Apr 11 2008 My Childhood Sucked Without The NapTV
NapTV is a little stool with a flatscreen built into the underside you can lie underneath it and watch cartoons before your afternoon nap. It is pretty much the awesomest damn thing I've ever set my eyes on. I love how in the picture they show a kid sitting on top reading a book. Ha, good one -- kids these days don't know how to read. Anyway, the NapTV is still just a concept, but if there's enough interest I'll beat up Sung-kyu Nam (the designer) and start manufacturing them. I already made one, and I must say -- it was freaking awesome. I say it was awesome because my roommate sat on it when I was watching Dora The Explorer and it broke. Into my face. So there I was, lying supine on the living room floor with a 320 lb man crushing broken glass into my eyes with his ass. And you know what? The audio still worked.
NapTV So Wrong that it Just Might be Right [uberreview]
Apr 11 2008 Tavern Tax: Guy Does Your Taxes At The Bar
Carmine Sodora is an accountant. A genius one. Why? Because he posts up in bars and does your income taxes for you.
Sodora founded Tavern Tax in 2005. For 10 weeks leading up to the April 15 deadline to submit U.S. income tax returns, he brings his tax-filing services to bars on weekday nights and weekend afternoons. At an Irish pub on Wednesday night, Sodora set up shop under a "Tavern Tax" sign with a fold-up table covered with a framed photo of laughing friends, his laptop and a lamp. One by one, clients relaxed in the chair across from him, handing over documents and sipping on beer. "I always say to people, 'Where's your beer? I can't have one but you can,'" Sodora said.
Stop right there. I retract my "Carmine Sodora is a genius accountant" statement. How in the hell can you trust someone that doesn't drink while filling out tax forms? Exactly, you can't. I don't let anyone do my taxes that isn't at least eight W-2's to the wind. Which is why I did them myself this year. Today in fact. Penis jokes are deductible, right? Right?
Taver Tax Service Mixes Beer and Taxes [aolnews]
Thanks to Pat, who doesn't have to pay taxes because he has a personal pardon from Turbo, the tax god, for the tip
Apr 11 2008 Designer Foosball Table Looks Bathtubby
This is a foosball table created by GRO design and Tim modelmakers. It's called '11 - The Beautiful Game', because 11 is the number of players on each team (not including humans), and it's beautiful when you kick somebody's ass and they have to buy you a beer. The table is going to be exhibited during Milan Design Week from April 16th - 21st, so someone go check it out and try to break a player off for me. While I can certainly appreciate the thing's design, it would probably be annoying to play on. Especially with the chrome handles. That said, this table gives me an idea. The idea for a bathtub foosball table -- that you actually play in the bath! Oh man, I would never leave. I'd sit in there wailing away until the water was cold and I was all pruney. I mean toy boats are still fun and all, but I'm a big boy now. Well, not big enough to bathe unsupervised, but I'm getting there.
More pictures and a video (warning: the players suck) after the jump.
Continue Reading " Designer Foosball Table Looks Bathtubby "
Apr 11 2008 Digital Looking Watch Is All Analog, Awesome
The Di Grisogono Meccanica DG watch looks digital, but is purely analog. Only 177 are being made, and each contains over 651 parts.
The mechanically operated digital display of the second timezone shows tens of hours, single hours, tens of minutes and single minutes, all displayed by mobile microsegments driven by an assemblage of 23 cams connected to a set of gears and a triggering and synchronization system. The time information is displayed by an array of 23 horizontally and vertically positioned microsegments. Vertical segments are 9 mm high and weigh at most 25 milligrams while the horizontal segments measure 2.90 mm in length and weigh only 10 milligrams. The segments have four faces: two opposing visible faces fitted with colored strips and two opposing unmarked faces. Time changes are effected by 90° rotations of the required segment or segments. Involving one to twelve segments, time changes are lightning fast.
Freaking awesome! Man, I want a digital looking analog watch. Especially one that's more expensive than a house. I swear, I'd just stare at it changing time all day long. Plus it'd probably cover the cancerous looking mole that I'm too afraid to go get checked out. If it has hair growing out of it does that mean it's safe?
