Aug 31 2007 Rocking Chair Is Scary, Will Eat You
Designer Mathias Koehler has come up this thing, the "Rocking Wheel Chair" that features an overhead light for reading. It also features scary as hell styling and comes complete with a sense that it will tear your heart out and eat it before it's done beating. Rocking chairs are made for the porch where you sit playing banjo, drinking moonshine, and cat calling all the girls that go by. Call me crazy, but I'm just not feeling it (or anything really, since my girlfriend backed over me for banging her roommate).
Rocking Chair Is Scary, Will Eat You [gizmodo]
Aug 31 2007 Robotic Cats Don't Pee On Electronics
Sega Toys has released a line of robotic cats in Japan, because, um, people can't care for real cats. The cats interact with you and when you pull their tails they hiss (just like mine!) Unlike mine though, they don't tear up furniture or pee on your electronics. Another thing they don't do is drink liquids, because I fed one a dish of milk and the damn thing's head shot off and caught fire. Despite the drawbacks, I'll just stick to analog cats.
Video advertisement after the jump.
Aug 31 2007 Tenori-On Music Sequencer
When I first saw this thing I was so hopped up on White Out and spray paint that I thought the guy in the picture was trying to burn a hole in me with his laser eyes. I'm pretty sure he still is, but I noticed that he's holding something. That thing is the Yamaha Tenori-On musical sequencer.
It consists of a screen, held in the hands, of a sixteen by sixteen grid of LED switch buttons, any of which can be activated in a number of ways to create an evolving musical soundscape. The LED switches are held within an aluminium frame, which has two inbuilt speakers, as well as a number of buttons and a dial, which control the type of sound produced.
It's been in development for several years, and is apparently going to be released in the UK in September. I couldn't find a figure on the cost though, which means it's probably more than I'll ever have. Until then, I'll just keep making the only music I know how, the music of love. With the ladies. Lots of them. Pretty ones. Like my girlfriend when I first met her but not anymore. Oh jesus am I in trouble. Honey, if you're reading this I guess you just broke up with me.
A video after the jump.
Aug 31 2007 Cologne Makes You Smell Like Craft Time
Demeter, a fragrance company notorious for their offbeat odors (sushi, humidor, dirt) has released a Crayon scent that is sure to drive the kindergarden ladies wild! At $19 per ounce, it's a little more expensive than melting crayons on yourself, but probably safer. A must have for the under 6 crowd, nothing says "I accidentally glued my genitals to my leg during craft time" like smelling of crayons.
Cologne Makes You Smell Like Craft Time [gizmodo]
Aug 31 2007 Web Trends Transit Map
The incredibly brilliant Japanese at Information Architects are at it again, this time developing a map of web trends modeled after the Tokyo subway system. The different colors represent different site categories (news, sharing, etc.) and actual sites are depicted with what web generation they belongs to, along with a forecast for the site's future. I found this relatively interesting, except for one major flaw. According to my calculations, Geekologie should be right there smack dab in the middle with a big ass star around it, and maybe some firework motion graphics to really set it apart. Instead they didn't put it on there at all. Foolish bastards, Geekologie IS the internet.
Interactive Version of Map [thanks to professional websurfer Emily for the tip]
Aug 31 2007 Zubbles Are Colored Bubbles!
They are bubbles. They are colored. They are awesome! Zubbles have been in the works for almost a decade, but they aren't hitting the market until spring of 2008.
Zubbles are soap bubbles that used special dyes called leuco dyes allowing them to be colored. The purple bubble uses a chemical called crystal violet lactone. The soap mixture that produces them was the first in the world. Invented by Tim Kehoe, a toy creator from St. Paul, Minnesota, the bubbles have a very distinct color and do not leave stains. After they have popped, the color disappears with friction, water or exposure to air.
I'm going to have to talk to my girlfriends about producing some children ASAP so that I will have kids to buy these for. Because heading down to the park with no kids of your own and playing bubbles with random children is less like fun, and more like getting the police called.
More pictures after the jump.
Aug 31 2007 Laser Record Player
If you've got $14,000 to throw around and really love your vinyl, then maybe the ELP Laser Turntable is for you.
Instead of a needle dropping down on your stacks of wax, four lasers read the reflections of your records' grooves, while a fifth tracks each record's warp to keep the reading beams' height constant. The result is more accurate sound reproduction than a traditional stylus produces, with all the warmth that purists crave, minus the wear and tear on the record.
