Sep 28 2007 5,195 Piece LEGO Millennium Falcon
LEGO's largest set to date, the Ultimate Collector's Millennium Falcon, ships Monday, October 1st. The kit consists of 5,195 pieces, measures 33" long and 22" wide, has a 4 lb. instruction book, and will set you back $500. I thought the LEGO pirate ships I used to put together were expensive, but $500, Jesus. I want one. No, I take that back, I need one. Me and LEGO sets are like this (I'm crossing my fingers to indicate we're real close). As a very wise engineer once told me, "If getting drunk and building LEGO sets is wrong, I don't want to be right."
Hit the button for a few more shots of the ship, along with a stop motion video of 7 people putting the set together in 2 hours, 53 minutes.
UPDATE: A man by the name of Ben Watson has set up a website (www.buymealego.com) asking for 65 cent+ donations to buy this LEGO set. Depending on what you donate, he'll give different shoutouts on his site. He's got $464 left to go, so, uh, he's still a long way off.
Sep 28 2007 Trumpet Harmonica Has Got Monster Bells
The Trumpet Harmonica, made by Hohner, is a very sweet looking harmonica indeed. The full concert octave harmonica accurately reproduces the 1907 original design, and includes five brass bells, to really blow your socks off. Just look at that style. It costs $120, and is tuned to they key of C-major. Did I mention I think it looks awesome? You know, not to toot my own horn (!) or anything, but I once played in a band with Bill Clinton. Yeah, he didn't like me at first. But then I told him I was proud of him for that whole Monica Lewinski thing, and that I cheat on my wife regularly. He gave me a big high five and we shared a moment. Then he offered a cigar, but I politely declined.
The Trumpet Harmonica: Bill Clinton's Favorite Instrument? [uberreview]
Sep 28 2007 Robo Massage Chair Will Probably Hurt You
If you have the $5,799 for this Robo Massage Chair, then you’ve got more money than I'll ever see in my life. You also probably get massages from real people, likely beautiful ladies with long eyelashes and soft, well proportioned breasts. Anyways, this chair is voice activated, and looks like a torture device. The 3D Roller Mechanism adjusts to rub you hard or soft, whatever your preference. It can be programmed to save up to 20 massages of your design. Just be careful if you ask it for a happy ending. Because from the look of it it'll probably tear your dipstick off and jam it up your ass. Some happy ending that'll be.
Robo Massage Chair Will Probably Hurt You [bornrich]
Sep 28 2007 Battery Eater Munches On Remaining Power
The Battery Eater, by David Dear, sucks the remaining juice from AA batteries. He's magnetic, so you stick him on the fridge, throw in a battery, and his eyes blink with zinc-carbon ecstasy until he's munched all the power. They cost $12.85 from giftmonger.com. I have one of these, except it looks like a television remote and changes the channel and volume on the tv. When it can't do that anymore, I pronounce the batteries dead and throw them at rival fans during football games.
Battery Eater Munches On Remaining Power [redferret]
Sep 28 2007 Aptera Hybrid Now Accepting Pre-Orders
The Aptera hybrid is actually being produced. You can put down your $500 deposit now, and see your car in about a year. It hits 60 mph in ten seconds, and is governed at 95 mph. It comes in two versions. The all electric version ($26,900) has 120 mile range, and is plugged in at night. The Hybird version ($29,900) has an efficient gasoline powered generator that achieves over 300 mpg. Not bad. I want one. Mostly because I'm growing fond of the planet and want something that makes me feel like I'm in the Jetsons. Not because I wanted a flying car or to live in the future -- I just wanted to hump the nuts and bolts loose on Rosie the Robot Maid.
More pictures after the jump.