A couple more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Digital Looking Watch Is All Analog, Awesome "
Apr 11 2008 Kit-In Box Prevents Unwanted Keyboard Cats
Kit-In Box is not exactly what it sounds like. I thought it was going to be a box you order that comes with a kitten (like a Cabbage Patch doll, but furry and alive). It's not. It's a little wooden bed that clamps to the side of your desk so your feline friends don't sleep on your keyboard (as they are so fond of) when you're trying to work. They cost $50 and come in cherry, birch, and mahogany finishes. I need several, because my girlfriend has four cats. Well, three cats. One beaver.
A picture of what the unit looks like with two little dogs in it, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Kit-In Box Prevents Unwanted Keyboard Cats "
Apr 11 2008 Sony Making Picture Frame-Looking TV's
Sony's new line of E4000 LCD's were designed with wall aesthetics in mind.
Sony's pushing its new Picture Frame Mode and four "blend in frame colors" hard as its looks to differentiate the 32- and 40-inch Full HD LCDs (and a wee 26 inch of unspecified, sub-1080p resolution) from the competition. As such, the TVs will display one of six, pre-installed images like Van Gogh's Wheatfield with Cypresses.
Or if pre-loaded pictures aren't your scene you can upload whatever you want. So yeah, pretty looking televisions that blend into the background. Awesome. Just look at the picture, you hardly even notice the TV, right? Actually, where is it? Oh shit -- spotted it. There on the left, next to that chair. Woody looking, nice design.
Sony's Bravia E4000 series is pretty as a picture [engadget]
Apr 11 2008 IKEA Turns Japanese Monorail Into Showroom
IKEA, best known for their sweet coffee table that I bought, has turned the Kobe Portliner Monorail of Port Island, Japan into a traveling showroom. As you can see it looks like someone threw up all over the place. It will remain that way until May 6th, so if you're in the area go check it out. While the bright colors and nutty patterns make me a little queasy, I still think it's a great idea. They should totally pimp out the D.C. Metro like this. That way when the guy sitting behind me pulls his thingy out and starts beating it against the back of my seat I can at least pretend I'm in a furniture store.
A bunch more pictures of the pimped out trains after the jump.
Continue Reading " IKEA Turns Japanese Monorail Into Showroom "
Apr 11 2008 Crashed B2 Stealth Bomber Looks Sad
Remember the story about the Stealth Bomber that crashed in February? Well here's the aftermath. I know, it's almost too sad to bear. What was once a wicked $1.2 billion technological marvel is now a burnt-out shell of its former self. *sniffle* I hope we can all learn a valuable lesson from this. Namely that my girlfriend should forgive me for crashing her car into her cousin's wedding party. Let's just say the dramatic entrance I had planned for the event went horribly, horribly wrong.
Another picture of a much happier B2 after the jump.
Apr 10 2008 Boy Builds Homemade 1:2 Scale Panzer Tank
This isn't the first miniature Panzer tank we've featured on Geekologie, but it certainly is the most plywoody one. Kettering University mechanical engineering student Will Foster built the 1:2 scale tank using plywood, a three-cycle diesel engine, and a bunch of other random crap. It has a top speed of 20 MPH and can shoot paintballs, golf balls, and empty Red Bull cans out of its air cannon. Will estimates it's got about $2,000 worth of parts in it, but says he's spent over $10,000 due to the trial-and-error nature of its construction. Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, it's got a sweet "420" painted on the turret in red. Will, you funny little stoner you -- so crafty. Seriously though, I commend you on your ability to finish a project while smoking the chronic. Did I say chronic? I meant schwag (and maybe the occasional beaster). Still, good job -- the only thing I ever made in college when I was high were straight D's.
Video of Will and the tank after the jump, along with a link to the longer article.
Continue Reading " Boy Builds Homemade 1:2 Scale Panzer Tank "
Apr 10 2008 Skirt Mousepad Cover Is Disturbing, Fetishy
I don't even know what to say about this. It's a jean skirt that you put your mouse and mousepad into. That way when you're computing it looks like you have your hand up a skirt and you're clicking around like a crazy person. What in the hell are the matter with these people? Whoever makes these things is freaking nuts. I mean, come on. A lightweight polyester-blend I could understand, but denim? Ridiculous. And sick.
Another picture of the thing in use after the jump.
Continue Reading " Skirt Mousepad Cover Is Disturbing, Fetishy "
Apr 10 2008 Paintball Turret Will Keep Kids Off Your Lawn
The EMT Wireless Paintball Sentry Turret is just what I need to keep those damn neighborhood kids off my lawn and out of my flowerbeds.
