Oct 26 2007 The R2-D2 Home Theater System Is Pricey
Need some more Star Wars in your life? Do you also need a home theater system? If so, you can get two birds stoned at once with the R2-D2 home theater system. The little trashcan looking bastard has a DLP projector, DVD player, iPod docking station, two 20-watt speakers, memory card slots and USB port, an LED message center, Millennium Flacon remote control -- and the cute little guy can even follow you around the house. He has sensors so he won't fall down the stairs when you're moving your porn party from the rumpus room to the bedroom! All this for only $2,800. I mean what a freaking steal. Hell, you can barely take a date to dinner and a movie for $2,800 anymore, and I guarantee your date can't project a naked Princess Leia out of her radar eye. He also won't tell you he loves you and then go bang the guy that works the drive-thru window at Wendy's. Porn Projecting Trashcan Robot: 1, Women: 0.
Product Site [thanks to JE, a hilarious individual, for the tip]
Oct 26 2007 Bathmat Slippers Really Take Me Back
The Mat Walk Bathmat Slippers are the lovechild of a pair of slippers that were tired of banging dust bunnies under you bed and decided to slip it to a bathmat for a change. It's basically a bathmat with slippers sewn on top to keep your feet clean and warm. They cost $49 and will make you trip and fall, like trying to run with your pants around your ankles. Is that another man's leg in the back of the picture? Because it sure looks like one. Pretty meaty. Really takes me back to my college days, when me and the guys would all shower together and then maybe play some whip-ass with wet towels. Those were the days. Now I'm married to a woman and living a lie.
Oct 26 2007 I've Always Wanted A Girl With Elf Ears
Dr. Lajos Nagy, a New York plastic surgeon, has created a surgical procedure to make your ears pointy. According to the doctor, who will now be known as Dr. Delirious, these are going to be very popular.
A newfangled extravagance is spreading amongst the music-lover youngsters of New York, which, after invading America, is sure to conquer the whole world. Ears becoming pointed as a result of plastic surgery not only enhance the attractiveness of the face, but also improve the experience of listening to music.
There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth. Now let's review the before and after pictures shall we? Clearly the procedure makes you dress a little nicer. It also enables the patient to make a more quizzical look. It clearly doesn't do shit for your crappy haircut, and it definitely makes your ears look like complete ass. Although -- I have always wanted to make love to an orc. Did I say orc? I meant elf. Elf lady. Elf Princess. Fairy. Like Tinkerbell. Just bigger. Okay with the wings and glowing. Penis not okay.
Pointy Ears [neatorama]
Oct 26 2007 iShoes Are Ridiculous(ly Freaking Dorky)
Well apparently it's "Incredibly Stupid Ways To Get Around" day here at Geekologie, and what better to celebrate than to show off these fancy iShoes (yes, they actually named them f'ing iShoes). They're basically electric roller-skates. Okay, it's actually one electric roller-skate (with brake) and one un-electric roller-skate (without break). Which seems like an interesting design. They can go 15 MPH and are one size fits most (men's 8-12, women's 7-10). They can go about 7 miles on a charge and weight 16 lbs for the two (which is probably a 14 lb right skate and 2 lb left skate). As if all this awesomeness wasn't enough for you to rush out and get some, they also make you look like the stupidest ass-clown to ever hit the streets. I actually wanted to get a pair, but my penis said if I did we could forget about ever making love to a woman. And I just can't take any chances.
Video proof of how cool you look with them after the jump.
Continue Reading " iShoes Are Ridiculous(ly Freaking Dorky) "
Oct 26 2007 Geekologie Ladies: Ms. Pac Man Ring
So what if I found these surfing a women's lifestyle website -- I recently killed my girlfriend after I mistook her for a zombie and now I'm trying to get in touch with what women care about these days so I can land a new chick. The Ms. Pac Man and Ghost rings are silver rings that look like your favorite 80's video game characters. They run $68 each ($75 for gold vermeil). The lady on the website says they're "really super cute and definitely wearable, even past the age of fifteen, unlike many other video game inspired jewelry." And based on the picture, they're apparently even wearable after death, because that's a corpse's hand.
