Sep 2 2010 You'll Never Be An Exterminator!: Man Blows Himself Up Trying to Kill A Spider For Wife

Because stupid people hurting themselves really tickles my fancy, here's a story about some jackass who blew himself up in the bathroom trying to kill a spider. Come on maine, haven't you ever heard of a shoe?!

The 28 year-old suffered severe burns after attacking the arachnid with an aerosol can at his home in Clacton in Essex.

The man was summoned by his wife to deal with a spider she had seen scuttling behind the lavatory on Bank Holiday Monday. Not being able to reach it, the man decided to kill it by spraying it with the can.

However he was unable to see whether it was dead because the bulb in the bathroom light had blown. At this point he turned to a cigarette lighter to illuminate the room, but in the process ignited the gas fumes and caused an explosion.

The blast was so strong it blew the man off his feet and lifted the loft door off its hinges.

He suffered flash burns to his head, legs and torso and was rushed by ambulance to hospital after dousing himself in cold water.

Granted this guy is MENSA material compared to Electric Nips, but still. Haven't you ever heard of masking the smell of a numero dos by lighting a match? And have you ever heard of someone dropping it between their legs before all the gas trapped in the bowl has dissipated? What happened? Exactly, they blasted off like a rocket and fought a towel bar with their face. Been there, done that, six stitches and an Owen Wilson nose, amirite?!

Man blows himself up trying to kill a spider [telegraph]
and
Picture

Thanks to Ash, who kills spiders the old fashioned way: tearing their legs off one by one and then letting them starve to death. WOW. Also, my apologies to anybody who's itching now because of the picture. I couldn't help myself!

Sep 2 2010 Somebody's Going To Hell! Stephen Hawking: "God Not Necessary For Universe To Exist"

Seen here trying to bite his tongue but catching his lip instead, Stephen Hawking claims there's no need for a God in order for the universe to exist. *Preparing napsack and evacuation route for flame war*

Now, in his upcoming book, according to an excerpt of the introduction released by the London Times which isn't getting any traffic from this because of their pay wall), Hawking declares that the Big Bang can be explained without God.

"Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing," Hawking and his co-author, Caltech physicist Leonard Mlodinow, write in "The Grand Design," which is due to be issued next week. "Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist. It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper [British way of saying light the fuse] and set the universe going."

Listen: I'm not even gonna pretend to be smart (because I'm not), but Stephen Hawking did give us E=Mc², amirite? No? That was Einstein? Oh. Well maybe he's just bitter at God for wheelchairing him.

Bad News, Religious People: Stephen Hawking Says God Didn't Create the Universe [nymag]

Thanks to lil co., who a universe without isn't worth living in.

Sep 2 2010 The United States Of Star Wars (Geography)

Note: X-wing your way over to a full-size version HERE.

Rogue Leader Rebecca Crane went and created a map of The United States of Star Wars (or USSW if you're into the whole brevity thing), with a different planet/location from Star Wars representing each state based on similarities in geography and other factors like the kind of people that live there. For example: Maine is Naboo because it's filled with nothing but annoying @$$holes. Get it? Because that's where JarJar's from. Oh come on -- I'z just kiddin', Maine! (See what I did there?)

There are probably tens of planets that work for each state, I picked either the first one that I came to or the best fit.

Planets were assigned based on partial terrain, landmarks that correlate with the planet and state, types of people in the state and planet, famous landmarks, or slightly randomly selected (but loosely based on facts) from my brother and myself.

Rebecca posted a list of all the states and their corresponding Star Wars planets HERE in case you can't identify them all by picture alone because at some point you decided the whole "virgin for life" thing wasn't for you. Hey, it's not for everybody. Back me up, sister!

The United States of Star Wars [wedgeantilles]
via
Geeky Geography of the Day [thedailywh.at]

Thanks to lucy, Gerald and Erik, who want to live on Endor with the Ewoks. Uh, find me someone who doesn't.

Sep 2 2010 Clever, Veeery Clever: Portal Bookends

This is a pair of bookends made by Portal fan TriangleMen. Me being more into SquircleMen aside, I see what you did there. With the bookends, not your name. So yeah, great job. Now, here's the plan: you draw up some sort of short-sticked licensing deal with Valve, and I'll forge their signature. Well of course it's gonna work, you know how many unauthorized field trips I've been on?!

portal bookends are not lies [technabob]

Thanks to Jake, who just wants to know if traveling through your books Portal style still osmosis-es all the knowledge into your brain like using a textbook for a pillow.

Sep 2 2010 Out Of This World!: Microscoped Insect Eggs

In photo: Julia heliconian butterfly egg, top, zebra longwing butterfly egg, bottom.

In other impressive photographic news, these are insect eggs as photographed using a scanning electron microscope. Ooh ooh -- do the stuff under my fingernails next. I've always wanted to see magnified Cheeto dust and penis cells!

The eggs in this story range in diameter from 0.7 to 2 millimeters.

'The scanning process is actually quite interesting. It is not the same as photography where if you capture an image where all pixels will be captured at the time.

'In scanning you have to capture one pixel at a time.'

The images were made with a scanning electron microscope, which uses beams of electrons to trace the surfaces of objects.

The resulting black-and-white images were then colored to reflect the eggs' natural appearance.

Each image takes about a day to fix into position and then another day to microscope and then about 40 hours to colour.

