Aug 10 2007 Levo Book Holder
If you're as lazy as I am then you know how annoying it can be holding a book. Well Skymall is selling an innovation that must have been years in development. It is a piece of crap on wheels that looks like a lamp, but holds a book! And it's only $165. I mean it may look awful, but who cares, look at the guy in the photo, he looks real comfortable. Who needs to read anyways when you can pass out under a magazine with your hands in your pants?
Levo Book Holder [OhGizmo]
Aug 10 2007 Store Camera for Butt
This is one for the geekologie ladies out there, so guys feel free to shield your eyes. A Hub Clothing store in Scottsdale has added a video camera outside its dressing rooms so women can view the way their butt looks in jeans without having to look over their shoulder. According to the store:
A lot of people dread trying on jeans and so any more entertaining you can make it the better, A lot of people compare it to trying on bathing suits, you know something they just don't like to do, we're trying to make it painless.
My mother makes all my clothes for me, so jean shopping is not an issue. However, for you women out there that find this of concern, let me give you some advice - if you think a pair of jeans makes your butt look big, it's because your ass is huge.
Joking ladies! You are all gorgeous and beautifully proportioned - I mean that (keep those pictures coming).
Store Camera for Butt [Frostfirecore]
Aug 10 2007 Solar Powered Mouse
The Delft University of Technology has developed the first solar powered mouse. It only charges on actual sunlight, so there is question as to whether the mouse can be implemented in real world work environments. According to the University, its success depends on:
a lot of factors, including the willingness of the user to adapt his behavior to favorable light conditions by regularly charging the unit with daylight from the window, and the computer usage pattern.
I have the feeling that this mouse just isn't for me. I mean, I live in my mom's basement. I don't have the luxury of a door - let alone any fancy windows. These people need to live in the now. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge proponent of environmental sustainability and conservation. I just make my contributions in other ways. I pee in the sink.
Solar Powered Mouse [Core77]
Aug 10 2007 Color Changing Bus Stop
The Landmark Bus Shelter was designed by a German company for use around Hamburg in an attempt to "convey a harmonious overall image of the urban area. Modern elements and clear lines enable a universal use of this bus shelter. The right side wall contains a lighting system that shines in changing colors. This provides for alternating light and color moods at night. Thus, the bus shelter is stage set as an item of street furniture and moved into the focus of attention."
What will they come up with next? I thought the addition of a bench was about as far as the bus stop could be taken. Although, I do really like this idea of color changing mood lighting. The crazy bag lady and I have been looking for something to put the spice back in our late night makeout sessions.
Color Changing Bus Stop [yankodesign]
Aug 10 2007 Backpack Laser Cleaner
Clean Laser Systems of Germany has announced the release of the "first real fully mobile cleaning laser unit in the world. Available in electric versions or rechargeable battery powered, the laser unit consists of an air cooled "state of the art" diode pumped laser with an excellent laser beam quality and an ultra small focus."
In layman's terms what they have done here is "invented" the backpacks from Ghostbusters. I had one of these when I was ten, it just looked a lot more like my mom's canister vacuum, and if you want to get technical, there was no laser involved - there was, however, a stair cleaning attachment.
Backpack Laser Cleaner [Official Site]
Aug 10 2007 Classic Game Room DVD Trailer
I assume you remember being glued to the computer waiting for a new episode of Game Room to drop, because I know I was. I can't believe that was eight years ago - where has all the time gone (besides to a handful of fruitless marriages)? Regardless, the show was a piece of awesome, and Classic Game Room the DVD is dropping August 28th rehashing all our favorite reviews. As they say, "If drinkin' beer and playing Atari is wrong, I don't want to be right." Truer words have never been spoken.
Aug 9 2007 FIFA '07 Computer Mod
This computer was made for an Electronic Arts FIFA '07 competition that took place in Germany, the winner taking home the rig. All I can see is that it's pretty freaking awesome. I mean it has a miniature foosball table on top - you can't beat that. I've got tons of respect for this guy, because I know how difficult good computer modding can be. My last project turned out less like a sweet computer case and more like a pile of particleboard and computer parts in the corner of my bedroom that the cats like to pee on.