UPDATE: If you are a beautiful lady and thinking about buying these I will marry you.
Miss Pac Man and Ghost ring [popgadget]
Oct 26 2007 Make The World The Way You Want It
The Blackboard Globe from MUJI is exactly what it sounds like, sort of. It's actually just a spherical blackboard (blackball?) with a wooden stand. You're supposed to draw the planet on it. No word on how big it is, but they cost about $14 and come with chalk. I actually want one. Geekologieland would pretty much take up the whole thing, and include all my favorite landmarks -- Cleavage Canyon to the north, the River of Bourbon to the east, the Stripper Sea to the west, and my personal favorite, Vagina Island, just a hair to the south.
Oct 26 2007 Emergency Zombie Kit Worked Well For Me
Some brilliant individual has crafted an Emergency Zombie Defense Station. It includes a shotgun, some shells, a knife, and the lid doubles as a plastic riot shield. I actually ordered one of these awhile ago because I had a zombie creeping around my house for awhile. I finally managed to kill it when I caught it raiding the fridge late one night. Turns out it was my ugly-ass girlfriend with no makeup and her hair in curlers.
A few more after the jump, including one of a guy fending off an embroidered tablecloth.
Continue Reading " Emergency Zombie Kit Worked Well For Me "
Oct 26 2007 Electric Skateboard Is Not Good For Tricks
The Skatemaster FT-2 is an electric skateboard that reaches breakneck speeds of up to 11 MPH and has a range of about 7 miles. It takes between 3-6 hours to charge and comes with an awkward looking handheld transmitter that controls the sealed electric motor. You use the trigger to both accelerate and decelerate your speed, so there's no need to put your foot down. It'll run you about $290 or so and is awesome. Almost as awesome as the electric scooter I used to have. Which, on a scale of awesomeness, was right up there with falling down a flight of stairs in front of a pretty girl and getting stabbed in the gut with a flathead screwdriver.
Skatemaster - the lazy dude's sk8tr rig [redferret]
Oct 25 2007 Heklucht Bikestand With Airpump
The Heklucht is a bikestand which incorporates an airpump, and is not a bad idea.
The product was conceived for an art project in Ypenburg (a newly build neighborhood in the Netherlands). Eight products will be placed in front of eight houses. The goal of the project is to stimulate an interaction between neighbors, while pumping up the tires of their bicycles.
Sounds good, and I like their level of shine. The only problem is they wouldn't work in my town. The stimulated neighborly interaction would go a lot like, "Hey vagrant, get off my property!" "Chill out you f'ing old hag, I'm blowing up the tires on this bike I stole." This may or may not be followed by gunshots.
Oct 25 2007 The Walkstation Is Not For This Blogger
The Steelcase Walkstation is the beastly life form created when your cubicle desk gets drunk at an office party, stumbles into a gym and bangs a treadmill. They'll be available soon for around $6,500, which doesn't include the computer. Making it way cheaper to mod a desk and treadmill yourself. I'm going to have to pass. Masturbating to internet porn is hard enough with my miniscule penis, I can't imagine trying to do it at a jog.
Steelcase's Walkstation marries desk and treadmill [engadget, thanks to the very fit Tara for the tip]
Oct 25 2007 Play Ping Pong On A Half Green Door
The Ping Pong Door, from designer Tobias Franzel, is a door with a middle section that flips out to reveal a ping pong table. It's not regulation. The playfield is small, the net is plastic, and one side of your kitchen door is green with a line down the middle. If you can get past those things, then maybe this door is for you. It's not for me though. The only reason I posted it is because that leggy brunette that looks like a boy is confusing my penis in the most delightful way.
Ping Pong From A Doorway [yankodesign]
Oct 25 2007 One-Handed Controller For Serious Baters
Ben Heck, a man who loves modding, has produced the "Access Controller", which is a controller for the XBox 360 that you can use with one hand.
