Feb 8 2010 OLD!: Robocop Selling Fried Chicken In Korea
You ever wanted to see an old-ass Korean commercial featuring Robocop hocking fried chicken strips? You're sick as f*** if you have. But this is it anyways, because I cater to you sickos. With a bowtie and silver platter and the whole nine yards. But if you think for one second I won't spike your drink, you've got another thing coming. Namely, a spiked drink. And then I'm gonna gulp it down right in front of you. HIYO, gettin' crunk on the job! Haha, what do you mean I'm fired?
Thanks to victor, who doesn't buy any products endorsed by robots. Buy human!
Feb 8 2010 Can You See Me Now?: Verizon Prevents Wireless Access To 4chan, Trolls Pissed
Verizon, in an act of big-brotherdom, has decided to prevent wireless access to 4chan, the sparkling gem of the internet. I've got the feeling this isn't going to end well. Per 4chan Status:
Over the past 72 hours, we've been receiving reports from Verizon Wireless customers having difficulty accessing the image boards.
After investigating, we found that Verizon is dropping traffic to/from boards.4chan.org, only on port 80 (HTTP). No other subdomain/IP/port is affected, which leads us to believe this block is intentional.After an hour and a half on the phone, we've received confirmation from Verizon's Network Repair Bureau (NRB) that we are "explicitly blocked."
If you've been affected by the block, please call Verizon NRB at (866) 298-5373 to file a complaint.
Wow. Enjoy all the goatse pics, Verizon.
Thanks to Thomas, steven, Chris, 40hands and like twenty Anons and Anonymouses, who all make the world (wide web) go round.
Feb 8 2010 You've Gotta Be Kidding Me: Pajama Jeans
Because Snuggies alone don't suck enough ass, somebody went and invented Pajama Jeans. What are Pajama Jeans? I don't even want to know. But you do, don't you? Fine, I'll randomly copy/paste some paragraphs and hope they do the trick BUT ONLY BECAUSE I'M A HARD-HITTING JOURNALIST. *pow!* :
"We were noticing that people were wearing their pajamas on airplanes and in grocery stores. But a lot of people have mixed feelings about it because they think it's inappropriate and sloppy," Stacey Buonanno, merchandising manager for The PajamaGram Company, maker of the double duty "denim," explained to StyleList.
"A lot of people wear their workout clothes out. But we thought it would be easy to take a pair of jeans, style them similar to a yoga pant, give them all the jean detailing, but make them stretchy and soft so that you wouldn't mind wearing them to bed," she told us.Adding that, "The cool thing about the fabric is that the outside looks like a typical twill but it definitely has more of a jersey feel. And the inside is really, really brushed, so it almost feels like the inside of sweatpants or fleece."
$40 scores a pair. And, for a limited time only, if you send them to me along with $20 I'll sign them and sleep in them. Extra $10 for a Polaroid of me passed out on the couch with a penis drawn on my face, $5 for a custom stain. It's really a bargain if you think about it. Drunk. Think about it drunk.
Hit the jump for a worthwhile two-minute commercial.
Continue Reading " You've Gotta Be Kidding Me: Pajama Jeans "
Feb 8 2010 Scientists Discover Dinosaur's True Colors
Finally scientists have proven that, despite what popular kid's programs would have you believe, dinosaurs were not all purple and sing-songy and allowed near children. Nope, some has feathers. Red ones.
The researchers removed 29 chips, each the size of a poppy seed, from across the dinosaur's body. Mr. Vinther put the chips under a microscope and discovered melanosomes.
To figure out the colors of Anchiornis feathers, Mr. Vinther and his colleagues turned to Matthew Shawkey, a University of Akron biologist who has made detailed studies of melanosome patterns in living birds. Dr. Shawkey can accurately predict the color of feathers from melanosomes alone. The scientists used the same method to decipher Anchiornis's color pattern.Anchiornis had a crown of reddish feathers surrounding dark gray ones, and its face was mottled with reddish and black spots. Its body was dark gray, but its limb feathers were white with black tips.
Given the full detail of the findings, Dr. Prum said, "it was like writing the first entry in a Jurassic field guide to feathered dinosaurs."
"....like writing the first entry in a Jurassic field guide to feathered dinosaurs." Where the hell do these people come up with this stuff? Because I want their power of similes. Could you imagine? A word wizard of my caliber mastering the art of similes? I'd be like an unstoppable tornado of raw power and supple skin that you just want to feel against your cheek so badly but can't BECAUSE I'M A F***ING RAGING TORNADO AND WILL TEAR YOUR GOTDAMN HOUSE DOWN. Suck it, wolf.
