Dec 20 2007Absinthe Lollipops Sadly Won't Do Much
Lit brand absinthe lollipops are lollipops made with real absinthe. They cost $10 for 4 or $25 for 12. The company says they're 100% legal because all the alcohol burns off during the production process. Which makes me wonder if they're really the good absinthe. You know, the stuff that makes you feel drunk, high, and tripping at the same time. From the company's website:
Will these lollipops get me wasted?- Our lollipops will make your tongue tingle and you'll get chattier, but that's pretty much it. However, absinthe lollipop experts have found they go really well with drinks!
First of all, what in the hell is an "absinthe lollipop expert"? And secondly, that's no way to sell an absinthe lollipop. The description should read as follows:
Will these lollipops get me wasted?- Hell fucking yes they will! You'll be sent on an intergalactic trip to Holyshitland as soon as you take a lick. The crackhead on the street corner tried one and said it was better than smoking rocks. Try one and you'll slice an ear off and give it to a hooker before you can say "Damn, I'm tyrannosaurus wrecked, what the hell happened to my ear?".
UPDATE: It appears the company has changed their FAQs section since our incredible review of their product. The statement above used to exist, but has since been removed. That's the power of Geekologie people. Pulitzer prize winning shit.
thanks to prick, who can be a real dick at times, for the tip
Reader Comments
1. PHIRST - December 20, 2007 3:01 PM
PHIRST
2. not a believer - December 20, 2007 3:15 PM
Phake.
just buy real absinthe (online, from Czech republic)
3. Jumpin_J - December 20, 2007 3:25 PM
Yeah they may suck (it's a lollipop, get it!), but the comment on what it should be was really good.
4. Jeezy - December 20, 2007 3:30 PM
Where does one find this Czech absinthe you speak of?
5. Po - December 20, 2007 3:46 PM
Take a day-trip to Canada if you can, it's legal over here.
Oh and most Czech absinthe is actually bohemian absinthe, which isn't the real stuff. Try the French stuff, better in my opinion and only a few bucks more.
6. Jeezy - December 20, 2007 3:59 PM
I live in Canada. I've seen absinthes, but I assumed they were the 'fake' kind. More like 'absinthe-flavoured' rather than 'true absinthe'.
7. not a believer - December 20, 2007 4:05 PM
these sites have lots to chose from
http://www.eabsinthe.com/
http://www.absinth24.net/shop/index.php/cPath/48
when I bought mine, it was still illegal to ship it to the US, so I bought from a Czech site because they'll ship anything (as long as you pay for it). Can't remember the brand though.
@5 - any preference on a french label?
8. mer - December 20, 2007 4:11 PM
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/12/05/MNQJTO9FM.DTL
You can get absinthe legally in the US again. Go get your Victorian groove on.
9. not a believer - December 20, 2007 5:12 PM
@8 - yeah, it's legal, but it also needs to have such a low amount of wormwood (thujone), that you're really just getting licorice flavored booze. to get absinthe with a higher wormwood qty, you still need to buy the european stuff, and have it shipped to the US illegally.
10. prick - December 20, 2007 8:12 PM
Sweet! I'm fame-ish!
Also, it looks like they read Geekologie: they changed their FAQ.
//p
11. drunkenbeastie - December 21, 2007 1:40 PM
"tyrannosaurus wrecked". you made my week.
12. Treestar! - December 21, 2007 2:31 PM
Yes, it's gone, but this is what remains.
- So they'll get me wasted, right?
- Well, there's no alcohol in them, so you won't get drunk. Keep in mind that absinthe doesn't make people hallucinate. Neither does thujone. Thujone acts on GABA receptors, and... actually, just look it up. We would like to suggest that people looking to spend under $10 on hallucination-inducing edibles would do well to remember that you get what you pay for. What our lollies will do is make you a bit chattier and give you a tingly tongue. We've found that they go rather well with cocktails.
It's really almost hysterical.
13. brittni - December 24, 2007 4:04 PM
I laughed out loud at this entire article. Hahahaha.
"Hell fucking yes they will! You'll be sent on an intergalactic trip to Holyshitland as soon as you take a lick."
Kills me.
Love
Brittni
14. Maria - December 24, 2007 11:11 PM
Real absinthe doesn't get you high, that's just a myth. You just get seriously drunk. Plus it's a really foul tasting drink.