You lay this controller on your leg, table or arm of a chair and all the buttons are available on the top surface. The gag is that each of the five sections is removable and you can plug them anywhere you want. This not only makes the controller work for both left and right handed use (simply mirror the layout) but it also allows the user to optimize the button placement on a game-by-game basis.
Now when I first saw this I got really excited. Not because I have any interest in playing video games one-handed, because why the hell would I want to do that. No, I was excited because I thought it was a flask. I mean really, what good is a f'ing one-handed controller if it can't sneak booze into college football games.
Two more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " One-Handed Controller For Serious Baters "
Oct 24 2007 New XBox 360 Is Soft As Hell, Pillowy
A beautiful woman named Hannah made an XBox 360 out of fabric and pillow fluff or whatever the hell you shove in things to make them cushy. What the system lacks in game play it certainly makes up for in being a great thing to rest your head on. Hell, I would have even settled for this version for Christmas last year. I told my mom I wanted an XBox and all I got was a handle of whisky and carton of cigarettes for herself.
Xbox 360 Plushie [deviantART]
Oct 24 2007 Periodic Table Shower Curtain Is Awesome
I love chemistry as much as anyone else. I think my fascination started as a kid in science class, when I learned that all life on earth comes stems from chromium or whatever. Well now you can appreciate all those other awesome elements every time you shower with the Periodic Table Shower Curtain. They're available from firebox.com, but currently sold out. It's sweet, and it's semi-transparent. You know what that means don't you? That means when my girlfriend showers I can sit in the bathroom and admire my two favorite elements -- boobidium and vaginium.
Product Site [thanks to Hugo for the tip, a man overcoming adversity with a monster dong]
Oct 24 2007 Ferrari Segway Is Wrong On So Many Levels
It all started when staff at Ferrari's Maranello plant fell in love with the Segway and started using them to get around the facility. Next thing you know, BAM!, Limited Edition Ferrari Segway PT-I2 ($10,000). Really makes you wonder about the caliber of individual that's assembling those expensive-ass sports cars doesn't it? I'm sure as hell not driving anything put together by someone who rides a f'ing Segway. Expensive or not. That just moved Ferrari's place in my mind from right under Lamborghini to between Daewoo and Kia. I'm sad to say my Ferrari induced boner days are over.
Ferrari Sells Its Soul to Segway [uberreview]
Oct 24 2007 Mix Tape Flash Drive Is Retro-Modern
The MIXA is a 1GB USB drive that looks like a cassette tape. It takes this idea to the next level. You got to the MIXA website and use some graphic creation software to design a custom sticker for each side of the tape, along with a sleeve to store the drive in. It costs $40 for all this action, but you also get some more MIXA stickers and a USB extension cable. Which still doesn't make it worth it. Now I'm no handyman, but I've got the feeling I'm capable of wedging a $10 flash drive into a cassette tape and printing off some stickers of unicorns and kitties to slap on. Which will leave me with about $25 left over to apply to a MIXA when my shit falls apart.
Make A Mixa - Cassette Shaped USB Drive [ohgizmo]
Oct 24 2007 Flower Urinals: Pee On Something Beautiful
Flower Urinals, from Clark Sorenson, are flower shaped urinals. They sell for anywhere between $6,500 and $9,500, making them ridiculously expensive for a bunch of urine receptacles. Nice try Clark Sorenson, but I developed these things years ago. I had a line of Venus Penis Trap urinals that bit your pollinator off when you were done peeing. I only sold a single unit. Which kind of makes me the Van Gogh of urinal design.
Flower shaped urinals - Nature enters your bathroom for a price [bornrich]
Oct 24 2007 Robot Snake Doesn't Knock My Socks Off
Roboboa, a robotic snake from WowWee is now available in the US. It has infrared sensor technology and does stuff like, uh, wiggle around awkwardly. He can also be used as a flashlight, motion detector, alarm clock, and a bunch of other stuff that’s weak. They cost a staggering $100 and look like the ass-snake sex toy I used to have. What in the hell is matter with people these days. Why get a stupid robot snake when you can get a real one? That's what my parents did for me. Sure the slithery bastard ate my sister, but she was a little bitch anyways.
