lamp is also a great discussion piece and easily lends itself to artistic interpretation. for example, the slow glow lamp is sluggish and fat-representative of our current culture (at least here in the united states). feel free to develop your own interpretation of this thought-provoking light!
Hey, I've got an one: It's a gross freaking lamp filled with fat. It represents some dumb asshole willing to part with $774 for a glass orb filled with my girlfriend's old stomach. That said, I'd buy one if they were cheaper.
One more picture after the jump.
Continue Reading " Fat Lamp Is Like A Lava Lamp But Not Really "
Apr 24 2008 Dude Gets Questionable Mario Tattoos
You know, sometimes you have to do something you don't want to and "take one for the team". Like when you have to Photoshop pictures of a dude's ass cheeks in such a way that they don't blatantly look like a bare buttocks at first glance. HAHA! That's right -- it's a dude's ass! And you looked at it -- which, according to 3rd grade, totally makes you gay. Anyhoo, these are Mario Bros. themed tattoos on a dude's butt.
Mr. Lobes geeky ass cheek tattoos were done by Brad at Atomic Zombie in Edmonton, Alberta. I don't know if he's planning on pounding more color into them, but I hope so, even though they look great as is.
Yes, yes, pounding more color. Great word choice. I posted two uncensored pictures of Mr. Lobes' ass after the jump -- but a warning: It's NSFW bare ass. I mean, you can almost see his balls. Definitely the taint, almost the balls.
Hit the jump to see the rump.
Apr 24 2008 PETA Offers $1 Million For Test Tube Meat
Know anything about growing meat in a test tube? If so, bring it to market and PETA will award you with $1 million. I was so excited when I heard about the contest that I couldn't sleep. I stayed up all night in my basement laboratory banging test tubes together. But alas, no matter how hard I banged my efforts proved fruitless meatless. I don't get it, I had a lab coat on and everything. I'm starting to think this is going to be harder than I first anticipated. I bet I'm going to need a laser. *yelling upstairs* Mother! Order me a powerful burning laser! The strongest one they've got. Oh, and bring me a freaking juicebox! My scientific mind can't operate on Fruit Roll-Ups alone you know.
PETA offering $1 million for lab-created meat [dvice]
Apr 23 2008 Founder Of Jedi Church Attacked In Yard By A Drunk Man Dressed In Black Garbage Bag And Wielding Crutch Yelling "Darth Vader!"
Barney Jones is the founder of the Jedi Church. One afternoon he and his cousin were doing their typical thing, you know, filming themselves playing with lightsabers in the yard, when Arwel Wynne Hughes jumped over the garden wall donning a black garbage bag and cape. He had recently put down a 10 liter box of wine, and was wielding a metal crutch. He yelled "Darth Vader!" and hit Barney in the head with his makeshift lightcrutch. Laughing, he then beat Barney's cousin in the leg for good measure.
Hughes could not remember the incident and only realised what had happened when he read about it in local newspapers, the court told. Defending, Frances Jones said alcohol was "ruining (Arwel's) life" and he had no idea where he got the crutch from.
Arwel has since been convicted of two counts of assault, and one count of very poorly impersonating a Star Wars villain.
Drunk Darth Vader's Jedi assault [bbcnews]
Thanks to Liz, patron saint of beauty and intelligence in the Church of Geekologie, for the tip
Apr 23 2008 Exhaust Jack Takes The Work Out Of Jacking
So you got a flat tire, what do you do? Call AAA for help? Make out with your passenger? Cry and punch the steering wheel? Or do you get out there and change the damn thing? You know, changing a tire really wouldn't be that bad if the jacks that come with cars weren't the biggest pieces of shit ever made. Well thankfully, now there's an easier way. Introducing the Exhaust Air Jack ($130). You just throw the orange bag under the car's lift point, attach the hose to your exhaust pipe, and presto, you burnt your hands because you forgot to let the pipe cool before touching it. Not sure if inhaling the bag afterward makes you talk funny like helium, but my guess is no, unless that's how dead people sound.
Apr 23 2008 Bacon Scarf Sadly Tastes Like Fleece
If there's one thing I learned repeatedly while growing up it's that a dog can and will bite your genitals if you have a piece of bacon in your pocket. So how's a boy supposed to get his daily bacon quota without rocking a pork pocket? Simply -- with a bacon scarf. Each is made from 100% recycled bottle fleece and costs $38 (plus $7 shipping). You know, I may get one closer to winter, but it's just now getting warm out so I can't think about scarves right now. But what I can think about are summer dresses. You catch my drift guys?. *wink, wink* You do know what I'm saying, right? Good, now tell me if I should wear my black flats or brown leather pumps with this one.