The $1959 setup includes the paintball turret, a substantial tripod base, CO2 tanks, a color CCD camera with video transmitter and a wireless remote with a nice little 3.5-inch monitor (or a 7.5-inch upgrade pictured above) so you can aim at your unsuspecting victims. The controller's joysticks pan and tilt the turret, and can fire up to 400 paintballs with the push of a button. The whole rig runs on rechargeable batteries and CO2, so you can use it anywhere (although there is a slight up-charge for weatherproofing).
You can even upgrade to a high-res camera, big-screen goggles, and a larger ball hopper. Holy hellfire do I need one of these. Just think of all the fun you could have with those religious zealots that come by trying to pass off their literature. Just kidding, I wouldn't shoot them. I like to see the expressions on their faces when I answer the door pantless with a beer in one hand and my girlfriend's ass in the other. "Ooh, sorry, looks like we caught you at a bad time, we'll just leave this pamphlet here by the door." "Hey honey, show them that trick you do to pick up the dollars when you're stripping."
remote-controlled paintball turret is ready for action [technabob]
Apr 10 2008 Security Briefs Prevent Theft, Unless Thief Is Really, Really Desperate Or Just Plain Gross
Security briefs are underwear that have a nasty stain in the back and a hidden Velcro compartment in front to stash your valuables. They cost $10 and are pretty gross. The idea (I presume) is that the shifty maid cleaning your hotel room will go through your bags looking for treasure, instead find what appears to be the skid marks of a landing seven-forty-shitven, puke in your suitcase, and quit her job. She may become a nun or prostitute, but she won't ever work at a laundromat.
An uncensored picture after the jump (like I really did a good job with the box).
Apr 10 2008 Sleek, Sexy, Daddy Likes: Cellphone Watch
Here at Geekologie we've already seen several different cellphone watches, but they looked like shit. This one doesn't, and I would wear it. The Van Der Led WM2 Cellphone Watch comes out on Monday (April 14th) and will cost $471. "It's got a tiny 1.3-inch, 260k color touchscreen display, stereo Bluetooth, and boasts up to 240-hours of standby or 300-minutes of talk. Plus 1GB of storage for your MP3 or MP4 files. As usual, transfer data via USB." And also as usual, I can't afford it. I swear, when are these companies going to start sending me complementary products so I can actually review them? I mean Geekologie is a serious news outlet. I promise I won't say anything bad. Unless they suck, in which case I'll have to tear into them like my wife into a box of Little Debbie cakes.
1:10 P.M. UPDATE: The wife called to inform me that she DOES NOT like the Strawberry Shortcake Rolls.
1:22 P.M. UPDATE: Called again. Just ate a box and retracts previous statement.
Van Der Led's WM2 cellphone watch [slipperybrick]
Thanks to Anthony Hotpants, who should cool those things before they catch fire, for the tip
Apr 10 2008 Godfather Art Made From The Entire Script
This is a picture of Don Corleone holding his cat. It's made from the entire Godfather script in varying shades of black (and a little red). A 24" x 30" poster will set you back $14, an unsigned giclee (limited edition of 1,000), $100, and a signed giclee (limited edition of 250), $300. They're awesome and I want one. And not just because I grew up wanting to be a gangster and watched that movie like a bajillion times. No, it's mostly because my "old men holding cats" poster collection simply won't be complete without it.
Hit the link for the product page where you can see a super high-res version.
Thanks to Pat, who has been known to make offers that can't be refused, for the tip
Apr 10 2008 Star Wars Fett's Vette Music Video Is Okay
Another Star Wars rap song with music video. I'd heard the song before (by mc chris), but never seen a video (which is made from clips of the movies appropriate for the current lyrics). It helps. But I still can't get past the sound of his voice sometimes and why he's rapping about Fett's Vette. I don't remember any Corvettes in the movies. Is that even what he's talking about? I will admit though, the Vette gets 'em wet is a car for balding middle aged men with subpar dongery money.*
*To any Vette owners out there, I'm just jealous. Not only am I balding and seriously not packing any heat down there, but the transmission dropped out of my Metro and now I'm stuck walking everywhere.