A video after the jump.
Oct 24 2007 Anime Pillows Are Seriously Wack
Apparently body pillows printed with anime girls are all the rage in Japan. You may already know about this -- I did not, because I'm not some seriously perverted pervert. These are the tamest pictures I could find, some of these things are very risqué. I'm using my girlfriend's computer right now, and she's probably going to break up with me when she sees the sites I went to looking for these damn things. Sure I looked at a few extra after I already got the pictures I needed, but it's not like I'm humping a damn pillow or anything. I'm not sick in the head. I'm just pleasuring myself to pictures of pillows. Perfectly normal.
Body Pillows With Bikini-Clad Anime Girls [tokyomango]
Oct 24 2007 Dodge Avenger StormTrooper Is Very White
The Dodge Avenger StormTrooper is just that -- a Dodge Avenger concept with StormTrooper styling. Which basically means it's very white, and sort of menacing looking (for an Avenger). It likely won't make production. Of course you could just buy a regular one and do this yourself I imagine. But don't quote me on that, because I don't know shit about modding cars. I don't even own a damn car. I dress up like a teenager and don a backpack so I can catch the school bus in the morning. You see, the middle school is conveniently located a few blocks from the liquor store. I typically down a fifth of bourbon and then pass out behind the Happy Uncle Chinese Restaurant before it's time to catch the bus back home in the afternoon.
Two more pictures after the jump, including one of the tinted headlights.
Continue Reading " Dodge Avenger StormTrooper Is Very White "
Oct 23 2007 Toothbrush Couch Looks Comfortable, I Think
Some A+ student over at Bucks New University in the UK designed this toothbrushy couch. Looks comfortable doesn't it? I think so. A lot more comfortable than the one I designed with corncobs instead of soft blue tentacles. Suffice it to say I ran and jumped into my couch one day and lost my backdoor virginity -- if you catch my drift. If you don't catch my drift what I'm saying is that a corncob went up my ass.
When is a couch not a couch, but wacky student work? [core77]
Oct 23 2007 Phone Fingers Are Ridiculous, Awful, Stupid
Phone fingers are prophylactics for your digits so you don't smudge your precious iPhone screen. They come in small, medium, large and extra large, and you can get a bag of 25 of them for around $15. They are stupid and ugly, like my girlfriend. They also make you look like you've had your hand up your ass. As stupid as they are, I'm still buying a pack of the small (I wish they had extra small) to test as reusable condoms.
Phone Fingers Prevent Smudges, Make You Look Like a Dork [ohgizmo]
Oct 23 2007 Billiard Balls That Flash, Not Breasts Though
Hammacher Schlemmer, a company best known for selling grossly overpriced crap, is now selling Lighted Billiard Balls.
The regulation-size and weight (5 1/4 oz.) billiard balls illuminate and flash for two seconds upon impact with the cue ball, other balls, or the rail, creating a streak of light. Each ball has four integrated LEDs that are powered by a battery that provides up to 50,000 flashes per ball.
After 50,000 flashes they transform into regular unlit billiard balls. The set costs $200 and ships at the end of November. So if playing pool in the dark is your kind of fun, check them out. But let me warn you, not all things are fun in the dark. Take cooking for example. The last time I tried to make Ramen Noodles with the lights off I ended up slamming the microwave door on my penis.
The Lighted Billiard Balls Blaze across the table [newlaunches]
Oct 23 2007 Transformer Lamp Turns Into Another Lamp
Ever wonder what would happen if a Transformer banged an illuminated cocktail table? Well now you know. The 'Angel Lamp' hides a table on the inside, and looks perfect for those people that like sitting alone in the corner of a restaurant. I don't understand the amazing technology that makes this lamp possible, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say there are hinges involved.
The lamp shade screen is constructed in thermographed metacryl with frost effect surface, disk and column in natural aluminum, and table top in clear or stained glass. The base holds and hides electric cable management for a clean design.