Thanks to Mallory, who is new to Geekologie, for the tip. Everyone give her a warm welcome -- but stay away from the snacks, those are for after the meeting.
Apr 23 2008 Cat "Plays" Theremin, It Sounds Like Noise
This is a short video of a cat "playing" a mini-theremin. I wrote playing in quotations because he pretty much sucks. I mostly posted this because I thought the cat was cute. Which he is, isn't he? I like how he sits up on his back legs. I was almost convinced it was a person in a cat suit. Almost, but not quite. It's probably just a leprechaun. Regardless of what it is though, it's certainly got a pot of gold more talent than these cheeseweasels.
An old (but good) video of the Zelda theme on a theramin (because I love Zelda damnit), after the jump
Continue Reading " Cat "Plays" Theremin, It Sounds Like Noise "
Apr 23 2008 Spider-Man Tattoo Sadly Lacks Spidey-Sense
This is a wicked Spider-Man inspired tattoo that somebody got. It was made to look like the guy's skin is ripped and he's really Spider-Man underneath. There's a picture after the jump with his arms done in a similar fashion. I would have gone for the full-body suit myself, but that's because I'm what's known in the (call center customer service) biz as "a hardcore emmer effer" (I once told an elderly caller to "put that in your donut cushion and sit on it"). Just kidding, I tried to get a tattoo once but passed out. It wasn't wetting my arm that got to me, it was the "press firmly for 30 seconds" part.
Another picture of Spider Man arms, along with a link to the most ridiculous tattoos ever, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Spider-Man Tattoo Sadly Lacks Spidey-Sense "
Apr 23 2008 Run For The Hills Or The TV?: Robot Soccer Players To Compete With Humans By 2050
The Robocup German Open is in full effect (April 21-25) and it's every bit as frightening as you'd expect. The only thing I found comfort in was that the robots are clearly too stupid to distinguish a soccer ball from an orange tennis ball. Those stupid bastards. We're still doomed though. According to Stefan Kohlbrecher, a member of the Technical University of Darmstadt's Darmstadt Dribblers, "The goal of the RoboCup is to compete against human world champions with robots by the year 2050." Uh oh. No word on whether the robots will be equipped with rockets and laser cannons, but as far as ratings go, I think it's a no-brainer.
Two videos from the 2007 cup after the jump -- one teaser trailer, and one of the final match in the humanoid division.
Apr 23 2008 Jessica Rabbit Is Hot Despite Not Being Real
Remember the "human-like" versions of Mario and Homer from a while ago? Well pixeloo is at it again, this time with a smoking hot Jessica Rabbit. There, I said it. She's not real and she's hot. Can you see what I'm doing now? I'm doing that thing that the cartoon wolf does where his eyeballs pop out and his tongue rolls onto the floor because he's staring at a hot chick. That's what I look like right now. The cats are getting scared. Anyway, there's Jessica Rabbit with "realistic lighting and textures." Say, have you ever watched the scene in Who Framed Roger Rabbit on laserdisc frame-by-frame to see Jessica's, ahem, rabbit? Yeah, me neither.*
*Unless doing it when you're 12 counts, which it totally doesn't.
Another side-by-side comparison shot of Jessica, and a link to the urban legend page that references the scene I'm talking about (with pictures!), after the jump.
Continue Reading " Jessica Rabbit Is Hot Despite Not Being Real "
Apr 23 2008 Keyboard Pants: Type Your Way To Excitement, Trouble At Work
These pants were designed by Erik De Nijs and are cleverly called "Beauty and the Geek" jeans. I see no beauty, just a kid that looks like he's playing with himself.
Built into the knees are a pair of crotch rocking speakers, around the back you have the added convenience of a back pocket for your "mouse", and for you gamers, there is a joystick controller located just behind the front zipper.
Wow, joystick behind the zipper. Didn't see that coming. I swear, these are the most ridiculous pair of peripheral pants I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. I've even tried a few pairs, and no matter what, they're awkward as hell to use at work. Hold on.
"No Josh, you can't type another email to accounting. They're right down the freaking hall, just go talk to them. Oh what the hell, but this is the last time. Hey Mary, you got anything you need to type after Josh is done here? Got your own keyboard, huh? Well, if it ever breaks or goes missing, look no further -- than my crotch! HAHA, gotcha! No but seriously, that doesn't count as sexual harassment."
A bunch more pictures of the ridiculousness after the jump.