Thanks to Nicole, who moonlights as a bounty hunter herself, for the tip
Apr 10 2008 Custom "Nintendo All-Stars" Painted Shoes
Up for auction on eBay are a pair of custom painted "Nintendo All-Stars" Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars Hightops. The pictures are of a pair that the seller made for a friend, but if you win the auction he'll paint you some, any size, and with any custom touches you want included (your name, a different colored Yoshi, nude princess, etc). They really are well done. Current bid is $255, with a little over 3 days remaining, so don't forget if you're really interested. I'd buy them but I just don't think I could rock them. Nope, I could only ROCK THE HELL out of them. Damn somebody please buy them for me, I swear I'll do them justice. Hell, I'll do them justice league.
Hit the link for a bunch more pictures, including some of the process.
Continue Reading " Custom "Nintendo All-Stars" Painted Shoes "
Apr 9 2008 Brilliant!: A Wheelchair Pedal Attachment
Who uses wheelchairs? People who are too weak to walk, people with legs that don't work, and me if the grocery store has any complementary motorized ones (my legs tire easily). The common denominator here is walking, or more specifically, a lack of walking ability. So why not just pedal instead? That's the idea behind the Pedalofit (NOT the name I would have chosen). Actually, it's a wheelchair attachment used as a rehabilitation tool for people to help gain the muscle and coordination back in their legs. And as you can see -- holy shit is that Dick Cheney in the picture?
The Dude: This is Cheney...on the left there? So he's a crip-uh...handicap...guy?
Brandt: Mr. Cheney is disabled, yes.
Pedal Powered Wheelchair Seems So Wrong [ohgizmo]
Apr 9 2008 Mario "Frustration" Levels With Commentary
This video has been around for a while, so you may have seen it already. And if you have, that's awesome, you should definitely mention it the comments section. I saw it some time ago myself, but not with this guy's voice-over, which made it better. It's probably NSFW though, since every other word the dude says is a curse word. Oh, and it's unbearable long, so let it download and then just skip around for about 30 seconds or a minute (depending on how you feel) to get the gist. If you like it there are about a million other videos on Youtube of hacked Mario levels that are unbelievably impossible (search mario impossible or mario frustration and feel free to post links to any good ones). While it does look tempting to give playing one a shot, I know exactly how it'll end -- with my leg stuck in the television and bleeding (yes, I had to buy an old CRT from the thriftstore after my ladyfriend traded the LCD for "the most comfortable pair of shoes ever").
Thanks to Randomnigel, whose blog I found this on, for having it there
Apr 9 2008 Watch Only Tells If It's Day Or Night, Has Rusted Looking Bezel, Costs $300,000
Admittedly we've seen some really freaking ridiculous and expensive watches here in the past, but the Day&Night watch from Romain Jerome takes the cake for the least bang for your buck. It has a Tourbillon movement that only tells you if it's day or night. All this for $300,000. Holy sundials, Blindman, that's a ripoff. Yes, it is. And the real sick kicker is that the thing sold out within 48 hours of its release, making it an instant timeless (!!) classic. WTF!? I mean, for only $30 you can call me whenever you want and I'll tell you if it's day or night. Or you could, oh I don't know, open your eyes. I'm downtown right now, and I swear, the first person I see wearing an expensive watch is getting shanked.*
*Shanked is prison-talk for being stabbed with a makeshift knife. In this particular instance, a sharp piece of tailpipe that broke off when I was trying to parallel park.
$300,000 Watch Doesn't Tell Time, But Shows if The Sun is Up [gizmodo]
Apr 9 2008 Indiana Jones Figures Are Cute, Big Headed
These are two Indiana Jones (well one Indiana, one Henry) figures available from PansonWorks. Each costs $30 and would look awesome on my bookshelf. Damn, I just love that Indiana. I was so inspired by the movies that I actually took an archaeology course in college. I had to pay a $60 lab fee, which I assumed was for a fedora and a freaking bullwhip. Wrong! I got a crappy little pick and brush. Talk about a let down. There was no temple of doom, no last crusading, just a horrible damn professor that stared off into space when lecturing. I egged his house after he failed me.