With such amazing construction details it's easy to understand the $3,888 price tag right? No you say? What are you nuts? I mean it's a big lamp that transforms into a little lamp and a table. It's not like you could just go out and make one of these yourself for way, way, way cheaper. This is space technology people, that shit costs money.
Transforming Lamp Hides A Table [bornrich]
Oct 23 2007 Lose An Eye And Get A Designer Eye Patch
Woogle Works, which focuses their efforts on products for people with disabilities, has come up with a stylish eye patch. Which is really just a sticker you put on your glasses or existing eye patch. Uh, did I mention it's a butterfly sticker? Now call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure butterfly stickers have been around forever, seeing how I used to have my notebooks plastered with them in high school. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's still a great idea. There's simply no better way to stake your claim as the world's gayest pirate.
Arrr Matey, A Stylish Eyepatch [yankodesign]
Oct 23 2007 XBox 360 Controller Shoe Is So Very Stupid
Heelys, a company best known for making those f'ing roller shoes that idiot children wear in Wal-Mart, is releasing another stupid product. The Gamer collection features footwear with soles made to resemble video game controllers. And no, they don't freaking work. Making them some of the stupidest shoes ever. Now I'm not saying that the guy who came up with this idea should be taken out and shot, I'm just saying he should be killed in some fashion. I don't care how.
Heelys shoe hates your eyes, loves your Xbox 360 [engadget, thanks to C-Nasty for the tip]
Oct 23 2007 Junk Copter Is Scary, Destined For Junkyard
A Nigerian physics undergraduate named Mubarak Muhammad Abdullahi has built a helicopter out of junk. The 24-year-old bankrolled the project with the money he earned fixing PCs and cell phones. The copter consists of car and motorcycle parts, along with some off a crashed 747. It took 8 months to put together, and has "flown briefly on six occasions" but "never attained an altitude of more than seven feet." Now as much faith as I have in Mubarak, I'd be hard pressed to sit in this thing even if I knew we weren't going higher than seven feet. As a rule I don't ride in vehicles made of junk. Especially ones that are supposed to fly. They're just too safe. I like to live dangerously.
Nigerian Man Builds Helicopters Out of Junk [therawfeed, thanks to J for the tip]
Oct 23 2007 Disco Ball Chandelier Is Shiny As Hell
Generally I don't like chandeliers because they're tacky as hell and just don't look right hanging in the trailer. But I might make an exception for the Confetti Light, from Swedish design house FRONT. Just look at all that glitter! It's like a million fairies dancing on your walls. It reminds me of when I was a kid and we used to jump through the campfire, trying to catch all the fairies that were given off. I later found out they were just burning particulate and all the smoke was probably giving me cancer. Growing up is a bitch.
Official Site [thanks to Richard, a man who appreciates shiny things, for the tip]
Oct 22 2007 Japanese Lady Produces Unique Camouflage
Aya Tsukioka, a Japanese experimental fashion designer, has developed a line of completely wack camouflage for crime worried citizens. The designs include soda and vending machines, fire extinguisher bookbags for kids, and even a purse that resembles a manhole (so you can throw it in the road if you're being pursued and not get your stuff stolen, just run over). I have no freaking idea who in the hell Ms. Tsukioka thinks she's kidding -- I can't imagine anyone but the blind falling for these things. And me. On a recent trip to Japan I spent over twenty minutes trying to figure out how the hell to use the Coke machine. Turns out it was a freaking woman! She stole my money.
A bunch more pictures of this wackiness after the jump.
Continue Reading " Japanese Lady Produces Unique Camouflage "
Oct 22 2007 Silver Peripherals For Germophobes
The Silver Seal Keyboard and Mouse are antibacterial peripherals. They're also dishwasher safe. They both have silver ions embedded into the plastic, to prevent the buildup of germs and viruses. When the keyboard gets too many Cheeto/Dorito crumbs in it, you just throw that bitch in the dishwasher. Simple as that. They ship next month, but no word on price yet. As an added bonus, if you're ever attacked by a werewolf while at your computer, you can grab one of these suckers and drive that mother through the bastard's heart. Antibacterial and antiwerewolfial. I can't believe they don't mention that in the sales pitch.