Continue Reading " Keyboard Pants: Type Your Way To Excitement, Trouble At Work "
Apr 22 2008 Segway Inventor Makes Water Regenerator
Dean Kamen, who invented the Segway and clearly loves himself some denim, has created a new water regenerator. It's called the Slingshot (?) and has no filters whatsoever. It works via vapor condensation distillation and runs on, get this, cow fudge! Not only can the thing crank out perfectly clean water from any source (sea water, mud puddle, sewage, peepee), but it generates enough electricity to power 70 energy-efficient bulbs!
Kamen estimates the units will cost between $1,000 - $2,000 when they go into production and anxiously wants to get them into areas around the world with poor water quality. I'm all for it, and really do hope they reduce the rate of disease caused by nasty stuff in the water supply. While this waits to be seen, there is one thing known for certain -- I'd pee in it.
Happy Earth Day everyone. Go out there and plant trees. Or smoke some (wait, that was Sunday). Well, do something good for this great big ball we call home. But hurry -- the robots are coming.
Worthwhile video of Kamen showing off the machine on the Colbert Report after the jump or here.
Continue Reading " Segway Inventor Makes Water Regenerator "
Apr 22 2008 Interactive Hologram Chick Looks Kind of Like Natalie Portman, Should Be Princess Leia
We've seen promising holographic technologies here at Geekologie before, but nothing with the sexy interactive potential of this thing. The people at LM3Labs have created a hologram technology that can be controlled by hand, arm and (presumably) penis gestures. The system is called AirStrike, which conjures up images of a massive bombing run and not doing it with Princess Leia while a trashcan robot watches like I hoped. So I'm going to have to suggest they change the name to something a little more catchy. You know, something that gives potential customers a better idea of how the technology can be utilized. I'm thinking My Virtual Prostitute or maybe just Holowhore.
LM3Labs' Airstrike interactive holograms, because they can [engadget]
Thanks to Ryan, who doesn't need a holographic girlfriend because he can have as many of the real thing as he wants, for the tip
Apr 22 2008 Sad: Death By Misinterpreted Text Message
Ermine and Ramazan Çalçoban were a Turkish couple going through a separation. Like any normal unhealthy couple, they continued to harass the shit out of each other via text message. Until one day Ramazan sent a text message that, thanks to his cell phone not having a "closed i" (ı) character, proved disastrous.
The use of "i" resulted in an SMS with a completely twisted meaning: instead of writing the word "sıkısınca" it looked like he wrote "sikisince." Ramazan wanted to write "You change the topic every time you run out of arguments" (sounds familiar enough) but what Emine read was, "You change the topic every time they are f***ing you.
WARNING: Sad story follows.
Uh oh, not good. Emine showed the text to her father, who called Ramazan and threatened him for insinuating his daughter was a dirty strumpet. Ramazan shows up confused but ready to apologize, and is stabbed by Emine's father and two sisters. Badly injured, Ramazan tried to escape while Emine attempted to finish him off. At the door he managed to pull a knife out of his chest and stab her before fleeing into the street, where he was picked up by police. Emine bled to death awaiting an ambulance. Ramazan, still confused as to what happened, killed himself in jail.
Damn, like a modern Romeo and Juliet.
R.I.P. Ermine and Ramazan.
A Cellphone's Missing Dot Kills Two People, Three More in Jail [gizmodo]
Thanks to Jaden, who is a very careful texter, for the tip
Apr 22 2008 It's Official And It's Not Good: The Robot Apocalypse Is Upon Us, Nice Knowing You
Well folks, it's been nice knowing you, but we're officially as good as dead. The robot apocalypse is upon us and our new overlords will not stop until every last one of us has been dragged in and chopped to bite sized pieces by these monstrosities. Currently "owned" by the Tokyo fire department, these "Robokiyu" (sound it out -- it means robot that kills you) bots were designed to "rescue" people from any situation. As you can see, rescuing is as simple as being grabbed by the neck with their throat-piercing arms and dragged into their digestive system (read: rotating blades of death). I, for one, am not going to sit back and wait for the robots to destroy me. I'm fighting back. Namely by creating a race of cyborgs that fight on the side of humans. I'm pleased to announce I've already sowed my wild oats with no less than two Roombas, an iPod, an RC tank, and my roommate's DVD player. Speaking of which, I think the DVD player is finally giving birth. At last, the first of my cyborg offspring!
UPDATE: False alarm. It was just an Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem DVD stuck in the player.
A couple more pictures of the last thing you'll ever see before dying, after the jump.