A picture of PansonWorks Street Fighter figures (also $30), just for the halibut, after the jump
Continue Reading " Indiana Jones Figures Are Cute, Big Headed "
Apr 9 2008 BB Gun With All Kinds Of Stuff Hanging Off It
This is the Walther NightHawk BB Gun. As you can see it looks like they threw on every extra peripheral possible. It's got a flashlight, red dot sight, muzzle compensator, microwave, and I think I saw a hot tub. Okay, so no microwave. Still, it is pretty sweet looking. Unfortunately the $160 gun only holds 8 rounds per clip and shoots at a paltry 360 FPS. But besides that, it's cool. Did I mention I like the styling? I like the styling. I think this is just the thing to tote when I'm breaking into the neighbor's house to steal beer at night when I'm too drunk to drive. I've got one on the way, so I'll update and let you know how Mission Too Drunk To Drive But Not Drunk Enough To Sleep goes.
UPDATE: He shot me... the old bastard shot me... he had real gun... bleeding... lots... someone please call... Domino's... see if one of their drivers can... ugh... swing by with a case...
Video review of the gun after the jump.
Continue Reading " BB Gun With All Kinds Of Stuff Hanging Off It "
Apr 9 2008 Questionable: Cheese From Women's Milk
Well ever since yesterday when the ick-factor was ramped up with (fake) baby chocolates and disgusting health drinks, the grody tips have been pouring in and making me even sicker. This is one of the lesser ones -- women's breast milk cheese from France. Allegedly Le Petit Singly is a farm that specializes in the stuff.
Le Petit Singly is a farm that specializes in making cheese from women's breast milk. Are you imagining the milking process? Admittedly, that imagery makes me come to the conclusion that it's an absolutely bizarre and crazy world of cheesemaking in little ole Singly, France. But, no. I think the "donors" bring their milk to the farm, or something like that.
The cheese is produced exactly like it would be for cow's milk and apparently tastes like it has hints of hazelnut. I still have my doubts about its existence, though. The farm says the cheese is rich in vitamins and nutrients but I don't think these survive after being ultra-pasteurized. Also, they have an "AB" label, which is the official label for organic products. Does that mean that the women all grazed on organic?
Hoax potential aside, I'd eat the hell out of some breast milk cheese. I bet it's delicious, and I love hints of hazelnut. It's like when my wife was pregnant with our daughter and I tried to get a little suckle on the proverbial teat. I barely got a taste before she kicked me in the privates and told me I was "stealing from the baby". I told her that that was bull, the baby was stealing from me. And she continues to -- 1 down, 17 to go.
Human Breast Milk Cheese Made In France [whytraveltofrance]
(apparently for the breast milk cheese)
Thanks to Richard, whose curiosity got the best of him, for the tip
Apr 9 2008 Little Girls: A Working TV For Your Dollhouse
Hell yes that's a dollhouse. A dollhouse with a television. Brett Foster, whose daughter loves dolls, made one for her, and is now selling the 1:12 scale sets online for about $200. You can connect whatever you want to it, including a receiver, DVD player, X-Box, PS3, etc. etc. Oh my God, that give me an idea! Did you get the same one? Super Smash Bros. Brawl at 1:12 scale!! Hell yeah, that would totally suck.
Two more pictures after the jump if looking at pictures of dollhouses with wee-televisions is your prerogative.
Continue Reading " Little Girls: A Working TV For Your Dollhouse "
Apr 9 2008 Sure, Why Not: Face-To-Face Tandem Bike
The Face-to-Face tandem bike is the brainchild of Taiwanese inventor Chen Yugang. It took him about a year to work out the logistics and build the thing.
His new bicycle can be ridden face-to-face, conventionally or even back-to-back as the seats rotate and the gears can be set to move the bike in either direction. "The bicycle is very easy to change. Any person can change the riding mode in around 10 seconds without the help of tools," says Chen. "Face-to-face is suitable for a parent and child, or dating couples, while the back-to-back mode gives both riders a good view, and the one at the back can have both hands free to shoot pictures or eat snacks."
I was skeptical about whether or not your knees would bang the other person's when you were riding, so Chen was kind enough to let my girlfriend and I take it for a test spin. It really is great for dating couples -- so romantic. There we were, riding along, eyes locked (practically having eye-sex), when, BAM! I slammed her into the back of a bus. Get well soon, honey.
P.S. But not too soon, I'm trying to put the moves on your roommate.