Sep 28 2007 Cell Phone Jammer Is Awesome, Affordable
The Palm Phone Jammer is a cell phone jammer than can effectively shut down GSM 850-, 900-, 1,800-, and 1,900-MHz cell phone calls in a 30 foot radius. Oh happy day! The unit costs a paltry $166, which is a steal. My old cell phone jammer looked a lot like me waving a gun and yelling obscenities, so this might not only jam calls, but lower my blood pressure. Two birds stoned at once. Although gun waving is fun. I doubt you're going to get anyone to shit their pants with this thing.
Cell Phone Jammer Is Awesome, Affordable [therawfeed]
Sep 28 2007 Prism Glasses Make You Look Like An Ass
The last time I tried to board a plane they told me I was too drunk, so I haven't seen the latest Skymall catalog. Apparently the company is really going after people too lazy to sit up. These "Deluxe" Prism Glasses allow you to lie flat and view a book or television by turning the image 90 degrees. They're also supposed to prevent claustrophobia during an MRI. And at only $50 they're practically giving them away. Too bad I invented this years ago. I taped a mirror to my shoe so I could see up the skirts of women on the subway. Pervert? No sir. Panty aficionado.
Prism Glasses Make You Look Like An Ass [ohgizmo]
Sep 28 2007 Your PS3 Is Watching, Judging You
If you haven't seen this already, it's a preview of Eye of Judgment, one of the PS3's first titles utilizing the Playstation Eye camera peripheral. It looks like a pretty cool game, a sort of play at home version of this thing. It's supposed to be dropping the end of October. Unfortunately I don't have a PS3, so the only card based video game I'll be playing anytime soon is FreeCell. Maybe a little Spider Solitaire if I'm feeling real saucy.
Your PS3 Is Watching, Judging You [gametrailers, thanks to Richard, Lord of Oktoberfest, for the tip]
Sep 27 2007 MP3 Player Cures Acne
It just makes sense. Take an MP3 player, add some sort of facial cleansing ionizer, and boom, best product ever. The Mpion is a 128 MB (!!) MP3 player that you rub on your face to release acne cleansing ions. I love rubbing electronics on my face as much as the next guy, but this thing is ridiculous. I bet it doesn't work. AND it costs $181. "Are you making out with an MP3 player?" "No, I'm cleansing my face and preventing acne." "You're wasting your time." "Damn, you're right. I'm one beat up bitch."
Sep 27 2007 Human Flipbook Is A Flipbook On A Person
This is a commercial of a human flipbook. Or a shirt flipbook, if you like that better. You can call it whatever you want. It was made for Erbert and Gerbert's Subs. It was made using 150 shirts, patience, and creativity. It's so relaxing and playful. It reminds me of a time before I had to worry about paying child support. Life was so carefree back then. Now it sucks and I'm being evicted. My landlord is such a dick and I can't even afford the medicine for my VD(s). God I'm getting depressed. Someone cheer me up before I have a Drano drinking contest with myself.
A "making of the video" video after the jump.
Continue Reading " Human Flipbook Is A Flipbook On A Person "
Sep 27 2007 Ray Gun Makes You Burn, Not Literally
Raytheon demonstrated their Silent Guardian ray gun/box at a recent show. It's a scaled down version of the one you may have seen mounted on the back of Army vehicles awhile ago when they first started messing with this technology. Basically it emits a focused beam of radiation tuned to a precise frequency that stimulates human nerves, giving a burning sensation (similar to the one when you pee). The rays only penetrate a human's skin 1/64th of an inch, so it allegedly doesn't cause permanent damage. I wonder though. Because I used to rest my head against the microwave to watch what I was cooking, and now I'm retarded as hell.
The full picture of a guy touching the box and crapping his pants after the jump.
Sep 27 2007 Solar Powered Bicycle Is Great, Heavy
The E-V Sunny Solar Bicycle has solar panels built into the wheels, which maintain a constant charge to the batteries. When you don't feel like pedaling the bike is powered by a 500 watt front hub motor. It'll get you up to about 18 mph, and even faster if you fall off a cliff. The catch is that it weighs 75 lbs., so you're gonna need to use that motor unless you have legs like mighty oaks. A new one costs $1295, and kits to solarize your own bike start at $795. I remember the first time I got on a bike and realized that you have to pedal them to go. What a letdown that was. I thought they were silent motorcycles for people who weren't into wearing leather.