Apr 22 2008 NES Stuffed Into Super Mario Bros. Cartridge
If you can make a NES controller mouse, and stuff a whole system into a shoe, then stuffing one into a game cartridge is clearly the next step (don't question my foolproof logic). And that's exactly what someone did (well, they actually put a Nintendo on a chip (NOAC) in there). As you can see it's got everything it needs to be a fully functional Nintendo. But the real question is this: If you try jamming this cartridge into another NES does it tear a gaping hole into the video game dimension and release retro gaming bosses to wreak havoc on our planet? My guess is yes. And I'm all for it if it means I stand a chance with Zelda. It's not that her doppelganger wasn't awesome in the sack or anything, it's just that one of her pointy ears came off while we were doing it. Talk about awkward.
nes system built into game cartridge [technabob]
Thanks to Andrew, who once stuffed a pinball machine into a grain of salt, for the tip
Apr 22 2008 LEGO Star Wars Pen Set Is Questionable
I love LEGO and Star Wars, so one would think that I'd find this LEGO Star Wars pen set ($25) bonetastic. Well that is not the case. But mostly because I have a problem with the advertising.
Each of these pens are a completely personalized writing instrument, since you use the included LEGO pieces to build a favorite Star Wars character, then add your choice of colors and shapes. Set of three includes Yoda, R2-D2 and Darth Vader.
Anybody else have a problem with that? "Completely personalized"? To me it looks like you can only choose whether Yoda has a gumball machine or a silver ball bearing on his head. To their credit though, you can build my favorite character with the set, Darth Yoder D2 -- he's got Vader's body, Yoda's head, and R2's robotic schlong.
Star Wars Lego Pen Set - Lego, Star Wars And Stationery [tfts]
Thanks to Melissa, who has never let me down like this product has, for the tip
Apr 22 2008 Surgeons Implant Bionic Eyes In Blind Patients
Surgeons have successfully implanted "bionic eyes" (similar in design to this, but not this) in two blind patients, in an attempt to restore some of their vision.
The device -- the first of its kind -- incorporates a video camera and transmitter mounted on a pair of glasses. This is linked to an artificial retina, which transmits moving images along the optic nerve to the brain and enables the patient to discriminate rudimentary images of motion, light and dark.
The Argus II uses a video camera to capture images. These are converted into electrical signals, which are transmitted wirelessly to the implant behind the retina. The electrodes in the implant unscramble the signal to create a crude black-and-white picture that is relayed along the optic nerve to the brain. The brain can then perceive patterns of light and dark spots corresponding to the electrodes stimulated.
That's great news. I'm all for restoring sight to the blind, and this seems like a real promising technology. They throw in the ability to see through cereal boxes so you can spot the ones with secret decoder rings and I'll laser-pointer myself in the eye right now.
Surgeons give hope to blind with successful 'bionic eye' operations [timesonline]
Thanks to Neil, who can see through walls, for the tip
Apr 22 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Shoe Vending Machines
Here at Geekologie we've seen all kinds of different vending machines. We've seen ones that dispense soccer balls, pizzas, people, pot, other drugs, and even small children. Well now we're adding shoes to that list. As someone who has woken up shoeless and in a ditch on the bad side of town several times, so I can attest to the brilliance of footwear vending machines. This particular dispensary is on London's Carnaby Street and spits out Onitsuka Tigers. The machine holds 24 pairs in 6 different sizes (probably no 14's) and each costs an undisclosed number of coconuts. As you can see from the picture, the machine really attracts the chicks, and I'd totally do them all.
UPDATE: Okay, turns out that third chick is actually a dude. I retract my previous statement. I would now only do chicks 1, 2, and 4, despite dude's silky soft hair, capris, and fetching mustachio.
Shoe Vending Machine, Buy Shoes 24/7 [uberreview]
Apr 21 2008 Nothing Good: What Happens When You Fly An F-111 Fighter Into A Pelican At 340 MPH
This F-111 hit a pelican in New South Wales, Australia while doing over 340 MPH. As you can see, it's not looking so hot. "The plane was flying at around 3,000 feet during a test bombing raid when a pelican collided with the fiberglass nosecone and was then sucked into one of the engines." Even with a hole in a wing and an engine failure, the pilots were still able to safely land the aircraft. No word on how the pelican is doing, but if I had to guess I'd say seriously freaking not good.*
*Dead
F-111 Fighers And Pelicans Don't Mix [ohgizmo]
Apr 21 2008 Oh Man, That Would Suck: Time Lapse Of Man Trapped In An Elevator For 40 Hours
This actually took place in 1999 (old!), but the video has just recently surfaced via The New Yorker. It's a time lapse of Nicholas White stuck in an elevator in the McGraw-Hill building in New York for over 40 hours. White went outside for a cigarette, came back in, and chose the wrong damn elevator. I really think this video provides some serious insight into the human psyche. What insight that may be is a mystery to me. Maybe something about going apeshit in a confined space. Say, is he peeing down the crack of the open doors at 2:12?