This is great, but $14,000? Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of dropping the needle on a Barry Manilow album and watching the clothes melt off beautiful women, but for that kind of money I'd rather huff a truckload of model airplane glue and play with myself.
PC World [thanks to the unbelievably gorgeous Beth for the tip]
Aug 31 2007 Magical Pen Turns Analog to Digital
The Fly Fusion pen ($80) may look like just another vibrator, but this one is special. When used in conjunction with the $8 Fly Fusion Notebooks, it can magically convert your analog notes and doodles to digital format! The technology behind this breakthrough is called very tiny dots. These dots, almost imperceptible to the human eye, are all too clear to the pen, which uses them to figure out what the hell your chicken scratch is. The pen can also play MP3's and games and there is a slew of software available to teach you different subjects like algebra and French. While this product comes highly recommended, who the hell takes notes anymore? I never took notes in college, I just took digital pictures of the chalkboard whenever the teacher wrote something. And a bunch of the big breasted co-ed next to me, because, well, I'm a booby fan.
Product Site [thanks to Cygnus the Magnificent for the tip]
Aug 30 2007 Pac Man Rug Is Cool
Our Children's Gorilla, perhaps the worst named, and most expensive store for children, is selling this ultra sweet Pac Man rug. It measures about 7' x 10', and is allegedly one of only two in existence, made from 100% wool in beautiful Portugal. The price though, at $1,800 is, well, a lot of money for a video game themed rug. My bearskin rug didn't even cost that, I just had to wrestle that bastard to the ground and skin him with my teeth. Now he resides in front of the fireplace, where he's seen more than his fair share of toothless hookers I've picked up at the bus station.
Pac Man Rug Is Cool [ohgizmo]
Aug 30 2007 Crayola's Talking Ruler
Crayola, a company best known for those different colored snack sticks, has just released an audio ruler for kids. You roll it along and it leaves a trail of disappearing ink to ensure that you measured what you wanted. It will then tell you how long the distance was, in quarter inch increments up to a foot. A foot? That's pretty weak, for $8 I was expecting a little more. I was just about to order one too, to measure my ding-dong. I can hear it now. "Your ding-dong is three feet long and you should tote your balls in a wheelbarrow." No joke I should.
Crayola's Talking Ruler [ohgizmo]
Aug 30 2007 Helicopter Boxes Deliver Goods
Dropmaster has come out with CopterBoxes, which are cardboard boxes that act as miniature helicopters so you can throw stuff out of planes without it breaking too bad. The three blades spin at 450 rpm, helping to slow the package's descent to around 40 feet per second. Allegedly they're way cheaper to use than parachutes, and can hold up to 100 pounds per box, which means that I probably shouldn't try to ride in one. Or at least not until I test it out first on my next scientific assistant (read: mail order bride). The last one just died testing my latest jetpack.
A video after the jump.
Aug 30 2007 Portable Battery Operated Shower
If you're anything like me you don't shower because your natural pheromones attract the ladies like rare earth magnets. But if you prefer to smell like soap, then this Coleman product allows you to cleanse yourself anywhere you want. It's a battery operated shower that runs off four D batteries (and costs $27). The tank holds around 5 gallons and you will look really dumb using it like the guy in the picture who is hopefully about to get hit by a car. Or if you don't want to buy this thing you can do what I do, which is steal the elderly neighbor's garden hose. And electricity. And car sometimes.
One more picture of the product after the jump.
Aug 30 2007 Dork's Car Gets PWNED
First of all there should never be an Oldsmobile with a license plate "PWNAGE" unless you are referring to how much your life sucks and how it seems that God constantly pwns the hell out of your ass for being such a failure. Example: I live a life of constant pwnage -- I found out my girlfriend is humping my roommate, my dog got hit by a dumptruck, and now the world floods and destroys my one joy in life, the Oldsmobile my late grandmother left me. Then it might make sense. Because I think we can all agree the only thing this guy has ever PWNED is his own dangle.
Dork's Car Gets PWNED [therawfeed]
Aug 30 2007 Custom Laptop Designs
Former Alienware product development engineer Oscar Zapata launched a new company this week, called NVousPC (very clever!) that customizes laptops with any color paint or image you want. You can choose different colors for each part of the laptop, including bottom, and upload images to their website to be printed on. If you don't buy a new computer from them (starting at $999), you can send in your old piece for a paintjob as well (starting at $186). Or you can just send it to me along with $8 and I'll hook you up with some sweet holographic unicorn stickers, maybe a few garbage pail kids, and top it off with some scratch and sniffs for good measure.
