Geekologie I Watch Stuff The Superficial

I'll Meet You There, Promise: Send The Ashes Or A Tuft Of Your Deceased Pet's Hair To Outerspace


Celestis Pets is a service that will send a 1-gram container of your pet's cremated ashes or a tuft of hair into space as a memorial. The cheapest service, Earth Rise, costs $995 and sends your pet's remains into zero gravity, after which they fall back to earth where the capsule is recovered and the remains returned to you. The $4,995 Earth Orbit option sends your pet's remains to space alongside a research satellite and orbit earth for awhile before burning up in the atmosphere. There are also $12,500 options to send your pet's remains to the moon, or out of the solar system into deep space. Still, it's a shame they don't offer a service to shoot your pet's remains into the sun. You ever known a dog or cat that didn't always want to lay in the sun? Trust me, I know animals. I actually speak to them. Usually in a baby voice. Who's daddy's little girl?! You love me? You love your daddypops? Gimme kissies!

Thanks to Stephanie B, who's holding out for a service to send pets named Pluto to Pluto.

1997 VHS 'How To Cybersex On The Internet' Video


Note: I'm pretty sure the censor bar is NOT covering her closest nipple in the brief clip at 1:10. I mean, not that I notice those sorts of things.

This is clip from a 1997 VHS video titled 'How To Have Cybersex On The Internet'. Haha, I owned that one. A real cult classic. Apparently the protip on how to cybersex involves entering a chatroom and telling a stranger, "i'm very horny and im looking for some good cybersex are you interested?" If you're lucky, they'll respond, "yesssssssssss" like the make-believe stud in the video. Then it's just a matter of rubbing yourself/beating your meat against the desk until it's time to smoke a cigarette and take a nap. Bonus points for signing off before your partner finishes.

Keep going for the video, maybe you'll learn a thing or two.

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Black Milk Clothing's New Disney Princess & Villain Line


This is Black Milk Clothing's new Princesses and Villains line -- including tights, track jackets, dresses, skirts and swimsuits featuring the iconic characters of Disney animations. You know, it's great there's finally a line of fashionable adult-size Disney princess wear, because the only shirt I have is the XS Pocahontas one I traded my little sister a carton of candy cigarettes for.

Keep going for a bunch more of the line.

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Expensive Peaches That Come Wearing Fancy Panties


Peaches: they look like butts (but taste way better). And what better way to reinforce that imagery than putting fancy little panties on them? Originally created by a fruit vendor in Nanjing, China, a box of nine pantied peaches sell for around $80. That's almost $10 apiece. Am I paying for the peaches or the panties? Also, what am I supposed to do with a bunch of miniature panties after I've eaten the peaces? "Do you have any small pets?" Stop. Just walk to the police station and turn yourself in.

Keep going for a couple more shots of the sexy fruit.

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Uh-Oh: Robots Adapt To Movement With Broken Limbs


Because what good are killer robots if they can't still kill after being injured, scientists at the Sorbonne in Paris and the University of Wyoming have developed an algorithm that allows a robot to learn to adapt to broken/nonfunctional limbs so it can still murder its next target. Wow, WONDERFUL NEWS, JERKS.

According to one expert, adaptive robotics is the cutting edge of the field. Most robots currently sit in factories and perform very specific functions. Scientists want to get robots to understand new and changing situations.

"When animals lose a limb, they learn to hobble remarkably quickly," Arxiv said in a blog post on the research. "And yet when robots damage a leg, they become completely incapacitated."

The scientists' robot has solved this by trying to mimic animals - by discovering which leg is broken and then then using trial and error to figure out the best way to continue walking.

After a period of trial and error, the robot sticks with the method of locomotion that was most efficient. Pretty scary, right? So now you have to completely immobilize a robot to be safe. And that's assuming it can't just rotate it's head and slit your throat with laser vision. We're f***ed! "We need to call John Connor." The fictional movie character? What a genius idea. I really hope you're one of the first to go.

Keep going for a video demo with a hexapod robot.

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Assimilating Soda: The Star Trek Borg Cube Mini Fridge


This is the Star Trek Borg Cube Fridge available from ThinkGeek ($150). It can hold nine cans of soda plus a little extra and glows green inside and out. Nine cans of soda isn't that many, but the thing is only a foot square so it doesn't take up a lot of room either. You know how many sodas I drink a day? Six. "That's too many. Six 2-liters. "How are you not dead?" Maybe I am. Maybe I'm a GHOSTWRITER. I'm kidding, I'm not, but I did try ghost riding my whip one time and ran over both my legs. I'm gangsta. "No, you're handicapped." In more ways than one.

Keep going for a couple more shots.

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Iffy: All Ninja Turtle Weapons Forged Into One Unit


This is the mashup weapon forged by the folks of Mat At Arms that combined all four ninja turtle weapons: Donatello's bō, Leonardo's ninjato, Raphael's sai, and Michelangelo's nunchaku. The whatever the hell this thing is. A bōjatosaichaku? I dunno, but I can almost say for certain I would brain myself with that sai on a chain dangling from the end while in combat.

Leonardo: Oh shit, here comes the Foot Clan, GW -- cover the rear! GW?!
GW: Help meeeeeeee.
Leonardo: Jesus, your brains are leaking everywhere!
GW: Leonardo -- you know what to do.
Leonardo: Kill Krang so we can jam your brains in his android body?!
GW: Please, there isn't much time. Oh -- and tell Michelangelo to bring some pizza and weed.

Keep going for a video of the build.

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The Future Is Now: Color-Changing Ice Cream


Spanish physicist and chef Manuel Linares has developed Xamaleón (a take on 'camaleón' -- Spanish for chameleon), an ice cream that changes color as you lick it. The ice cream begins a sort of periwinkle blue, then fades to purple and eventually pink as you eat it. What causes the change? Manuel isn't saying, which leads at least one blogger to believe it's either 1) magic or 2) something that will give you ten kinds of cancer. originally starts as a periwinkle blue frozen treat until it's spritzed with Linares' "love elixir," a super secret mixture he concocted himself. This mixture reacts to changes in temperature and saliva, causing the tutti-frutti-flavored ice cream to turn into purple, then into pink as you lick.

As unusual as it sounds, this is just the beginning of Linares' foray into the color-changing ice cream business: he also plans to whip up ice cream that turns from white to pink, and another one that glows under ultraviolet light. You can only get a scoop of this chameleon ice cream from one the creator's shops in Spain right now, but he's looking to export it to other countries

Yeah, but how does it taste? Because I don't generally buy ice cream based on its color changing properties, I buy it because it tastes good and make me fat while I forget about all the day's problems. Color changing ice cream that tastes like shit is worthless. Color changing ice cream that tastes like you've got your mouth wrapped around a witch's nipple -- now that -- that's a goldmine. I'll have a single scoop with a cherry on top (for added realism).

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who is so evil he only buys low-fat ice cream when he knows friends are coming over.