SILVER SEAL Antibacterial Dishwasher Safe Mouse & Keyboard [ohgizmo]
Oct 22 2007 New Force Feedback Vest, No Helmet Yet
Strap on TN Game's new Third Space Vest and you can actually feel it when you get shot playing your favorite video game. The vest has eight different zones, and can provide feedback anywhere from a simple tap to a full blown explosion. They sell for $189 and hit the streets next month, bundled with Call of Duty II and some space game. Compatibility with Quake, Doom, Unreal, etc. is coming soon. I get the feeling that somehow these will end up killing people. And if they don't then the force feedback helmet I designed should do the trick. BOOM, headshot!
Force feedback vest takes gaming a step too far [scifi.com]
Oct 22 2007 Stretched Prius Seats 8, Still Gets 50 MPG
Some guy modded his Prius into an 8-seater. It took over 200 hours of fabrication and cost around $10,000. It allegedly still gets 50 MPG. I don't really know what to say, except good for him. Notice how I'm not calling this thing a limo? That's because it's not. I did some investigative reporting and discovered that the dude extended it to accommodate his six kids -- which makes it a Prius station wagon owned by a man with too many children. Limos are elongated vehicles in which you get drunk and have sex with hookers. Now I'm not claiming to be a limologist or anything, I'm just claiming I banged a hooker in a real limo once. And let me tell you something else – she had the sexiest lazy eye I’ve ever seen.
Prius Stretch Limo [neatorama]
Oct 22 2007 Birds On A Wire Lighting Is Not Bad Looking
Designers Javier Henriquez and Sebastian Lara from the Mexican studio Eos México came up with this beautiful bit of interior lighting called 'Birds On A Wire'. They call it that because it bears a striking resemblance to three birds resting on a wire. I forget how the saying goes, but I think it's something like "Birds on a wire make for attractive lighting, but birds caught shitting on my car will be killed and fed to the cats." I'm pretty sure that's a fairy tale or something.
Birds On A Wire - Beautiful Illumination [geekalerts]
Oct 22 2007 Flying Boat Doesn't Fly High, Is Still Cool
Rudy Heeman, a New Zealand inventor, has developed a flying boat. It's a similar concept to this thing, but doesn't fly to crazy heights. Which is sweet, since you won't need a pilot's license to fly it. Rudy is still finalizing the design, so there's no word on price yet. All I know is that I want one. I'm going to use my kiddy pool to get airborne, then fly that bitch to the liquor store. I'm tired of riding the lawnmower everywhere.
Flying Boat Invention Almost Ready For Lift-Off [therawfeed]
Oct 22 2007 Bed LEDs Won't Get You Laid (Trust Me)
The Pimp My Bed LED system is a saucer with 14 extra-bright LEDs that produces a blue shine under your bed. The damn thing costs $36 and will not get you laid. At all. If anything it will send women running. How do I know? Because I invented this freshman year of college. Except I used blacklights. Cool huh? That's what I thought. It turns out blacklight makes all your man-stains in the room glow. It looked like some seriously f'ed up paintball match went down in there. Needless to say I'm still a virgin.
undercarriage lighting for your bed [technabob]
Oct 22 2007 Cereal Bowl Keeps Your Crispies Crispity
The EatMeCrunchy cereal bowl is no ordinary cereal receptacle my friends, oh no. It's a bowl with a secret. That secret is a shelf that your cereal sits atop, where it remains crunchy crispity until you push it over the ledge into the milk vat at the bottom. It costs $8, or you can get two for $14. It's probably a bitch and a half to keep clean, but may be a necessary evil for you die hard crunchy cereal lovers. I'd consider getting one if I ate my cereal with milk. But I don't -- I use bourbon, and I like everything thoroughly saturated. Remember: bourbon makes breakfast better -- and the drive to work dangerous.
EatMeCrunchy Bowl Keeps Your Cereal Crunchy, Has Stupid Name [ohgizmo]