Solar Powered Bicycle Is Great, Heavy [reubenmiller]
Sep 27 2007 Apple Mailbox Mod Is Cooler Than Mine
Some Apple fan took what appears to be an old G4 case and modded it into a mailbox. I hated this computer case when it first came out, but it looks good as a mail receptacle. I'd make one, but I live in a college town where mailboxes have short lifespans. I just have a regular damn box and people still love to beat the shit out of it. That's why I'm going to fill it with explosives and kill the rat bastards.
Apple Mailbox Mod Is Cooler Than Mine [geekstir, thanks to Derek for the tip]
Sep 26 2007 John Harvard Is Master Chief
Some MIT gamers, stoked about the release of Halo 3, decided to prank Harvard. They dressed up the John Harvard statue in Harvard Yard with an assault rifle and Spartan helmet. Making him infinitely cooler in everyone's eyes. I'm glad they didn't change his shoes though, because they're sweet. I need a pair of those. This is pretty much the opposite of what happened here, which I continue to be broken up about (still crying a lot), if you want to know the truth.
One more of what John Harvard looks like at a luau, but without gun and helmet, after the leap.
Sep 26 2007 Transformer USB Storage Drives
Since pretty much everything else has been Transformerized, it was only a matter of time before Transformer USB storage devices hit the shelves. Well here they are, available in two models, the 1 GB Autobot ($40), and the 2 GB Decepticon ($60). Why they made the Decepticon the larger of the storage capacities is a mystery to me. Probably because the money grubber that made them didn't know who was good and who was bad. Those stupid greedy bastards. Autobots, transform and roll out!
Transformer USB Storage Drives [uberreview]
Sep 26 2007 Wind Up Lamp Is A Lamp You Wind Up
The wind up lamp, designed by Yuko Tagushi, is very cool. It runs off a high carbon tensile steel spring. As the spring unwinds, it powers a small electric generator, producing enough power to keep the light on. When the key winds down, it's lights out. The only problem is, I have to keep the light on all night. The last time I slept in the dark I dreamed I ate a pound of horrible chocolate pudding. I woke up the next morning with a spoon in my ass. True story.
Wind Up Lamp Is A Lamp You Wind Up [ohgizmo]
Sep 26 2007 Cybercars Are Better Than The Bus
Daventry, in Northamptonshire, UK, is testing the use of cybercars, which are computer controlled cars. You push a button along the route, and the little electric car comes and picks you up. They follow a pre-programmed route, and use lasers to avoid hitting things. I think these little guys are awesome as hell, and I wish we had them in my town. I have to ride the city bus, and somehow I always end up sitting next to a serial masturbator. They've ruined several of my suits.
Cybercars Are Better Than The Bus [therawfeed]
Sep 26 2007 Abacus Watch Tells Time With A Ball
The 600 Abacus watch was designed by Roy Schafer and is made by the Erich Lacher Watch Factory in Germany. "The ball moves to and fro across the face of the watch with the flow of the wearer's arm movements, but as soon as the Abacus reaches a horizontal position, the ball moves as if by magic - or at least by magnetism - to the right point in time." This sucker will set you back $152.91 if you're interested. I really like the concept, but it needs a roulette wheel background. I was thinking just the other day that my watch was missing something, and now I know. Balls. I mean watches and balls were practically invented for each other.
Product Site [thanks to the always on time Trisha for the tip]
Sep 25 2007 Gun + High Speed Camera = Awesome
Because shooting things is almost as much fun as stabbing them, I like guns. So why not fire some bullets through household objects and catch the action with a high speed camera. Sure, it's not a new concept, but I'm not letting that trivialize the quality of my boner right now.