Video of a similar bike, with front rider riding forward, and back rider backwards, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not: Face-To-Face Tandem Bike "
Apr 8 2008 Protect Ya Neck With A Bulletproof Hoodie
The Defender Hoodie is bulletproof (and questionably stabproof and taseproof). It comes packed with "2mm of Type IIA bulletproofing, enough to stop a 9mm full-metal-jacket round at a velocity of 1,090 feet-per-second." Unfortunately it costs $600 and doesn't have any bulletproofing in the hood. So you better hope whoever has beef doesn't have any aim. And now, a word from the Wu-Tang Clan.
I see em duckin my dart gun, bustin, from every angleWorldwide total carnage, the sickest flow
that be code named Agent Orange, killin you slow
It's only right you pay homage
to those that's bout to blow like that shit up your nose, solid
as a rock when I strike target, ver-bal
Be screamin on you like a drill sargeant, her-bals
got me where I wanna be right now, don't know the time
Check the hour on your sundial, watch me shine
Drunk off of cheap wine
Each line be on point when I speak mine
On behalf of my crew, SUUUUUUUUUUU, Enter the Wu
Oh man, I love that part about being drunk off of cheap wine. I've been known to do that. Seriously though, I think we can all agree gun safety is the real issue here.
Apr 8 2008 Pizza.com Domain Name Fetches $2.6 Million
The pizza.com domain name sold at auction over the weekend for a staggering $2.6 million. It fell short of the price paid for vodka.com ($3 million) and the 1999 sale of business.com for $7.5 million. It was sold by Chris Clark, a man who registered the domain name 14 years ago for $20. Well way to go Chris, how about ordering the Geekologie writer an XL with cheese and mushrooms with your newfound wealth? Oooh, and some of those cinnamon sticks. What do you mean no cinnamon sticks? You cheap bastard.
Pizza.com domain name fetches millions [news]
Thanks to my boss, whose Subway sub I stole out of the fridge in the breakroom, for lunch
Apr 8 2008 Best Infomercial Ever, I Mean That, EVER
Now we've seen a lot of awesome freaking commercials here at Geekologie, but this one may take the cake. It's for the $600 Beamz Laser Music System (Beamz Lazer Muzic Zyztem was already taken). It's basically six lasers, and anytime you break a beam with your fingers/hands a different sound is triggered. You positively HAVE TO WATCH the entire 3:00 video (after the jump). Now I've been known to set up a camera and film myself doing stupid things before, but never have I ever looked this ridiculous. It's almost too much to bear thinking these people are real and can wake up in the morning and face themselves in the mirror. That said, the laser thing they're playing is the awesomest freaking thing I've ever seen.
MUST SEE VIDEO after the jump.
Continue Reading " Best Infomercial Ever, I Mean That, EVER "
Apr 8 2008 Bleeehhh!: You Don't Even Want To Know
Okay, since the baby chocolates turned out to be a hoax, submitter beefytee decided to really ramp up the creepy, disturbing factor to an 11 with this tip. If you've recently eaten lunch or are about to, save reading it for later.
Placenta 10000 is a jelly drink. With placenta. Pig placenta. 10,000 mg worth (hence the name). I just puked in my mouth. Now it's dribbling out onto the keyboard.
Placenta is said to have regenerative properties, especially concerning beauty, and can help with dieting as well. At about $8 per drink, it's expensive, but Japanese aren't exactly known for sacrificing their health and looks for a couple of bucks either.
If 10,000 mg/serving just doesn't cut it for your placenta-loving pallet, they have a Placenta 400,000 concentrate (on the left in the picture) so you can make...Ms. Piggy... bleeeehhhh!!...cocktails.
Placenta 10000 jelly drink is FOSHU for beauty [cscout]
Thanks to beefytee and his incredible steak shirt for the tip
Apr 8 2008 Shirtless Bandit Steals Netflix Discs, Is Caught Red (Mailer) Handed By Hidden Spy Camera
This is the Shirtless Bandit. He likes chips and watching Netflix rentals -- but not his own. He just steals them from his neighbors.
After having to file multiple Netflix movies as "lost in the mail" I began to get suspicious that there was more than just a careless mailman at fault. So what better to do than point a video camera at the mailbox and try to catch a Netflix thief.