Evidence Builds on Color of Dinosaurs [nytimes]
and
True-Color Dinosaur Revealed: First Full-Body Rendering [nationalgeographic]
Thanks to Ryan, littlezan, big jerm, Shea, Divo, Da, Meow vs Meow, lauren!, Foxx, Anonymous_Rex, ellen, Amanda, Alan, Gabriel, Jujufruit, Griffin, Gavin, Sydney, Jennifer, Mike, Max, Brent, danundertheice, Chupacabra, Jonathan, Dustin, graf zeppelin, The Coffee Mugger, Aleisha and anybody else whose email I couldn't find because the mail sorter at the internet post office is a jerk, I love dinos and so should you.
Feb 8 2010 20-Minute Avatar Review By The Same Guy Who Did 50-Minute Phantom Menace Review
If you haven't already seen it, this is a 20-minute review of Avatar by the same monotonously voiced cat who did the nearly hour-long Phantom Menace review. It's pretty good. Not as good as you're looking this morning, but God must have put diamonds in your eyes or some shit because you are lookin' finer than a steak dinner. Are you getting this, romance writers? I'm thinking about holding a workshop.
Hit the jump for part two.
Continue Reading " 20-Minute Avatar Review By The Same Guy Who Did 50-Minute Phantom Menace Review "
Feb 8 2010 Mechanical Bull: Red Bull's Conceptual Bike
This is a conceptual Red Bull motorcycle as designed by Barrend Massow Hemmes. Riding it makes you look like you're boning a giant red bull from behind, which, I suspect, is the reason the internal combustion engine was invented in the first place. Is there anything sexier? Yes, but it involves mermaids and a wet t-shirt contest and....God, I got the shivers just typing that. And by "shivers" I mean "garden hose from the garage". Tell your sisters, Ariel. Cash prizes.
Hit the jump for two more pictures, including the original sketch.
Continue Reading " Mechanical Bull: Red Bull's Conceptual Bike "
Feb 8 2010 Just The Way I Like 'Em: Dinosaur On Bed
High-res shot HERE.
Now I'm not saying I wore that ass out like a winter coat in freezing weather, but that's exactly what I'm saying. Because I did. RAWR!
Last Shot - An Animal in Bed [urlesque]
Thanks to Jarrr, Optimus and whoever else sent me this whose email I may have deleted. Sorry, I've been drinking.
Feb 8 2010 Zelda Would Be Proud: Triforce Finger Tattoo
Well folks, not only did the Saints win the Super Bowl (and save my bookie the trouble of bending my knees backwards), but I beat 'Zelda: Spirit Tracks' last night. So, just like that Ice Cube song: it was a good day I can do it, put your ass into it. This is a Triforce tattoo on a girl's finger. I say girl because of the red nail polish, but it could be a really, really feminine guy. *ahem* I'm looking at you, Peyton Manning. WHO DAT?!
Tri-Force Tattoo [bmezine]
Thanks to Neill, who plays football the old fashioned way: with a stick and puck on ice. Uh, Neill?
Feb 6 2010 How To: Disappoint A Friend On Their Birthday
Send a ball, that's how. Or nothing. Honestly, I'd prefer nothing. At least you won't piss my mailman off (he already f***s up all my packages).
Send a Ball, the online store that lets you create personalized inflatable balls for any occasion, made its ABC Shark Tank debut tonight. Here's how the business started: "One day I [co-founder Michele) was in Osco, saw a BIN of bouncy balls, grabbed one and thought "I can mail this". Took a sharpie, addressed it to my BFF Sharon, wrote "Have BALL with your new baby", went to the post office and mailed it."
Balls start at $20 and include shipment to anywhere in the US. Which, for a $1 ball and $1 worth of postage, is a 1,000% markup. Which I think we can all agree, is the American way. Also: fat with a false sense of entitlement.
News video with two annoying chicks after the jump.
Continue Reading " How To: Disappoint A Friend On Their Birthday "
Feb 6 2010 Finally!: New And Improved Ketchup Packets
Finally, after years of watching me struggle with those impossible-to-open packets, Heinz has decided to take my advice and invest in new condiment applicators. Impressive, but I suggested spray cans. Named (and trademarked) the Dip & Squeeze, the new packet-y things offer both traditional ketchup squeezing capabilities with the added benefit of -- wait for it -- DIPPING!! I'm gonna need a spit cup. Plus, 3x the ketchup as a regular packet. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "I'll never have to buy ketchup from the grocery store again", you are. High-five, cheapskate!
The future, to go: Heinz reinvents the ketchup packet [crunchgear]
Thanks to emerica and Julie, who put ketchup on everything including their partners. Kinky!