New Yorker Article
Thanks to Andy, who was once stuck in an elevator for ten seconds before he punched through the wall got the hell out, for the tip
Apr 21 2008 Buried Red Sox Jersey For Sale On eBay
If you haven't already heard, the David Ortiz jersey that some asshat buried under Yankee stadium in an attempt to curse the team is for sale on eBay. It's currently at a whopping $70,200 with a little under 3 days to go. The good part about the auction is that 100% of the proceeds will go to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and the Jimmy Fund. So that's heartwarming. And no, I did not call the Red Sox fan that buried the jersey an asshat because I'm a Yankees fan. I have no team preference. The only thing I care about is getting to third base (I have yet to score a run). Just a heads up though for any of you thinking about cursing something in the future -- don't tell anybody about it. Hexes, curses, magic spells, masturbating, and cheating on your girlfriend always work best when no one else knows what's going on.
Thanks to Stav, who is smart enough to keep his curses to himself, for the tip
Apr 21 2008 Knife Hooks Let Company Know You're Nuts
Remember all the unusually themed knife blocks from awhile ago? Well in that same vein come these hooks. Each one is a polyurethane and steel hanger that screws into the wall to give the appearance of a knife stuck there. While cool, designer Tianyi Chang is only making 50 of them, and each will go for $50. Needless to say my sweat shop will start manufacturing immediately, and we'll be selling for a lot cheaper. Anyone interested can contact one of my child workers for pricing. Discounts on wholesale orders, no discounts on partsale orders. Any attempt to expose my sweatshop to the authorities will not be tolerated but will likely result in my imprisonment and the subsequent pillaging of my fragile buttocks.
Knife Hooks Keep Up The Trend Of Dangerous Household Items [ohgizmo]
Apr 21 2008 Sweet: We Can Now Grow Plants In Moondust
I've been itching to live on the moon for as long as I can remember (~ last Wednesday). So boy was I excited when I learned that scientists have figured out how to grow plants in moondust. All it took was some special bacteria that helps transfer nutrients from the soil (if you can call it that) to the plants. As you can see from the picture, those flowers weeds are really thriving in the stuff. Well, except for pot 3, that one isn't doing so hot. Reminds me of the rose bush I planted for my wife in the cat's litterbox.
Scientists figure out how to grow plants in moondust [dvice]
Apr 21 2008 Corolla Rocks NES Controller Engine Cover
This is a Corolla with a custom NES controller engine block cover. It looks good and I wish my piece of crap Metro had one. That would easily double the car's value. Now if entering the ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A Konami code gave you 30 gallons of free gas, then we'd really be talking.
Car Engine Meets NES Controller [gizmodo]
Apr 21 2008 Tetris - The Movie Makes Me Wish I Flew A Tetrad Shaped Ship In A Monster Tetris Game
This is a teaser trailer for Tetris - The Movie. I'm not sure if they're really going to take it any further but if they do I will definitely be the first in line ride a roller coaster instead. The trailer was made by Black20 (I typically put all my money on red) and features such classic lines as "Life is just blocks...trying to fit together to make lines. And that's...who we are." It basically made me want to kill myself, which may or may not have been what they were going for. I would fly one of those ships though. But likely straight into a power line, just like my kite. Suck it Ben Franklin, that key shit was weak.
Thanks to Dustin, who knows a classic when he spots one, for the tip
Apr 21 2008 LED Lemon Lights Up Drinks, Adds No Flavor
Drink a lot of hefeweizen? Like the flavor a lemon slice adds to your beer? If so this product isn't for you, because it's just a piece of molded plastic with an LED inside. It sits on the side of a glass and run $3.30 for a pack of three. They're guaranteed to make your next party a questionable one. You know what's not questionable though? Baby showers with lots of beer. I went to one this weekend and they were rocking Bass kegs and a roasted boar. It was awesome. There were a bunch of kids running around, and it really made me want to have one. Especially when a group of 4-year olds tackled an 8-year old and the littlest one started yelling "Kick him in the nutsack!" *wipes tear* So freaking cute.
Worthwhile picture I photoshopped together of what one of the wedges looks like in a drink, after the jump.
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