Mar 26 2008Flush The John With A Step Of Your Foot
A toilet flushing handle can contain up to 50,000 bacteria per square inch. So I'll stop licking them, but I'm not going to drop $20 on the Footflush. The Footflush is a foot shaped (because you'd have no idea how the fuck to use it otherwise) device you step on in order to flush the john. They hook up to any regular toilet and make the world a better place for germaphobes and people with no arms. But here's a novel idea -- that's free -- kick the damn handle like a normal person. I don't care if it is a little-handled home toilet, you kick that mother. You do it on the big handles in public restrooms, why not at home as well? I prefer the running jumpkick technique. However, due to its difficulty I can only recommend it for intermediate/advanced level kickers. Basically you run, jump, and kick. But be warned: one time I was pissing at Arby's and went up for the flush but miscalculated and ended up busting through the wall and into the kitchen. I told them the commode exploded and demanded a free turnover.
Reader Comments
1. That guy - March 26, 2008 4:33 PM
Couldn't people just...ya know...wash their hands and/or with soap possibly?
2. Polly Pureheart - March 26, 2008 5:06 PM
Mr. Insensitve Writer -
That a fairly hilarious analysis. I might look into the product tho. I usually try to kick toilet handles but I have such a wide stance that I often end up dipping my ball sack in the toilet and getting an offer for a sweet hummer.
http://wtcctr.blogspot.com
3. Sly - March 27, 2008 12:47 AM
This happens to me so often that I've taken to jumpkicking the toilet before I eat, in hopes of having a 'breakthough' experience that ends with me getting free food or suing the restaurant.
4. laz - March 27, 2008 6:11 AM
what happens with the button flush toilets...hard to kick those.
i use a bit of TP, and then stand at the door, which always open inwards from a public toilet, till someone else comes in, so that i can slip out.
5. Zukini San - March 27, 2008 10:21 AM
Is that a white pimp shoe in the picture on the packaging? Sweet.