Check their website for tons more pictures.
Product Site [via therawfeed]
Aug 29 2007 Rotary Cell Phone Is Awesome
Because retro is apparently the new futuristic, here is the cell phone of the future, the Sparkfun Electronics Port-O-Rotary. The company retrofits the old phones with all the necessary electronics, so all you have to do is add your SIM card and you're good to go. The rotary dial works for outgoing calls, and incoming calls ring the actual bell style ringer. They claim battery life is good for 4-5 days on average, which isn't too bad. The cost is though, at $499 ($399 if you buy 100 or more), it's an expensive personal communications device. But none of that really matters, all that does is that now you can talk dirty to your girlfriend on a rotary phone whenever you want without your mother picking up the line in the kitchen and screaming at you.
Rotary Cell Phone Is Awesome [gizmodo]
Aug 29 2007 Barefoot Running Shoes
Vibram's line of FiveFingers shoes (shouldn't that be FiveToes shoes?) are, um, unique. As an owner of Nike Air Rifts (that just have the big toe separated), I find these oddly appealing, yet disgustingly disgusting looking. I just hope none of my winter gloves catch sight of these things, because they'll fight them for being copycats. They sell for between $70-$100 and are allegedly great for all sorts of make believe sports like ChiRunning, Pose Method Running, and Bouldering. And, if they're anything like my barefoot style running shoes, they're even greater at smelling like ass.
Product Site [big thanks to Kendrick for the tip]
Aug 29 2007 Lightsaber to be Sent to Outerspace
Since last week's very unfortunate Star Wars news I've been looking for something that will lift my spirits a bit. And well, I can't totally tell if this does or not, but it is pretty wack. According to NASA, they are sending the original lightsaber prop from Star Wars to outerspace aboard Discovery in October.
Chewbacca, the towering Wookiee best known from the film as Han Solo's co-pilot on the Millennium Falcon, will officially hand the lightsaber over to officials from Space Center Houston during a ceremony at the airport. Joining "Chewie" will be other characters from the six-part sci-fi classic, including Boba and Jango Fett and together they help push back the airplane on the tarmac.When the shuttle arrives in Houston, the flight will be greeted by a troop of Stormtroopers and other Star Wars notables including the droid R2-D2, who will deliver the lightsaber to a waiting line of Hummers outside the baggage claim of the William P. Hobby Airport. Accompanied by a police escort, the soon-to-be real space artifact will be driven to Space Center Houston to be exhibited inside a vault that currently displays moon rocks.
That just doesn't even sound real. I'm pretty sure someone is pulling my leg here. I mean, the lightsaber was made in outerspace, why does it need to go again? I'm pretty sure this is a publicity stunt by NASA to get some attention. Like that time they tried to say they put men on the moon and it wasn't made of cheese and crackers. What nonsense.
Lightsaber to be Sent to Outerspace [ubergizmo]
Aug 29 2007 New Age Piggy Bank
Becky Miller, a regular da Vinci of our times, has designed the "In Case of Emergency Break Glass" bank. It's a bank that looks like one of those fire alarms, except I'm thinking that this thing doesn't have real glass. And that hole in the top looks plenty big to shake all the coins out. So what you're left with is a conversation piece to hang up in your home. "Hey buddy, stupid bank you got there on the wall." "Thanks man, I know, I'm a freaking idiot." "You can say that again, you are one dumb bastard." "I really am, I'm a total failure at life."
New Age Piggy Bank [yankodesign]
Aug 29 2007 Game Offers Chance at First Kiss
For those of you out there that have yet to make it to first base, it might not be too late. Toys4Me is releasing Electronic Spin the Bottle, because, uh, analog bottles are stupid and will not get you laid. The damn thing costs $34, which is ridiculous to pay for something I have a ton of in the recycling bin. It does take me back though. Sitting in a circle, watching the bottle slow down, praying it lands on Suzy, the 4th grader of my dreams. Then having it go too far and making out with my sister for a half hour. God, I think I just puked in my mouth a little.
Game Offers Chance at First Kiss [ubergizmo]
Aug 29 2007 Complaint Coconuts Not Edible
MIT Media Lab researcher Tad Hirsh has developed, um, these things. Coconuts with cell phones inside that call the San Jose Airport complaint line when they detect low flying aircraft noise. The following is a real message one of them leaves, believe it or not.