FIFA '07 Computer Mod [Bit-Tech]
Aug 9 2007 USB Stripper
Well for all of you out there that have given up on ever getting laid, there may be hope yet. You might at least get to see one more naked lady in your life (besides your mother), and for you it's the USB powered stripper (of course you'll have to scrape her painted bikini off first with your car keys)! For 169,00 DK you can have a plastic Barbie glued to a pole that
gyrates and rubs up and down her pole in time to the flashing lights and backing music.
Sound too good to be true? It probably is. Better luck in the next life. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to get ready for a date, my centerfold girlfriends are coming over to play twister.
Just kidding guys, I have faith in you. Get out there and touch a boobie (a real one - and legally).
USB Stripper [Gadgets.dk]
Aug 9 2007 The Vomiting Flashlight
The Department of Homeland Security is funding research for a flashlight developed by Intelligent Optical Systems for use as a potential nonlethal weapon. According to Robert Lieberman, CEO of the company,
The flashes temporarily blind a person, as any bright light would, and the light pulses, which quickly change both in color and duration, also cause what Lieberman calls psychophysical effects. These effects, whose effectiveness depends on the person, range from disorientation to vertigo to nausea, and wear off in a few minutes.
First of all, I have heard of this new device being considered reminiscent of a lightsaber (hence the picture), but I don't think anything that can't cut an arm off should be in any way compared to a lightsaber. I mean Luke would still have his hand if Darth Vader was attacking with this thing. Hell, he would have probably put his father down right then and there. And another thing - a flashlight weapon? A flashlight is only a weapon if you're physically p4wning someone with it (I recommend a long Maglite). And get this - if someone was flashing this in my direction I would - you'll never guess - turn away (then kick ass)! Thanks but no thanks, I'm sticking to lethal weapons (I like my assailants dead, not pukey).
The Vomiting Flashlight [Technology Review]
Aug 9 2007 Sliding Cell Phone Holder
If you're anything like me, you like to be up to date on the latest trends in cell phone technology. Well this isn't one of them - it is however, I guess, an innovation of some sort - but I can safely say there will be no trend. Some kid who obviously grew up watching way too many Batman and Spiderman cartoons invented a freaking sliding cell phone holder that attaches to the wrist. Nothing quite says "I just gave you a fake ass number" like some dingleberry trying to get your digits with this thing strapped on.
Sliding Cell Phone Holder [Patently Silly]
Aug 9 2007 Japanese Hurt Your Privates Game
This gameshow is part of the reason I'm moving to Japan. It's just way cooler over there. I mean they don't even KICK the contestants in the privates, they built a machine to do it. BRILLIANT! It seems that THIS is closest American equivalent, and it just looks, um, like nothing I would be caught participating in (I don't do elephant walks either). I used to play a game similar to the Japanese version with a friend where we would ask each other trivia questions and if you got it incorrect you got kicked in the you know what. But one day I answered wrong and had to kill my friend. Not that it would have hurt anyways, because, you know, I have privates of steel. That's right ladies - steel. If that's good. If not, then they're the regular material, just huge.
Aug 9 2007 Kameraflage Secret Message Apparel
You may have already seen this because you're much hipper than I am, but you're not more attractive. Captain Handsome bows to no one in the good looks department. Anyways, someone has developed a technology that allows hidden messages to be printed on shirts, and only show up through a digital camera. According to the company,
Kameraflage is possible because digital cameras see a broader spectrum of light than human eyes. By rendering content in these wavelengths we are able to create displays that are invisible to the naked eye, yet can be seen when imaged with a digital camera.
So basically you can now wear a t-shirt with dirty words on it that will only be visible when someone takes a digital picture of you. Which is pretty brilliant - or so I thought. Let's just say my grandparents were less than impressed with the Kameraflage "Eat a Dong" t-shirt I mistakenly wore in our annual Christmas card photo.
Kameraflage Secret Message Apparel [Official Site]
Aug 8 2007 Tweel Airless Tires
Michelin has developed a new airless tire that looks pretty freaking sweet - the Tweel. Tires without air you say? I didn't believe it myself (and still don't really), but allegedly they're real. Tweel you say? Yeah, about that. They look more like Bladez, or Razorz to me. Or maybe just Batmobile wheels. But whatever the case, they still have a long way to go to top my cinderblock tires. They fit every make and model, and look great on all the cars in my yard. Just ask my neighbors, they love them.
Thanks to vanman for the tip. One more picture of someone parking like my girlfriend after the jump.