Four more after the jump, including the flower I'm getting my cheating bitch of a girlfriend.
UPDATE: The photographer's name is David Neff, his flickr album can be viewed here, and his prints are available for sale if you contact him.
Sep 25 2007 New Bowl Allows You To Walk Your Fish
Design student Michal Shabtiali has developed the appropriately named Portable Fish Bowl. It's a fishbowl with a handle. Making it portable. See how that works? It's a concept piece at the moment, but after word gets out I imagine mass production will begin in no time. After all, if the batty ass lady next door can walk her damn cats (read: push them in a stroller), I don't see why you can't take your fish out for some fun. Just don't leave the poor bastard on the subway.
A few more after the dive.
Sep 25 2007 Colorlight DVD Sets The Mood
Huge flatscreens are okay for watching movies and all, but who needs a movie when you can have slowly rotating colors? For $25 you can pick up the Color Light DVD from Charles & Marie, and then drive off a cliff for being stupid.
This DVD softly rotates through a series of wonderful colors in all sorts of hues and creates a wonderfully pleasant mood...If you fancy a particular color, you can simply pause the DVD there and savor hmmm maybe some soft green or a little hot pink – all depending on what your mood is like that moment...So, for the next cocktail eve you've got planned, you might want to throw on the telly for a little – mood enhancing...
Jesus, what in the hell is going on? A mood color DVD for cocktail eves? What the hell is a cocktail eve anyway? Is that when you go downtown and get so drunk you pee into the Golden Tee golf game? Because if so then I've hosted those before.
Colorlight DVD Sets The Mood [ohgizmo]
Sep 25 2007 Not Found Bumper Sticker Lacks Cool Factor
I'm perfectly happy with my "If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk" bumper sticker. But it's different strokes for different folks. Maybe this is more your style. I hope not though, because it's painfully uncool. Using my detective skills I noticed there were two other files missing from this guy's server. 1. rust-free-exterior.pnt and 2. anyfemales4me.vrgn
Not Found Bumper Stick Lacks Cool Factor [techeblog]
Sep 25 2007 Gamercize Makes You Exercise To Play
A new version of the Gamercize exercise machine is about to drop, and it's wacker than ever. It will be available for all the new video game systems (360, PS3, Wii), and makes you exercise in order to play games. You can get a stair-stepper machine, or bike pedals, and as long as you're exercising, your remote will work. If you stop (read: your heart explodes), then your controller does too (but you'll be dead anyways). Might be a good idea for obese kids if it was tamper proof, but as it is now they would have the thing unplugged and a face full of Little Debbies before you could yell "Who the f ate the last Star Crunch?"
Gamercise Makes You Exercise To Play [ubergizmo]
Sep 25 2007 World's Largest Pencil Video
Why put the roof on a house when you can build the world's largest pencil? That's exactly what these construction workers thought when they made an 18,000 lb., 76 ft. long (functional) writing instrument. It allegedly represents 1,900,000 small pencils and took two weeks to make. It's basically a tree that's been painted yellow. I need to get my hands on that bad boy, because I have a ton of oversized checks that need depositing.
World's Largest Pencil Video [techeblog]
Sep 25 2007 Pentagon Funds Maple Seed Camera Project
Lockheed Martin, the Pentagon's number one supplier, is developing nano air vehicles (NAVs), that resemble the seed of a silver maple.
The single-winged device would pack a tiny two-stage rocket thruster along with telemetry, communications, navigation, imaging sensors and a power source. It is designed to carry interchangeable payload modules -- the size of an aspirin tablet. It could be used for chemical and biological detection or finding a "needle in a haystack." Released in organized swarms to fly low over a disaster area, the NAV sensors could detect human body heat and signs of breathing.