Uh… Hey. Um, yeah. So… Um, this is…. Yeah, no, like, I’m… Shut up, no, I’m talking. Okay, so, yeah. So, all these planes, man… It’s crazy. It’s like a roooaarrrrr. Dude, I need a pizza… Could you send me a pepperoni pizza? Dude, that would be great. Wait wait wait wait wait, put some mushrooms on that. Yeah, mushrooms. Sweet.
Now with messages like that, this project is going to accomplish nothing. Better to call it off and tell bums in the area there are trees that grow cell phones, then film the hilarity that ensues. Then pay two of them a dollar each to punch the hell out of each other.
Check out the official site to listen to the other painful messages.
Official Site [via ohgizmo]
Aug 28 2007 Beer Machine Makes Beer
A Popular Science photographer, John Carnett, has created "The Device", which makes beer from start to finish in one very beautiful (and shiny) unit. John, who will now be known as the man that made my heart melt, even hopes to add another section that makes the beer's raw ingredients from grain. I don't know what to say about this, except I've been staring at it and crying for over an hour, trying to get an email off to John asking if he'll marry me.
A video of "the device" after the jump.
Aug 28 2007 Body Heat Activated Chair Changes Colors
Erin Hayne and Nuno Gonçalves at Visual Reference Studio have created a line of furniture that changes color based on body heat. Named the "Swamp Collection", the line is so expensive you have to contact them for pricing, then wait 6 weeks for the piece to arrive. I got to see one of these and sit on it, but it burst into flames and set the house on fire as soon as my privates made contact. I'm just too hot. My Hypercolor shirts never did that.
Body Heat Activated Chair Changes Colors [ohgizmo]
Aug 28 2007 Zen Garden Sink Kills Plants in Style
Designer Jean-Michel Gauvreau has brought to us the Zen Garden Sink. Which, if you can't tell, is a sink that has plants growing in it for a very short period, then transforms into a sink that has dead plants rotting in it for a longer time. Sure it looks pretty cool, but come on Jean-Michel, there isn't any mention of a filter or anything that would indicate that real plants might stand a chance. As a strict sink urinator, I imagine my good fortune bamboo plant would be dead by the afternoon the sink was installed.
Zen Garden Sink Kills Plants in Style [ohgizmo]
Aug 28 2007 Cell Phone Runs on Single AA Battery
Willcom and Sanyo got together to develop this thing, a cell phone that runs off of a single AA battery. Which, with no screen or anything, doesn't seem like that much of a feat. I mean it only gets 5 hours of talk time and 250 hours of standby. Now if it ran off brainpower, then we'd have something. Who needs caller ID or to store naked pictures of ex-girlfriends on your phone when you can have this thing. Which, I might add, looks remarkably like the "lightsaber" I found in my girlfriend's underwear drawer.
Cell Phone Runs on Single AA Battery [engadget]
Aug 28 2007 NASA's New Rocket
NASA has been doing extensive testing of its new 5M15 rocket out in the Mojave Desert, and by the look of things, it's awesome. The engine runs off compressed liquid methane, which NASA believes to be a smart choice.
The odorless substance has multiple advantages over conventional rocket propellants: It's cheaper, it requires much less insulation, and it exists on several planets NASA hopes to travel to, like Mars.
After watching the video I think it's safe to say that it's perfectly normal if it makes you hot and bothered. I had a pup tent appear as soon as the engine fired up, and I'm going to display it proudly all day as my way of saying "I love rockets".
The video after a jump (make sure to have the sound up for full effect).
Aug 28 2007 Pepper Spray Ring Keeps You Safe
If you're tired of being beat up and robbed, then the Stunning Ring may be something to consider. By no means stunning in the traditional jewelry sense, it does pack the strongest dose of pepper spray available, over 400 times that of a regular jalapeno. It projects a 12 inch spray that can nauseate, burn, and otherwise maim would be attackers. The ring costs $30, and spray refills are $8. You should have seen the time I jokingly got down on one knee and presented this to my girlfriend. She swooped in to see if there was a real diamond and I doused her right in the eyes. Oh god, we still laugh about that to this day. Just kidding, she left me that night.
Pepper Spray Ring Keeps You Safe [gizmodo]
Aug 28 2007 Google Earth Now Features Outerspace
If you haven't heard already Google announced the launch of the Sky feature that is now included in Google Earth. It, um, lets you look at stars and planets instead of buildings and people. You can go to any location on earth and view what the sky looks like from that spot. You can also "blast off" and check out galaxies and nebulae and other things that don't really exist and are all make believe. Trust me, as a cosmonaut I know. You get up to the earth's atmosphere and it's just like a big cinderblock wall with stars and stuff painted on in glow paint. Kind of like the stickers on the ceiling in my bedroom. Come on over ladies and I'll show you the Little Dipper. I mean Big Dipper. Big Dipper. HUGE Dipper.