Aug 8 2007 Buggy Rollin vs motorcycle
If you've never heard of Buggy Rollin, it's basically an aerodynamic plastic suit outfitted with inline skate wheels so you can skate in any way imaginable: on your back, on your stomach, on your feet, etc. Anyway, after the jump is a Buggy Rollin suit piloted by a guy named Jean-Yves Blondeau racing down a mountain against a 600cc motorcycle. And if you couldn't tell from the description, yes, this is 100% insane. Throwing explosives at bears with your bare hands seems like a safer sport.
Check out the video of the race after the jump.
Aug 8 2007 The Piss Screen toilet game
The Piss-Screen is a pressure-sensitive inlay for urinals that lets you play a game with your pee. It was designed for bars so people would take a taxi instead of driving home drunk. The game is modeled after Need for Speed so that people end up crashing if their reaction is too slow. After crashing, the game flashes the message: "Too pissed to drive? Take a Taxi instead!” Although if they really want to keep people from driving drunk, they should've invested in my idea: it's a toilet that measures your blood alcohol level, and if it's too high, a fist flies out of the wall and knocks you out. And then I come by and take your wallet. Everybody wins!
The Piss Screen [Official Site]
Aug 8 2007 Olivia Munn deep throats a hot dog
I'm not an expert on great TV, but I'm pretty sure Olivia Munn deep throating a hot dog dipped in mustard qualifies. As would be me juggling live sharks. Or walking around topless. Or basically just any shot of me.
NOTE: If you don't know who Olivia Munn is, she's one of the hosts on G4's Attack of the Show.
Aug 8 2007 Hiccup Curing Device
So someone has developed a hiccup cure that looks a lot like a milkshake. Call me old fashioned, but the "OH MY GOD THERE'S A SHARK IN THE BOAT!" scare tactic has never done me wrong. And if that doesn't work I'll typically let weight lifters punch me in the stomach until I laugh so hard they go away. You know, now that I think about it- I invented something similar to this last year that looked a lot like a blender (well, it was a blender). And let me tell you- not only did it cure your hiccups, it cured your whole face.
Hiccup Curing Device [Patently Silly]
Aug 8 2007 Indiana Jones Lego Game
I thought being married to a supermodel was my dream come true, but I would kick her to the curb with not so much as bus fare to get my hands on this puppy. I called up LucasArts and offered a cool million to get a copy before the end of THIS summer (it's not dropping until Summer 2008), but they told me it just couldn't be done. While I had them on the phone I suggested they replace the traditional Indiana Jones look with a naked picture of me to boost sales to beautiful ladies. I think it was sometime during that pitch when they hung up on me. And blocked my calls. And filed charges.
Indiana Jones Lego Game [Lucas Arts]
Aug 8 2007 Sweet Computer Cover Mod
One of my biggest problems with LAN parties is trying to focus on killing ogres while all the hot gaming chicks are trying to get up on me. Well, you wrap your unit in the new Computer Dust Cover Mod and you can kiss getting laid (ever) goodbye. Who needs computers with viewing windows and blinking lights and cables when your computer can give the appearance of going on a big game safari in Africa? Looking like complete ass is simply an added bonus!
Sweet Computer Cover Mod [Official Site]
Aug 7 2007 Steering Wheel Desk
As an executive on the go, time management is a very important factor in my daily life. After critical examination I realized there was one time during the day where I was really not utilizing my time to the fullest- in the car, driving! Sure I could dictate notes to my personal secretary, but more often than not she is busy doing, er...something else. So I can not tell you how relieved I am to have discovered the steering wheel desk. Now I can write emails, check my horoscope, watch movies, download music, and drive down the sidewalk at the same time! Not only that, but I think I ran over a bum two nights ago!
One more picture of a serious executive putting the steering wheel desk to good use after the jump.
Aug 7 2007 Fujitsu 231 Inch Display
Nothing says "My life is way better than yours" than a rumpus room with a television that puts all your friends' to shame. To be the best, now is the time to strike- with Fujitsu's new 231 inch display.
Granted 1. it won't fit in your rumpus room or on the lawn 2. the max resolution is 512 x 288 (you have to sit 15 feet away - each pixel is approximately 1/2 inch), and 3. it costs over $500,000 - but these are just small technicalities, easily overlooked by anyone with half a lick of sense. I used to think that the digital projector I would project to 80" on my urine stained fitted bedsheet was the best the world had to offer, but now I stand corrected- and shamed (but I won't have to sleep on the bare mattress anymore).