Wow, are we living in the future or what? Little flying reconnaissance seeds. You know, I went skinny dipping in the river the other day, and I was wondering where the hell all the damn maple seeds came from. Now I know. Suffice it to say the government found the penis of mass destruction they've been looking for.
Pentagon Funds Maple Seed Camera Project [therawfeed]
Sep 24 2007 Light Up Boomerang Makes For Cool Pictures
The Scimitar is a boomerang fitted with LED lights, designed by toy loving Eric Darnell. Although it's not the traditional boomerang shape, it's still pretty cool. And it makes for neat pictures if you leave the shutter open long enough. The only thing that pisses me off is that boomerangs are so damn hard to throw. Okay, I take that back. They're easy to throw, but freaking near impossible to have come back.
Light Up Boomerang Makes For Cool Pictures [neatorama]
Sep 24 2007 Real Life Donkey Kong Looks Hard
Yeah, so these guys made a real life Donkey Kong game. The real fun starts about halfway through the video. It looks difficult, but it may just be that the dumb bastard playing is clumsy. I'd have been up to the top and necking with the princess before Mr. Kong could beat his chest and grunt "UGH UGH UGH!"
Real Life Donkey Kong Looks Hard [nopuedocreer]
Sep 24 2007 Small Camcorder Hides In Pack Of Gum
Spygadgets.com is selling what they claim to be the world's smallest camcorder. Now I'm sure that's debatable, but whatever. It is made to fit in an empty pack of gum. It records up to 33 hours of 15 fps video on it's 1 GB micro SD card. It connects to your PC via USB to charge itself and transfer video. It costs $295. The only problem is the low-res video quality. So if you set this up by the bed expecting to capture your sexual exploits in high def, you're going to be disappointed. You won't have a sex tape as much as you'll have footage that looks like two otters dueling over a mackerel.
One more after the jump, just for the halibut.
Sep 24 2007 Robot Watch Is Cute And Cheap
This awesome little bastard is a robot watch available from Cataloger, in Japan. They run about $35, and are cuter than a basket of puppies and kitties. They have adjustable arms, and can be removed from the band to double as a little desk clock. I just want to make out with the little guy. But I'll refrain. The last time I got intimate with a robot I got stuck in my roommate's Roomba.
Robot Watch Is Cute And Cheap [technabob]
Sep 24 2007 Salmon Sperm Makes LEDs Better
Professor Andrew Steckl of the University of Cincinnati has been enhancing LEDs with, get this, salmon sperm.
DNA has certain optical properties that make it unique. It allows improvements in one to two orders of magnitude in terms of efficiency, light, brightness — because we can trap electrons longer. Some of the electrons rushing by have a chance to say ‘hello,’ and get that photon out before they pass out. The more electrons we can keep around, the more photons we can generate. DNA serves as a barrier that affects the motion of the electrons.
Not to toot my own horn or anything, but one time some of my DNA ended up on the ceiling fan, and its horsepower increased tenfold. So there, Professor Steckl.
Salmon Sperm Makes LEDs Better [ohgizmo]
Sep 24 2007 USB Mouse Jiggler Is Very Dumb
Wiebetech is selling an amazing new USB device. It's called the Mouse Jiggler, and it costs $30. If you can't tell from the name, it's a USB dongle that makes your mouse jiggle. That way the screen saver doesn't kick in. It is very stupid. They come in fast and slow jiggling versions. I know what you're thinking, "What about someone like me that desires medium jiggle?" Well my friends, you're out of luck.
Product Page [thanks to Derek for the tip]
Sep 24 2007 Stress Relieving Lamp-Pillow-Warmer Things
Superpatatas are lamp blobs created by Spanish product designer Hector Serrano. Playing with them makes the light brighter. They can also be used as squeezable stress relievers, pillows, or bed warming devices. I think they're pretty neat, and I'd get some, except I'm done with cords and broken glass. No cords or broken glass in this ass. That's a new motto of mine. Of course I would make an exception if they feel like a woman's booby.