A completely unscripted video after the jump, explaining the new features.
Aug 27 2007 World's First Automated Restaurant
A new restaurant in Nuremberg, Germany is opening with no waiters. Because it's an automated restaurant! Named 's Baggers (yes that's correct, it starts with an apostrophe) the restaurant's only employees are the cooks (who should be replaced with robots). Patrons order via touchscreen (which doubles as credit card paying device), and the food is delivered via gravity from the kitchen above along steel rails. This place is awesome, and anyone who has been let me know. You know what else is cool? I've heard that if you have two legs or a wheelchair or even a walker and can locate the door all the food you order is free.
A few more pictures after the jump, including one of two vagrants clearly involved in identity theft.
UPDATE: Video added.
Aug 27 2007 Laptop Fire Case Study
Well by now I'm sure you're aware that laptops and cell phones have been blowing up all over the place recently, and I present to you this case as an example of what not to do when something of yours explodes.
Douglas Brown, a computer network administrator from Columbus, Georgia said his Dell 9200 wide-screen laptop's batteries exploded into flames, it "looked like fireworks which would have been cool had it not been in my house." Brown called 911 and the fire department responded with two pumpers, a ladder truck, the HAZMAT unit, an ambulance and the battalion chief.
Now I've told many women I've met in bars that I'm a forensic scientist, so I practically am. And based on my expert opinion I'm going to have to say that this Douglas character should have his "man" status revoked and be demoted to "infant". Look at that fire, does that look 911 worthy? I've put out bigger flames on birthday cakes. In the time it took him to dial 911 I'm pretty confident he could have put that fire out with, well, anything. So, when something of yours goes boom, don't be a Douglas, stomp the damn thing like any normal person would.
Laptop Fire Case Study [therawfeed]
Aug 27 2007 360 Degree Light Field Display
Shown at SIGGRAPH 2007, the Interactive 360 Degree Light Field Display won the Best Emerging Technology Award. Designed by USC's Institute for Creative Technologies, the system is capable of producing interactive 3D graphics to multiple viewers in 360 degrees.
The display consists of a high-speed video projector, a spinning mirror covered by a holographic diffuser, and FPGA circuitry to decode specially rendered DVI video signals. The display uses a standard programmable graphics card to render over 5,000 images per second of interactive 3D graphics, projecting 360-degree views with 1.25 degree separation up to 20 updates per second.
Now I'm not totally sure what all of that means, because I'm an astronaut and not familiar with light field displays, but I think what they're saying is that the next time R2-D2 projects Princess Leia in 3D it's going to be in my bedroom and she's going to be naked.
A video after the jump.
Aug 27 2007 Table Makes You Kill Dining Partner
I have enough trouble eating as it is, so why designers Stefano Merlo and Claudia Taddia would want to make it harder is a mystery to me. They have designed a table (now to be known as the table that made me kill my wife) that has each setting (glass, fork, knife, etc) tethered to its match on the opposite side of the table. So if you're using your knife, your dining partner cannot. This is absolutely brilliant. I can see it now. "Honey, I swear to god you better put down that knife right now so I can stab you."
A couple more of the world's worst table after the jump.
Aug 27 2007 Cool Gaming Chair
Festo, an industrial automation company, has introduced the gaming chair to beat all gaming chairs. The system uses "fluidic muscles and mechatronic systems to give users a true sensation of either driving or flying, depending on the software being used." It is certainly a step up from the plywood soap box car you used to sit in to play Gran Turismo. This reminds me of the race car simulator I used to play growing up, which was my dad's lap. He would make engine noises and rumble me around and stuff until I crashed. Then I was thrown through the living room window.
A video of the system after the jump.
Aug 27 2007 Toasty The Tape Player Toaster
Arthur Wu, who is clearly a bread heating genius, has designed the Toasty Single Serving Toaster. It looks like a cross between a cassette tape player and an appliance from the 50's, which makes it awesome. It may only heat one piece of bread at a time, but who cares, it has a freaking toggle switch. But a word of advice from personal experience - no matter how drunk you get, it still won't play your favorite Thin Lizzy tape. Try all you want, but the result will just make you sad (and set off the smoke detector).
Toasty The Tape Player Toaster [yankodesign]