Since both my roommate and myself worked second shift jobs, we would be physically unable catch the culprit in action. And although suspicion was strong that it was the white-trash tenants in the first floor of our duplex, suspicion alone would not be enough. We needed something tangible, something we could take to the police if we felt the need. We needed him caught on camera.
Needless to say they did, and he got busted. But not before they drove his head into the mailbox a few times. Just kidding. I would have though. Shit, you steal my Netflix DVDs and I'll pack the mailbox with explosives.
UPDATE: I called a friend at the post office to check the legality of packing a mailbox with TNT, and surprisingly, it's frowned upon. That's okay though, I come prepared. Plan B: Make a mailbox costume, stand by road with a tire iron.
Two more pictures and the VIDEO of Captain Dipshit of the USS Shirts Are For Pussies, along with a link to the whole story, after the jump
Apr 8 2008 Nap At Work With The Nappak Sleeping Cube
If there's one thing I hate about going to work, it's the lack of comfortable places to sleep during my afternoon siesta. Enter the Nappak Sleeping Cube. It's an inflatable cubby where you can stretch out and doze to your heart's content. Not exactly a cube, but that's okay. While it certainly is better than napping face down on your keyboard, I have a few other suggestions for great places to sleep at work (based on several years experience).
The trunk of your car
Benefits: Cozy, dark, can add pillows and blankets.
Drawbacks: Getting locked inside. Being rear ended mid-nap.
Bathroom stall
Benefits: Easily accessible, private, can urinate as you nap.
Drawbacks: Gas, bathroom noises, legs falling asleep.
Your boss's desk, with his secretary.
Benefits: Lockable door, someone to spoon, potential to get some (or at least cop a feel).
Drawbacks: Possible sexual harassment case and/or disease. Boss kicking in the door, yelling at you. Termination.
A couple more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Nap At Work With The Nappak Sleeping Cube "
Apr 8 2008 2008 Rube Goldberg Machine Contest
The Rube Goldberg Machine Contest is held every year at Purdue and requires contestants to complete a simple task with a complex machine in 20 or more ridiculous steps. Last year's objective was to juice an orange into a pitcher and pour the juice into a cup. This year's was to build a hamburger with patty, two vegetables, and two condiments. For the third time in four years the Purdue Society of Professional Engineers took top honors. Coincidence? I think not. I have the feeling there's something fishy going on here. Let's review the evidence: The contest is held at Purdue. Purdue wins a lot. *puts feet on desk, lights pipe* I think my work here is done.
Another video about the winning team and machine after the jump.
Apr 8 2008 Disturbing: Baby Chocolates Are Scary, Edible
Ryan, who sent this tip, wrote to let me know that Geekologie hadn't featured anything creepy in a while, and this was his suggestion. It's a baby (complete with a hose bigger than mine) made entirely of chocolate. I think the hair is a little suspect, but what do I know? I'm only Willy Wonka's apprentice. And no, I don't shower with the Oompa-Loompas, so I've never seen them naked. Quit asking.
UPDATE: FAKE! FIRST! FUCK they're not chocolate they're made of silicon or something. Scary baby cake added after the jump to make up for it (Thanks M).
Several more after the jump.
Continue Reading " Disturbing: Baby Chocolates Are Scary, Edible "
Apr 7 2008 AWESOME!: Geekologie Featured On BBC
I don't have a television anymore because my wife sold it for six boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and two pints of Ben and Jerry's. But if I did I may have caught Geekologie featured on BBC! Whoooooweeeee! So yeah, we're big time now. Really up there with the giants. Like Andre and, um, Jolly Green. The picture features a transcript of the show, or you can go here and click April 4th to watch it. But just skip to 21:00, that's when the good stuff starts. I can't wait to tell my parents, they're going to be so proud! Well, as proud as they can be of a son who writes lewd jokes for a blog all day.
Webscape on Click [bbc]
Thanks to Mr. Kezzzs and Adrian, both of whom I will buy a beer the next time I'm overseas, for the tips
Apr 7 2008 Man Builds Canoe Out Of Used Chopsticks
Shuhei Ogawara is a former city employee of Koriyama, Japan. He worked in city hall, and one day decided that it was f'ed up all the cafeteria's disposable chopsticks were going in the trash after a single use. So what did he do? What any normal person would -- he somehow retrieved said chopsticks and made a freaking canoe.