Aug 7 2007 Minesweeper The Movie
Sadly, this would still probably be better than 90% of the video game movies out there. Although it can't compare to the film I made about Solitaire. I basically filmed myself having sex with two women at once. In retrospect, it wasn't really anything like Solitaire at all.
Aug 7 2007 Philips Oil and Water Display
Once again my intellectual property has been stolen, this time by LG Philips for use in their new displays. They have filed a patent application (using the technology pilfered from yours truly, Captain Handsome) for displays that use oil and water inside the pixels. According to the company, their scientists
have come up with a new way to illuminate pixels on a flexible display. The pixels are made from tiny plastic cells filled with minute amounts of oil and water. The oil floats on the surface of the water and shrouds the colored surface underneath it. When electricity is applied across the cell, the oil moves aside, changing the color of the pixel. The resulting display is apparently full color and glossy, like the cover of a magazine.
Well it looks like I'm out of yet another million. I had actually come up with this idea years ago, but the patent office said that a bowl of oil and water was not patentable. I told them that there were incredible uses for such a mixture, citing several good examples like salad dressing (flexible displays eluded me at the time), but they still refused. Now they won't even accept my patent applications, citing that my last invention, the automatic dishwasher, looked too much like my wife shackled in the kitchen.
Aug 7 2007 Wakamaru Receptionist Robot
While receptionist robots are nothing new, bright yellow ones that sing cheerful songs are. Developed by Mitsubishi, a number of Wakamaru robots (Japanese for delightful yellow punching bag with kick action detachable head) have been purchased by temp agencies in the country for use as dispatch workers. The highlights of the robots capabilities include:
Face recognition (search for and follow faces), Basic manual tasks, Good listener (voice recognition capabilities), Good verbal skills with customers (vocabulary of 10,000 words), Sings cheerful songs, Escort visitors to different destinations within your office building
I don't know about you, but this thing sounds like a dream come true for the office. Nothing quite says "I had a great day at work" like dropkicking the head off of a $15,000 robot because it wouldn't stop singing long enough to make coffee. And $15,000? I guarantee my live in girlfriends would do a better job, and I pay them with scratch and sniff stickers.
Aug 6 2007 Lego Guitar Hero Controller
This guy built a fully functional Guitar Hero controller out of Legos. He says:
This is a custom guitar controller for the game Guitar Hero, modeled after a Gibson Explorer guitar, with an extra large scratch-plate for style. I gutted the real controller and put the electronic boards in the lego case, so it actually works, too
So does making something out of Legos automatically make it cool? Because I replaced my friend's medicine with Legos once and he just ended up in the hospital. Which I thought was cool, but he seemed pretty upset.
Gallery [Techeblog]
Aug 6 2007 Glass Keys
I'm not sure if this is considered art, but the guy who made these glass keys refers to them as an "installation." Anyway, this is a set of glass keys the artist made out of resin. And, uh, that's it. I don't know if they'd actually function as keys (seems like resin/glass would wear down easily) but at least they look cool. I'd make everything out of glass if I could. Especially girl's locker rooms. It just makes sense.
Aug 6 2007 "Transparent" billboard
Artist Cayetano Ferrer created a "transparent" billboard by photographing the trees hidden by a 30-foot billboard in Daejeon, Korea and then pasting the image onto the billboard. He purposely removed a section of the billboard and put the missing piece of the image on another smaller billboard nearby. And in related news, I was supposed to put up a life-size picture of my wang on a billboard but it wouldn't fit. True story.
Aug 6 2007 World's greatest comb-over
Say hello to the world's greatest comb-over. Usually I just recommend people paint their heads with shoe polish, but this works pretty good too.
Aug 6 2007 Go-llerblades motorized skates
Instructables has a nice tutorial on how to create motorized skates using a pair of inline skates, an angle grinder, and a bag of 12 volt batteries. And just how safe are these? Well instead of brakes, this is how you stop:
In this version, I just put trust in my sense of balance and lifted my foot off the ground while flailing to find a power cable to rip out.
Although I'm too much man to use roller skates. No, instead I just strap live bears to my feet and have them carry me around.
Tutorial [Instructables]
