Pain®Gone is a wonderful panacea with interestingly placed trademarks and the shape of a large ballpoint pen. The PainGone uses "electrical charges produced by crystals to provide prolonged pain relief which is clinically proven to work." For a second there, I thought this was a scam, but we all know that if something has crystals, it has to work. The PainGone supposedly mimics nerve impulses that send a "call for help" message to the brain. The brain, which frequently confuses electric pens for actual nerve cells, immediately sends endorphins to the area. Take a gander at the illnesses the PainGone miraculously cures: back pain, tennis elbow, whiplash, shingles, skeletal pain, lumbago, phantom limb pain, and headache. It is not known whether or not the PainGone cures the ink marks left on your skin when you mistakenly jam a Bic into your forehead.
In a desperate attempt to find yet another way to fine their citizens, various local governments are considering a new technology that videotapes cars that exceed designated sound levels. Using acoustic detection equipment created for the Australian Navy, Acoustic Research Laboratories has designed a system that will record a 10-second video with audio of cars that have excessively high stereos, exhaust systems, or novelty horns. The microphones and cameras will be pole-mounted in waterproof boxes, and the system will generate 10,000 tickets before filling its hard drive. 10,000 tickets! What's next? Are they going to build a machine that will fine us for littering or stalking our local TV weathermen? I'd like to see them try.
IBM has introduced an audio recorder concept with an interesting folding design and amazingly fresh capabilities. The Magic Block allows you to store "non-stop sound throughout the day," keeping a log of your conversations with taxi drivers about rain and traffic, and storing them for later examination. The Magic Block also features voice-recognition search technology, which will allow you to search through your conversations for specific keywords, voices, and timeframes. Finishing up the list of capabilities is a built-in fingerprint reader, ensuring that only you and the Magic Block will know just how many times you talk about unicorns throughout the day.
Eungsang Park, a South Korean inventor, has apparently released a magic marker drawing that he is passing off as a concept robot dog. Sony's popular robot dog Aibo was discontinued last year, and Eungsang has decided to come to the rescue with Arin. The robot has all the features that you could want from a companion- DVD player, camera, smell sensor, "update," navigator screen, cell phone functionality, "button"- everything. Well, everything except a soft cuddly exterior, but that's what everybody hates about real dogs anyway. Is this all it takes to develop a product? A crude drawing packing every piece of known technology into a friendly shape? If so, I'd like to introduce my electric kitten concept. It has everything above plus a toaster oven and a machine gun. Top that, Eungsang.
Someone has finally given you an excuse besides alcohol to brandish a gun about in front of your computer. Using a $30 gyration mouse, some basic soldering skills, and a bunch of duct tape, Brandon Morgado has created a motion controlled Nintendo Zapper mouse. The mouse cursor follows where you aim the gun at the screen, allowing you to incorporate firearms into yet another aspect of your otherwise peaceful life. It seems that everyone is taking Nintendo technology and applying it to computers today. What's next? That track and field Power Pad?
In order to avoid running laps at the command of their grizzled gym teacher, students at a middle school in California built a 10,000 square foot roller coaster in their gym. Let's face it, when it comes to roller coaster design and safety, kids know a thing or two. The roller coaster's track is 400 feet long with a highest point of 24 feet, and the cars will achieve speeds of up to 35mph on the safety and comfort of 8 skateboard wheels. It's still in testing, so we will have to wait another week before it collapses on a girl scout troop, and roller coasters are outlawed in America. Way to go, kids.