Impressive work. I used to love looking at things under the microscope in college. And not just weed either, although all those crystals are mesmerizing when you're high. Just sayin', I did petition for an honorary botany doctorate for my thesis, "Holy shit, this weed looks so f***ing crazy under a microscope."

One more of a blue morpho butterfly egg after the jump.

Continue Reading " Out Of This World!: Microscoped Insect Eggs "

Sep 2 2010 Potty Train That Thing!: If Websites Were Pets

Geekologie would be a show dog, I know that. One whose balls drag on the astroturf. I'm talking purebred, with f***ing papers (I only brought it bowling, I didn't rent it shoes, I'm not buying it a f'ing beer, it's not taking your f'ing turn, dude). Also, at least 95% of the other sites should probably be euthanized. *cough* Myspace *cough* Time for you to head to that big top 8 in the sky, Tom. But seriously, what pet would Geekologie be? I mean, besides teacher's. Don't hate! Dogs can't help but brown-nose -- we love the b!

Hit the jump for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " Potty Train That Thing!: If Websites Were Pets "

Sep 2 2010 Magic!: Bullets Slicing Through Water Droplets

Alexander Augusteijn takes pictures of bullets slicing through drops of water because, well, I guess he's already taken pictures of everything else. Seriously, it's bullets through water, then like a mermaid riding a unicorn, then, I dunno, he's gonna have to take up painting or something. Per Max Payne himself:

I am a photographer from the Netherlands, specializing in high speed photography. I use a normal flash to achieve very short illuminations. The most critical parameter in this kind of photography is timing, which is achieved by computer control of shutter, flash, valve, gun or whatever other device is used.

These kind of images require a lot of experimentation, dedication, patience and willingness to endlessly clean spill of liquids and debris from objects shot to pieces. Several hundreds of trial shots may be needed to get timing correct. After that, the process is pretty well controlled, and often half of the shots will be usable, with 1 out of 10 really interesting.

Good lookin', Alexander. I'll be the first to admit I don't have the time or patience for anything like that. I can see it now: "Alright foks, here we go: test shot in three, tw--" *BLAM!* Haha, did I mention I don't have the gun safety either? AMBERLAMPS!

Hit the jump for three more water shots, as well as a link to Alexander's website with a bunch more worthwhile pictures, including some lightbulbs that have been shot but are still lit.

Continue Reading " Magic!: Bullets Slicing Through Water Droplets "

Sep 2 2010 Well Don't You Look Dapper!: Carstaches

Carstaches are the male counterpart to Carlashes: both are ridiculous and will be torn off your car in a matter of days. Hours if you live in a bad part of town. Minutes if you live where I do. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if somebody stabbed the mailman and stole them as he was ringing my doorbell. $40 takes one home in pink, orange or black. Me? I just ordered pink to match my Carlashes!

Carstache & lashes so loud

Truck nuts swangin'
They hopin' that they gon catch me ridin' tranny
Oh my gosh I'm ridin' tranny
Oh my gosh I'm ridin' tranny
Oh my gosh I'm on the sidewalk
Now we're in a building

Urban Outfitter Product Site

Thanks to Joe, who's holding out for an entire beard. Great, now I want mutton chops.

Sep 1 2010 Dammit Darwin, You Let Us Down: Idiot Moron Electrocutes Himself In Science Class, He & His Parents Want To Sue His Teacher, School

Nikola Tesla Jr. here decided it would be a good idea to attach two electrical clamps to his nipples in science class one day and stop his heart. But now he wants to sue his teacher for never informing him APPLYING LIVE ELECTRICAL CURRENT TO YOUR NIPS ISN'T SAFE. But you know what is safe? The chair. Here -- take a seat, dipshit.

[Kyle] Dubois (18) and his parents claim teacher Thomas Kelley did not tell him and other students of the dangers of the demonstration power cords in their electrical trades class.

They are seeking compensation for medical expenses, lost income due to time away from work and other damages related to the incident, which occurred on March 11.

Dubois attached an electrical clamp to one nipple while another student attached another clamp to the other. A third student plugged in the cord.

Dubois was critically injured and his legal team claim he has suffered permanent brain damage.

Listen, I hate to break it to you but Kyle's brain was permanently damaged long before getting his balls shocked off. And to Kyle's parents: you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. If your child hasn't learned ELECTRICITY IS DANGEROUS AND SHOULD NOT BE APPLIED TO TITS by the time they're 18-YEARS OLD, you didn't do your job. If I was the school I'd counter-sue to make his parents build a time machine, go back in time, and never procreate. *banging gavel* This is the word of Judge GW.

U.S. student who electrocuted his nipples sues teacher...for not warning him it was dangerous [dailymail]

Thanks to Rob, who agrees Darwin must have phoned this one in.

Sep 1 2010 FALSE ADVERTISING!: The Will It Blend? Blendtec Blender Can't Even Puree Keys!

This is the aftermath of an attempt to blend a couple house keys in a Blendtec brand blender. Now I know Tom the D-Bag Blend King would have you believe the thing can blend a f***ing tank, but if it can't handle a couple measly keys, I don't know. Sounds like you're about to have a false advertising suit on your hands, Tom! Also, blood. (I glued razor blades under all your car door handles)

You Can Blend A Lot of Things in a Blendtec, But Not Keys [gizmodo]

Thanks to Christina L., who once blended red and yellow and made orange. Didn't see that coming!