Ogawara spent over 3 months gluing 7,382 chopsticks together into strips to form the canoe shell, to which he added a polyester resin coat. The canoe weighs about 30 kilograms (66 lbs), which is a bit heavier than an ordinary cedar canoe, but Ogawara is confident it will float. A launching ceremony is planned for May at nearby Lake Inawashiro.
That's awesome. As someone who regularly throws things in the lake to see if they float, I'm behind you, Ogawara. Also, I stabbed my roommate with a used chopstick once. But not before I coated the tip with wasabi. He died. Suck it, poison dart frogs.
Canoe made from disposable chopsticks [pinktentacle]
Thanks to Melissa, who never lets me down, for the tip
Apr 7 2008 Yes!: Super Mario Piranha Plant Dongwear
This is a pair of underwear available on Etsy featuring a silk-screened piranha plant from Super Maro Bros. They run $17 and are made from American Apparel undies (unworn), so they're sweatshop and scabies free. Now maybe I'm only speaking for myself when I say this, but doesn't that piranha plant look like the scary man-eating dong that chases you in your nightmares? Anybody else getting that?
Piranha Plant Underwear [gonintendo]
Thanks to Ryan, whose member wouldn't even begin to fit in those things, for the tip
Apr 7 2008 3-D LED Cubes Are Out Of This World, Not Literally Though, They're Not Alien Or Anything
This 3-D LED cube was made by Chinese manufacturer Seekway and features a 16 x 16 x 16 grid of lights for a total of 4,096. That's a good amount. "The system is capable of displaying animations at up to 30 frames per second and each dot can be individually addressed for both color and intensity." There's a video of the cube in action after the jump, and I suggest you watch it and just vibe out for a little bit. You deserve it. If the boss comes by and asks why you're watching Youtube videos on the clock you just look him/her dead in the eye and tell them it's not Youtube, it's some computer virus you got when you were downloading porno. Works every time.
Video after the jump.
Apr 7 2008 Cheap: Beadsprite Magnets For Sale on Etsy
These are video game sprites made out of those little beads that you iron and melt together. I posted the Mario ones, but the seller has others, including some Earthbound and Final Fantasy. They all run between $4 - $5.50, so they're affordable. Of course, you can make your own if you're crafty and your mommy lets you use the iron. Mine doesn't (read: I scorched my genitals thrice), so I'd have to buy them. I am allowed to play with the beads though. Delicious.
Thanks to Jen, whose husband is clearly a very lucky man, for the tip
Apr 7 2008 NSFW: Star Wars Rap Song With Movie Clips
This is a rap song made with Star Wars clips. It's NSFW. No nudity or anything, but lots of bad words and heavy sexual innuendo. It made me feel dirty. Which, for a guy who doesn't shower and eats off the floor, is really saying something. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Another tamer Star Wars rap video, along with my favorite Star Wars song (IAM's L'empire Du Cote Obscur) after the jump. Link to the lyrics too, since it's in French.
Continue Reading " NSFW: Star Wars Rap Song With Movie Clips "
Apr 7 2008 Tape Dispenser Looks Like Cassette, Clever!
This $25 tape dispenser looks like a cassette. A cassette tape! How very clever of someone. You can choose a red or green label, and both models dispense a long, thin, sticky plastic film (aka tape). I like it, it's got old school flair. If I didn't already steal six tape dispensers from work I'd consider getting one. Speaking of stolen goods, someone at the office made off with my "World's Greatest Lover" coffee mug. And no, it's not a "World's Greatest Animal Lover" mug with animal scratched out. Psyche! Of course it is.
Thanks to Brendan, who actually has one of those big golden wrestling belts proving he's the world's greatest lover, for the tip
Apr 7 2008 UFOCap Keeps You Dry, Abstinent
The UFOCap is a hands-free umbrella that makes you look like a giant condom. The thing looks so ridiculous that the majority of people in the advertisement refused to wear them. Currently only available in Korea, they probably won't make it much further. I still want one though. No, I take that back, I'm saving myself for a Nubrella. And for marriage. Otherwise Santa might fill my stocking with reindeer shit and I'll be forced to kidnap the fat bastard.
UFO Cap Makes You Look Like Spin Top, Repels Rain and Women [gizmodo]
Thanks to Andrew, who attracts women like it's his job (which it may be, I think he's a gigolo), for the tip
